The amazing thread title was from the lushest bestie
@rainbowhouse who didn't intend it as a thread title, but we all loved it so it's happening!
Last thread recap:
- Rachaele Hambleton is a cunt.
- she doesn't work either full or part time, and can't be arsed to parent her kids and step kids.
- Joshua Marshall was dismissed without notice from Devon and Cornwall Police for improperly accessing the police database, and using a false identity to contact members of the public
- it was Linda's birthday, which meant she deserved a massive rambling post, filled with "me, me, me, I, I, I", and mention of being a teeny broken baby teenager who's heart was put back together by Linda's love and understanding or some bollocks. Anyway, happy birthday Linda, hope you didn't have to scrub too many skidmarks off the Patchwork shitters that day
- apparently the only "academic" work Wilbert has done since moving to a school that doesn't believe in teaching anything is some wishy-washy paintings, but it's ok because instead he's been learning to climb trees, oil wooden bowls (?), set and clear a table, and go on nature walks to look at stuff. So basically everything parents usually teach their kids at home as part of a family (apart from oiling bowls, because WTF is that?). He's also the oldest in his class and is mixing with 3 and 4 year olds.
- she's now crediting the pre-school that Wilbert went to for his development, saying that "when he started he was non verbal and in nappies, and they got him talking and potty trained". Hun, that's normal child development, and it might have all happened a bit sooner if you'd actually parented the poor lad instead of ditching him in another room with an iPad while you videoed yourself trying on bikinis
- she's got yet another freebie vacuum cleaner, has the ad deal with Eufy finished now?
- the big news on PatreCon is that she's going to open up the exclusive Patreon party to the plebs. Not because she's a greedy twat, just because she wants it to be as amazing as possible. Ok hun. But not only is it a party, there will also be a market place with lush businesses, glitter tattoos, hair styling etc. Whether any of this shit will be included in the ticket price is unclear, but what is clear is that if you can't afford it, you can pay using Klarna.
- Rango filmed herself laughing at Joyce while he tried to work out how to open the bonnet on the car. Maybe you had to be there.
- couple goals headed off to the Eden Project to see Ben Howard. Rancid managed to film them looking all candid and lovey-dovey (while obviously holding the phone herself)
- now it's Isaac's turn to have his old school slagged off. Apparently years 7-9 were a nightmare but he's done so well since they "pulled him out" (aka he chose to go to college instead, which is apparently not unusual in the area anyway). What a coincidence that 5 out of 6 children have had issues at secondary school, almost as if it isn't the school...
- the gruesome twosome headed off to a glamping break in a luxury bell tent with Edie and Wilbert in tow, despite the fact that Edie should still be at school. But why not reward her appalling behaviour with taking her out during term time?
- who needs safeguarding when you can share your son's entire school report (including where he goes and on what days) on your public account? Unfortunately, all it shows is that poor Wilby could achieve so much more than oiling bowls and making sandwiches if he wasn't held back by his mum's insistence that he shouldn't be in mainstream school 🫣
- Lula's passed her driving theory test, and rang Sloshy rather than her mum to announce the news. Probably because Ratshit spends every waking hour ignoring calls from her children and step children.
- Ratface and Tic Tac Teeth Tony went out with besties Lizzy and Austin, with Raq sporting a lush Adidas skirt which didn't at all make her look like the massive chav she is
- we're now getting "weekly updates" of the King and Queen of Chavs reading their diaries and chatting about them. Obviously the huns all think it's hilarious, while people with any brain cells find it excruciatingly dull.
- anxious, autistic Lula is working 13 out of the next 14 days to pay for the two festivals she's going to this summer. It wasn't long ago that Ronseal was talking about applying for PIP for her because she was struggling so much. And let's not forget last year when she went to Boardmasters and begged every single day for someone to pick her up because she hated it so much.....
- it's the first week of the school holidays, so despite being parents to 4 school aged children (two of which are apparently autistic), they've pissed off to Alicante (without any kids, obviously)
- Ratface shared a picture of Betsy with a caption that makes it sound like she's died instead of just getting as far away as she can from the clutches of her selfish cunt mother
- more filming herself while driving (while complaining that her new car isn't as good as her old car for cameras and sensors). Wilbert has begged to go to holiday club at his old school (even though he hated it, and both parents don't work). They're off to Camp Bestival at the weekend, but not in the campervan because they sold it due to not using it as much because the teenagers were running riot when they weren't there (so they now go away just as much, just not in a campervan
). A mum from Wilby's old school took him to a leavers assembly to see his old friends. She's delighted with the results of having her fanny hair removed by laser, and talked us through where it was gone, and where it's still growing back. She forgot the word labia (probably because she keeps using "vagina" when she means "vulva" so doesn't actually know the proper names for her body parts).
- she also told a long, rambling story about having cystitis AGAIN (to be fair, she hasn't mentioned it in while so it was probably time). Anyway, she had a call with the GP who told her she needs to pee after sex. She probably needs to start disinfecting her large collection of sex toys.
- it's time for Camp Bestival, and our lord and saviour decided to dress up as a.......tampon? Blood clot? Who knows, anyway she was looking like a dickhead in some red get up, of course the family group chat was hyping her up, telling her how amazing she looks (including Lula saying "Ur boobs look banging"). Joyce had to whip out his journal in the kids' tent, and she broke her phone camera by crushing it with her teeth while she was having a piss, so a great time was had by all!
- in some PatreCon clips, the happy couple had been arguing, and Sloshy gave the most insincere apology that Tattlers have ever seen, Ratshit believed it though so that's the main thing. They slagged off the kids for "not giving Linda a break" by looking after Wilby, while his actual parents were off sunning themselves in Alicante. How about not booking weekends away and just assuming that your cleaner will be available to provide free childcare?
- Rambo set up her phone to film herself and Joyce arguing at the WEBL packing centre. She was complaining about basically everything he'd done, including putting some rubbish in a box, and he gave a "wanker" sign to the camera. But remember, they don't name call and they love each other harder than any couple has ever loved each other before
- as well as throwing a party that she's expecting the huns to pay for, she's decided to rinse just that bit more out of them by doing an "intimate Q&A session" the night before, at a cost of £35 a ticket. In her own words, who does she think she is?!
- there were some long, rambling stories about Seb's car needing loads of work to get through the MOT, which Ratshit has paid for (IT WAS A LOAN HE'S PAYING HER BACK YOU CHROLL BASTARDS!). She then mentioned in passing that she couldn't talk about Isaac as he'd been doing something illegal
locals have reported that there has been a lot of arson in the area...
- the BIG NEWS is that Jo has finally had enough of sniffing Ronseal's thrushy vag, and is leaving the PTWM/Snatchwork Shitshow in September for a new job. Apparently she works on commission for the #ad deals she gets for Rambo, and those are drying up faster than a Tattler's fanny when they see Sloshy in his bucket hat and phone holder combo. So £20,000 a month from PatreCon and she can't even afford to pay her bestest bestie who's really lush and organises her life a decent wage.
- another episode of "nobody cares about your crappy journals" led to the revelation that Raq wasn't dressed as a haemorrhage at the festival, she was actually meant to be a crab. R & J have crabs, pass it on. Anyway, Ratface wanted to talk in detail about Joyce's method for having a shit in a portaloo, which included using her fanny wash and a flask of warm water to rinse his ring afterwards. Despite the fact he was clearly embarrassed and didn't want her to talk about it, she ploughed on
- Lula's decided to sell her ticket for Reading festival, and Isaac wants to buy it. Despite the fact he (in Rambo's words) "fucked up the last one". What went on at Boardmasters?
. Turns out he spent £300 on food but "only a tenner" on drugs. He was also vaping in the house, because he can't go for however long it takes him to have a shower without needing his hit of unicorn fart flavoured nicotine. But he's so healthy, going gym and eating loads of protein. And of course it's not her fault, it's all down to the shops who sell vapes to her underage kids. And it's FINE that Isaac's openly talking about buying and taking drugs, because she's such a
cool
parent that at least her kids talk to get about what they're getting up to
- she's also on the beg for somewhere for Isaac to stay when he goes to Reading festival, asking for "anyone who's got an Airbnb or spare room in the area". Tip top safeguarding there Rabies, asking strangers to put up a 16 year old child
- she wanged on about a disco ball necklace from some really lush woman who's giving "all the profits" to charity, except Ratfuck's necklace was kindly #gifted, so absolutely nothing going to charity there then.
- As well as Jo leaving the Snatchwork Scamshow, Jane has left and Dani is also going. What's going on, are the rats leaving a sinking ship?
- Wilby's birthday arrived, and despite Ratface previously saying that he was always getting new toys because he can't cope with the overwhelm of birthdays and Christmas so has them spread out through the year, of course he received a pile of gifts. He was taken off to the trampoline park where he proceeded to have a "meltdown", which he miraculously managed to briefly stop to check whether his mum was still watching. Don't worry Wilbert, she was getting it all on camera to share with thousands of strangers.
- Isaac got his GCSE results and passed everything he needed to (well done!), all thanks to the tutoring service she's been advertising. But it's ok if you didn't pass, because Rambo failed everything and now she supports her whole family by talking about her vagina online.
- in yet another journal update, they'd had a fight because Sloshy forgot to tell Rashflaps that she's beautiful
- they fucked off to Herpes Lodge with Wilbur, where they love going to switch off, be off-grid etc, but they managed to film an ad while they were there
- Edie's birthday arrived, with a photo of her looking about 18
no doubt there was hundreds of pounds of gifts inappropriate for a 13 year old
- more riveting journal reading from the gruesome twosome, which included a Ratchet Ramble about how terrible it was when Sloshy was a serving police officer and kept getting called in by anti-corruption over the fact she was talking online about how much weed Sebb was smoking. So a police officer was called in over his wife repeatedly admitting on her public Instagram that one of his children was engaging in illegal behaviour, and she doesn't think it was appropriate that he was reported for that?
But apparently now he's "unfuckable" (we all knew that already Sloshy mate, think you might have meant you're untouchable) because he doesn't care any more. More like because he got the sack from the force so he's not required to adhere to any professional standards any more....
- in Companies House news, Ratshit and Jo have resigned as Directors from REBL, leaving Sloshy as the sole Director, and Sloshy has resigned from PTWM, leaving R as sole Director. Wonder what tax dodge they're up to
- in other big news, Linda the Lackey might be moving out of the Patchwork House of Horror. Apparently Ratchet has cried, probably because it means she'll have to look after the kid she BEGGED Joyce for a bit more often
- over on PatreCon, she's starting a book club, even though she knows nothing about book clubs, how to run them, how often to hold them etc.
- yet another boring diary reading, and Ratface stuck out her bottom lip so far it caused a trip hazard across Devon, and burst into tears, telling Sloshy "you didn't cuddle me to go to sleep" like it was the worst tragedy that had ever befallen her life (even worse than when her mum wouldn't buy her the trainers she wanted when she was 14). They had a falling out because Joyce was pissed off at the kids having friends staying over (including when the resident kids weren't even there), and said that when they were away Lula had had 14 people round, who were sleeping in the other kids' bedrooms etc. Ratshit doesn't see a problem, Joyce doesn't think it's appropriate. When people called her out in the comments saying they agreed with Sloshy, she got defensive and said that she didn't mind because she wants to provide the house she needed when she was a teen and didn't have. So apparently what she needed was somewhere where anything goes, including drinking, drugs, underage shagging, no supervision from responsible adults. Sorry Raq, sounds like that's exactly what ,you had and you've never matured past it
- a long and rambling bunch of stories, including crying (and lying) about Edie. Apparently she went to see her dad on her birthday last year, and never came home. This was because she "didn't like the rules" at the Snatchwork mansion (Tattlers are unsure what rules this refers to, seeing as there are exactly zero). She said Edie had changed schools without her knowing and the school wouldn't speak to her as she wasn't on the contact forms, which is absolute bullshit because Edie was telling people on her last day of term 2 months before (when she was still living with R &J) that it was her last day and she'd be starting a new school in September
poor little Rashflaps barely saw Edie for months, and her behaviour was out of control, with loads of reports and suspensions from school etc, making out it was all down to her living with her dad, when the seeds were probably sown when she was still with R and drinking alcohol before school
- Lula went to a car boot and came home to show Ratchet and Sloshy what she'd bought. They proceeded to take the piss, saying things like "your nan would have that", and only paid any interest in a coat she'd bought because it was Helly Hansen
- more lying and crying about Edie, and how she was an excellent student in Year 7 (apart from the vaping, getting pissed in the morning, and constantly getting pulled up for her attitude and disregard of the uniform rules etc). Anyway, it was agreed that none of the teachers could approach her, as that's what upsets her, and after one day of this someone decided it was ridiculous and that plan needed to be scrapped. Of course this caused the Queen of Sharts to start waffling on about whether this policy was "trauma informed" and how it was unfair for Edie to be picked on like this, blah blah blah. Tattlers were left wondering what "trauma" Edie has been through, other than being dragged up by a pair of selfish dickheads and having her entire life recorded and shared since she was a toddler. Anyway, there was more wailing about not seeing Edie for so long, and Rashflaps said that she had shared all this because when it was going on she didn't know anyone else who didn't have any contact with their kid, and couldn't find the support she wanted. Really? What about Joyce's first wife, whose two young kids you stole and then blocked her from seeing?
- on PatreCon and running low on content, Rambo decided to film herself pissing on a pregnancy test (with the bathroom door open) as her period is SO LATE. Then she started whining about how she wasn't ready for this stage of life, despite having made perimenopause most of her personality and content for about 2 years
- Rambo's current preferred subject appears to be Edie's school, she filmed another bunch of bullshit in the car. Basically Edie fucked about for an entire year, and now that she's managed to attend school for a few days, Rabies thinks that the entire school staff need to be bowing at her feet and telling her how lush and amazing she is
she even shared an email that she's supposedly sent to the head, telling them they need to "seek Edie out and praise her for doing well". Because teachers don't have enough to be doing without fawning over one kid out of hundreds. She also went off on a tangent about uniform, because Edie had been pulled out of class for not wearing the proper jumper (of course Ratshit blamed E's dad, because she'd stayed at his house and couldn't find her proper jumper). She wore a black Nike jumper instead, where "you can't even see the logo because her blazer was over the top", and went on to say that she thinks all uniforms should be scrapped and the kids should just wear black and white "no logos, no brands so the poor kids aren't singled out".
- Sloshy's losing his shit in the family group chat, telling all the kids that they MUST let him know whether they'll be home for tea by a certain time, or they WILL NOT be cooked for. Tell me you've got no control over anything in your life, without telling me. Of course, his loving and supportive wife took the piss.
- Ratface had a mate round (probably the lushest bestie that she's known since they were both still in utero or something) and filmed a load of stories of them drunkenly dancing around and miming songs like a cringey pair of twats. Isaac and Edie got involved as well.
- while rambling at the camera in the car (thankfully not driving this time), Rabies complained about the traffic making her late to drop Edie off at school. She went on to say that Isaac and Lula both missed their first week of college due to "making bad decisions the weekend before"
- she shared some bullshit that she'd written about when she was with her first husband, and how one of her lush besties witnessed him holding her by the throat against the wall of the house, and just drove away. Sure she did
- on the latest episode of the divorce diaries, Sloshy had a nice new t-shirt with Part Time Working Mummy on the front, and Staff on the back. Massive ick. They went to see the Oasis film and Sloshy was so overcome with nostalgia for his life back in the 90s that he bawled his eyes out. Rabies also revealed that Sloshy can't cope shitting in the house when it's busy, so toddles off to the public toilets down the road and pays 30p to shit in peace. Has he been barred from Sainsbury's?
- in one of her most outlandish lies yet, Rashflaps claimed that when she was 21 she was employed by Social Services as a nanny to a family whose child had been removed due to sexual abuse. In this totally real and not at all made up job, she was shown paperwork pertaining to said child's abuse (even though they had been removed from the family and the Queen of Sharts never even met her). Then 20 years later the child she never met just happened to reach out to her online and they met for a coffee, whereupon said child showed her yet more paperwork pertaining to that abuse. Sure she did grandma, let's get you back to your care home, because you're clearly fucking delusional
If you are new, please read the wiki (pink button at the top) and if you are in need of support or advice in relation to domestic abuse, there are some links and helplines listed at the bottom of the wiki page
although I am desperate to know what he said, because she whined that "you make it really personal, and you don't stop at just one thing".
