Happy Sunday Sissy bAbeS!
I have so much to catch you up on! Where do I begin?
Sorry I’ve been quiet on my instastories, but I held a Christmas party which is against the latest Covid regulations so I had to keep it on the q.t.
All of myemployees friends were there and they lOvEd my super special Christmas recipes that will be in my new cooking project!
Speaking of Sunee, the app will be launched just in time to exploit all the New Year’s resolutioners, Mwahahahaha!
I can’t wait for it to go live because I’ve worked sOoO hArD on it since I was just a toddler. It covers everything, from pasta-free lasagna to moisture-free muffins! I made Kurt taste every recipe and he’s still alive and kickingbarely so I know you’ll really enjoy these meals.
Disclaimer: Sarah’s Day Ltd. Is not responsible for sudden weight loss, pallor or obnoxiousness that results from subscribing to the app and forcing down the indigestible meals featured.
Oh, I’ve made some big life changes as well! I’ve finally blocked Kendal because she’s the younger, less plastic version of me and I just can’t have her overshadowing me! I must admit I was a little proud when I saw that she took a page out of my PR playbook, and spun the narrative to say that she unfollowed me and used that as click bait for her video. She’s been a good student.
Kurt has hired Tahlia to his team- because nepotism FTW- and she’s currently under apprenticeship to learn how to rip off the designs of other creatives and regurgitate previous campaigns under the guise of fresh, new, never-been-done-before visuals.
Meanwhile Tanika proved to me that she really belongs on my team when she called herself “Shaniqua”; it’s good to know myemployees friends share my racist and insensitive sense of humour. Don't worry guys, it’s an Aussie thing, like only wearing your shoes indoors.
I’ve also been super busy fulfilling my ultimate MILF fantasy of turning myself into a real life Barbie doll, which is why I’ve been getting botox top-ups every 2 weeks for the past few months. If you’ve seen my last dReAm campaign then you’ll see how close I am to achieving the ultimate living Barbie look! Don’t worry, I have it all figured out and my next super secret project will be: SD x Botched! It’ll be a big hit with my US followers!
Now we’re just preparing for the fitness retreat that will be the easiest payday we’ve had yet! We fooled the stans into paying to spend the week with us, but we’re actually only going to make 30 minute appearances on each day, and then have them babysit Focean for free!
Since we’ve invited them to celebrate his 2nd birthday with us, we’re certain that all the stans will bring him expensive presents and volunteer to look after him whilst I get some well-deserved me-time. I hardly ever get to take care of myself outside of my skin care routines, hair styling appointments, nail appointments, beach walks, gym sessions and injectable top-ups, so I can really use this break.
It’s ingenious, really. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it sooner. The only thing I have left to figure out is how to fake my thigh gap in real life without breaking my ankles.
But, I have to keep it rEaL and rAw sissys, not all is as rosy as it looks. @Nodi504 has done this terrible thing where she’s exposed all of my scams and brought the evudense to prove that I’m the most prolific and damaging influenza in the health and fitness sector right now (video below). Kurt and I spent hours stressing about it but then spammed our feeds with Focean pics, and now all of my scandals have been forgotten. Phew!
I just don’t understand why all these haterz have to keep exposing my scams. Why can’t they just let me make another billion or two at the expense of my blindly loyal and heavily influenced followers? It’s not like I’m doing anything ethically or morally corrupt oh wait, never mind.
I could go on about how I’ve been caught photoshopping my images to sell a false narrative of the effectiveness of my ebooks, OR how I single-handedly destroyed the reputation of Sabi + Soul like I did the window fitter and Hawaiian Airlines, OR how I’ve resorted to tokenism in my campaigns because people noticed I was silencing BIPOC and judging anyone who isn’t an XS, OR how my surfy, tradie grom of a son royally let me down by playing with a stupid truck instead of the tools we set out for him, but I’ve already posted 50 instastories in 10 minutes and ain’t nobody got time for that! Well, except for me as the only thing I have time for is complaining! Hey, it certainly beats engaging with Focean or Abby!
Okay, I’m going to sMaSh another morning meeting and pilates session before Focean starts being all demanding and wanting me to actually look at him again or Abby insists on going for a walk. Sigh, InstaMumLyfe is sO hArD. Lucky you’re cute and instagrammable Focean and Abby or I wouldn’t be putting up with this!
Notes:
Thanks @justanothertattlr for the title. It had 30 votes in the re-count so it's the one I went with.
Thanks to everyone else for their excellent suggestions. Please bookmark them and put them forward for the next thread.
I have so much to catch you up on! Where do I begin?
Sorry I’ve been quiet on my instastories, but I held a Christmas party which is against the latest Covid regulations so I had to keep it on the q.t.
All of my
Speaking of Sunee, the app will be launched just in time to exploit all the New Year’s resolutioners, Mwahahahaha!
I can’t wait for it to go live because I’ve worked sOoO hArD on it since I was just a toddler. It covers everything, from pasta-free lasagna to moisture-free muffins! I made Kurt taste every recipe and he’s still alive and kicking
Disclaimer: Sarah’s Day Ltd. Is not responsible for sudden weight loss, pallor or obnoxiousness that results from subscribing to the app and forcing down the indigestible meals featured.
Oh, I’ve made some big life changes as well! I’ve finally blocked Kendal because she’s the younger, less plastic version of me and I just can’t have her overshadowing me! I must admit I was a little proud when I saw that she took a page out of my PR playbook, and spun the narrative to say that she unfollowed me and used that as click bait for her video. She’s been a good student.
Kurt has hired Tahlia to his team- because nepotism FTW- and she’s currently under apprenticeship to learn how to rip off the designs of other creatives and regurgitate previous campaigns under the guise of fresh, new, never-been-done-before visuals.
Meanwhile Tanika proved to me that she really belongs on my team when she called herself “Shaniqua”; it’s good to know my
I’ve also been super busy fulfilling my ultimate MILF fantasy of turning myself into a real life Barbie doll, which is why I’ve been getting botox top-ups every 2 weeks for the past few months. If you’ve seen my last dReAm campaign then you’ll see how close I am to achieving the ultimate living Barbie look! Don’t worry, I have it all figured out and my next super secret project will be: SD x Botched! It’ll be a big hit with my US followers!
Now we’re just preparing for the fitness retreat that will be the easiest payday we’ve had yet! We fooled the stans into paying to spend the week with us, but we’re actually only going to make 30 minute appearances on each day, and then have them babysit Focean for free!
Since we’ve invited them to celebrate his 2nd birthday with us, we’re certain that all the stans will bring him expensive presents and volunteer to look after him whilst I get some well-deserved me-time. I hardly ever get to take care of myself outside of my skin care routines, hair styling appointments, nail appointments, beach walks, gym sessions and injectable top-ups, so I can really use this break.
It’s ingenious, really. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it sooner. The only thing I have left to figure out is how to fake my thigh gap in real life without breaking my ankles.
But, I have to keep it rEaL and rAw sissys, not all is as rosy as it looks. @Nodi504 has done this terrible thing where she’s exposed all of my scams and brought the evudense to prove that I’m the most prolific and damaging influenza in the health and fitness sector right now (video below). Kurt and I spent hours stressing about it but then spammed our feeds with Focean pics, and now all of my scandals have been forgotten. Phew!
I just don’t understand why all these haterz have to keep exposing my scams. Why can’t they just let me make another billion or two at the expense of my blindly loyal and heavily influenced followers? It’s not like I’m doing anything ethically or morally corrupt oh wait, never mind.
I could go on about how I’ve been caught photoshopping my images to sell a false narrative of the effectiveness of my ebooks, OR how I single-handedly destroyed the reputation of Sabi + Soul like I did the window fitter and Hawaiian Airlines, OR how I’ve resorted to tokenism in my campaigns because people noticed I was silencing BIPOC and judging anyone who isn’t an XS, OR how my surfy, tradie grom of a son royally let me down by playing with a stupid truck instead of the tools we set out for him, but I’ve already posted 50 instastories in 10 minutes and ain’t nobody got time for that! Well, except for me as the only thing I have time for is complaining! Hey, it certainly beats engaging with Focean or Abby!
Okay, I’m going to sMaSh another morning meeting and pilates session before Focean starts being all demanding and wanting me to actually look at him again or Abby insists on going for a walk. Sigh, InstaMumLyfe is sO hArD. Lucky you’re cute and instagrammable Focean and Abby or I wouldn’t be putting up with this!
Notes:
Thanks @justanothertattlr for the title. It had 30 votes in the re-count so it's the one I went with.
Thanks to everyone else for their excellent suggestions. Please bookmark them and put them forward for the next thread.
