Social anxiety

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So the situation is as follows
I have crippling social anxiety and have for years. Despite this I went and got a qualification for a job I’ve always wanted. The qualification required work based training. The company I did it with gave me a temporary contact. The people from HR verbally promised me permanent work but when it came to the interviews gave the job to someone else. This devastated me, and set me back miles with my social anxiety. I felt like they’d built me up, then broken me down again. It wouldn’t have been so bad if they hadn’t literally promised me work.
In hindsight they shouldn’t of done that and I shouldn’t have expected to be treated any different from any other candidate. All I can say is that I was very vulnerable due to my mental health.
This was all a couple of years ago. I feel like I’ve finally got myself to the point where I want to work again. So I have been applying to some companies. I was lucky enough to be invited to interview next week.
However I’m in the mindset where I don’t think I will turn up. I don’t feel like I can physically walk through the door of the company and be in an interview situation. I can’t put into words exactly why. All I know is I feel that terrified, I’d rather not go.
I really don’t think anyone would choose me and I feel I’m going to fail before I walk in - to be fair , fear aside I am awful at interviews- my mind goes blank, I can’t answer anything.
It’s really difficult because part of me would really love the job and know it would help my confidence.
Has anyone else get like this? And any advice on how to overcome it? Feeling a bit useless here.
 
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@Rlaw1978
Didn’t want to read and not reply. I have no formal qualification with this but do feel anxiety. I find mindfulness has helped me. Lots of sources free on YouTube. Learning to control your breath also helps.

I hope you feel able enough for your next interview. It’s a real shame that people are chosen from a short, pressurised conversation. It doesn’t give a full representation of a person and their capabilities.

Hope someone can follow on soon with solutions. Good luck x
 
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If you suffer from social anxiety, you should be able to access therapy for free on the NHS. You could speak to your GP or just try googling the local IAPT service for where you live. CBT for social anxiety can be really helpful and there is a strong evidence-base for it. If I was going to give any advice, I would say try switching your attention away from yourself to the interviewers. So often with SA you really focus on yourself - what you’re saying, how you look, what another person is thinking of you etc which can just increase how self-conscious and anxious you feel. Check out these resources too: https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Social-Anxiety
 
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I definitely have social anxiety.
Although I'm extremely chatty and can talk to anybody about anything.... I then want to go home and put my head in a freezer 😔 I want silence for a day to recover from it. Its awful! I just end up making excuses to not go to things which my husband finds weird. I do however have close friends and family that I can be with all day and feel fine. Its just small talk and social situations with acquaintances that make me feel like that. Anybody else?
Regarding your job interview, I would say.. go for it! Whats the worst that can happen? You wouldn't get the job? Well you definitely wouldn't get it if you don't apply. Plus the more you do then the better you will get at it. Try to not put yourself down, if it helps, think that somebody else got the job as it was a friend or family member of the boss. Thats what I always used to tell myself 😉 it would definitely help you to seek professional help and get help retraining your brain to think differently and/or medication to level out your chemicals to calm your excessive worrying x hope it all goes well! I think you will smash it! Even if you don't get the job, you should be really proud that you went for it xxx
 
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Hey,

Well done for being selected for interview 😀! I would try practice with someone some of the questions you may anticipate and like someone mentioned above try breathing techniques- there’s lots online but the box technique is great. Focus on the breath out not breathing in deeply, you will already have lots of oxygen pumping around and we need to exhale more than inhale when anxious.

The main thing is regulating your breathing and heart rate. If you can nail that or at least give it some practice you will find your mind focuses on that rather than the what ifs or the negatives.

I would break down the interview into stages, ie getting to the preparing in the morning, venue, entering reception, greeting the interviewers.. that way hopefully the whole experience will be slightly less daunting (hopefully). One poor experience or your perception of that experience doesn’t mean every other interview will go the same. The mind plays tricks on us all the time, you’re perceiving a threat so your mind is telling you to not go to protect yourself. In the short term yes it helps but in the long term you’ve have no chance to challenge these thoughts or beliefs thus maintaining the cycle.

Definitely speak to your GP and research CBT. Part of its evidence base and therapy is ‘exposure work’. Don’t suffer alone, there is help out there. Good luck!
 
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Hi and thanks for starting this thread! I have the same thing. Now have a good job as I progressed within it and was coached for a promotion so the interview was less scary.

To make you feel better here is a story:
I applied for a volunteer position which involved a practical test on a dummy. I got so nervous when it was my turn that I began shaking and couldn’t carry it out properly. I’d had blisters on my heels that day but no plasters and no money and I wanted to wear my smart shoes. So I put a wedge of toilet roll into the back of my shoe to protect the worse of it.

When I crouched down to do the demo my feet naturally came out of my shoes a little and with them... the wedge of toilet roll with blister juice. I was too shaky and embarrassed to pick it up and I left feeling like absolute rubbish. Later realised I had left my bracelet behind and had to go back.

Forced myself to attend another event with same people and this time I was the ‘dummy’ on a little stage. I was so nervous because of my last performance that I got a nervous tummy and I had to run off the stage to the toilet in the middle of the demo.

I’m just sharing this because it was as bad as social anxiety can get but I’m still alive 😂. Think it helps to share. At least it’s a funny story. Sort of.
 
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I used to suffer really badly with social anxiety and although it’s not completely gone away I am able to cope with it SO MUCH better and I’m now able to give presentations in front groups of people, have small talk really easily and I rarely get feelings of anxiety these days so it is possible to get through it!!

I can’t recommend this website & book enough: anxietynomore.co.uk the guy behind it has actually been through it all himself so knows exactly what you’re going through, I’ve read his book over and over again. His book, yoga, meditation and actually putting myself in situations I was scared of and exposing myself to them is what’s helped me overcome it.

In terms of the interview, what has helped me in the past is just taking things LITERALLY step by step. I was terrified for an interview I had two years ago & I got through it by thinking to myself well, I’m not sure I’m going to be able to do this but I do know that I can get up and shower. Then once showered I thought, ok I’m still not sure I’m brave enough to go but I know I can put my interview clothes on. Once dressed I thought ok I’m still not feeling like I can do this but I know I can step outside and just walk to my car, and maybe just sit in it. Then when I sat in my car I thought, ok maybe I’ll just turn on my engine and start making my way there and then I can always turn around and come home if I need to. Then I get there & I usually think, duck it I’m here now, I might as well go in and just meet them and if it all goes terribly wrong then it doesn’t matter because even just coming here and showing up was an achievement for me!

That feeling of kicking anxiety’s ass will give you such a huge boost, one that you deserve!

(Also I was once read on a job website that the people conducting the interview can often be just as nervous as the person doing the interview to get it right!)
 
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Hey! I haven’t read the entire thread but noticed a few people recommending CBT. I am a CBT therapist and work for an IAPT service, I would recommend looking at your local IAPT service, they may accept self-referrals which is easy enough to do online.

Not going to the interview is the worse thing you could do, by not going you are reinforcing the “threat” and you will get stuck in a viscous cycle of avoidance. I know this is easier said than done. I would recommend practicing some mindfulness and breathing exercises in the run up to this (one moment medication, headspace, calm, finding peace in a frantic world).

With anxiety we tend to live in the past (why did I do that? I should have done that better? What if that happens again?) or the future (what if I make a fool of myself? I can’t do it? What if they judge me?) so I would recommend a simple grounding technique before interview.

5, 4, 3, 2 & 1 - 5 things you can see (whatever is around you) 4 things you can feel (your feet on the floor, back against the chair, something that you can pick up on front of you) 3 things you can hear (someone speaking, the traffic outside) 2 things you can smell (your perfume, your shampoo, fresh cut grass) and 1 thing you can taste, or if that is too hard one nice things about you!

I hope it goes well for you :)
 
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Hey! I haven’t read the entire thread but noticed a few people recommending CBT. I am a CBT therapist and work for an IAPT service, I would recommend looking at your local IAPT service, they may accept self-referrals which is easy enough to do online.

Not going to the interview is the worse thing you could do, by not going you are reinforcing the “threat” and you will get stuck in a viscous cycle of avoidance. I know this is easier said than done. I would recommend practicing some mindfulness and breathing exercises in the run up to this (one moment medication, headspace, calm, finding peace in a frantic world).

With anxiety we tend to live in the past (why did I do that? I should have done that better? What if that happens again?) or the future (what if I make a fool of myself? I can’t do it? What if they judge me?) so I would recommend a simple grounding technique before interview.

5, 4, 3, 2 & 1 - 5 things you can see (whatever is around you) 4 things you can feel (your feet on the floor, back against the chair, something that you can pick up on front of you) 3 things you can hear (someone speaking, the traffic outside) 2 things you can smell (your perfume, your shampoo, fresh cut grass) and 1 thing you can taste, or if that is too hard one nice things about you!

I hope it goes well for you :)
This is fantastic resource thanks
 
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I definitely have social anxiety.
Although I'm extremely chatty and can talk to anybody about anything.... I then want to go home and put my head in a freezer 😔 I want silence for a day to recover from it. Its awful! I just end up making excuses to not go to things which my husband finds weird. I do however have close friends and family that I can be with all day and feel fine. Its just small talk and social situations with acquaintances that make me feel like that. Anybody else?
Regarding your job interview, I would say.. go for it! Whats the worst that can happen? You wouldn't get the job? Well you definitely wouldn't get it if you don't apply. Plus the more you do then the better you will get at it. Try to not put yourself down, if it helps, think that somebody else got the job as it was a friend or family member of the boss. Thats what I always used to tell myself 😉 it would definitely help you to seek professional help and get help retraining your brain to think differently and/or medication to level out your chemicals to calm your excessive worrying x hope it all goes well! I think you will smash it! Even if you don't get the job, you should be really proud that you went for it xxx
Same as me but it's mostly because I'm an introvert, you sound like one too. The need to regain energy after social interaction and yet being ok if it's people you know well are classic signs. ☺
 
I’ve been on the panel of interviewers plenty
Of times. First thing - make sure you si end time prior to the interview getting to know the role you are applying for and what the main duties are and what the company are looking for - they will usually have this info online or in a job/person specification. You need to make sure you understand what they are looking for.
If there is a person spec,write a list of qualities that you have that match what they are looking for and make sure you can back yourself up with an example, let’s say they need someone with customer service experience you can say yes you have plenty from your time spent working on reception here or on the front desk there etc
Research the company a little and what they do. Have a few questions to ask them at the end of the interview.

Try not to be too nervous - remember, everyone has to interview so the people you are being interview BY have all been in your shoes! No one is trying to trip you up, it’s as much an opportunity for you to find out a bit about the company as it is for them to find out about you.
 
So the situation is as follows
I have crippling social anxiety and have for years. Despite this I went and got a qualification for a job I’ve always wanted. The qualification required work based training. The company I did it with gave me a temporary contact. The people from HR verbally promised me permanent work but when it came to the interviews gave the job to someone else. This devastated me, and set me back miles with my social anxiety. I felt like they’d built me up, then broken me down again. It wouldn’t have been so bad if they hadn’t literally promised me work.
In hindsight they shouldn’t of done that and I shouldn’t have expected to be treated any different from any other candidate. All I can say is that I was very vulnerable due to my mental health.
This was all a couple of years ago. I feel like I’ve finally got myself to the point where I want to work again. So I have been applying to some companies. I was lucky enough to be invited to interview next week.
However I’m in the mindset where I don’t think I will turn up. I don’t feel like I can physically walk through the door of the company and be in an interview situation. I can’t put into words exactly why. All I know is I feel that terrified, I’d rather not go.
I really don’t think anyone would choose me and I feel I’m going to fail before I walk in - to be fair , fear aside I am awful at interviews- my mind goes blank, I can’t answer anything.
It’s really difficult because part of me would really love the job and know it would help my confidence.
Has anyone else get like this? And any advice on how to overcome it? Feeling a bit useless here.
Omg this is me!!
 
heya
just wanted to also give a few interview tips that have helped me.
I always try to research the company before I go to interviews and I also write things down in bullet point of things I might like to say.

I also see it as I'm pitching myself on dragons den,I'm the product they need,i point out how my skill set is what they need to.help.them move forward and be succesful

if they ask you if you have any questions always ask them why they like working for the company, gives you a second to breathe.

I definitely recommend CBT ,also check out the meet up app and any local.groups that support those with social anxiety.

theres also this article too. hope it may help in some way



good luck x