Splitting Christmas Between Families

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Bearing in mind Christmas is only a week away, my mother in law has phoned yesterday and asked my husband what time she can expect us on Christmas Eve because his sister and her kids are all getting there in time for the children’s church service. Up until that point we had had no plans to go to her house for Christmas and I’d already told my parents we’re spending it at our house because I want the kids to come down and have Christmas at home, surrounded by their presents etc. Plus, our kids are the youngest (only 14 months) and they get slight pushed aside by their cousins on his side because they are all 8+.

His mum is now playing the guilt card that she has never seen the twins on Christmas - we went to my parents last year but that was purely because they live closer and I wasn’t driving a hundred miles with newborn twins!

How does everyone else do it? I can see this being an issue from here on out and there has already been more than a few tense words between my husband and I!
 
She sounds pretty bloody cheeky not making any arrangements and then the week before expecting you to be there. Did she do it on purpose?

I try to set expectations a long time in advance to not piss anyone off. I dont see anything wrong with wanting to be at your own home, it is spoilt if you spend it rushing around pleasing everyone but yourself. What's so important about seeing them on Christmas day? It's just another day and they can video call thesedays.

I would say you had no plans to and its too late now, but try to calendar something in to see her not because she deserves it but to keep the peace.
 
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Yes, I think she left it to the last minute thinking that I'd just relent. She was never usually this bad, but since we've had kids she thinks she knows best and I'll just take whatever she said.

I have said multiple times that we were staying home, I just think she had a case of selective hearing and when I said it to her about 5 minutes ago I'm getting "Well you went to your parents last year" but last year was extremely different - I know the other kids are going to want to be up at the crack of dawn for Santa and if the twins get woken up early they are just going to be grumpy and that won't be fun for any one.

Organising something to see if to keep the peace might be the way forward - I'm more than happy to drive up this weekend if we get to stay home for Christmas - plus its a lot less stuff to drag up for the kids if we just go for the day.

I can see this being an on going theme for years to come.
 
As I thought she's doing it on purpose! I would try to put an end to it else it will just get worse each year.

Driving over this weekend sounds a good idea, not because you should but just to keep the peace. It's stressful darting all over the place and once you have your own family it's too much to expect you to cart them all round grandparents.

I do sympathise, my mum has a thing about wanting to see grandkids on Christmas day and all of their birthdays. But we've had to be mean, she's clueless as to how stressful all of our lives are and lives in a different world.
 
Exactly - doesn’t help with the fact that my husband works in emergency medicine so he works all the hours god sends so any time we get is precious. I love the fact that she loves my kids enough to want to see them, but I’ve always been of the belief that Christmas is only one day - if that’s all you care about seeing people on, is it really that important.

I think part of it is that his mum has never quite got over the fact he moved to London after Med school. I’ve heard how he had a “lovely girlfriend who lived just down the road” on more than one occasion!
 
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Oh god she sounds toxic, talking of this lovley girlfriend before you!

I hope you worked it all out and don't have to rush around on Xmas. Sounds like she's going to be a bitch either way so may as well enjoy your Christmas as home
 
She can be! Just try to get along for the sake of my husband.

It wasn’t too bad. We went on Saturday (after spending an extra 2 hours in traffic...) but there were a few little digs about being there on Christmas Day etc.
 
Just be blunt and tell her - no point now too late I know
But next year make sure she knows early. Don't be scared to tell her early on.
Tell her you want xmas on your own - you now have your own family.
Christmas is a time of stress and having to be polite OR
Its a case of doing what you think is right. 2 of my daughters are getting on in life. I would not expect them to come home for Crimbo but pleased and delighted they do
 
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