Skinny shaming

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Sorry if this is very long and if I ramble. I have a lot of pent up frustration about this.
Also before I start I just want to be clear that I don’t condone any type of body shaming and I’m not saying one is worse that the other. I’m just giving my perspective.

Has anyone experienced this? I feel like a lot of people say that ‘skinny shaming’ doesn’t exist because being skinny isn’t negative but now of days people DO make being skinny a negative thing.

I am 26 and a size 4/6 (average height 5’4/5’5). I have quite wide hips, average thighs (with long legs) and a very small waste (around 22’). My top half is what makes my size so small, for some reason I just don’t have a lot of weight up there. My boobs are small, my arms are thin and very lanky (my brother is also very tall (over 6 foot and lanky - we must just have lanky genes). I do personally think that my shape is quite nice though, I definitely have a some what hourglass (not anything as exaggerated like Kim K lol but that’s not even real). I’ve been the same my whole life and people always told me I was too skinny. When I was younger it didn’t bother me.

However since I’ve been in my twenties it has gotten so much worse, particularly in my job. I work in health care on a ward with mostly other women. I am constantly ridiculed because of my weight (many of those doing it are old enough to be my mother!). One girl (similar age to me) was complementing my figure one day when one other colleague said ‘Oh no, you don’t want to be her size, she’s far too skinny’. Just for reference this woman is late early 50s and over weight, constantly dieting and watching what she eats (which she speaks openly about).

One day I was quickly eating a chocolate covered rice cake before the start of the shift, everyone in the room was acting like I was crazy for eating a rice cake (how are rice cakes weird?) at this point on of them said (in front of everyone) ‘yes but you have a problem with your eating, don’t you?’ I was so shocked! I obviously said I don’t, because I don’t and everyone in the room went silent and I could just sense that they were all thinking ‘you’re lying’.

On another occasion I had 5 colleagues standing over me when I was typing up my notes telling me to go for my break. Yes it was my break time but I just wanted to finish off my notes quickly otherwise I would have been very behind when I returned. They kept saying ‘come one, you can’t afford to miss a meal’, ‘you’re already skinny enough we don’t want you getting skinnier etc’. In that moment I actually started to get teary eyed because here I was, just trying to do my job to the absolute best of my ability and those women made me feel awful about myself. When I didn’t respond to them they walked away, except one (the same woman who said ‘oh no you don’t want to be her size’). She then said ‘come on, we need you to eat, this isn’t healthy for you to be like that, you are far too skinny’. At this point, I snapped. As I stood up to walk away I told her ‘It would not be okay for me to tell someone that they are over weight and could afford to skip a meal. So why is it okay for you to say those things to me?’ To which she replied ‘well it’s hardly the same thing’. How is it not? You have ridiculed me for my weight and made me feel awful about myself.

When I look at women I don’t see their weight nor do I comment. It’s not my place. I work in a career where we are supposed to empower and support women and yet they treat their own colleagues like that. The irony is, most of the people making comments actually are insecure about their weight for one reason or another and speak about it all the time. They are constantly on different diets, watching what they are eating, saying they have been ‘so bad’ etc. I have never once spoken about my weight, voiced that I’m ‘watching what I eat’ or anything like that. One of my colleagues who admits she is overweight once said to me ‘I would rather be my weight than be yours because you are far to skinny’. How is that not body shaming?!?

I feel like I actually have a very healthy relationship with food. I eat when hungry, listen to my body when I’m full. I do love snacks and junk food in the evening but I don’t over do it. I don’t ever make myself feel ‘bad’ for eating certain foods nor do I punish myself. I just keep a balance diet. If I over do it on something, no biggie. I feel like other people are pushing their own insecurities onto me and it’s working. I get home from work, take of my uniform and just look at myself and question if what they are saying it right. It makes me so angry because I have always lived my life feeling confident about my body and now other woman are trying to tear me down and it’s working! I look at myself and think, oh if my arms where just a little bigger, or my boobs a little bigger etc. I’m not going to let other people insecurities make me feel bad for they way I look. I eat how I eat and weigh what I weigh. I can’t change that (unless I start over eating and binging etc but that would actually be unhealthy).

My job also deals a lot with mental health and it’s so frustrating to me that people would accuse me of being anorexic in a room full of people. That is absolutely not how you speak to someone who you are ‘genuinely’ concerned about! That could actually be detrimental to their health. I also think about the other people in the room, what if they genuinely have an eating disorder of some kind and their comments to me could have a knock on effect on them.

I’m not really sure what my question is. I guess I’m just looking for opinions or experiences.
 
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Totally relate! I’ve had this all my life I’m now a size 6 but was previously a size 4, I’m only now a 6 because I had a breast enlargement haha. I’m the same height as you also and have very lanky arms, often get compared to a monkey from my Dad .. Anyway, in my experience I just find that being politely aggressive works. I usually just go for something along the lines of ‘and what exactly is that comment going to achieve for you or for me?’, or ‘why do you have such a problem with something that has no impact on you?’ or ‘you care an awful lot about something that really doesn’t effect you, maybe use that energy elsewhere’.

It can be hurtful, I’ve cried a fair few time’s over it but I do genuinely believe that a lot of the time it comes from a place of jealousy and not actual concern like they try to pretend.
It’s always customers/colleagues/strangers that express this ‘concern’ over our small physiques, and never people that care about us like friends & family, and that in itself speaks for it self I feel. If it’s something that is really impacting your work life though perhaps put in a complaint, as you shouldn’t be made to feel miserable and uncomfortable x
 
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Hi
I'm sorry to hear about this and I know how humiliating it is when people think it's OK to be mean. I've always been naturally slim too and I've had people's unwanted opinions on it all of my life, even men. Like your experiences though it's mostly been older overweight women that say the meanest things. It has possibly changed my life making me agoraphobic for some years. The last comment I had was at a dinner dance, dressed up (once in a blue moon) so was feeling great. An older overweight woman thought it was OK to guess my dress size and badger me about it and insinuate I must have some disorder. I never went to the event again even though apart from that I enjoyed it. As the population gets bigger they see slim people as bad.
I wish I could offer you some constructive advice but I've never found the answer.
How do you fix ignorance? All I can offer is my sympathies and hope you find an answer.
Like you though I like my body so at least we know what they are saying is their problem and not ours. Love and luck x
 
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Sorry to hear that Sweetcorn, that’s awful. I think some people try to make themselves feel better by putting other people down. It actually sounds like bullying to me. As you rightly say, it’s none of their business and - in the event of you really having an eating disorder - how on earth can they imagine those comments would be helpful to you? Liking yourself can be hard enough, please don’t let these people take away your self esteem. And consider reporting them to a manager/HR if it continues. Sending love xx
 
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It’s always customers/colleagues/strangers that express this ‘concern’ over our small physiques, and never people that care about us like friends & family, and that in itself speaks for it self I feel.
Absolutely! My very close friends at work (who I am friends with outside of work), my family and non work friends never say those things because they see how I eat and know that I am just the way I am.
I feel like I can’t win. At work if I dig into a slice of cake people say ‘how can you eat that and still be so skinny?’ Are they insinuating that I am bulimic? Or if I eat a home prepared chicken salad one day (which is a healthy meal to have, it’s good for everyone to try and be healthy!) someone will say ‘Why are you eating a salad? It’s not a salad you need it’s a Big Mac’. Feel like I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t.

Thanks for your reply quietlyobserving ☺ Xo

Hi
I'm sorry to hear about this and I know how humiliating it is when people think it's OK to be mean. I've always been naturally slim too and I've had people's unwanted opinions on it all of my life, even men. Like your experiences though it's mostly been older overweight women that say the meanest things. It has possibly changed my life making me agoraphobic for some years. The last comment I had was at a dinner dance, dressed up (once in a blue moon) so was feeling great. An older overweight woman thought it was OK to guess my dress size and badger me about it and insinuate I must have some disorder. I never went to the event again even though apart from that I enjoyed it. As the population gets bigger they see slim people as bad.
I wish I could offer you some constructive advice but I've never found the answer.
How do you fix ignorance? All I can offer is my sympathies and hope you find an answer.
Like you though I like my body so at least we know what they are saying is their problem and not ours. Love and luck x
Thank you for your kind word Xx

Yeah I do really feel that it comes from a place of jealousy and their own insecurities. I don’t usually like saying that because people take it the wrong way and assume you are trying to big yourself up. Like you think you are so amazing that people would be jealous of you, but that’s not the case. I think it’s just a way to excuse their own weight (if they feel insecure about it) Like when they say ‘I might be overweight but I’d rather be like me than as skinny as you’

Sorry to hear that Sweetcorn, that’s awful. I think some people try to make themselves feel better by putting other people down.
Thank you Smellycat ☺ Xo

Yes you are right. Doesn’t really make any sense 😒
 
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I am sorry to read you have had those horrid experiences.

While skinny shaming absolutely exists and should never happen, we do live in a society where all body shaming is not equal and thin privilege exists. The bonkers thing is that skinny shaming stems from fat phobia, it’s all interconnected. This article explains it well:

Body shaming against any person, for any reason, is wrong. The harm that you cause when you wage war against a person’s physicality is psychologically jarring and can even trigger responses that are physically damaging, like disordered eating behaviors.

Yet despite that irrefutable truth, we also must all come to this understanding: Not all kinds of oppression or stigma are interchangeable, especially when considering the greater context in which that stigma exists and the very real consequences of it. We cannot claim that one experience is equal to another—even if they’re both harmful.

https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.self.com/story/skinny-shaming-is-not-the-same-as-fat-phobia/amp
 
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I am sorry to read you have had those horrid experiences.

While skinny shaming absolutely exists and should never happen, we do live in a society where all body shaming is not equal and thin privilege exists. The bonkers thing is that skinny shaming stems from fat phobia, it’s all interconnected. This article explains it well:

Body shaming against any person, for any reason, is wrong. The harm that you cause when you wage war against a person’s physicality is psychologically jarring and can even trigger responses that are physically damaging, like disordered eating behaviors.

Yet despite that irrefutable truth, we also must all come to this understanding: Not all kinds of oppression or stigma are interchangeable, especially when considering the greater context in which that stigma exists and the very real consequences of it. We cannot claim that one experience is equal to another—even if they’re both harmful.

https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.self.com/story/skinny-shaming-is-not-the-same-as-fat-phobia/amp
Yes absolutely. I think I’ve actually read that article before when I was searching about this ☺ Xx

What really confuses me is that, more recently there has been a ‘body positive’ movement. Brands have started using different body types which is great. However, I regularly see people putting down ‘skinny’ girls in order to raise up ‘plus size’ girls.

I always see Fabletics photo ads coming up on my Facebook. Their ads have women of different shapes and sizes. When you look at the comments women will have commented saying ‘the plus size model looks so much better’ or ‘Look how happy the plus size model looks, she is much happier‘

I’m not saying it’s worse, but putting down one portion of society in order to raise another up doesn’t work, it’s counterproductive and creates a whole other problem 🤷🏼‍♀️ We take one step forward then two steps back.
 
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Yes @Sweetcorn i have seen this too and it totally misses the mark. Body positivity has been co-opted in terrible ways by both corporates and even straight-sized women. Also when larger bodies are called “real women”. So the rest of us aren’t then? It just pits us all against each other and does everyone a disservice.

Have you read about body neutrality? I found it be quite a radical mental shift and liberating.
 
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I can totally relate to this. I'm a skinny girl, I've always been like this. Yet when I started becoming an adult my family decided there was something wrong with my body. Every time I see them, the first thing they tell me is "you are too skinny!" and I have been asked more than once whether I have anorexia!! (honestly, do they really think that if this were the case I would simply say "yes"?) it's quite funny because I never had a problem with my body and now... Well, it's not that I have a disorder but I do feel self-conscious about it and I'm becoming more insecure.
In general my family are obsessed with weight, everyone is too fat for them... Except me, that I'm anorexic. There is no in between 😂
 
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I’ve been both ends of the scale, literally!!!

Unfortunately, I am suffering with an eating disorder after years of fat shaming and self hatred amongst general life trauma. My size and appearance is all I could control and get joy from. Sadly.

I’ve been even every single size between a 22 and a 2. I’m 5ft 3.

I’ve had the worst judgement, body shaming and everything else horrid while being on the slimmer side. Whilst I did get shamed, I didn’t experience anything anywhere near as awful while heavily overweight. Not one person who has shamed me knows I am suffering with the ED. It is generally people I’d class as “overweight” Who shame me, stare and comment.

I’m bleeping over it! I’m in treatment and therapy for my problems, learning to love ME regardless of size, weight and appearance.
 
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So today I have seen many people making comments about the fact that Adele has lost weight. All of these comments have been negative and it’s making me so frustrated. I have seen people saying
- ‘She looked better when she was bigger’
- ‘When she was bigger she stood out more and had her own style, now she’s just like everyone else’
- ‘I think she looked better when she was bigger’
- ‘She was much prettier in 2010’
- ‘Her face isn’t as cute as it used to be now’
- ‘She looked more humble before’
- ‘Ew the weight loss just made her look older’
- ‘I bet she was much happier in 2010 when she wasn’t starving herself’
- ‘Now she’s just turned into a woman who conforms to societies expectations. Not feminist!!!’

These comments came from one, ONE single Facebook post. Once again bring down ‘thinner’ women in order to raise up ‘plus size’ women.
 
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I'm fairly slim and I've got a colleague who seems to be obsessed with what I eat. I tend to have a large-ish breakfast and then don't eat until dinner in the evening. My colleague has on a number of occasions announced to large groups of people "oh she doesn't have lunch because she eats so and so for breakfast" The last time she did this I snapped, asking her why she is so bothered about what I eat, she didn't know what to say. Thankfully another colleague picked up on this and started defending my choice to eat what I want.
What frustrates me is we have an obese person in the office, nobody would bring up what they eat, or their size, so why is it ok to bring up my size and eating habits?! This colleague doesn't know if I have an ED, which if I did this could seriously affect me. It's now got to the point where if I do feel hungry during the day I don't want to get lunch because I know she'll make such a big deal out of it, so I stay hungry
 
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I've never been bothered about what others think of me. I was always slim till I had my daughter then I went through a bout of severe depression when she was 2. I comfort ate and always do when sad. I dieted years later when I felt ready and lost 4.5 stone, got the usual comments I was now too thin etc. I was 10stone which was the higher end of my healthy bmi. I'm not shy in telling people to mind their own business🤣🤣🤣. Be assertive with these people, challenge them and they'll back down
 
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So today I have seen many people making comments about the fact that Adele has lost weight. All of these comments have been negative and it’s making me so frustrated. I have seen people saying
- ‘She looked better when she was bigger’
- ‘When she was bigger she stood out more and had her own style, now she’s just like everyone else’
- ‘I think she looked better when she was bigger’
- ‘She was much prettier in 2010’
- ‘Her face isn’t as cute as it used to be now’
- ‘She looked more humble before’
- ‘Ew the weight loss just made her look older’
- ‘I bet she was much happier in 2010 when she wasn’t starving herself’
- ‘Now she’s just turned into a woman who conforms to societies expectations. Not feminist!!!’

These comments came from one, ONE single Facebook post. Once again bring down ‘thinner’ women in order to raise up ‘plus size’ women.

This has pissed me off so much, i think she looks cracking, always been beautiful, dresses well, wore flattering clothes. Shes lost weight in her own time, her own way not thrown it anyones faces, and people are being nasty when i feel like shes setting a really good example personally! Im plus size and ive never ever shamed anyone about their weight because its awful and it hurts. Ive always had slim friends my whole life and i love them because they are amazing people.
 
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This has pissed me off so much, i think she looks cracking, always been beautiful, dresses well, wore flattering clothes. Shes lost weight in her own time, her own way not thrown it anyones faces, and people are being nasty when i feel like shes setting a really good example personally! Im plus size and ive never ever shamed anyone about their weight because its awful and it hurts. Ive always had slim friends my whole life and i love them because they are amazing people.
Exactly. And people assume she's done it unhealthily just because she's rich and it has mostly happened post divorce. Maybe her doctor suggested she consider reviewing diet for medical reasons, maybe she just wanted to lose it. Seems we can't win whether skinny or larger or inbetween. I hate the "oh you are skinny therefore not a feminist" type remarks.
 
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Can't relate exactly as I'm a bit on the tubby size since having my kids. Prior to that i was a slim 12 verging on a 14 occasionally. However I'm fat shamed a lot I'm a 16 to 18 now. Whatever. But I do see skinny shaming quite a lot my mum skinny shames people. She was telling me about how skinny her ex sil had got and how it made her feel sick and how she doesn't like seeing really skinny women. It honestly turned me cold and i told her that she was out of order. Not on at all
 
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