The in-laws

[Opendoor]

Soooo... we’ve just moved into a new house, moving from small property to spare bedrooms! I really don’t get on with my hubbys sister, long storey but she isn’t for me!

Anyway she’s really pulls at mother in laws (who lives above wales) we’re in stoke on Trent) heartstrings! Mother in law comes to see her 3 daughters quit often and doesn’t see us very much, which is fine I understand the whole grandkids things! Well it’s now been decided that she persuaded mother in law to have the girls over night so she can go out with her friends, mother in law has rang us and will be staying at ours, with the girls... please don’t get me wrong the children are not the issue, they only live 15 mins away, we see them often, but I don’t understand why my house is being used as a pit stop when mother in law could stop at sister in laws house with the kids, she could stop at her friends etc? She’s certainly an opportunist and taken the mick out of me a few times and I’m bit once bitten twice shy!

I feel like I’m having the mick taken out of me, am I being touchy and should I let it go! I just think this is going to become a reoccurring thing! What do I do?

 

[MaxieMoo]

People (friends or family) only stay at my house if invited. You didn't invite them. I think it's rude when people just assume it's ok. I have learned from bitter experience that these things should be nipped in the bud before they become a regular expected thing. I personally would suggest it's better that they stay at home but if Mother In Law needs some company or support that you guys go over and have pizza and watch a dvd? This helps to soften the fact that you are saying no. I wouldn't be fussed about having them to stay but I would be fuming that it was decided without me agreeing.

 

[SunshineDreamer]

I agree - and trust me if you let it happen once it’ll keep happening. My relationship with my mother in law is extremely tense - after our honeymoon she turned up at our house because I ‘wasn’t taking care of her son’ as I was working too much. She decided to stay for 4 days. It’s happened multiple times since then. It all hit the fan last year when I finally snapped and since then family gatherings haven’t exactly been fun!

Say you’re more than happy to visit but you think it’ll be easier for the children to stay at their own house surrounded by their things.

 

[lipsticktaser]

Totally agree with MaxieMoo.
if you don’t pipe up now, the SIL will continue to take the mick. How did you find out they were staying at yours, did the ask?
Will you partner back you up with any confrontation?
It took me a long time to get my husband to act like a team with parents in both sides.

 

[waffledog]

I'd say you think its better that the girls stay at their house with their grandma. no need for upheavel for one night. if grandma is looking after them she should look after them at their house. if you'd offered to have thrm them, fair enough they can stay at yours, that would be right or give them the option of you going to theirs or them coming to yours. Sounds like she is playing a game.

 

[PineappleQueen19]

I recommend you check out the holistic psychologist on Instagram, she posts a lot about putting boundaries in place and maintaining them, also about how to deal with unacceptable behaviour within families.

Remember you don’t need to justify yourself to your MIL, it is sufficient to say “sorry that won’t be possible” and that’s that. It’s hard but you need to stay strong, especially when first establishing where the boundary of acceptable behaviour is. It is ok to not want your house used as a free hotel.

 

[Sp20191]

I wouldn’t be happy with that! Why should you have everyone stay at yours whilst your SIL house is actually empty! I’m sure the kids would rather stay in their own beds.

I’m pretty direct, so If it was me I’d just tell them I’m not happy with it, and they will need to make other arrangements x

 

[Orange Creme]

Have you been too nice in the past? Do you think it's time to put boundaries in place? Of so your hubby definitely needs to take the lead here and say it's not possible for her to stay unfortunately.

 

[Mercedes12]

Soooo... we’ve just moved into a new house, moving from small property to spare bedrooms! I really don’t get on with my hubbys sister, long storey but she isn’t for me!

Anyway she’s really pulls at mother in laws (who lives above wales) we’re in stoke on Trent) heartstrings! Mother in law comes to see her 3 daughters quit often and doesn’t see us very much, which is fine I understand the whole grandkids things! Well it’s now been decided that she persuaded mother in law to have the girls over night so she can go out with her friends, mother in law has rang us and will be staying at ours, with the girls... please don’t get me wrong the children are not the issue, they only live 15 mins away, we see them often, but I don’t understand why my house is being used as a pit stop when mother in law could stop at sister in laws house with the kids, she could stop at her friends etc? She’s certainly an opportunist and taken the mick out of me a few times and I’m bit once bitten twice shy!

I feel like I’m having the mick taken out of me, am I being touchy and should I let it go! I just think this is going to become a reoccurring thing! What do I do?

This is completely over-stepping boundaries, I would feel the exact same

Sometimes in-laws think that because you're family, common courtesy and personal space doesn't apply. I think its completely fair to put your foot down and ask for some boundaries. It's your home so it's your choice.

 

[Opendoor]

Some brilliant ideas, thanks so much! Mil rang him and asked him, well said ‘To save me driving back to hers’ I’m sorry but that’s not my issue! I work 40 hours a week, it’s my choice who stays at my house, her alone is fine but 4 people is to much! Deffo going to put my foot down and stand my ground! Going to say we will help and spend time together but we’re going home alone!

 

[BettyCrocker]

She’s taking the absolute piss out of you!

first off - she’s invited herself to stay at YOUR house with 3 kids in tow? No chance.

If she’s babysitting her grandkids that’s up to her but she can stay at THIER house and make the arrangements with her daughter.

it’s nothing to do with you and I’m baffled as to why she would want to drag 3 kids to someone else’s house when they have a perfectly good place to stay and why she feels she can invade YOUR HOME.

she’s got a damn cheek. Tell her to sod off.