Self confidence

New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
Hey

I had a baby at the end of 2019 and gained around two stone which I’m still yet to shift 🙄 (I lost a stone and regained it on holiday so starting again). I have lost ALL my self confidence. I must try about 7 outfits on on a morning and feel crap in them all.

I used to be a size 8 and felt great. I’m a 12 now with a proper mum tum and just hate the way I look.

I’ve tried buying new clothes and make up to feel better but I find myself feeling really teary most mornings and evenings when looking in the mirror.

I know this sounds ridiculous to some but just wondering what everyone does to make themselves feel better and gain confidence again?
 
  • Like
  • Heart
Reactions: 4
Don't beat yourself up, I still haven't lost the weight from my first is 2012 😬
That'll be because I like food too much but hey ho!

Seriously though, the best thing I've done for my confidence is find time for exercise. Its took 7 years to get over the guilt of doing it, but at least twice a week, more if possible I get out to the gym, running, a walk, whatever I can. Sometimes its 8pm and I go, but it's nice to have that me time. My weight still fluctuates, a lot, but just being able to do it has really helped my outlook. I've made a very good friend and most of the time we go together, to classes where possible because its fun. Or we run and have a chat. Its really made a huge difference for me x

Also, that mum tum is what gave you your baby, it's amazing for doing that!
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1
You need some me time to feel like yourself. Small baby steps to start off with. How about setting some time aside to read a book, pamper yourself, go for walks. Make yourself feel good and the retail will follow.

Ditch the clothes that make you unhappy. Wear the clothes that make you feel alive and happy. Your confidence might not be down to weight

If you want to lose weight, then go for regular exercise and eat healthy.
 
I know exactly how you feel. My son is now 2 & im 2stone heavier than i was when i was 9months pregnant.
I’ve gone up to a size 14, which i know isn’t massive. But just feel like whatever i wear you can still see the mum tum. I sometimes catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror & it actually makes me feel sick.
I’ve tried all the diet, i do alot of walking & have an active job but my weight doesn’t seem to go down.
Im having the implant taken out tomorrow so im hoping that will help, probably won’t but im just clutching at straws.
 
Hey

I had a baby at the end of 2019 and gained around two stone which I’m still yet to shift 🙄 (I lost a stone and regained it on holiday so starting again). I have lost ALL my self confidence. I must try about 7 outfits on on a morning and feel crap in them all.

I used to be a size 8 and felt great. I’m a 12 now with a proper mum tum and just hate the way I look.

I’ve tried buying new clothes and make up to feel better but I find myself feeling really teary most mornings and evenings when looking in the mirror.

I know this sounds ridiculous to some but just wondering what everyone does to make themselves feel better and gain confidence again?
I have heard this a lot from my friends with kids (I’m not quite there yet but maybe soon!) I think you have to find the root of why you’re lacking confidence. You mention weight and/or clothes so maybe you already have. Personally I don’t think happiness/confidence is attached to weight but I think it’s diff for everyone and sounds like it might be adding to the problem. As another user said small baby steps will help- could you join a gym with classes or even a pool (I hate exercising but love swimming!) or even just go for a few walks / light jogs a couple of times a week. You might find you don’t lose weight but I actually don’t think people need to, you might just find yourself toning up a bit! Even if you don’t actually change physically, I know very few people who say exercise doesn’t help them feel better. I hope I haven’t come across as patronising in this post (just re read it and not sure) but completely agree with another poster who said a mum tum is a gift as it’s given you your baby! Xx
 
I gained about 10kgs due to an illness 10 years ago and managed to get back in shape within the 1.5 years I was diagnosed. I know it is not the same and I was probably younger than you ( hence higher metabolic rate) but a few of the things I learned along the way would help anybody.
*Going step by step. I remember stopping ordering takeout for the first month, started cutting the carbs the next 5 weeks (our cuisine is heavy on pastries,red meat, pasta etc so that was hard). I tried to learn to control my appetite that way
*Anger eating was a challenge, realizing why was even more of a challenge. I was furious to find out basically my body will have an expiration date if I am not more careful and food was always a comfort tool for me. I had to let that go, practicing meditation helped a lot. You may have emotional triggers pushing you to over eat. Maybe look for those.
*Find a form of movement that you enjoy. I am ex athlete so that part came easy, I just had to shift to low impact ones. That might not be the case for you and that's ok. Maybe you can think about what you enjoy as a child? Trampoline jumping 15 min a day is great for easing pressure on knees while having the benefits of running, you can get one and start with a C25K running plan on that. I am doing that since lockdowns started in my country and it's fun. Swimming if you are in a warm climate. Cycling is great, it works both your core and legs if you do it right. The point is training large muscle groups because they'll consume more energy (eg. calories). But beware you cant train your way through all the weight. You have to watch what you eat.
*Seeing movement as a celebration of your capabilities instead of punishment for over eating.
*Having an accountability buddy, or at least a distant community. Maybe even you can pair up with people from here within similar time zones and you can report to each other on one nourishing good quality meal a day?
* Keeping the promise that you give to yourself. There would be back slides of course but remember about your long term intentions. Building trust with yourself works just like it works in any other relationship. You would look at actions, not words, if they are consistent it builds trust. If you say I'll start working on myself this week and keep eating chocolate for dinner for a week straight afterwards, you'll lose self confidence and start thinking I can't do it anyways.
* Accepting your goals might be not achievable. You might want to have 6 packs by the next 9 months but are you able to eat that much protein, are you genetically built that way, are you ready to make the sacrifice in time, money, delicious food to get that done? Figuring that out will be helpful in the long run imho.

I hope it is not too vague and it'll be helpful even if its just a pinch. I know being a mother makes it a challenge to take time for yourself but you are important. If you are not taking care of yourself mentally and physically, it would make it even harder
to care for your family. Also I am hoping I am not being presumptuous by thinking you want to lose weight, talking about body size etc etc. If you are not, feel free to ignore. Forgive me for making assumptions if I make you feel bad. I wrote this because I thought we have some things in common. I was weirded out by my own body because it was mostly pleasant
to walk in it all those years, I thought it was punishing me for no reason. I thought having a baby might be similar somewhat. You've built a person from scratch inside of you, there is nothing like it, but now you have mixed feelings about the physical aftermath of that process. Anyw8 I am rambling 😅😂Good luck😊
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: 1
I could have written this myself. I don't have any advice as such but just wanted to say don't beat yourself up too much. It's not easy to lose the weight after you've had a baby and things aren't easy right now so go easy on yourself xxxx