Self proclaimed empaths

[Begborrowsteal]

I think an empath and the type of 'nice' person youre talking about are seperate things.

Id definitely consider myself an empath. There are things I cant read or listen to because I know I wont be able to shake it off and ill be in tears or really angry. Especially with sad things, i can imagine how they must have felt and its so hard to shake. Im always to go to with friends who need to talk and vent. Im also emotionally unstable (BPD) so it could be that

I think weve all experienced the self-proclaimed nice guy/girl. Bellends!

 

[Sailorontheseasea]

I’m a huge empath and feel things incredibly deeply including other peoples emotions, reading people on a deeper level, perspective of how other people feel etc and similar to above poster I can’t watch or listen to a lot of things or even bring myself to think certain things as they’ll stay with me for a long time and I won’t be able to shake it off at all even if it’s fictional. I don’t think many people would call me that nice though, like I try my very hardest to be to my family and friends and strangers but honestly I’m a bit of a wanker to be fair

 

[LennyBriscoe]

So I know someone who would describe themselves as an empath , it gets mentioned often about how deeply they feel other peoples emotions but their actions suggest otherwise.
Something I've learned over the past few years is that if someone has to constantly affirm how "nice" they are they probably arent as nice as they like to think they are.
Just curious to know if anyone else has experienced people like this?

I think if someone repeatedly tells you their good quality or qualities, they’re probably trying to convince themselves as much as they are others!

 

[justheretoread99]

I 100% consider myself as an empath. (Also consider myself with some psychic abilities but that’s a different story )

I’m very good at reading people and knowing their intentions. I can pick up on peoples emotions too. For example, in a friendship group setting and we’re all having a laugh, I can pick up on one of my friends being upset/not themselves when my other friends can’t. & that’s not me saying “I’m a better friend” or “I know them better than the rest” because that’s not the case. I can just sense things others can’t. That’s how I’d describe being an empath. We just perceive others emotions more intensely and it can affect our emotions.

I wish it wasn’t the case with me, as I know when someone’s going to tell me bad news before it happens. I know when my friends are pregnant before they tell me. (So it ruins the surprise for me. I never, ever tell them “oh I knew” cause I don’t want to freak anyone out)

Id never constantly tell people how ‘nice’ I am though. I am nice, but I’m not perfect, I can be a twat sometimes but we’re all human.

 

[Begborrowsteal]

I’ve been reading a bit about emotionally neglectful parents/other difficult parenting “styles” and apparently this can result in the child developing a hypersensitivity to other people’s moods, which some call “empath” qualities, because even from a tiny baby you had to be hyper aware of mum or dads mood. (When ideally they should just always be in caregiving mode).

I’m not sure if that is accurate for those in this thread and I’m sure there are other reasons for feeling things deeply, but I’d be interested to know if that resonates!



this person sounds a bit like they may have picked up on it as a buzzword and is using it to try and seem more interesting though

Oh completely believe it. I grew up with only anger or despondency, so navigating emotions has been a huge learning curve. Hence the BPD. I get overwhelmed and burnt out easily as I feel like I soak up everything.

 

[Cloak]

I’ve been reading a bit about emotionally neglectful parents/other difficult parenting “styles” and apparently this can result in the child developing a hypersensitivity to other people’s moods, which some call “empath” qualities, because even from a tiny baby you had to be hyper aware of mum or dads mood. (When ideally they should just always be in caregiving mode).

I’m not sure if that is accurate for those in this thread and I’m sure there are other reasons for feeling things deeply, but I’d be interested to know if that resonates!

So I know someone who would describe themselves as an empath , it gets mentioned often about how deeply they feel other peoples emotions but their actions suggest otherwise.
Something I've learned over the past few years is that if someone has to constantly affirm how "nice" they are they probably arent as nice as they like to think they are.
Just curious to know if anyone else has experienced people like this?

this person sounds a bit like they may have picked up on it as a buzzword and is using it to try and seem more interesting though

 

[4tuhju]

So I know someone who would describe themselves as an empath , it gets mentioned often about how deeply they feel other peoples emotions but their actions suggest otherwise.
Something I've learned over the past few years is that if someone has to constantly affirm how "nice" they are they probably arent as nice as they like to think they are.
Just curious to know if anyone else has experienced people like this?

 

[Lanavalentine]

The type of person who goes on and on about it is usually either a narcissist or a snake oil salesman, not an empath. Run a mile if they start promising to heal you!

I think the vast majority of people have some level of success at reading others, picking up their moods, empathising with emotions, especially people you are close to or live with, or in media, topics that reflect your own experiences. I don’t think it’s a unique thing at all, and I do get annoyed by those who proudly declare themselves empaths and seem to suggest every other human being is just a totally insensitive idiot.

I tend to believe that the truly hyper sensitive learnt their skills via trauma as a survival technique (i.e. learning to read an abusive parent). It’s a sad thing really.

 

[judgejohndeed]

Yes I’ve known many people who are constantly going on about being empaths, all very OTT and usually they’re absolute knobs.

 

[Norfolking Good]

I work with a woman who is allegedly an empath and says she feels things much more than others.
She sadly lost her partner but unfortunately this seemed wrapped up in her own narcissistic tendencies as she continually tells people how her grief is much worse than everyone else’s, which you can imagine being told if you yourself have lost someone close.
One poor colleague got told her own husbands death was not as bad as her loss as she feels more deeply than her… in her case I think it is more a narcissistic issue than anything.
When my mum went into remission for cancer she burst into tears (bearing in mind she had never met her) and I had to comfort her. How did that become all about her??

 

[Sailorontheseasea]

Holy shit this me. Growing up was a bit like walking on eggshells at times. I don’t blame my mum was she was clearly mentally unwell but her way of handling it resulted in an ‘atmosphere’ around the house where you just knew it was better to stay out of her way. I definitely have that hypersensitivity to other peoples moods that you mention which can result in me feeling so awkward and probably coming across that way. Dunno if I’d class myself an empath though, not really thought much about what that means.

Can 100% relate to this. It’s exhausting. Taking things personally too when really it’s not your fault.

I do side eye people who go on about being this or that, I see the word empath being bandied around a lot at the moment. Usually if you are something, you don’t need to constantly seek validation by mentioning it all the time. Some people talk about being an empath as if they have a sixth sense that makes them superior to others and/or it becomes a personality trait. It’s boring.

Yes to all of the above. I’ve been really thinking about this thread and just as you said what being an empath really means. It is absolutely hypersensitivity to others and quite rightly usually after trauma etc etc etc. It is actually quite sad to reflect on that. The only other person who I would consider empathetic/hypersensitive in my life has had similar reasons to be so. I honestly wish most days I didn’t feel how I do but it has definitely lessened since moving to my own place and having my own kids, but I’m often starkly reminded of going back to that place after spending the day with people who make me feel that way. Being hypersensitive and absorbent of other peoples moods is absolutely fucking exhausting and it’s not something I’d wish on anyone.

 

[blackmasque]

I’ve been reading a bit about emotionally neglectful parents/other difficult parenting “styles” and apparently this can result in the child developing a hypersensitivity to other people’s moods, which some call “empath” qualities, because even from a tiny baby you had to be hyper aware of mum or dads mood. (When ideally they should just always be in caregiving mode).

I’m not sure if that is accurate for those in this thread and I’m sure there are other reasons for feeling things deeply, but I’d be interested to know if that resonates!



this person sounds a bit like they may have picked up on it as a buzzword and is using it to try and seem more interesting though

I have PTSD from a childhood full of abuse and neglect and I've have developed hypersensitivity to people's moods as a defense mechanism. [ I would absolutely not consider myself an empath though, it's more like when I sense even slight negativity I automatically put my walls up and close myself off emotionally from the situation. I'm probably way too cold but I don't have the energy to let myself take on anyone's emotions (there are a few exceptions to this, like my husband). ]

 

[Lanavalentine]

When my mum went into remission for cancer she burst into tears (bearing in mind she had never met her) and I had to comfort her. How did that become all about her??

Oh my god! Sorry but she sounds like an absolute horror.

 

[Norfolking Good]

I’m glad it’s not just me as some seem to fall for her guff and think she is harmless

 

[Bitofthebubbly]

I’ve been reading a bit about emotionally neglectful parents/other difficult parenting “styles” and apparently this can result in the child developing a hypersensitivity to other people’s moods, which some call “empath” qualities, because even from a tiny baby you had to be hyper aware of mum or dads mood. (When ideally they should just always be in caregiving mode).

I’m not sure if that is accurate for those in this thread and I’m sure there are other reasons for feeling things deeply, but I’d be interested to know if that resonates!

Holy shit this me. Growing up was a bit like walking on eggshells at times. I don’t blame my mum was she was clearly mentally unwell but her way of handling it resulted in an ‘atmosphere’ around the house where you just knew it was better to stay out of her way. I definitely have that hypersensitivity to other peoples moods that you mention which can result in me feeling so awkward and probably coming across that way. Dunno if I’d class myself an empath though, not really thought much about what that means.

Oh completely believe it. I grew up with only anger or despondency, so navigating emotions has been a huge learning curve. Hence the BPD. I get overwhelmed and burnt out easily as I feel like I soak up everything.

Can 100% relate to this. It’s exhausting. Taking things personally too when really it’s not your fault.

I do side eye people who go on about being this or that, I see the word empath being bandied around a lot at the moment. Usually if you are something, you don’t need to constantly seek validation by mentioning it all the time. Some people talk about being an empath as if they have a sixth sense that makes them superior to others and/or it becomes a personality trait. It’s boring.

 

[justheretoread99]

I work with a woman who is allegedly an empath and says she feels things much more than others.
She sadly lost her partner but unfortunately this seemed wrapped up in her own narcissistic tendencies as she continually tells people how her grief is much worse than everyone else’s, which you can imagine being told if you yourself have lost someone close.
One poor colleague got told her own husbands death was not as bad as her loss as she feels more deeply than her… in her case I think it is more a narcissistic issue than anything.
When my mum went into remission for cancer she burst into tears (bearing in mind she had never met her) and I had to comfort her. How did that become all about her??

Agree. Sounds very narcissistic personality disorder to me.

 

[jm234]

I have PTSD from a childhood full of abuse and neglect and I've have developed hypersensitivity to people's moods as a defense mechanism. [ I would absolutely not consider myself an empath though, it's more like when I sense even slight negativity I automatically put my walls up and close myself off emotionally from the situation. I'm probably way too cold but I don't have the energy to let myself take on anyone's emotions (there are a few exceptions to this, like my husband). ]

I am so sorry to hear that i have had similar experiences I get called the ice Queen I don't let anyone I had a partner and it got to serious I wouldn't say I am a empath either just a barrier I suppose

 

[Clairer86]

I think an empath and the type of 'nice' person youre talking about are seperate things.

Id definitely consider myself an empath. There are things I cant read or listen to because I know I wont be able to shake it off and ill be in tears or really angry. Especially with sad things, i can imagine how they must have felt and its so hard to shake. Im always to go to with friends who need to talk and vent. Im also emotionally unstable (BPD) so it could be that

I think weve all experienced the self-proclaimed nice guy/girl. Bellends!

I Totally agree! i think they are separate things, and like you i have BPD and i do consider myself very empathetic. i personally feel that being an empath is one of our bpd superhero powers

 

[Lizzie Mintdrop]

My ex SIL says she's an empath, she isn't, she's just unstable. She doesn't care about her children, her new partner comes first every step of the way and he is as aggressive as she is unstable. I think the main reason she says she's an empath is because she puts up with his terrible behaviour. Thankfully my nieces no longer live with her.

I do think there are empaths out there, my dad definitely had traits of it, he could always sense if something or someone wasn't right. He also knew my sister was pregnant before she did, all 4 pregnancies. However, I think people who pronounce that they are, without any of the qualities of it are just a bit unhinged

 

[Ennui]

So I know someone who would describe themselves as an empath , it gets mentioned often about how deeply they feel other peoples emotions but their actions suggest otherwise.
Something I've learned over the past few years is that if someone has to constantly affirm how "nice" they are they probably arent as nice as they like to think they are.
Just curious to know if anyone else has experienced people like this?

You poor thing. I know just how you feel.