Looking for thoughts and opinions on eloping. Is it selfish? Have you done it? Did you regret it? Did your family ever let you live it down?
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I did. Eloped to Vegas with my partner of 6 years last February. I don’t regret it and neither does he; the only thing I do regret is that our children couldn’t be there, though they were only little at the time and wouldn’t care if I’m honest. I’m an introvert by nature and don’t like a big fuss. Husband is the same. The idea of a big wedding, the expenses, everything was always very daunting to me as I don’t have a big social circle and from being a bridesmaid at other weddings, I knew the work that went into a big day and how utterly exhausting and stressful it can be. I didn’t want that, I wanted to enjoy my day with the one I love, and we did.
We told no one until we got home. Most people were generally shocked and pleased for us as we’d put a wedding on the back burner for so long due to having children, however my mum wasn’t very pleased at the time (expected tbh, we’re not extremely close and she’s a narcissist who didn’t bat an eyelid when we got engaged and would’ve wanted to make it all about her). I say if that’s what your gut feeling is, to elope, then go for it. We had the best time, had some lovely photographs taken by a professional photographer and made some amazing memories but best of all, it was all so relaxed and natural. Good luck whatever you choose to do, it’s you and your partner’s day after all.
We told no one until we got home. Most people were generally shocked and pleased for us as we’d put a wedding on the back burner for so long due to having children, however my mum wasn’t very pleased at the time (expected tbh, we’re not extremely close and she’s a narcissist who didn’t bat an eyelid when we got engaged and would’ve wanted to make it all about her). I say if that’s what your gut feeling is, to elope, then go for it. We had the best time, had some lovely photographs taken by a professional photographer and made some amazing memories but best of all, it was all so relaxed and natural. Good luck whatever you choose to do, it’s you and your partner’s day after all.
There is an elopement thread here with some good discussion going on https://tattle.life/threads/eloping.4518/
Thank you both so much. So helpful.
No but wished we did, the day becomes about everyone else very quickly, which it shouldn't. I didn't want the big day or to he center of attention but hubby insisted on it, still regret it to this day as does he. Have a great wedding no matter what you chose 
I regret not eloping. My husband and I wanted a small wedding but his mother completely took over and I’d go as far to say as she ruined our day.
If you want to elope, I’d say do it.
If you want to elope, I’d say do it.
Me and my husband eloped to NYC. Best decision ever.. all my friends who are getting married now keep telling me they wish they did the same as they are stressing out so much about their own wedding. Wedding expectations have become ridiculous, and in some ways has lost its true meaning.. you’re paying a tonne of money for one day that guests would find something to critisise so why not avoid all that!! 
Just popping in to say there is a compromise!
I am (fingers crossed!) getting married next year in Italy, just immediate family and three lifelong friends each are invited. We have a wedding planner who is incredible and so we have felt zero stress planning the wedding, but the closest people to us can still share our day.
I am (fingers crossed!) getting married next year in Italy, just immediate family and three lifelong friends each are invited. We have a wedding planner who is incredible and so we have felt zero stress planning the wedding, but the closest people to us can still share our day.
Poted this on the other thread: we eloped earlier this month. Got married on holiday in Greece. It was pure bliss - swam in the pool before the ceremony, did my own hair and make-up (minimal, it was too hot anyway), the ceremony was super low key. Had an afternoon nap, swam in the sea and had dinner in a taverna with my husband. No stress, just a really lovely day for the two of us and exactly what we wanted. My biggest nightmare (along with children's birthday parties) is having a big wedding.
No regrets over not inviting people. We'll try to have a big party some time next year.
No regrets over not inviting people. We'll try to have a big party some time next year.
We didn't, but I wish we had. Interference from both sides means that we didn't get to have the wedding that WE wanted and when I look back on it now, it actually makes me feel really upset that I didn't enjoy my own wedding 
A friend of mine and her husband went to New York, got married there (obviously they had arranged paperwork etc in advance) and didn't tell anyone until they came home.
Another friend and her husband didn't elope as such, but they went to Rome, just the two of them and got married there. Her husband is the youngest of a big family. His mother is dead and his father is elderly and in a care home. I'm not 100% sure of the bride's situation, but I think there's some sort of friction between her and her sister.
They had a party in a local hotel when they came back for friends and family.
I'd say go for it
A friend of mine and her husband went to New York, got married there (obviously they had arranged paperwork etc in advance) and didn't tell anyone until they came home.
Another friend and her husband didn't elope as such, but they went to Rome, just the two of them and got married there. Her husband is the youngest of a big family. His mother is dead and his father is elderly and in a care home. I'm not 100% sure of the bride's situation, but I think there's some sort of friction between her and her sister.
They had a party in a local hotel when they came back for friends and family.
I'd say go for it
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We didn’t but I wish we had. The problem with traditional weddings is that they become all about everybody else, their wants, needs and how to accommodate them. Then if family contribute they think they have control and a say.
It stops being about the couple and about everyone else, which to me is missing the point.
It stops being about the couple and about everyone else, which to me is missing the point.
It is something we are considering too- seems a lot of plus points to it. But would be interesting to hear if any one has got any regrets about eloping? And wish they’d done things a bit differently?
My husband and I compromised as he wanted to elope and I didnt.
My reasons for not wanting to was that my 2 aunts and parents were too elderly and ill to travel. His mum has never worked a day in her life so he wanted to pay for her to come to the wedding, to which I didn't agree with unless we were doing the same for my mum and then the costs just start going up and up. Also I am too much of a control freak to not have been to the venue a few times etc, meet directly with florist etc. But I do know that there are some really incredible overseas planners who take all the stress out of it but it wasn't for me.
We had 16 guests at a small stately home in Essex. They specifically did an intimate package. So we just had immediate family, mid week with dinner after. You had to vacate the grounds by 6pm. So after dinner we hired a vintage coach to take us all pack to one of the families house and we had a little buffet and loads of drink. It was lovely and neither of us would change a thing about it.
My reasons for not wanting to was that my 2 aunts and parents were too elderly and ill to travel. His mum has never worked a day in her life so he wanted to pay for her to come to the wedding, to which I didn't agree with unless we were doing the same for my mum and then the costs just start going up and up. Also I am too much of a control freak to not have been to the venue a few times etc, meet directly with florist etc. But I do know that there are some really incredible overseas planners who take all the stress out of it but it wasn't for me.
We had 16 guests at a small stately home in Essex. They specifically did an intimate package. So we just had immediate family, mid week with dinner after. You had to vacate the grounds by 6pm. So after dinner we hired a vintage coach to take us all pack to one of the families house and we had a little buffet and loads of drink. It was lovely and neither of us would change a thing about it.
I would love to elope
The thought of having to spend £30 a head for people I’m not that close with to have a meal (e.g aunts) just sounds ridiculous to me, also the worry of guests taking drugs etc is too much! I don’t want a wedding here as I believe it would quickly revolve around other people
The thought of having to spend £30 a head for people I’m not that close with to have a meal (e.g aunts) just sounds ridiculous to me, also the worry of guests taking drugs etc is too much! I don’t want a wedding here as I believe it would quickly revolve around other people
My cousin and his long time girlfriend were planning a wedding for this summer. Over in Ireland (we are in England) she's Irish. They postponed it due to covid. In the past 2 year they'd had 2 miscarriages and just after they postponed the wedding they found out she was expecting. She's due very soon. And we all thought they would elope on the original wedding date. Which they did. And are planning a big party for when covid has died down a bit.
Do what you feel is right. You're weddjng is about you noone else.
Do what you feel is right. You're weddjng is about you noone else.
Question for those who did elope - did you guys stay together the night before? We are eloping in 3 weeks (hopefully 
) and not sure if we would be better spending the night before apart
) and not sure if we would be better spending the night before apartAs it was literally just the two of us, we stayed together the whole time. We walked down the aisle together.
Husband & I eloped in Gretna Green Scotland almost 5 yrs ago. It was the best decision ever! It was just the 2 of us who went, people knew but weren't invited. It was just perfect for us.
There was no stress, although I still had 1 person criticizing my wedding dress choice
but it didn't even matter because it's the dress I wanted and paid for so 
We stayed together the whole time. When I was doing my hair and make up in the hotel room he was there chilling and watching TV. It was just nice and relaxed
There was no stress, although I still had 1 person criticizing my wedding dress choice
but it didn't even matter because it's the dress I wanted and paid for so We stayed together the whole time. When I was doing my hair and make up in the hotel room he was there chilling and watching TV. It was just nice and relaxed
I don't think you can be selfish in regards to eloping. The day is about you and your partner, nobody else. It's about how you both would like to become a unit! Myself and my partner eloped and my mum was angry...she still can't grasp why I did it because now she will never see her "princess" get married 
.
If we want to we could always have a small celebration ceremony for an anniversary or whatever...I just think that decision is for you and your other half only.
.If we want to we could always have a small celebration ceremony for an anniversary or whatever...I just think that decision is for you and your other half only.
Yes 100 percent yes! We eloped to NYC best decision ever and no regrets! We told parents and that was it. NYC - city hall is the easiest and cheapest way to get married and I would do it all again in a heartbeat 