Sister has ghosted me! Advice needed

[Begborrowsteal]

Their relationship sounds messy AF.

Id send a message and say whatever happens, im here for you/get in touch if you need me.. and id leave it there.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Honestly..!? I’d leave them to it.

 

[emm]

I’ll play it by ear ... to be honest I never even considered the fact that he could be physically abusing her right now , mentally yes obviously . But my head was thinking if she’s pregnant he’s hardly touch her

Unfortunately it is very common for it to escalate in pregnancy, and then with a young child as she will br devoting more attention to the baby and less to the partner. However, regardless of physical abuse, the long term effects of mental abuse can be equally bad, if not worse, in the long term

 

[ttxx]

I would be very worried about this tbh, if she has said he is violent/abusive he may be trying to distance her from her support network, especially if you are her only immediate family she is in contact with. Make sure you keep checking in and just let her know you are there at any time to talk

I messaged her last week to say I’m here and not too far away if she needs me . She didn’t open that message ... I was suspecting that her boyfriend had something to do with this and he’s controlling her and her mind and sees me as a threat because he knows we spoke about their relationship. This evening she posted on her page basically that she needs nobody and no help from people and then tagged him . I couldn’t help but think if it was aimed at me , but it’s definitely his influence considering she was so unhappy

 

[OhMyGaad]

I would love to leave them too it but mentally I can’t do it . She’s my sister and I can’t just leave her alone like I would a friend for example but I know I can’t help her right now either so it’s hard to watch to be honest .

I’ve been giving her space for the past week and a half , I’ll send another thinking of you message next week maybe I’ll see.... no I don’t really know her friends , I’m friends with one of their mutual friends on Facebook but don’t really want to message him! If she’d just open my messages I wouldn’t feel as bad about it all , it’s the pure lack of communication that’s killing me

Could he have told her not to communicate with you?

 

[Begborrowsteal]

I’ll play it by ear ... to be honest I never even considered the fact that he could be physically abusing her right now , mentally yes obviously . But my head was thinking if she’s pregnant he’s hardly touch her

Sadly, it can get worse during pregnancy.

 

[emm]

I’m quite used to this ... she’s 21 (younger than me ) and we don’t live in the same country , although we are only a 1 hour flight away from eachother.
Both of us aren’t in contact with our parents so really we only have eachother

Two weeks ago she told me she was arguing a lot with her Boyfriend and they both live together (his house and they have a nice pet together! ) they’re dating less than a year and she said they are too similar to eachother , which I agreed with . She said she wanted to break up with him and move to me to start over . Well.. she tried ending things and she and him were separately messaging me - her saying he just got violent , and him saying she said she wanted to end things and I spoke to her but she will be fine when she calms down !!!!
I think they forgave eachother but then fast forward a week and HE posts on his fb stories that she is 7 weeks pregnant... eh ! She did mention to me that she was late but all tests were negative and she was pleased about that . I was absolutely shocked when i saw it then she uploads a tik tok of her belly saying 2 months pregnant! I’m still shook about it all and so insulted that after all me and her spoke about and the plans she was talking about she wouldn’t even message me and say I think I am in fact pregnant . She’s ghosting me once again, for past two weeks

What would you do if you were in my Situation? I feel so confused and it’s all I can think about ... should I continue trying to get in contact with her or leave her alone to live her life with him ? She still ‘likes’ all my social media posts which bugs me when she won’t even open my texts or answer my calls ...

Would love advice , thanks

I would be very worried about this tbh, if she has said he is violent/abusive he may be trying to distance her from her support network, especially if you are her only immediate family she is in contact with. Make sure you keep checking in and just let her know you are there at any time to talk

 

[emm]

I messaged her last week to say I’m here and not too far away if she needs me . She didn’t open that message ... I was suspecting that her boyfriend had something to do with this and he’s controlling her and her mind and sees me as a threat because he knows we spoke about their relationship. This evening she posted on her page basically that she needs nobody and no help from people and then tagged him . I couldn’t help but think if it was aimed at me , but it’s definitely his influence considering she was so unhappy

This really is not a good sign...sounds maybe dramatic but I would probably fly out to see her in person if you can, violent relationships usually get worse during pregnancy

 

[emm]

Not sure why my mind went here but is there any possibility she actually isn’t pregnant but maybe said it to him so he would stop being abusive and he ran with it and now she feels like she has to “prove it” on social media?! And that’s why she is too proud to talk to you?

I would be tempted to say almost the opposite... ie. she didn;t intend to get pregnant and he persuaded her to, in order to stay with her

 

[JoeBloggs]

i would give her some space, it’s a lot to take in especially at 21. I would once again say you are there for her. Perhaps via a different method, email or Facebook? Flying out there may only add to the hostility and push her further away.

Do you know any of her friends or anyone local to her? Perhaps you could reach out to them.

 

[ttxx]

I’m quite used to this ... she’s 21 (younger than me ) and we don’t live in the same country , although we are only a 1 hour flight away from eachother.
Both of us aren’t in contact with our parents so really we only have eachother

Two weeks ago she told me she was arguing a lot with her Boyfriend and they both live together (his house and they have a nice pet together! ) they’re dating less than a year and she said they are too similar to eachother , which I agreed with . She said she wanted to break up with him and move to me to start over . Well.. she tried ending things and she and him were separately messaging me - her saying he just got violent , and him saying she said she wanted to end things and I spoke to her but she will be fine when she calms down !!!!
I think they forgave eachother but then fast forward a week and HE posts on his fb stories that she is 7 weeks pregnant... eh ! She did mention to me that she was late but all tests were negative and she was pleased about that . I was absolutely shocked when i saw it then she uploads a tik tok of her belly saying 2 months pregnant! I’m still shook about it all and so insulted that after all me and her spoke about and the plans she was talking about she wouldn’t even message me and say I think I am in fact pregnant . She’s ghosting me once again, for past two weeks

What would you do if you were in my Situation? I feel so confused and it’s all I can think about ... should I continue trying to get in contact with her or leave her alone to live her life with him ? She still ‘likes’ all my social media posts which bugs me when she won’t even open my texts or answer my calls ...

Would love advice , thanks

 

[ttxx]

This really is not a good sign...sounds maybe dramatic but I would probably fly out to see her in person if you can, violent relationships usually get worse during pregnancy

I’ll play it by ear ... to be honest I never even considered the fact that he could be physically abusing her right now , mentally yes obviously . But my head was thinking if she’s pregnant he’s hardly touch her

 

[ttxx]

Could he have told her not to communicate with you?

I’m wondering the same thing to be honest. It wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest , but more in a way that he’s brainwashed her to think she doesn’t need me and I’m ruining their relationship maybe ...

Say I sent him a message he would open it straight away and respond ? When I messaged him last he said he was too busy to message and would text later and that annoyed me so I told him not to bother ! Clearly he was just using that as an excuse not to talk to me

 

[ttxx]

I would love to leave them too it but mentally I can’t do it . She’s my sister and I can’t just leave her alone like I would a friend for example but I know I can’t help her right now either so it’s hard to watch to be honest .

I’ve been giving her space for the past week and a half , I’ll send another thinking of you message next week maybe I’ll see.... no I don’t really know her friends , I’m friends with one of their mutual friends on Facebook but don’t really want to message him! If she’d just open my messages I wouldn’t feel as bad about it all , it’s the pure lack of communication that’s killing me

 

[ttxx]

Not sure why my mind went here but is there any possibility she actually isn’t pregnant but maybe said it to him so he would stop being abusive and he ran with it and now she feels like she has to “prove it” on social media?! And that’s why she is too proud to talk to you?

That’s a very interesting angle . You could well be onto something ... the last time we spoke she said her doctor told her it was a negative test and she said to me she was happy .. then three days later it shows up on his page that she’s 7 weeks pregnant and then a little video of a ‘bump’ could well be bloat but the video said 2 months pregnant and nothing at all since ...
The time frame makes no sense to me ! Speaking from experience I got a positive test much sooner
Maybe she is too embarrassed to speak to me who knows

 

[Cloak]

Not sure why my mind went here but is there any possibility she actually isn’t pregnant but maybe said it to him so he would stop being abusive and he ran with it and now she feels like she has to “prove it” on social media?! And that’s why she is too proud to talk to you?

 

[ttxx]

Adding something : I re read a message she sent and it said that he has been telling her that she has ruined the relationship between me and her because he thinks she was making fun of me !!! What the hell it’s all him