Recap from the last week:
- building work is continuing on the doll’s house loft and it looks increasingly likely that their aim is to make themselves completely inaccessible to their many children;
- Rachel really misses Bubble Buddy Emily at weekends (when she’s with her boyfriend and their kids in her new house) even though she sees her all week and they do Fun Things together like seeing if Emily can lick her own hole;
- for advertisement purposes, Wobble is running, literally everywhere. In real life, he’s mostly sat in front of the TV eating cake and ignoring his siblings’ attempts at communicating with him;
- Tallulah has been on her period. She uses size 4-6 period pants (even when she isn’t bleeding) and we know this because her mother is an oversharing twatstick;
- every evening, when Rachel is a bad girl who doesn’t finish her tea, Josh spoon-feeds her until he is satisfied she’s eaten enough. Rachel thinks this is #couplegoals but we all just think they’re weird;
- DFS have #gifted Rachel a huge mustard-and-green velour-looking sofa (yes, it is as vile as it sounds) worth more than £2,000. We’re not sure why;
- it snowed in Devon at the weekend and Rachel promised the kids they could go to the moors to play until Josh looked in his special copy of My Big Book of Police Rules and realised that it would be illegal during Covid to do this. Rachel finally felt tit about Covid because it had the audacity to deny her precious moppets their fun in the snow. Bad Covid;
- whilst looking through her collection of tit wallpaper samples (£69 per strip, guys) on her home account, Rachel admitted that Wobble is moving into a bigger bedroom, namely Seb and Isaac’s current room, so it will be interesting to see which child gets his nursery (spoiler alert - it’ll be Isaac);
- when not being force-fed her dinner and taking non-essential trips to buy flowers, takeaway coffees and paint samples, Rachel mostly spends her time showering and changing bed sheets. She’s still a bleep.
