I can envision it now. Stephanme opening a beautifully wrapped gift - gushing emphatically about the gorgeous paper, the pretty ribbon and the lovliest presentation she's ever seen....displaying the card with the beautiful picture of a peacock and then reading the enclosed patron letter......
Dearest Stephanme,
I just love the you, the entire lalande shitoo gang, the stunning decorations....blah, blah, blah....
You work so hard and I know how lonely you must be at the shitoo in the middle of bum-feck nowwhere.
You are doing God's work renovating the shitoo so it's important that you rest until 3:00 pm every day. Because you are in the middle of bum-feck nowhere, I know you need to find your own pleasures.
My Great-Aunt recently passed away, and when we were cleaning out her bedroom and I immediately thought of you. Who better than Stephanme will appreciate this little (well no so little) gift. So enclosed is my Great-Aunt's collection of antique didlo's for your personal pleasure.
Also, enclosed are couple of unused, tubes of my Great-Aunt's favourite lubricant. It's lavender scented, so I hope you enjoy.
Stephanme, I know you are a history buff, but did you know that dildos have a big... long... (wink wink) history that dates back thousands of years. The first dildo, discovered in a German cave, was thought to have been used by people during the Ice Age — 28,000 years ago! Since then, dildos reappeared consistently in cultures and societies across the world, and it’s been a source of anxiety, pleasure, and controversy throughout.
Ancient civilizations used a number of different objects as dildos and vibrators........One of the early civilizations to experiment with dildos was ancient Egypt. It would be so exciting for you to explore Eygptian dildos's during your upcumming trip to Egypt with Curtis.
By the time of the Renaissance, dildo's had become an art form. Members of the upper classes had dildos custom made from silver, ivory, and other precious materials. Something to explore when you eventually flee the shittoo for Venice.
In 17th century England, men were fearful of the threat that these ever-firm phalluses posed to their own sexual prowess, and a number of laws were passed to prohibit women making them for themselves and others.
Your American fans will be interested to know that early American dildo use is scarce, partially due to the Comstock Laws in the 1800s, which banned the sale of rubber dilators. Despite these laws, however, sex toys were sold through an underground market.
The sexual revolution in the 1960s opened up the idea that masturbation was acceptable and normal, and dildos began to take on a new meaning as a tool for women’s sexual liberation from men. Today, there are a seemingly unlimited array of materials to choose from when selecting dildos (not to mention sizes, shapes, and even vibrations),.
I hope you get as much pleasure out of this collection of antique dildos as my Great-Aunt, who, by the way, died with a smile on her face!
Your devoted Patron.
xo
Who needs chateaux when there is mudlarking!
keep coming from Dan's comments...
