PTWM #153 Coat from VB, Fanny full of BV

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New thread title thanks to @Eyes Wide Open Now πŸ₯³πŸ₯³πŸ₯³ I would send Evri Kevri over with some freebies for you, but you can pop down to the Patchwork Launderette and collect your own vouchers!

Last thread recap:
- Greasy Haired Gladys is still a bleep.
- she doesn't work either full or part time, and can't be arsed to parent her kids and step kids.
- on PatreCON, she had a MASSIVE rant about trying to get accomodation for a lady who was homeless following leaving an abusive relationship. She was scathing about the fact it was "a MAN" on the phone at the council (they exist Rambo, and lots of them have jobs, who'd have thought). Obviously it was Lianne doing the actual work, because Racket doesn't get her hands dirty. Considering Sandra the Saviour has been working to rescue abused women for all these years, it shouldn't be a surprise that the local council can't just magic up a house or flat out of thin air. She then started fake crying because this woman was housed in a room in a mixed block "surrounded by MEN". Lianne had to go to the supermarket and buy her toiletries and food, start the countdown to a beg for donations for emergency packs "so we can have this stuff ready to go" πŸ™„
- once the attention seeking fake crying over the state of services was done, she merrily headed out to celebrate her and Sloshy's anniversary, sporting her new Β£950 Mulberry bag (which apparently No Job Norman bought as a surprise, although how he managed it while being unemployed is anyone's guess).
- Sunday brought a quick beg for someone to come to the centre and do a wreath making course "for the women". This will be the same women who very well may be living in temporary accommodation, and not have a front door to hang a wreath on.
- then it was "dump the kids and piss off round to Arsetrid's for a roast", with Rashflaps telling Simon all about how they didn't wake up until quarter to ten. What parents who have 6 kids between them, including one toddler with alleged additional needs, lounges in bed until 9:45? Oh yeah, the ones who built themselves an illegal bedroom on a different floor to all of them.
- meanwhile, Bratsy and Lula were looking after Wilbert (even though Rectum can't get out of the house without him kicking off and taking chunks out of her), and dressed themselves and him like matching beige chavs.
- Bratsy's been to the optician, and was shocked to discover that now she's 18 she has to pay for an eye test and glasses.
- then Raffleticket went into a ramble about cleaning the house while Sloshy was out, old Linda the Lackey can't be very good seeing as she's in there every day wandering around with the duster 🀷 this then naturally led into a story about having stepped in a dog turd outside the launderette the other day, and tracking it across the floor. The moral of the story - being Rancho's paid mates involves clearing up dog tit off the floor, even though she tracked it in to HER centre. Dani (who had been crying when Ratchet walked in) was picking it up while Toothy Tina videoed and whined about having stepped in it in her bare feet.
- More footage from Arsetrid's, and she'd jumped on the butter board bandwagon, which she saw on Tik Tok. Rumbaba screeched "Tik Tok! I need to get on Tik Tok" like she hasn't already been on there.
- Slurring Sloshy, probably already several red wines down, was complaining about police dramas that aren't realistic. Like he'd know what a major incident room looks like, having spent his police career helping hedgehogs across the road and cautioning seagulls for stealing chips.
- Beggy bleeping Mitchell is back again, with a "hurting heart" because a load of women rocked up at the centre because it's half term, and their treat for the kids was coming there to play with the toys and do colouring (and choke on a worry doll or two). Apparently they're all asking for jumpers to keep warm - hasn't she got an entire room full of her cast off clothes to give away free? Oh sorry, none of it is Hype so the women can't have it, sorry babes, no Gucci for you! So like last Christmas, she's on the scrounge for vouchers on an Amazon wish list. Including Costa, so the women can take their kids out and "make a day of it". Also on the list are vouchers for Currys, Foot Locker, ASOS. Just what women fleeing abuse who have nothing but the clothes on their back need πŸ™„ the total amount of vouchers being asked for is a measly Β£30,000, or 6 watches for Roast Dinner Ronald
- following the big beg (which included links to the PatreCON and the tat shop), she went straight to an advert for some overpriced hair tit. Raq mate, if it makes my hair looks as flat and greasy as yours, I'll stick with my Herbal Essences, ta.
- Safeguarding Susan went on to share a post with a certificate (knocked up on Word and printed on the cheapest paper she could find) showing the name of someone who's attended the "trauma course".
- Bratsy shared some videos of encouraging (non-verbal) Wobbler attempting to say "duck". Keeping it classy as always.
- it's half term, so Earth Mother Edna packed some of the kids (in Hunter wellies and North Face jackets, of course) into the car and off to a pumpkin patch. Only the ones who'd actually come out of her magnificent womb of course, the boys were nowhere to be seen. Pindick Pete was rambling on about pheasants and how in about a month they'll be shot TO DEATH. FYI, the shooting season already started over a month ago, which of course he'd know, being Mr wildlife expert πŸ™„ a dog had wandered over and sat next to him, so he posed with it to try and prove he does like dogs really (despite previously saying he'd have Winston and Ethel put down). Yet again Bratsy and Lula were arguing and whining at each other, with their mum just filming and asking her own (very sick) mum to stop them. Edie was wandering around in a crop top, and Wilbert kept saying "baby" because he'd found a tiny pumpkin, but he was ignored. BeKind said something about travelling, and Lula replied with "you're not really travelling are you, the furthest you're going is Liverpool" oooh the burn πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ Wilbert picked a pumpkin, and Fungus Fanny kept saying"he doesn't like the mud, he won't touch the mud, he hates mud." He proved her wrong by touching the muddy pumpkin without any issues whatsoever 🀷
- Head Chef Helen cooked an amazing meal for an ad - tomato chilli pasta. Which consisted of pasta, an onion, and one jar of sauce. Hardly Michelin star worthy stuff (and nowhere near enough food for a family of 8, but apparently it's one of their staples that the kids all love).
- oh look, is that a passing bandwagon calling out Kanye West for being anti Semitic? Pull over and let Saviour Sandra jump on please!
- back at the pumpkin patch, Slosh pretended he was a cop looking for Ruffle's missing mum - "white female, around 5'4, prone to falling over a lot". Yes, let's all take the piss out of the woman who has cancer. Although this is the man who laughed along and joined in when his pretend mate Simon took the piss out of their level 3 autistic toddler that time.
- on PatreCON, highlights included Edie in the car saying she needed a wee so badly that she felt like her fanny was going to explode πŸ˜΅β€πŸ’« and Rabid on a pretend Zoom call to the family courts, acting as an advisor telling them all about how horrendous it is, including some fake crying when she remembered she was being filmed (our secret spy was sure that the whole thing was fake and she was talking to a blank screen).
- over on Facebook, on a local Spotted page someone posted about Morrisons giving out free jacket spuds in the cafe. In the comments, people were trolling but in a way that Rumba can't complain about trolling πŸ˜‚ saying how amazing she is, because she'll be giving out food parcels and Β£30,000 worth of vouchers for treats πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
- #couplegoals Slosh 'n' Wrecks are off to London, without the kids (obviously), but with PA/Dogsbody Jo (to make it look like it's "work"). I mean, if you were your own boss and you liked your kids and step kids, you probably wouldn't book "work trips" during the school holidays, and if you'd packed in your job to "look after the kids" you probably wouldn't tag along on these unnecessary jaunts, would you? Anyway, Ratshit looked amazing as always, with greasy hair, a ridiculous VB purple jacket (£929), and the new Mulberry handbag (£950) on display. Mangina Malcolm tried to assert himself in the group chat, by telling Betsy and/or Seb off for leaving a towel on the floor in the downstairs shower room. I mean, it looks like they were just styling it to match in with the tiles that look tit stained 🀷 anyway Slosh mate, they don't listen to you when you're there, what makes you think they might pay attention when you're not?
- on the train, Boring Brian droned on in his monotone voice about some bollocks while Rancid and Jo sat like a pair of schoolgirls. Forts and pears to anyone who had to share a train carriage with those bastards
- Rambo's got a couple of meetings to go to, again begging the question of why she needed to take Foreskin Free Fred with his little notebook.
- Jo earned her next bonus by snapping a picture of the gruesome twosome loving each other the hardest in the train station, but instead of the loving, romantic look they were no doubt aiming for, they looked more like a pair of homeless spice heads in my local town centre.
- Sloshy again tried to lay down the law from afar, saying that nobody could stay over. See the earlier point about none of the kids paying him any attention at any time.



Just a reminder that a D&C police officer was dismissed for misconduct, with the date of this article being the same date as a certain person started their career break...πŸ‘€

Running total of overnight breaks away since Joyce started his career break on 15 June:
Night at Herpes Lodge (midweek)
Night in Exeter (Saturday)
Night in London (midweek)
Joyce's birthday - one night at Boringdon Hall (midweek), then two nights (Friday and Saturday) in a lodge in Cornwall with Arsetrid and Simon.
October - Herpes Lodge (weekend)
October half term - midweek night in London (with desperado PA Jo)


If you are new, please read the wiki (pink button at the top) and if you are in need of support or advice in relation to domestic abuse, there are some links and helplines listed at the bottom of the wiki page
 

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New thread title thanks to @Eyes Wide Open Now πŸ₯³πŸ₯³πŸ₯³ I would send Evri Kevri over with some freebies for you, but you can pop down to the Patchwork Launderette and collect your own vouchers!

Last thread recap:
- Greasy Haired Gladys is still a bleep.
- she doesn't work either full or part time, and can't be arsed to parent her kids and step kids.
- on PatreCON, she had a MASSIVE rant about trying to get accomodation for a lady who was homeless following leaving an abusive relationship. She was scathing about the fact it was "a MAN" on the phone at the council (they exist Rambo, and lots of them have jobs, who'd have thought). Obviously it was Lianne doing the actual work, because Racket doesn't get her hands dirty. Considering Sandra the Saviour has been working to rescue abused women for all these years, it shouldn't be a surprise that the local council can't just magic up a house or flat out of thin air. She then started fake crying because this woman was housed in a room in a mixed block "surrounded by MEN". Lianne had to go to the supermarket and buy her toiletries and food, start the countdown to a beg for donations for emergency packs "so we can have this stuff ready to go" πŸ™„
- once the attention seeking fake crying over the state of services was done, she merrily headed out to celebrate her and Sloshy's anniversary, sporting her new Β£950 Mulberry bag (which apparently No Job Norman bought as a surprise, although how he managed it while being unemployed is anyone's guess).
- Sunday brought a quick beg for someone to come to the centre and do a wreath making course "for the women". This will be the same women who very well may be living in temporary accommodation, and not have a front door to hang a wreath on.
- then it was "dump the kids and piss off round to Arsetrid's for a roast", with Rashflaps telling Simon all about how they didn't wake up until quarter to ten. What parents who have 6 kids between them, including one toddler with alleged additional needs, lounges in bed until 9:45? Oh yeah, the ones who built themselves an illegal bedroom on a different floor to all of them.
- meanwhile, Bratsy and Lula were looking after Wilbert (even though Rectum can't get out of the house without him kicking off and taking chunks out of her), and dressed themselves and him like matching beige chavs.
- Bratsy's been to the optician, and was shocked to discover that now she's 18 she has to pay for an eye test and glasses.
- then Raffleticket went into a ramble about cleaning the house while Sloshy was out, old Linda the Lackey can't be very good seeing as she's in there every day wandering around with the duster 🀷 this then naturally led into a story about having stepped in a dog turd outside the launderette the other day, and tracking it across the floor. The moral of the story - being Rancho's paid mates involves clearing up dog tit off the floor, even though she tracked it in to HER centre. Dani (who had been crying when Ratchet walked in) was picking it up while Toothy Tina videoed and whined about having stepped in it in her bare feet.
- More footage from Arsetrid's, and she'd jumped on the butter board bandwagon, which she saw on Tik Tok. Rumbaba screeched "Tik Tok! I need to get on Tik Tok" like she hasn't already been on there.
- Slurring Sloshy, probably already several red wines down, was complaining about police dramas that aren't realistic. Like he'd know what a major incident room looks like, having spent his police career helping hedgehogs across the road and cautioning seagulls for stealing chips.
- Beggy bleeping Mitchell is back again, with a "hurting heart" because a load of women rocked up at the centre because it's half term, and their treat for the kids was coming there to play with the toys and do colouring (and choke on a worry doll or two). Apparently they're all asking for jumpers to keep warm - hasn't she got an entire room full of her cast off clothes to give away free? Oh sorry, none of it is Hype so the women can't have it, sorry babes, no Gucci for you! So like last Christmas, she's on the scrounge for vouchers on an Amazon wish list. Including Costa, so the women can take their kids out and "make a day of it". Also on the list are vouchers for Currys, Foot Locker, ASOS. Just what women fleeing abuse who have nothing but the clothes on their back need πŸ™„ the total amount of vouchers being asked for is a measly Β£30,000, or 6 watches for Roast Dinner Ronald
- following the big beg (which included links to the PatreCON and the tat shop), she went straight to an advert for some overpriced hair tit. Raq mate, if it makes my hair looks as flat and greasy as yours, I'll stick with my Herbal Essences, ta.
- Safeguarding Susan went on to share a post with a certificate (knocked up on Word and printed on the cheapest paper she could find) showing the name of someone who's attended the "trauma course".
- Bratsy shared some videos of encouraging (non-verbal) Wobbler attempting to say "duck". Keeping it classy as always.
- it's half term, so Earth Mother Edna packed some of the kids (in Hunter wellies and North Face jackets, of course) into the car and off to a pumpkin patch. Only the ones who'd actually come out of her magnificent womb of course, the boys were nowhere to be seen. Pindick Pete was rambling on about pheasants and how in about a month they'll be shot TO DEATH. FYI, the shooting season already started over a month ago, which of course he'd know, being Mr wildlife expert πŸ™„ a dog had wandered over and sat next to him, so he posed with it to try and prove he does like dogs really (despite previously saying he'd have Winston and Ethel put down). Yet again Bratsy and Lula were arguing and whining at each other, with their mum just filming and asking her own (very sick) mum to stop them. Edie was wandering around in a crop top, and Wilbert kept saying "baby" because he'd found a tiny pumpkin, but he was ignored. BeKind said something about travelling, and Lula replied with "you're not really travelling are you, the furthest you're going is Liverpool" oooh the burn πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ Wilbert picked a pumpkin, and Fungus Fanny kept saying"he doesn't like the mud, he won't touch the mud, he hates mud." He proved her wrong by touching the muddy pumpkin without any issues whatsoever 🀷
- Head Chef Helen cooked an amazing meal for an ad - tomato chilli pasta. Which consisted of pasta, an onion, and one jar of sauce. Hardly Michelin star worthy stuff (and nowhere near enough food for a family of 8, but apparently it's one of their staples that the kids all love).
- oh look, is that a passing bandwagon calling out Kanye West for being anti Semitic? Pull over and let Saviour Sandra jump on please!
- back at the pumpkin patch, Slosh pretended he was a cop looking for Ruffle's missing mum - "white female, around 5'4, prone to falling over a lot". Yes, let's all take the piss out of the woman who has cancer. Although this is the man who laughed along and joined in when his pretend mate Simon took the piss out of their level 3 autistic toddler that time.
- on PatreCON, highlights included Edie in the car saying she needed a wee so badly that she felt like her fanny was going to explode πŸ˜΅β€πŸ’« and Rabid on a pretend Zoom call to the family courts, acting as an advisor telling them all about how horrendous it is, including some fake crying when she remembered she was being filmed (our secret spy was sure that the whole thing was fake and she was talking to a blank screen).
- over on Facebook, on a local Spotted page someone posted about Morrisons giving out free jacket spuds in the cafe. In the comments, people were trolling but in a way that Rumba can't complain about trolling πŸ˜‚ saying how amazing she is, because she'll be giving out food parcels and Β£30,000 worth of vouchers for treats πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
- #couplegoals Slosh 'n' Wrecks are off to London, without the kids (obviously), but with PA/Dogsbody Jo (to make it look like it's "work"). I mean, if you were your own boss and you liked your kids and step kids, you probably wouldn't book "work trips" during the school holidays, and if you'd packed in your job to "look after the kids" you probably wouldn't tag along on these unnecessary jaunts, would you? Anyway, Ratshit looked amazing as always, with greasy hair, a ridiculous VB purple jacket (£929), and the new Mulberry handbag (£950) on display. Mangina Malcolm tried to assert himself in the group chat, by telling Betsy and/or Seb off for leaving a towel on the floor in the downstairs shower room. I mean, it looks like they were just styling it to match in with the tiles that look tit stained 🀷 anyway Slosh mate, they don't listen to you when you're there, what makes you think they might pay attention when you're not?
- on the train, Boring Brian droned on in his monotone voice about some bollocks while Rancid and Jo sat like a pair of schoolgirls. Forts and pears to anyone who had to share a train carriage with those bastards
- Rambo's got a couple of meetings to go to, again begging the question of why she needed to take Foreskin Free Fred with his little notebook.
- Jo earned her next bonus by snapping a picture of the gruesome twosome loving each other the hardest in the train station, but instead of the loving, romantic look they were no doubt aiming for, they looked more like a pair of homeless spice heads in my local town centre.
- Sloshy again tried to lay down the law from afar, saying that nobody could stay over. See the earlier point about none of the kids paying him any attention at any time.



Just a reminder that a D&C police officer was dismissed for misconduct, with the date of this article being the same date as a certain person started their career break...πŸ‘€

Running total of overnight breaks away since Joyce started his career break on 15 June:
Night at Herpes Lodge (midweek)
Night in Exeter (Saturday)
Night in London (midweek)
Joyce's birthday - one night at Boringdon Hall (midweek), then two nights (Friday and Saturday) in a lodge in Cornwall with Arsetrid and Simon.
October - Herpes Lodge (weekend)
October half term - midweek night in London (with desperado PA Jo)


If you are new, please read the wiki (pink button at the top) and if you are in need of support or advice in relation to domestic abuse, there are some links and helplines listed at the bottom of the wiki page
super recap 😘β™₯
those overnight breaks are stepping up again!
 
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Fab recap again, I only flit in and out these days and no longer follow her so rely on you. Thanks.
 
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Amazing recap as always! Particularly liked the reference to Paignton's no. 1 celebrity couple as looking like a pair of homeless spice heads. Never a truer words said πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

I'm also still laughing about twins and a triplet from the last post. I don't know who the twins and triplet are meant to be but that just makes it funnier 🀣🀣🀣
 
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Thank you DipsyDoodle, I was experiencing extreme anxiety due potential abandonment, but thankfully you're here & that was an amazin recap.
Lush thread title too, @ Eyes Wide Open ❀.
Has Rachel Hambleton really l got BV?
How dreadful 😭.
 
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I can’t reply to the previous thread and the poster who mentioned about VB but as someone who has met her on more than one occasion, I can categorically state they are NOTHING alike!
 
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Why does every single thing they say to Wilby have to have the word 'ready' in it and be sang to him?? Wilby, reeeeaaaddddeeeeeeee! Petty I know but it irks me. Just speak bleeping properly to him. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee
 
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We are all under no illusions that waynbo was a saint or innocent party but bleeping hell rancid let it go already. You supposedly love Joyce the most ever and are so happy so why are you dredging up the past over and over again. I hope this time waynbo comes out and gives his side of the story.
 
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Thank you DipsyDoodle, I was experiencing extreme anxiety due potential abandonment, but thankfully you're here & that was an amazin recap.
Lush thread title too, @ Eyes Wide Open ❀.
Has Rachel Hambleton really l got BV?
How dreadful 😭.
Arse licker Jo will be riddled by morning 🀒
 
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Is there a copy of the video where she is pretending to talk to the family courts?
I think 2 posters were trying to upload some on the last thread but there was some issues with tattles upload or something. Hopefully its sorted and they upload it on this new thread
 
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Ah my first thread title…thanks for letting me do what I love guys πŸ’œπŸ’œ I’ll pop in for a footlocker voucher to get my troglodytes some trainers so they don’t hate me till they are 45 πŸ’œ
Amazing recap @DipsyDoodle dont ever leave us alone again to light a fire and go live making spag Bol πŸ’œ
 
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Honestly Dipsy these recaps get better and better 😘 Bloody amazing title as well 😘 Eyes wide open now.
Can't wait to see the next installment of the Patchwork ShitShow and share it all with my favourite trolls πŸ’œ
 
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