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Gemgemgemgem
Well-known member
I do, however i don't have any past negative experiences so I'm unsure where it stemmed from. I always feel fake when giving praise and likewise, if anyone says anything nice or loving to me, it feels insincere and just awkward. I get told often by friends that I'm beautiful and it honestly makes me shudder. As for physical affection, don't touch me!
Anyway, ironically, I've been married now for almost 16 years and having my own children has made me somewhat different. I'm so affectionate to them and i give praise often. I love nothing more than hugs from them. They're teenagers now and thankfully i definitely haven't messed them up as they are so normal. Having them taught me to be more loving to my husband, but not to the extent he'd like. He's a real affectionate person and i still hate being touched. I can tolerate cuddling, rubbing (backs and hair etc), i enjoy holding hands but a long hug on the sofa makes me feel claustrophobic. Kissing is OK on the cheeks and top of head but a full blown pash would probably make me vomit. Sounds so cruel, my poor husband deserves a medal.
Anyway, ironically, I've been married now for almost 16 years and having my own children has made me somewhat different. I'm so affectionate to them and i give praise often. I love nothing more than hugs from them. They're teenagers now and thankfully i definitely haven't messed them up as they are so normal. Having them taught me to be more loving to my husband, but not to the extent he'd like. He's a real affectionate person and i still hate being touched. I can tolerate cuddling, rubbing (backs and hair etc), i enjoy holding hands but a long hug on the sofa makes me feel claustrophobic. Kissing is OK on the cheeks and top of head but a full blown pash would probably make me vomit. Sounds so cruel, my poor husband deserves a medal.
1001 others
VIP Member
I went through a period of feeling so burnt after a particularly nasty relationship ended so I do know what you mean.
Perhaps a good start might be telling your partner what you love about them at the end of each day, or at least compliment them on something they did that day?
Perhaps a good start might be telling your partner what you love about them at the end of each day, or at least compliment them on something they did that day?
I'm really not an affectionate person, I hate public displays of affection and I'm not really into "sop". Don't get me wrong, I'll hold my partners hand in public etc but it's often short lived and I'd never dream of standing kissing in front of a group of people etc. It makes me cringe when others do it!
I think you just have to find a happy balance. I like to keep things private so I'll privately tell my other half I love him, but that's as far as it goes really, I don't feel the need for gushing long messages about how much he means to me etc. I also don't find it necessary to do long gushing posts on social media or anniversaries etc.
If he needs more verbal reassurance, could you perhaps try getting to the bottom of why that is? Has he had bad relationships in the past? Is there certain things you should avoid etc to prevent him feeling like he needs further reassurance?
I think you just have to find a happy balance. I like to keep things private so I'll privately tell my other half I love him, but that's as far as it goes really, I don't feel the need for gushing long messages about how much he means to me etc. I also don't find it necessary to do long gushing posts on social media or anniversaries etc.
If he needs more verbal reassurance, could you perhaps try getting to the bottom of why that is? Has he had bad relationships in the past? Is there certain things you should avoid etc to prevent him feeling like he needs further reassurance?
TheRoyalHousekeeper
Well-known member
I find it really difficult to show my partner affection or speak ‘positive words of affirmation’
we did the love language quiz and he said he needs more verbal reassuring and I just find it so difficult to do
I do have a history of bad relationships (one being abusive) and endings so I don’t know wether that’s linked
does anyone else feel the same?
we did the love language quiz and he said he needs more verbal reassuring and I just find it so difficult to do
I do have a history of bad relationships (one being abusive) and endings so I don’t know wether that’s linked
does anyone else feel the same?
TheRoyalHousekeeper
Well-known member
both of these are the same for me, strangers I can give compliments to, people close to me I find it so awkward and I can even hear my voice doesn’t sound like my own!
And a long kiss - no way
when we first met he was way more confident and assured than he is now, he doesn’t tell me that or try to make me feel bad or that it’s because of me but I just sense it and the occasional things he says like he thinks it’s impossible for me to even think positive things about him and I feel like it’s damaged his confidence in himself.. whereas he’s always praising me in every way whether it’s to do with my work, my appearance or the outfit I’ve chosen to wear
I like to give and receive affection with my partner. I wouldn’t kiss his face off in public but we do hold hands.
We lay in bed watching tv at night and I’ll stroke his arm or we’ll cuddle and we say I love you before going to sleep. I’m a really cuddly person so would have a problem if I didn’t get the affection I like.
We lay in bed watching tv at night and I’ll stroke his arm or we’ll cuddle and we say I love you before going to sleep. I’m a really cuddly person so would have a problem if I didn’t get the affection I like.
Bleurghgram
VIP Member
If you’ve done a love language quiz, can you explain to him how you express your feelings through your language? Like give him real life examples of your actions. I’d think the point of knowing each other’s love language is to try and understand how to read them, rather than force your partner to use one that isn’t natural.
I’m a physical touch kinda gal and I’d say my boyfriend is acts of service so I’m on the other side of this. I do have down moments when I feel like I’m not getting what I need from him and I have to put the work in to understand the other things he does for me rather than losing it over how he forgot to kiss me before he left for work... It’s taken time and communication but everyone is different and no one is wrong.
I’m a physical touch kinda gal and I’d say my boyfriend is acts of service so I’m on the other side of this. I do have down moments when I feel like I’m not getting what I need from him and I have to put the work in to understand the other things he does for me rather than losing it over how he forgot to kiss me before he left for work... It’s taken time and communication but everyone is different and no one is wrong.
Sosig
Chatty Member
I can be a bit “go away - come back”
I love to love and me and my fella worship each other. I tell him everyday I love him but sometimes (usually when I’m due on
) I feel smothered by affection and want to be left alone.
We’ve been together nearly 3 years and I suppose it’s easy to get complacent but it’s just a matter of finding the balance and compromise.
I had toxic parents growing up and every relationship I’ve been involved with prior to the one I’m in now were bad.
I love to love and me and my fella worship each other. I tell him everyday I love him but sometimes (usually when I’m due on
) I feel smothered by affection and want to be left alone.We’ve been together nearly 3 years and I suppose it’s easy to get complacent but it’s just a matter of finding the balance and compromise.
I had toxic parents growing up and every relationship I’ve been involved with prior to the one I’m in now were bad.