Therapy

[slugella]

Hello! Looking for some insights from people who have been/go to a counsellor.

I really think I need it I'm feeling really demotivated, angry and emotional at the moment. Covid is probably making it worse but I wouldn't say it's the cause, I'm still working full time but from home. I don't want to ramble too much about the reasons in this first post! But I don't think I'm depressed, I would describe it as more overwhelmed and a bit lost.

I know the NHS has a massive waiting list so not really sure what to do. Any advice on going private in the UK - experiences, prices, how to find someone, how often did you go? I don't earn much so will have to see if I can afford it but I think it's worth investing in if I can.

 

[Begborrowsteal]

I asked for some help; I was refused therapy that Id had previously but I was referred for counselling. Surprisingly, the wait was 6 weeks. Ive never been seen as fast as that.

You can speak to your GP (they can make a referral but also may suggest private options. My GP does), or you can usually self refer to IAPT/wellbeing services

 

[Countrybumpkingirl]

I go privately mainly as you get to pick who you see. I've had times where I've seen someone and just not clicked and things they were saying to me were making me shut down and lash out at them. Currently moved away but still seeing my old therapist over zoom. I just searched on Google and found someone I liked the sound of then met for a consultation to see if they were the right fit

 

[Bonnie Bisou]

What’s the difference with therapy and counselling?

 

[slugella]

What’s the difference with therapy and counselling?

I thought they meant the same thing but may be wrong!

A friend told me that the NHS do a questionnaire when you first ask and go off how severe the need is, so was assuming I may not be eligible or it would take much longer.

 

[Begborrowsteal]

I thought they meant the same thing but may be wrong!

A friend told me that the NHS do a questionnaire when you first ask and go off how severe the need is, so was assuming I may not be eligible or it would take much longer.

The questionnaire is the basic depression & anxiety scoring; its used to see where youre at and then referred to after to see if the scores have changed.

When I said therapy, I mean targeted things like DBT/CBT/couples therapy etc. You have counsellors and then you have therapists. I have a mental health disorder so Ive been used to being sent away by counsellors as my needs where 'chronic'.

 

[tskiry56]

I had private counselling a few years ago and at the time I think it helped. But then the end of 2018 I went to the doctors and was told that it was likely I had PTSD, anxiety and depression. I was then put on an NHS waiting list for CBT. I think CBT helped as it gave me ways of coping and dealing with the past while counselling just talked about it.
But overall I dont think I will ever truly 'get over' domestic violence. But you have to take the positives from being treated badly.
Edited to add the best therapy for me was writing a blog as it got all the emotions out of my head.

 

[Lauren1994]

I went through therapy for anxiety, depression and OCD roughly 9-10 years ago now. I was referred by my doctors and it was free but I felt like it was a waste of time. I went for weeks, spoke about my life and when I had finished telling them everything they said I had “recovered”. I feel like most people would be better of with a good friend rather than a therapist as they do their job for the money. They basically taught me “if you can’t change something then get rid of it”. One day (about 6 years ago) I woke up and decided to try help myself turn my life around and it was the best decision I made, it was my mindset that needed changing and when my mind was in the right place everything else fell in place.

the best thing you can do is work out what is making you feel unhappy, lost or doubtful. When you know what is making you feel a certain way then you can take the right steps to changing them one at a time.

talking to others always helps, make sure you have a close friend or loved one to talk to when you feel down, even if it’s someone you’ve never met (online). Getting things off your chest is a huge relief at times.

when you feel down try distracting your thoughts with things you love doing (hobbies) or spend time with people who make you feel happy. When you are having a bad day the worst thing to do is sit there thinking about how you feel.

personally I don’t think therapy will help you but that might just be because it done nothing for me. You should always try helping yourself, you can look for advice or help online that is free.

you will get there eventually. Just keep reminding yourself that you’re doing great and look back to remind yourself how far you’ve made it. I hope you can find true happiness soon, good luck

 

[rainbowlemon]

I met my current pyschodynamic therapist three months after I decided I was going to kill myself. I was tired of trying to do it myself so I emailed him in tears 12 days before Christmas.

I had seen two others for maybe 4 sessions and another for only a trial session before I met him 3-4 years previously. So it really does depend on the therapist too. Don't be afraid to go with your gut feeling and ask questions.

I was suicidal so I was probably more of an intense case. We started at two sessions weekly. He saw me a discount rate of £40 a session instead of his usual fee. (He was in London which is closer to £70 a hour for an evening session) . Some therapists do have discounts available for those on a lower income.

I saw my therapist online before covid as it meant I didn't have to spend time travelling.

Therapy was the hardest thing I did but I'm just grateful I'm not where I was when I first started. (I did it for 3.7 years but reduced the session frequency at times just doing one session a week or two when I had exams). I didn't even know what I was feeling, it was just extreme up's and downs. I was diagnosed as having borderline personality disorder which stems from childhood abuse and truma.

Have a look on the bcap website- they have a therapist directory. Or you could search your area specifically.

 

[sarahboo]

I go to counselling every other week and pay £50 for 45 minutes (initially I was going weekly, started during covid so it was initially video calls). I cut down to every other week after about 10 sessions but only because I was feeling like I could become dependent on weekly sessions, and that I'd hold in the stresses of my work week or stuff that had happened just to tell her so she could fix it whereas a lot of it I could have just dealt with it and moved on.

I've done CBT through the NHS a few times (referred by GP) and the last time they said I needed counselling as I had the coping techniques they taught me but they just couldn't help with anything else. They actually said I had a real good handle on my mental health when I felt like my world was crumbling apart so that was fun. They did give me a list of low cost counsellors though which were priced on what you could afford which was really handy, so definitely worth an ask.

Sometimes I really feel I've really gained a lot from counselling and didn't realise things I thought I was over still caused me such pain & upset. Then other times I don't feel better at all but I appreciate it is a process and I'm still human, living through a pandemic & busier than ever at work (I work in care).

From a financial point of view, I think I pay a lot of money for it but overall I am glad I took the plunge and finally done it. I've always been a 'I'll be okay, I've got to help myself to feel better' type of person, I didn't get on well with CBT, I've been dismissed by GPs, I pushed myself more into work every time something bad happened in life & I have neglected my own feelings and processing certain things to just carry on with life but in the long run I see now it hasn't helped. I will be honest, I was expecting a miracle cure, I thought a couple of sessions with my counsellor I'd be a new person and right as rain, thought I'd be so serene I looked like I was floating but I still get stressed and aggy at times lol.

Overall, my advice is give it a go because you don't know if it's for you until you've tried it. I was a doubter and never thought I would need counselling but I'm glad I made that step. Also, my counsellor said I wasn't depressed even tho I thought I was, I was just delaying the process of some pretty big life events that had then left me exhausted, angry, demotivated and emotional.

Sorry for the essay, hope it helps a bit xxx

 

[slugella]

Thank you so much for these thoughtful responses and I'm so sorry to hear about what you have all been going through. I hope you're all currently in a good place and wish you well! I know it's probably not that helpful but I'm always happy to chat on this thread if anyone needs to talk

This has given me a lot to think about and is interesting to see the different opinions on whether you seeing a therapist/counsellor worthwhile. I'm thinking as my reasons aren't particularly urgent I could try and see if I can work on it myself and then if I still feel i want to try then get something booked.

@tskiry56 that's really interesting that you found writing helped you the most. I might try this, maybe either writing first thing in the morning about how I am feeling, or whenever I'm feeling sad.

@Lauren1994 totally agree about nothing worse than just dwelling when you feel sad and that friends and hobbies help- I think that's why I'm feeling worse because of covid meaning I'm stuck in the house a lot more/some of my hobbies aren't possible until restrictions loosen a bit. May be an excuse to start something new

@sarahboo I agree it's definitely worth the money if you are feeling glad that you did it! I will look more into CBT as I don't know much about it and am curious to learn more.

@rainbowlemon I'm so sorry to hear that, though sounds like you have made progress if you are noticing you have come a long way since you started therapy. It can be so difficult to ask for help and is really brave to even put things into motion. I will look at that website thank you

 

[tskiry56]

Thank you so much for these thoughtful responses and I'm so sorry to hear about what you have all been going through. I hope you're all currently in a good place and wish you well! I know it's probably not that helpful but I'm always happy to chat on this thread if anyone needs to talk

This has given me a lot to think about and is interesting to see the different opinions on whether you seeing a therapist/counsellor worthwhile. I'm thinking as my reasons aren't particularly urgent I could try and see if I can work on it myself and then if I still feel i want to try then get something booked.

@tskiry56 that's really interesting that you found writing helped you the most. I might try this, maybe either writing first thing in the morning about how I am feeling, or whenever I'm feeling sad.

@Lauren1994 totally agree about nothing worse than just dwelling when you feel sad and that friends and hobbies help- I think that's why I'm feeling worse because of covid meaning I'm stuck in the house a lot more/some of my hobbies aren't possible until restrictions loosen a bit. May be an excuse to start something new

@sarahboo I agree it's definitely worth the money if you are feeling glad that you did it! I will look more into CBT as I don't know much about it and am curious to learn more.

@rainbowlemon I'm so sorry to hear that, though sounds like you have made progress if you are noticing you have come a long way since you started therapy. It can be so difficult to ask for help and is really brave to even put things into motion. I will look at that website thank you

@slugella I think I found writing as a way of letting go of everything that I kept hidden and held on to for so long. I also wrote about my experience.. it's weird as when I read back on some of the things I wrote I don't recognise how far I have come or what i went through.

 

[cedarpeach]

I don’t live in the UK anymore so can’t speak to the services there. I paid privately to see someone here in Australia. First time round I saw a psychologist who was helpful, but ultimately not right for me. I now see a counsellor and she has changed my life.

I had a very difficult childhood and entered into an abusive relationship as soon as I left home. Going to therapy has helped me make sense of my childhood and how it went on to affect my relationships as an adult. It’s genuinely helped me in every aspect of my life. I now know how to be assertive and set boundaries with my very difficult mother, which in turn has helped me get control of other areas of my life.

I pay $150 a week. Not cheap, but worth every penny.
My main pieces of advice would be 1) make sure the therapist is right for you, and don’t be afraid to “shop” around. Therapists differ wildly in competence, method and approach and it takes time to find a match. 2) be ruthlessly honest with your therapist and yourself. Therapy is HARD and painful but so worth it. You won’t get results unless you are honest and vulnerable 3) be clear to yourself with what you’re hoping to achieve. A good counsellor will NEVER give you advice or tell you what to do - they support you to make your own decisions and choices.

good luck!