New thread title thanks to @Lucyinthesky88 edited for length and swearing, so here's the glorious full version:
PayPal Pat, PayPal Pat,
PayPal Pat and Josh the thick twit;
On one future morning,
Pat and Josh will be pawning,
All their overpriced and vile tat.
Who's that knocking on your door? That'll be a full roast dinner cooked by Sloshy, complete with anaemic spuds and some piss water gravy! Mmmmm, enjoy!
Last thread recap:
- Queen Lateetha continues to be a massive bleep.
- she doesn't work either full or part time, and can't be arsed to parent her kids and step kids.
- The Toxic Twats decided to celebrate the start of Sloshy's "career break" (which if you recall, was to spend more time with the kids) by pissing off to Herpes Lodge to love each other the hardest without those pesky kids in the way. Rickroll said that it was due to a last minute cancellation, but given that holiday lets in the west country are all booked up by now, what are the chances that there was a last minute cancellation on the very same day that Not a PC Pete starts his new career as Rambo's lapdog?
- before they headed off to love each other the hardest in the rundown shack, Norman Noballs issued instructions to all the kids via the family WhatsApp. Lists of chores for Seb and Isaac, while BeKind gets "pick up your shoes", Lula gets "walk the dogs", and Edie gets "make Wilby laugh". But there's no favouritism in their house, none at all
- despite being away at Herpes Lodge, where according to Ratchet there's no wifi and you can only get internet by going to the top of a hill and waving your phone in the air, they still managed to upload photos of each other. One of Racket "working" on her laptop, one of Titwank asleep/in a drunken stupor in a chair.
- I missed a few days of the Patchwork tit show, but reports from Tattlers were that Lula was filmed wearing a skirt so short you could see her knickers #safeguarding
- then it was Father's Day, which obviously included a post from Rambo telling us all what an amazing dad Booty Short Billy is. Obviously if you ignore the fact that he started shagging the Torbay Trollop in the woods behind his wife's back, and then left his family on his son's birthday, then stole both son's from their mum and stopped them seeing her, and went on to treat them both like an inconvenience that he doesn't actually like that much.
- they all went out for a lovely Father's Day lunch, except it wasn't all the Patchwork family, as Edie was with her actual dad, and Isaac was left at home with a Maccy's and his Xbox, because "they didn't all fit in the car". Never mind that there's 3 drivers and 3 cars (or 4 if GG is still sharing the shed with Betsy)
although nobody can blame Isaac for wanting to stay home by himself. Later came a post all about their "family lunch" (with half the family missing), and a bitchy aside about a family in the same restaurant who asked to be moved because they were so loud. Betsy took it upon herself to tell the waitress that Wilbur is autistic, which clearly means he can watch telly on the iPad at full volume in a busy restaurant while the rest of the Clampitts screech, bicker, swear and film everything without any other customers daring to ask not to sit near them but remember not long ago she was moaning about kids running around in the Premier Inn she was staying in (when Rancid had kicked her out again), and how they should be quieter and more respectful works both ways, hun.
- there was an attention seeking post all about Rancid's relationship with her mum, and how terrible and toxic she was for abandoning Whining Wendy when she was a teeny tiny baby of only 4. If only Toothy Tina could seek an actual therapist to help her work through all her issues, instead of the hypnotherapist who only seems to be telling her what she wants to hear and taking her money. It also included a mention of Tallulah and her "meltdowns", obviously they're so horrific she was kept off school and went out to lunch with her grandma instead, while wearing a mini dress.
- Merlot Mike is still living the high life on his career break, spending time down at the beach with the most beautiful woman in his world (and no kids).
- GG is tagging along on the family holiday to Portugal, because obviously Ulcerated Ursula and Five Grand Watch Fred can't possibly be expected to look after their own children the whole time they're away. She'll also be sharing a room with Isaac
yep, all normal for an 18 year old girl to be sharing with a 12 year old boy. It turns out that Betsy might need some education instead of just being kind, because she thinks Portugal is in Spain 
- Patreon Patricia got her nails done, even though she said she'd be working at the tit shop every Wednesday (think she's maybe been there once).
- it was Cocaine Katy's birthday, she's not important enough to have a grid post but there were some stories about how proud BV Barbara is of her (?) and how amazingly she looks after her babies
If you are new, please read the wiki (pink button at the top) and if you are in need of support or advice in relation to domestic abuse, there are some links and helplines listed at the bottom of the wiki page
PayPal Pat, PayPal Pat,
PayPal Pat and Josh the thick twit;
On one future morning,
Pat and Josh will be pawning,
All their overpriced and vile tat.
Who's that knocking on your door? That'll be a full roast dinner cooked by Sloshy, complete with anaemic spuds and some piss water gravy! Mmmmm, enjoy!
Last thread recap:
- Queen Lateetha continues to be a massive bleep.
- she doesn't work either full or part time, and can't be arsed to parent her kids and step kids.
- The Toxic Twats decided to celebrate the start of Sloshy's "career break" (which if you recall, was to spend more time with the kids) by pissing off to Herpes Lodge to love each other the hardest without those pesky kids in the way. Rickroll said that it was due to a last minute cancellation, but given that holiday lets in the west country are all booked up by now, what are the chances that there was a last minute cancellation on the very same day that Not a PC Pete starts his new career as Rambo's lapdog?
- before they headed off to love each other the hardest in the rundown shack, Norman Noballs issued instructions to all the kids via the family WhatsApp. Lists of chores for Seb and Isaac, while BeKind gets "pick up your shoes", Lula gets "walk the dogs", and Edie gets "make Wilby laugh". But there's no favouritism in their house, none at all
- despite being away at Herpes Lodge, where according to Ratchet there's no wifi and you can only get internet by going to the top of a hill and waving your phone in the air, they still managed to upload photos of each other. One of Racket "working" on her laptop, one of Titwank asleep/in a drunken stupor in a chair.
- I missed a few days of the Patchwork tit show, but reports from Tattlers were that Lula was filmed wearing a skirt so short you could see her knickers #safeguarding
- then it was Father's Day, which obviously included a post from Rambo telling us all what an amazing dad Booty Short Billy is. Obviously if you ignore the fact that he started shagging the Torbay Trollop in the woods behind his wife's back, and then left his family on his son's birthday, then stole both son's from their mum and stopped them seeing her, and went on to treat them both like an inconvenience that he doesn't actually like that much.
- they all went out for a lovely Father's Day lunch, except it wasn't all the Patchwork family, as Edie was with her actual dad, and Isaac was left at home with a Maccy's and his Xbox, because "they didn't all fit in the car". Never mind that there's 3 drivers and 3 cars (or 4 if GG is still sharing the shed with Betsy)
although nobody can blame Isaac for wanting to stay home by himself. Later came a post all about their "family lunch" (with half the family missing), and a bitchy aside about a family in the same restaurant who asked to be moved because they were so loud. Betsy took it upon herself to tell the waitress that Wilbur is autistic, which clearly means he can watch telly on the iPad at full volume in a busy restaurant while the rest of the Clampitts screech, bicker, swear and film everything without any other customers daring to ask not to sit near them but remember not long ago she was moaning about kids running around in the Premier Inn she was staying in (when Rancid had kicked her out again), and how they should be quieter and more respectful works both ways, hun.- there was an attention seeking post all about Rancid's relationship with her mum, and how terrible and toxic she was for abandoning Whining Wendy when she was a teeny tiny baby of only 4. If only Toothy Tina could seek an actual therapist to help her work through all her issues, instead of the hypnotherapist who only seems to be telling her what she wants to hear and taking her money. It also included a mention of Tallulah and her "meltdowns", obviously they're so horrific she was kept off school and went out to lunch with her grandma instead, while wearing a mini dress.
- Merlot Mike is still living the high life on his career break, spending time down at the beach with the most beautiful woman in his world (and no kids).
- GG is tagging along on the family holiday to Portugal, because obviously Ulcerated Ursula and Five Grand Watch Fred can't possibly be expected to look after their own children the whole time they're away. She'll also be sharing a room with Isaac
yep, all normal for an 18 year old girl to be sharing with a 12 year old boy. It turns out that Betsy might need some education instead of just being kind, because she thinks Portugal is in Spain - Patreon Patricia got her nails done, even though she said she'd be working at the tit shop every Wednesday (think she's maybe been there once).
- it was Cocaine Katy's birthday, she's not important enough to have a grid post but there were some stories about how proud BV Barbara is of her (?) and how amazingly she looks after her babies
If you are new, please read the wiki (pink button at the top) and if you are in need of support or advice in relation to domestic abuse, there are some links and helplines listed at the bottom of the wiki page
I am broken! 
Thanks for the update Dipsy, you've managed to do an epic recap as always, despite having actual life stuff going on. Something that Rickroll (
my youngest nieces are 12 & 14 and they still go to bed quite early! Half an hour extra on weekends but no where near 10pm.