Sleep deprivation

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heretoreaditall2019

Please tell me I’m not the only one with a child who simply will not sleep alone? Please share your woes here cos everyone else in the world seems to be sleeping?

I don’t believe in sleep training so I know this is my own doing but fucking hell I don’t even get any time to sleep before I’m up having to co sleep with one year old anymore. I don’t enjoy co sleeping because of the fear of god they put into you about SIDs even though most cases appear to involve drinking and smoking and in cultures where co sleeping is prevalent there’s a lower rate of SIDs but hey ho they’ve established that fear well enough. So my quality of sleep is shit.

Does it ever end? When? We had a month of sleeping through then molars came and it’s been 2/3 months of this hell now. I don’t feel comfortable allowing my husband to co sleep because he’s big (not fat just tall and a bloke) and has hurt me rolling in bed before so it’s a non starter unfortunately.
 
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miamae

Hi lovely, I feel you on this one. My little boy is 2 in November and he sleeps like a newborn. I have tried everything, from controlled crying (I’m too soft to do this!) and putting him back in his bed countless times a night, but I have a little girl also who needs her sleep and a full time job so I just give in and let him sleep with us.

Does your little one have his own room? I put my little boy to bed always in his own room, he does a good 6 hour stretch and then ends up coming into mine in the early hours. I completely sympathise with you, it’s draining and sleep deprivation is a form of torture so it’s not nice at all. Is he eating full meals etc? This is defintley my sons issue as he is such a picky eater so he’s waking as he’s hungry half the time!
 
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heretoreaditall2019

hello! Just reading this was like a hug thank you for sharing You are so so right btw with trying everything - I track all her sleep data and variables and honestly there is *nothing* that drives positive results. It’s completely up to her.

She has her own room and has been in it since the recommended 6 months, funnily whilst I complain in the last week I overhauled our bedtime routines to make it actually structured and she’s now falling asleep ten times quicker and with less fuss so we do have that major positive working for us. She used to sleep the whole night through in her room, to the point where I’d still naturally wake at 1,3,5am and go in and check on her as it would freak me out. Are yours in nursery? I don’t think that’s helped us with sleep at all as her nap quality has gone down hill (because of my belief inattachment parenting she only naps if she’s cuddled to sleep, nursery have been amazing with this but she wakes up if she’s put down there whereas at home she doesn’t) plus she’s bringing home every cough and bug going. I also suspect she may miss us so wants to be up more but are babies even that smart?

Last night I tricked her and co slept until she was conked, then put her back in her own bed and it did work so I managed to get 3.5 hours sleep lol. You know when you put them down and they’re so tired their arms flop and hit the mattress before their bodies are there? Bliss.

I don’t know anything about CRIO but I’ve always suspected you need to do it when they’re very little? All the mums in my NCT have and they can even just put their babies into their cot at 5/6 and they just go off to sleep themselves?!!! Sometimes I think I’ve played myself but I just couldn’t imagine doing it. No judgment to anyone who does obviously.
 
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miamae

My little boy is in nursery and he sounds the same as your little girl - he still has a bottle and struggles to nap without a cuddle and his milk, so he’s not been sleeping at nursery which makes him so cranky, and some nights he is so overtired it takes him ages to finally settle and sleep.

Yes I think the controlled crying should be started as early as possible, but for me it just wouldn’t work as I give in way too easy! Even though it is bloody hard we just have to remind ourselves it won’t last forever, and I’m hoping in the next year he’ll grow out of it and fall in love with sleep (literally praying!!).

You sound like a fab mum, hang on in there and hopefully soon we will be able to welcome sleep back into our lives!!
 
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Sailorontheseasea

We are nearly at 19 months with our little monkey that doesn’t sleep (as in - up every 2 hours, sometimes doesn’t go back to sleep for another 2 etc etc) and we’ve finally found out it’s for a reason beyond our control that we can now finally get sorted (although god knows when at this rate with how behind everything is due to covid!) but it doesn’t make it easier. I have no advice or anything but come here to show solidarity as it is SO TOUGH. Big hugs xxx
 
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Twinks10

Knackered mum here.
My daughter who is now 3.5 was a terrible sleeper and we ended up co-sleeping too. I embraced it and it was the only way any of us slept so if you can try to go with it (even for a temporary spell) that might help. I think the risk of SIDS dramatically decreases after 1 but I get it, I was the same as you.
I also have a 2yr old and he sleeps better although still wakes usually 3 times for milk. He eats well during the day, I make sure they’re outside, exercising, trying to stimulate them enough during the day but I’ve just accepted that no matter what you do, babies and toddlers wake through the night - a lot!
However, my daughter now sleeps through most nights (age 3 was the turning point - I know that doesn’t help much with a 1yr old but there is an end in sight and it will go quickly, I promise!)
I don’t believe in sleep training either and I tell myself that they won’t be this small forever, it’s just a phase that will pass and that responding to them through the night will help them to feel secure, safe and confident as they grow up as they know that mum and dad will always be there for them.
In terms of making things a bit easier, could you put a mattress on the floor of your room for him to sleep on? Or a double in his room for you to join him, this is what I do most nights but at least it keeps them in their room.
It will pass and soon enough they’ll be too grown up for a cuddle so I’m making the most of it but it is hard to continually function on no sleep and I often have times where I think fuck this shit, I’m not doing it anymore! But I still do
Sending love and you sound like an amazing mum
 
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Definitelyme

Hi from someone currently on six inches of a king size bed, while a 4mo has the rest (and my husband is in a double in the almost 3yo room!)

We have co slept with all our kids (4), and no 2,3 and 4 I’ve co slept from birth. I also don’t believe in sleep training. I also have always lain with them for naps, and it’s only the last 6 months or so I can slip away and let my toddler sleep her nap alone. At 1 I would have had to stay the whole time.

No2 was just the worst sleeper ever. He would wake up to 10 times a night, from 9-18months he’s be awake for 2/3 hours most nights, and all of this was while cosleeping. So needless to say I’m always knackered He finally started sleeping all night in his own bed at 4.5years old, and honestly we never thought we’d see the day. Now he conks out in minutes and sleep like a log all night. It’s unreal!

The way we work it is that they cosleep in our bed until around age 2. We have a normal bedtime routine and then they snuggle down with me (actually they’d still be breastfed to sleep at that age). Once they are asleep I slip away, but go back every time they stir (until I give up and stay up there )

From around age 2, or whenever it feels time, we move them to their own room. I then put them to sleep in there and sleep in my own room, and when they wake in the night lift them in to our bed. (My husband then takes this job over when the next baby arrives, he lifts them to the spare room double).
And eventually they will one day say they want to sleep alone. My eldest was 3.5, my son was 4.5 as I said, and my almost 3yo is getting there as she’ll sometimes say she wants to sleep alone (but hasn’t yet).

So they get there. I totally understand that chained to the bed feeling, and the sore shoulder and hips are a killer. But all I can say is they will get there in their own time, if you can stick it out. If you need something to change, have you tried The No Cry Sleep Solution? I haven’t read it but often see it recommended on attachment parenting groups I’m in.
 
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heretoreaditall2019

Thank you so much for these replies, it sounds silly but just knowing there are other people out there going through it/one day it will end makes the present more bearable?

Have nodded along with all the attachment parenting bits. Completely agree that an attached and content baby will one day be able to self settle but when it’s 1am and she’s screaming the house down despite being laid on you to re settle into co sleeping you do wonder when the f that day will actually be/is it even worth it when she’s getting upset anyway! Like no one is winning in our current situation? :/

My local mums WhatsApp group is all full of sleep trained babies which makes it hard not to compare and contrast, like come 5/6pm it’s full of pics of babies in onesies just being left in a cot to sleep so I’m left constantly thinking omg have I played myself here, I’d love to just have one day’s respite from the rain dance of sleep I have to perform to get her down. My daughter is the same, she needs cuddling to drift off but thankfully will let you put her down afterwards. I haven’t admitted this on that group as I know the responses I’d get, and I do feel like a bit of a mug for creating such a rod for my back I just couldn’t imagine an alternative? I’m v much one & done so I should focus on the present it’s just hard to be grateful when you’re so sleep deprived. However by an absolute miracle she slept from 7.40pm - 5.50am so a solid 10 hours! This is the first time in months, maybe she knows I’ve made a thread . Pre covid I worked earlier to leave earlier so was up at 6am to get to the office for 7 anyway so don’t mind 5am cuddles tbh far better than the alternative shit commute.
 
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Emsie

I've got no advice but it's probably a bit of seperation anxiety. You said she's at nursery, is that a new thing as that would explain the anxiety if she's used to being with you all day. If it is SA the only thing I can say is that it will work itself out by you doing what you're doing. Unhelpful I know when you're tired.
I rocked all of mine to sleep because I love it. But as they got older, and heavier, I started putting down when drowsy for a few weeks, once they had mastered that, not rocking just holding, and now I just cuddle for 5 mins and leave. 90% of the time my youngest will go to sleep.
Youve not created a rod at all, some kids just need more time x
 
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Definitelyme

Just to say the almost 3yo I mentioned above settled herself to sleep last night by her own choice. And I do genuinely believe that she felt comfortable doing it because she knew if she changed her mind, we would be there in a second.
remember attachment parenting means meetin their needs, but YOUR needs are important too and you have to find a balance that works for everyone.
 
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Twinks10

I think I referred to your daughter as your son - sorry! Must have read another post and answered yours.
If your daughter is screaming could there be anything else causing it? Teething/wind?
It does get better but yes, there are times when it feels like it never will but it will
Do you have a partner? Could they respond to your daughter a couple of nights a week or take over at the weekend so you can get some sleep?
I try to tag team with my husband at the weekends, yes he works long hours all week but so do I and I do all the night wakings so come the weekend I’m done in.
I think you said you’re working too but are there any opportunities through the day for a rest/cuppa with your feet up and eyes closed, even just for 10mins. I do yoga and I’ve read that lying with your feet up a wall for 5mins can be as restorative as a few hours sleep! Could be worth a try if you have time and google it to see it if you’re not familiar - it sounds mad but it’s strangely relaxing
I try to tag team with my husband at the weekends, yes he works long hours all week but so do I and I do all the night wakings so come the weekend I’m done in.
Also, could you mute the WhatsApp chat for a bit, just so it doesn’t feel like everyone else’s babies are sleeping when yours isn’t. It won’t help how you feel, especially when you’re tired x
 
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Newbie mcnewface

When my kids were toddlers two years apart it was like Groundhog Day with the sleeping thing. It was like bed swap at night but as ling as they were sleeping and my husband got a good night sleep ( he done a lot of driving for his job) that was the main thing

Now they are teens. Sleeping is not a problem for them. It’s like a hobby! I know it’s rubbish but it doesn’t last for ever.
 
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Blair-Waldorf

I’m so glad I found this thread. My 3 year old used to sleep 7-7 in her own bed but the last 3 months it’s horrendous she cries and cries and ends up in our bed every single night when does it end I’ve tried everything
 
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Twinks10

Blair-Waldorf said:
I’m so glad I found this thread. My 3 year old used to sleep 7-7 in her own bed but the last 3 months it’s horrendous she cries and cries and ends up in our bed every single night when does it end I’ve tried everything
Click to expand...
Has anything changed in the last few months that might have caused it? Started nursery/pre-school, any changes at home, been poorly...?
We’ve gone back to ending up in with our two toddlers after a short spell of them being quite settled
It’s so up and down, just when you think you’ve cracked it, something happens and you’re back to no sleep/co-sleeping etc. I’m just riding it out and reminding myself that it won’t last forever, hard when you’re bloody knackered though.
Sending love
 
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Snippysnips

Hi, don't have kids of myself but have plenty cousins with kids all ages, could it perhaps be somthing bothering them in the bedroom? Young kids don't quite know how to say if somthing is bothering them, we had one when he was around 2 just refuse to go to bed unless his parents were upstairs in their bedroom, no matter what they tried he just wouldn't stay in bed, they tried sleeping with him till he fell over then went back downstairs but he would get up an go get them, turned out he didn't like the bed being in the corner an there was a funny shadow being cast on the wall with light coming in from the light downstairs when his door was slightly open, it took a while to finally get it out of him because they just thought he wanted them up with him but the reason why he wouldn't sleep was simply he was scared, the bedroom got moved around an he got new nightlights an things that cast strange shadows were moved or put away, the difference it made just realising there was a reason behind it was crazy, so now if any of the little ones don't sleep its usually a very long chat trying to get out of them if there's a reason, not saying this is the case for other people's kids but sometimes as a adult you don't even realise things like that
 
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heretoreaditall2019

Funnily since writing this thread sleep has done a complete 180. I largely attribute this to nursery as she can put herself to sleep for naps there (she’s not this generous to me at home!) at bed time she self settles & in the night she can self settle provided she sees me sat in a chair in her bedroom. I’ve watched her wake up on her cam and it’s the first place she goes to look for me bless her, when she realises I’m not there then she cries for me.

I really think there’s no way of shaping your fate with this if you don’t want to do cry it out. CIO is basically severing a detachment so they don’t scream for you & just re settle, unless you’re happy with that you’re always going to be watering that plant of attachment through co sleeping or night settles etc. It’s a nightmare but one day fingers crossed we’ll get there
 
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NP

Just popping in with some solidarity. Our first slept like a dream and I’ve no idea why. Second child I had to co-sleep with and didn’t sleep through until 16 months old. Baby no.3 is 9 months old now and still wakes 2-3 times a night and won’t settle when he goes to bed unless one of us lies down on our bed watching him (he’s still in our room). God it’s exhausting. I miss sleep. The eldest two go off to bed and we don’t hear a peep until morning. I long for those days with this one. I don’t do sleep training or CIO. I just plough through and feel tired every single moment of my day!

I wish you long nights of sleep one day soon.
 
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