Single Parent Advice

[FakeSmile]

So very recently my husband decided that he didn’t want to be me with me anymore. We have got 3 very young kids and I’m basically shattered. I work really hard at a full time job and he also works full time at a job that has very random hours, so I’m basically going to be doing this on my own and right now, I’m not sure how I’ll cope or what I’m going to do

I’m sure that there must be those of you who have been in similar situations, and as you’re my favourite people on the internet I’d love to hear how you’ve gone on when all you want to do is hide away forever. Any advice from people who have been there, done it, and now out the other side?

If I don’t reply it’s not because I’m being rude or I’ve just posted and dashed. I’ll be reading all of your replies, I just don’t know how they are going to affect my heart right now!

Thank you

 

[noseybirdxo]

So very recently my husband decided that he didn’t want to be me with me anymore. We have got 3 very young kids and I’m basically shattered. I work really hard at a full time job and he also works full time at a job that has very random hours, so I’m basically going to be doing this on my own and right now, I’m not sure how I’ll cope or what I’m going to do

I’m sure that there must be those of you who have been in similar situations, and as you’re my favourite people on the internet I’d love to hear how you’ve gone on when all you want to do is hide away forever. Any advice from people who have been there, done it, and now out the other side?

If I don’t reply it’s not because I’m being rude or I’ve just posted and dashed. I’ll be reading all of your replies, I just don’t know how they are going to affect my heart right now!

Thank you

I’m not a mum, so I can’t really offer you any advice but I just wanted to send you love. All I can say is you have 3 incredibly lucky children, you’ve gotten to this point so trust yourself and that you can tackle this new chapter in your life. We are stronger than we ever give ourselves credit for. You’ve got this

 

[Dollenganger]

So very recently my husband decided that he didn’t want to be me with me anymore. We have got 3 very young kids and I’m basically shattered. I work really hard at a full time job and he also works full time at a job that has very random hours, so I’m basically going to be doing this on my own and right now, I’m not sure how I’ll cope or what I’m going to do

I’m sure that there must be those of you who have been in similar situations, and as you’re my favourite people on the internet I’d love to hear how you’ve gone on when all you want to do is hide away forever. Any advice from people who have been there, done it, and now out the other side?

If I don’t reply it’s not because I’m being rude or I’ve just posted and dashed. I’ll be reading all of your replies, I just don’t know how they are going to affect my heart right now!

Thank you

I’m so sorry - you must be feeling really hurt right now. The first thing you need to do is make sure that practically, you and the children are getting everything you need. Make sure he’s paying the correct child maintenance etc. Don’t be pressured to be the one to leave the family home - that’s your children’s home.

I have been a single parent for most of my life, simply because I’m not good at seeing red flags in other people, especially once emotionally invested. I would say that for me, there are a lot of advantages. I have 4 girls. I have brought them up mostly by myself. We all get on well together and there are no arguments. I’ve had lovely holidays just with me and them. My older girls have had input from their dad, my ex husband and the little one who is 2 has contact with her dad at the weekends.

Can I ask how old your children are? Did your husband leave out of the blue? I hope you have family supporting you

 

[freshhead]

I don’t think there is much advice out there for me, but I just needed somewhere to come and write how I feel.
I am recently out of a 4 year dv rship (mental/emotional and sexual abuse)
I have a 15yr old son and a 3 yr old son, and we live 150 miles away from all family and friends. I haven’t made any new friends since being where I am over the past 4 years, and have no support network. My 15 year old turns 16 soon and is in his GCSE year, some days he is refusing to go to school and doesn’t want to put any effort in to his work. The school can only help so much. He rarely listens to me and doesn’t want to do anything in the house to help me. My 3 year old is just turned 3, and I am sinking further in to depression trying to get through every day.
Most days I don’t know where to go or what to do, we have no one to see or make plans with and I find it really hard to even get motivated to get dressed. He is a very active child, hard work, lots of screeching, screaming, tantrums and throwing things, it feels like a sensory overload for me most days and he is a child who wants my undivided attention all day, and most days I just want to run away and have no energy to just do things with him or even get him out for a walk.
My youngest sons dad has seen him for a total of 14 hours in the past 11 weeks, most of those times I have been the one to take him to his house while I went to do some work (I’m self employed)
I don’t have much work at the moment which isn’t unusual as it’s a quiet time of year for my trade, but the work I have booked in the future is mainly on weekends and I will struggle with any childcare, initially my eldest son was happy to babysit but he’s since told me he wants to get a job as soon as he’s 16 (understandable) so I don’t know how I will work the booked weekends as my youngest sons father is completely unreliable and unsupportive. I worked hard to become qualified in my trade and start my business, and now it all just seems a waste.
Over the past few years I’ve had intrusive suicidal thoughts and these are slowly making a come back. I just don’t know where to start picking my life back up, nobody knows how low I am, and the people I’ve spoken to in the past aren’t really interested, or just say things to me that make me feel even more stressed, like ‘can’t you just move back’ it really isn’t that simple (social housing) plus I don’t really have any friends or supportive family where I am from so I’m not really interested in moving back.

just wanted somewhere to write it all down, I know there are a lot more parents out there having it worse than me, sending love to everyone feeling alone xx

 

[candyland_]

You’ll quickly find a new routine. Make sure he has them an equal amount of time.

I’ve had my daughter on my own since day 1 so it’s all I know but I found it easy once I had a good routine.

 

[FakeSmile]

I’m so sorry - you must be feeling really hurt right now. The first thing you need to do is make sure that practically, you and the children are getting everything you need. Make sure he’s paying the correct child maintenance etc. Don’t be pressured to be the one to leave the family home - that’s your children’s home.

I have been a single parent for most of my life, simply because I’m not good at seeing red flags in other people, especially once emotionally invested. I would say that for me, there are a lot of advantages. I have 4 girls. I have brought them up mostly by myself. We all get on well together and there are no arguments. I’ve had lovely holidays just with me and them. My older girls have had input from their dad, my ex husband and the little one who is 2 has contact with her dad at the weekends.

Can I ask how old your children are? Did your husband leave out of the blue? I hope you have family supporting you

My children are 4, 2 and 12 months so it’s really tough! Thank you for your positive story, all I feel at the moment is absolute terror about how I’m going to manage to do this alone and right now if my husband suddenly decided that he’d made a mistake I’d welcome him back with open arms for that reason alone, despite all of the gaslighting that I’ve endured over the last week.

We have been struggling for a little while but it came out of the blue that we’d got to this point. We’ve been together for 15 years since we were teenagers so he’s all I’ve known in my adult life! It’s so scary going from that to being on my own with the kids!

 

[Dollenganger]

My children are 4, 2 and 12 months so it’s really tough! Thank you for your positive story, all I feel at the moment is absolute terror about how I’m going to manage to do this alone and right now if my husband suddenly decided that he’d made a mistake I’d welcome him back with open arms for that reason alone, despite all of the gaslighting that I’ve endured over the last week.

We have been struggling for a little while but it came out of the blue that we’d got to this point. We’ve been together for 15 years since we were teenagers so he’s all I’ve known in my adult life! It’s so scary going from that to being on my own with the kids!

That sounds horrible. Do you think he could have been having an affair? The only reason I say this is that men don’t tend to leave unless they’ve somewhere to go. I’m sorry that he’s been gaslighting you. It must all be very hurtful especially when your children are all so young

 

[Nwest]

My children are 4, 2 and 12 months so it’s really tough! Thank you for your positive story, all I feel at the moment is absolute terror about how I’m going to manage to do this alone and right now if my husband suddenly decided that he’d made a mistake I’d welcome him back with open arms for that reason alone, despite all of the gaslighting that I’ve endured over the last week.

We have been struggling for a little while but it came out of the blue that we’d got to this point. We’ve been together for 15 years since we were teenagers so he’s all I’ve known in my adult life! It’s so scary going from that to being on my own with the kids!

Hope you're ok and have support.x

 

[xLJ03x]

I’ve been a single mum right from the beginning. My daughters father has zero involvement and pays zero maintenance.
Allow yourself time to heal. You’re grieving for the relationship and the happily ever after you thought you were going to have. Allow your children to process this new situation, create a safe and living space for them to speak openly about their dad. Never bad mouth him in front of them, no matter how much you may want to.
Keep things consistent for the children’s sake. Allow him access and if he’s being difficult with you, look up the grey rock method.
Try to sort out your marital affairs and finances amicably….trust me, CMS are a piece of tit so if you can do it without them, my advice would be to!
Of course, all this is easier said than done when feelings aren’t involved.
Accept help and ask for it, there is no shame in that. See if you are now entitled to any financial help. There are some great Facebook pages for single parents, join them.
Finally, don’t worry and stress about whether you’ll be able to do this alone. You will. You are stronger and more capable than you think. You’ll find your groove and routines (routines are KEY!) and you’ll smash it. You’ll also feel pride like no other when you do succeed and you can say ‘I did that by myself’.
Sending love.