I have just been sent this audio recording, by Diesel, my dear friend, who set up a hidden device in the Grand Salon and picked up a conversation between Stephanie and Philip this evening:
Muffled sounds, could be kissing or Diesel’s tail dusting back and forth against the stone flooring. The theory that Stephanie could be kissing Diesel has been discounted as being unlikely.
Stephanie: So Philip. Are you properly self isolating? The only reason I ask is because if we are having a guest with an auto immune disease staying here, it is not going to look good if she catches Covid.
Philip: Yes, I am strictly self-isolating.
Stephanie: Does this mean you won’t be able to bring me my tea and croissant in the morning?
Philip: Of course you will be able to have it. I went to the bakery with Selmar and the new bloke who fixed the door earlier today. Honestly Steph, half the village was there. Anyway, I will just bring the flask and the bakery bag and put it by my side of the bed. You can just nudge me awake in the morning when you want it.
Stephanie: Excellent. I knew you would find a way to make self-isolation work effectively. Why are you coughing? No tissue? Never mind, just cough into this mask. I was using it earlier and please don’t ruin it because I will need to wear it again when I start cadeaux in a minute.
Philip: OK I am looking forward to cadeaux. I am getting a stuffed hedgehog today. Natti told me when I was chatting to her and Ian in the Petit Salon earlier. I even managed to give Marie a smacker on the cheek as a goodbye.
Stephanie Well don’t forget after hugging it and kissing it, to pass it round to everyone else so they can hug and kiss it too.
Philip: Roger that.
Stephanie: Ooh la la Philip. You’ll be offering to take me up the Eiffel Tower next.
Philip: That will have to wait until my guest arrives. After all, she might like that too. By the way, I have put out the large cabbage bowl full of snacks. We can all delve in during the opening.
Stephanie: Of the presents?
Philip: No. Of the new volunteer’s zip.
Stephanie: Loud, squealing laughter. Seriously though Philip. Should we all be sharing crisps from one bowl as you are self-isolating?
Philip: We will be fine. I said this to everyone in the kitchen when I was chatting to them all this morning. By the way Dan, Annalise, the boys, the Amazon delivery man were all there. I mean, have you read any reports of anyone catching Covid from a bowl of crisps?
Stephanie: No. I haven’t read anything…..
Diesel: Can be heard stifling a Mutley laugh.