# Sarah's Day new cooking app exposed
# Overpriced subscription service with bland recipes that have barely been tested
# Unsubstantiated health claims to be attached (as per her CIN 3, SIBO, PCOS claims in the past)
# Teasers have included ridiculously unattainable, unnecessary and overpriced ingredients, likely to be affiliate linked through the app so she gets a kickback
# In typical Scuzzy fashion, she's done the least amount of work possible and is using trending 'health' buzzwords (GF/SF/etc) to get those $$$ flying in while she lounges on her beige couch
# And because she seems to enjoy the questionable 'borrowing' and appropriating of other cultures, she has opted for a name that is Thai in origin. Marketing ploy to drum up controversy or is she literally that thick?! You decide!
*sit in car and carefully position phone so that camera angle captures collarbone*
*tilt head just so and droop eyelids to feign vulnerability*
*press record and…*
Good morning SisSys. Sigh!
*droopy eyelids, check*
*collarbone, check*
*affected sad voice, check*
I was supposed to wake up super early and sMaSh out a super sweaty workout today but, right now, I need to be rEaL and rAw with you guize.
You guize know me and you know I’m always a super upbeat and bubbly extra small human.
*tug at sweater, collarbone pop*
But being a #milfbossbabemum is sOoOoOoO hard! I don’t think anyone understands how hard my life of taking pictures of my contorted body, getting regular injectibles into my face, and perfectly colour-matching my hair to Donald Trump’s is! That last one took some real effort!
I’m just sitting in my car outside the gym but couldn’t go in until I had a rEaL and rAw talk with you guize first. This is hard but I feel like I’m talking to my friends because I have no actual friends in real life and I wanted to be open and honest with you, my sissys.
You know I’ve been working on my latest sUpEr sEcReT cOoKiNg pRoJeCt since I was 2 months old.
I remember I would drag a stool up the kitchen counter and mix in agave syrup and poopy bloom and coconut aminos and come up with the most wonderful and elaborate desserts! I just knew I'd have a cooking project of my own one day! And that day has come: I haven’t slept in months because I was sMaShInG out recipes and force-feeding the disgusting outcome to Kurt to test for food poisoning. He’s been looking quite grey recently so I think the recipes are really working and clearing out his system!
Anyway, I did all that work, and Kurt repeatedly risked his life, just to make it all perfect for you my sissys. But now it’s all fallen apart. Because I’m such a milfbossmum that I didn’t safeguard the app details, so now it’s all been disclosed before I had a chance to hype it up and scam the most money out of you idiots!
*catches self, stops recording*
*Tilts head, starts crocodile tears*
*restarts recording, pops collarbone*
The phone cut me off, but I was saying worked SOOOOO hard to make this project perfect for my tribe because I know you guize really wanted to fork out a monthly payment from your hard earned cash, during the global pandemic and recession, to get the step-by-step guide to my sloshy slop made from the super-secret-proprietary sEzZy-approved ‘ED safe food list’ of 4 ingredients.It's sweet potato, courgette, half a banana and coconut oil by the way.
I worked SO HARD to cReAtE recipes that were miraculously loaded to the hilt with unrefined sugar in spite of the limited safe food list, and also had the magical power to cure every single disease known to mankind; well, apart from racism and homophobia that is! Kurt and I are firm believers those qualities make for great abz!
I even planned a second sPeShUl announcement where I would reveal extra sEcReT seasoning that turns everything I cook that appetizing grey colour you’ve come to associate with my meals! I get 1000’s of DMs asking me for that secret and I was so excited to finally share it with you guize!
*check camera angle*
*crocodile tears, stroppy voice*
Anyway, I don't to be negative but I wanted this secret project to be so perfect for you guize because I’m so real and raw, and I knew you’d want to eat just like me, because I’m your #milfgoals and there’s nothing greater in life than for you minions to aspire to be just like me because I’m so bleeping hawthave you seen me checking myself out in the mirror?
*tilt chin, take note of camera angle*
But now it’s all ruined because the information is out there, and you can judge for yourselves that it’s all just another sEzZy scam! You’ll know that the app is nothing but a massive money pit and those recipes are all plagiarized like every other thing I’ve done, and then marked up with the most expensive products on the market (because, affiliate links equals more $$$ for me), and of course once you subscribe, it’ll be hella difficult for you to unsub and stop the automatic payments coming out.
*note to self: cry, pout, make sure they feel you're cheated, but don’t forget to pop the collarbone like a milfboss*
I had it all worked out so perfectly to siphon your $$$ from you without you even noticing, but the hAtErS couldn’t just let me have another few million. They just had to get involved and expose my latest scam!
*strain, squint, push out more crocodile tears dammit. make them see I'm the victim!*
It's not fair the way these hAtErS are always attacking me. It's like they don't want me to be the speshul flower that I am. They don't want me tobodybloom! They keep trying to showcase my dodgy dealings! It’s so unfair!
Normally, I wouldn’t be so down because you know I never complain you guize, but I had to be rEaL and rAw with you today. I'm so upset that I dropped Focks off at my mum's house and I've put Kurt on to moderating comments on insta while I go sMaSh this workout.
After that I'm going to go radio silent for a full day to drum up concern amongst you lot and increase my engagement. Then I’m going to flood your feeds with Focks spam to deflect from this latest disaster.
Oh, a head’s up because I’m real and raw: I’m also going to be maniacally deleting, blocking and reporting all posts that mention that the app’s name is of Thai origin, because yet again, I did not bother to research it and do not care if I’m appropriating and disrespecting other people’s cultures. I’m just acting confident and you don’t dare get to question me! Honestly, if you sissy’s can’t tell that I’m a disgusting racist by now, then I really don’t know what else I can do to prove it to you.
Special mention to @ swiftie13 for the brilliant Sunee side up pun in your thread suggestion!
Thanks @Yel
# Overpriced subscription service with bland recipes that have barely been tested
# Unsubstantiated health claims to be attached (as per her CIN 3, SIBO, PCOS claims in the past)
# Teasers have included ridiculously unattainable, unnecessary and overpriced ingredients, likely to be affiliate linked through the app so she gets a kickback
# In typical Scuzzy fashion, she's done the least amount of work possible and is using trending 'health' buzzwords (GF/SF/etc) to get those $$$ flying in while she lounges on her beige couch
# And because she seems to enjoy the questionable 'borrowing' and appropriating of other cultures, she has opted for a name that is Thai in origin. Marketing ploy to drum up controversy or is she literally that thick?! You decide!
*sit in car and carefully position phone so that camera angle captures collarbone*
*tilt head just so and droop eyelids to feign vulnerability*
*press record and…*
Good morning SisSys. Sigh!
*droopy eyelids, check*
*collarbone, check*
*affected sad voice, check*
I was supposed to wake up super early and sMaSh out a super sweaty workout today but, right now, I need to be rEaL and rAw with you guize.
You guize know me and you know I’m always a super upbeat and bubbly extra small human.
*tug at sweater, collarbone pop*
But being a #milfbossbabemum is sOoOoOoO hard! I don’t think anyone understands how hard my life of taking pictures of my contorted body, getting regular injectibles into my face, and perfectly colour-matching my hair to Donald Trump’s is! That last one took some real effort!
I’m just sitting in my car outside the gym but couldn’t go in until I had a rEaL and rAw talk with you guize first. This is hard but I feel like I’m talking to my friends because I have no actual friends in real life and I wanted to be open and honest with you, my sissys.
You know I’ve been working on my latest sUpEr sEcReT cOoKiNg pRoJeCt since I was 2 months old.
I remember I would drag a stool up the kitchen counter and mix in agave syrup and poopy bloom and coconut aminos and come up with the most wonderful and elaborate desserts! I just knew I'd have a cooking project of my own one day! And that day has come: I haven’t slept in months because I was sMaShInG out recipes and force-feeding the disgusting outcome to Kurt to test for food poisoning. He’s been looking quite grey recently so I think the recipes are really working and clearing out his system!
Anyway, I did all that work, and Kurt repeatedly risked his life, just to make it all perfect for you my sissys. But now it’s all fallen apart. Because I’m such a milfbossmum that I didn’t safeguard the app details, so now it’s all been disclosed before I had a chance to hype it up and scam the most money out of you idiots!
*catches self, stops recording*
*Tilts head, starts crocodile tears*
*restarts recording, pops collarbone*
The phone cut me off, but I was saying worked SOOOOO hard to make this project perfect for my tribe because I know you guize really wanted to fork out a monthly payment from your hard earned cash, during the global pandemic and recession, to get the step-by-step guide to my sloshy slop made from the super-secret-proprietary sEzZy-approved ‘ED safe food list’ of 4 ingredients.
I worked SO HARD to cReAtE recipes that were miraculously loaded to the hilt with unrefined sugar in spite of the limited safe food list, and also had the magical power to cure every single disease known to mankind; well, apart from racism and homophobia that is! Kurt and I are firm believers those qualities make for great abz!
I even planned a second sPeShUl announcement where I would reveal extra sEcReT seasoning that turns everything I cook that appetizing grey colour you’ve come to associate with my meals! I get 1000’s of DMs asking me for that secret and I was so excited to finally share it with you guize!
*check camera angle*
*crocodile tears, stroppy voice*
Anyway, I don't to be negative but I wanted this secret project to be so perfect for you guize because I’m so real and raw, and I knew you’d want to eat just like me, because I’m your #milfgoals and there’s nothing greater in life than for you minions to aspire to be just like me because I’m so bleeping hawt
*tilt chin, take note of camera angle*
But now it’s all ruined because the information is out there, and you can judge for yourselves that it’s all just another sEzZy scam! You’ll know that the app is nothing but a massive money pit and those recipes are all plagiarized like every other thing I’ve done, and then marked up with the most expensive products on the market (because, affiliate links equals more $$$ for me), and of course once you subscribe, it’ll be hella difficult for you to unsub and stop the automatic payments coming out.
*note to self: cry, pout, make sure they feel you're cheated, but don’t forget to pop the collarbone like a milfboss*
I had it all worked out so perfectly to siphon your $$$ from you without you even noticing, but the hAtErS couldn’t just let me have another few million. They just had to get involved and expose my latest scam!
*strain, squint, push out more crocodile tears dammit. make them see I'm the victim!*
It's not fair the way these hAtErS are always attacking me. It's like they don't want me to be the speshul flower that I am. They don't want me to
Normally, I wouldn’t be so down because you know I never complain you guize, but I had to be rEaL and rAw with you today. I'm so upset that I dropped Focks off at my mum's house and I've put Kurt on to moderating comments on insta while I go sMaSh this workout.
After that I'm going to go radio silent for a full day to drum up concern amongst you lot and increase my engagement. Then I’m going to flood your feeds with Focks spam to deflect from this latest disaster.
Oh, a head’s up because I’m real and raw: I’m also going to be maniacally deleting, blocking and reporting all posts that mention that the app’s name is of Thai origin, because yet again, I did not bother to research it and do not care if I’m appropriating and disrespecting other people’s cultures. I’m just acting confident and you don’t dare get to question me! Honestly, if you sissy’s can’t tell that I’m a disgusting racist by now, then I really don’t know what else I can do to prove it to you.
Special mention to @ swiftie13 for the brilliant Sunee side up pun in your thread suggestion!
Thanks @Yel
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you rock.
