Erimentha Parker's to do list
Chapter 3
We've reached our first antagonist, Kimberly. Her family spent the summer in Cancun, which must be the upper-middle-class equivalent of 2 weeks in an all-inclusive in Magaluf via Easyjet. She also has icy blue eyes; Ermientha has an unhealthy obsession with other people's body parts in this book. More on that later.
Erimentha is pissed that they stayed in their forms, missing vital classes where she could have harassed her teachers into reading her stack of book reviews. I hope these public servants belong to a union.
Her classmates are giggling. She introduces herself to the teacher and says, "I would like to apologise on behalf of our table for our behaviour."
EXCUSE ME? Who is bullying who in this story? It's their first day of school too, and this charlatan takes it upon herself to speak for the table? Is this an attempted coup?
Out comes the infamous Globalisation speech during the Geography lesson, and I'm starting to feel triggered by hearing a child repeatedly say to an adult, "Did you know?"
Erimentha decides to ignore Kimberly for the rest of the lesson as she made a smart-mouth comment (deserved, in my opinion) and after class she takes it upon herself to squeeze the teacher like an old lemon. The teacher suggests Erimentha write a presentation on the subject as a way of getting her to go away. Erimentha earnestly writes a list about it, totally missing the hint.
It's lunchtime and the school is serving the proles stodgy filth of fishcakes and chips. Erimentha being vegan, virtuously piles her plate with salad and so does a classmate after being shamed about eating ones seven-a-day. I double check that this is a book about others bullying Erimentha, and not the reverse.
Another antagonist, Izzy (note the cheap and cheerful names given to them - they are Lidl to Erimentha's Waitrose) deliberately spills water on Erimentha (at this point, I would have force-fed her a saveloy) but she sternly tells Izzy off and not to worry as she bought a spare uniform with her (because of course she has)
Kimberly accuses Erimentha of being a psychopath, accusing her of tripping Izzy during watergate. Erimentha denies being one - she's read the DSM-V and doesn't meet the diagnostic criteria, which is something all 12 year olds do.
I'm beginning to wonder if Erimentha isn't in fact, a dark overlord mastermind in this story.
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Disclaimer: this is a light-hearted poke at someone's creative writing exercise. When I was Ruby's age, I'd write a small chapter about my drunken uni one-night-stand(s)