Perimenopause #4 post your woes

[Smell_my_cheese]

I’ve come to this thread and even just reading the last two pages I can see I’ve found my people.
I’ve been struggling with all the usual peri symptoms the last 6 months or so I’d say, but I’m really finding the absolute rage, extreme fatigue, and weight gain the worst parts. I’m on the progesterone only pill so don’t have periods.

This weekend I’ve been so tired I’ve struggled to get off the sofa. Anything I have done has been such an effort. I’ve felt like I’m trying to walk through treacle.

I also hate how I look these days. I am dull in every way. Wear the same clothes to hide my belly and huge breasts, hair looks dull and flat all the time (except when it’s greasy…) and my face just looks old. I’m depressed by it all. I’m also a single parent with a teenager with SEN so am constantly in fight or flight.
Apologies for the offload but sometimes it just helps to write it all down and get it out there. I didn’t expect my 40s to be this shit tbh.

 

[Rodneytrotter]

Spoiler: TW: Suicide

Has anyone had dark thoughts since being in perimenopause? Apart from feeling absolute rage at times, I also keep feeling so sad/ panicked/ full of dread (like a sunday night dread), and thinking that I'd rather be dead - whilst at the same time knowing I wouldn't act on it. I have shared this with GP.

 

[CallaLily]

It's not funny but this did make me laugh

 

[LadyLockdown]

I’m really sorry you’re going through this.

What you’ve described isn’t just someone being in a bad mood - it’s emotional abuse. The comments he made to you, and especially saying “I hate her” in front of your daughter, are not okay and the fact she is noticing how he treats you shows this is affecting more than just you.

You deserve kindness and care, especially when you’re unwell. Please don’t minimise this. Do you have people around you who you trust and can ask for support?

 

[petitspois]

I just read an article about inositol being a great natural supplement for perimenopause and went onto Amazon to try to find it and saw ‘last purchased April 2026’. Ah, the irony of forgetting you’ve ordered a supplement for brain fog.

 

[Blondetech]

Not a woe but something I’ve found really helpful
I’m 51 and have become a bit lost with what does / doesn’t suit me
Another thread suggested using CHAT GDP to ‘do your colours’
What a bloody revelation and FREE !!!
Take a decent selfie , type in ‘ do my colours for me please’ , upload pic and voila !!!
Colours for clothing , make up , hair , all sorts.
I would recommend !!!

 

[veronica71]

Sometimes I feel so bad for the older generations and how confused and scared they must have been with all these symptoms and so little advice and explaination

then other times they belittle our feelings and talking about it and say oh in our day we just gone on with it and oh you can’t put everything down to peri and then I think ah you deserved it

(Why yes my mother was here yesterday why do you ask??)

 

[TapToBoreMeRigid]

Emotionally I feel how I remember feeling when I was about ten. Every single thing seems like a big deal, I'm unsure of myself all the time and the idea of intercourse repulses me.

The dry skin, eyes, lips, shrunken fanny, fat belly, vertigo, lack of appetite, lack of motivation, joylessness, irritability. Sweats that turns to chills. An inner heat that makes me feel my urine is bubbling inside me. Itching skin. Inner ears that prickle. Insomnia for days. 40 hours awake sometimes. The next thing I'm asleep for 15 hours. I have CPTSD, fibromyalgia and am autistic. Unmedicated ADHD as the assessment has yet to happen. Within 18 months I'm told. I also have lichen sclerosus. It is grim. For the latter I use vaginal oestrogen.

If things seem too cheerful I feel devastated. Same with sad stuff.

Doc says hormones normal and my periods are regular. They are but they're heavier and painful. I'm 40. I promised my doc I would try another antidepressant and give it a good go. Then I said I want hrt to be looked at. Well I'm now a year on and if anything feel worse than I did on the last antidepressant. I must go back but you know the issue is...a woman seems more nutty than ever when she's telling medical folk "hey...I'm not nuts this time...". I get the "Sure, Jan" looks.

My tits are sagging and I've lost the plumpness of youth all over. 36-40 has been an ageing time for me on body and face. Varicose veins have appeared on my legs. My hair is thinning. I don't know myself inside or out.

Tomorrow I've my first mammogram. I can't sleep because of it even though I've no discernable lumps. It's only screening due to difficulty checking my LL saggers and some family history.

The idea of death would be appealing if it didnt mean finality. To just sleep for a while and come back and all be well for another 30 or 40 years

Nothing comforts me. I am the woman that will not be comforted. But everything riles me.

I've read all of your posts with interest an understanding of you all on some level. My love to everyone. X

 

[missaustraliaaddict]

Thank you all for being so kind. I was so ill last night, i was really dizzy and shaky on my feet and kept being sick. No sympathy from him, he even said he probably wouldn't shed a tear if I died, and he could get a younger woman who can give him more kids.
He's been being horrible to me this morning to the point our 6 year old daughter said "daddy you are so mean to mummy all the time, stop being horrible to her".
He then said, to our daughter, about me "I hate her"!

 

[missaustraliaaddict]

Deleted by request

 

[NotGonnaLieToYou]

Does anyone else have moments where it just hits you that you’re not “young” anymore?

I caught a glimpse of myself in a window this evening and saw my mum when she was my age looking back at me - I saw a woman who is mumsy, frumpy. (I don’t mean that to sound offensive to my mam). I thought I was slim, petite, kinda well dressed. Where have I gone?

 

[Swordshead]

She didn’t ask the right questions because she was too busy trying to convince me that I’m depressed and not perimenopausal.

Wtf is this about and their incessant use of antidepressants as a go-to problem solver?!! Some, if not most of us are not bloody depressed, it's the physical symptoms not the mental side that are wrecking our heads. Arghhh ffs!! I've asked this before but are we allowed recommend people to go to so we're NOT constantly wasting €65 on a dismissive GP?

The lack of joining up the dots would show, that some women are depressed BECAUSE of the physical issue side. Treat the primary cause of those first before resorting to antidepressants. 🥹

 

[Swordshead]

This forum has given me an immense amount of comfort and solidarity lately. I used to pride myself on never running to the doctor at the drop of a hat. My anxiety (always manageable low level with me since a teen) has escalated to me needing to have a Webdoc appointment the other day. I had a huge meeting in work this week, that I was physically nauseous about I asked her for Propanolol to just keep my nerves in check. You would swear I had asked her for hard core benzos, she made the whole appointment so stressful and dismissive. Even suggesting Anti-ds. Im not depressed ffs just cant keep a handle of the escalating anxiousness. How I've found practically every GP visit, on the few times I've needed them tbh.

We ended up with her saying she'd need to speak to her supervisor. Went to bed distraught (not a normal reaction for me) but woke up to an email prescription for 5 Propanolol tablets (gee thanks ).

20mg got me through that meeting and honest to god, they were a game changer. Whyyyyy is it so difficult to obtain basic comfort care, when you clearly say you rarely attend GPs and to ask for this was a huge deal for me?!!

 

[Madbadsad]

I’m about to turn 48. and been having anxiety specifically related to work. Having never previously been an anxious person. I have always worked in healthcare- 30 years in the NHS.
Over the last 4 years I’ve had 4 different jobs. When the panic hits thinking a new job is the answer.
The anxiety isn’t there all the time but I have periods when it peaks.
Im currently finishing training in a new role and now I’m seeing more patients by myself and being given more responsibility the anxiety has kicked in again. I’ve been signed off for two weeks.
It had been building for few weeks, and then one morning I had to keep pacing around, my arms and legs felt numb, tightness in my chest. Feeling something awful was happening. I physically could not get in the car to go into work.
I can’t even specifically say what the worry is. I think it’s the level of responsibility and heaviness of things I’m dealing with- other people’s trauma and mental health. And just how broken the NHS is. Other people say I seem like I’m doing a good job but I feel like a complete fraud. And my brain is mush. Trying to deal with emails etc is overwhelming.

I’ve been so exhausted, even wacking a frozen pizza in the oven for my kids feels like a huge effort. I feel like the worst mum. Like I have nothing left to give any one.
My house has got so cluttered and messy. Everything feels on top of me.

I don’t want to keep working in healthcare but I can not afford to not work or work a minimum wage job so I feel trapped in doing a job that’s destroying me.

Years ago women didn’t have to work stressful jobs outside the home at our age.

I don’t expect anyone to give an answer. I just wanted to share in case anyone is feeling similarly.
p.s I am on HRT and it helps lots with sleep etc but not with this particular issue. I just feel broken

 

[LadyLockdown]

The anxiety ride is wild. I also experienced histamine intolerance as part of my peri symptoms, which can (very helpfully ) magnify anxiety. It took a while to identify - I was tested for every possible allergy before I realised it was happening during my luteal phase, likely because my progesterone had essentially left the building. It took over a year to get it under control, and at the time the only person I could find talking about it was Dr Louise Newson, which was a godsend, as everyone else (including my husband at that point!) clearly thought I was losing my mind.

Because of that, I’ve learned quite a lot about how hormonal changes can drive anxiety. It starts when the key calming and regulating hormones (especially progesterone and estrogen) become unstable. Progesterone normally has a natural calming, anti-anxiety effect on the nervous system, so when it drops, we lose that built-in buffer against stress. At the same time, fluctuating estrogen can make the brain more sensitive and reactive. The result is that the stress response (driven by cortisol) is triggered more easily and takes longer to settle, so even small things can feel disproportionately overwhelming. Looking back, I can see how much I was reacting to things that normally wouldn’t have touched me.

On top of that, the hormonal shifts can affect blood sugar and histamine levels, both of which can further stimulate cortisol and contribute to symptoms like agitation, poor sleep, migraines, and that “wired but tired” feeling. So it’s not just “being stressed”—it’s a real physiological change where the nervous system becomes more sensitive, less protected, and quicker to go into overdrive. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve been exhausted, yawning all day, only to get into bed and be wide awake, heart pounding, on edge, and sometimes not sleeping at all.

I wanted to share this because understanding the science has helped me hugely - we're often dismissed as emotional or over-reactive, but this is biology. It’s real and measurable.

I also want to echo what @Kittylover2019 said upthread: it’s taken a few years of figuring out my triggers, reducing unnecessary stress, setting boundaries, adjusting my diet, exercise, and overall lifestyle, alongside now taking HRT, but I’m finally starting to feel like a stronger, more grounded version of myself who is actually sleeping at night and looking forward to the future again.

 

[veronica71]

Well feeling like I’m losing my mind in a drunk/stoned way is a new one and I don’t like it. Also just want to cry and sleep all the time. How the fuck did previous generations get through this with no info or meds? And why has it been neglected in studies for so long?? (I know why cos it’s women’s hormones but am ranting anyway - hate the patriarchy more than I ever thought I could right now)

 

[Veilside]

Hi all, I’ve been peri for around three years, symptoms are pretty much everything was offered HRT in the early days but didn’t go for it, no particular reason. In this time I have dealt with a massive loss, that being my eldest child so dealing with grief on top of all this has been difficult.
I’ve noticed recently that my face has become red/blotchy sometimes spotty, put that down to peri.
Today has been awful with the hot flushes, jumper on because I’m cold, jumper off as I’m over heating throughout the day.
Although I drift off to sleep quite easily whilst I’m reading my kindle I wake multiple times throughout the night, sometimes for a wee other times because I’m soaked from sweating.
Vivid dreams are on another level, not sure if this is peri or part of my grieving journey.
Periods are like being a teenager again, awfully heavy, down to 23 day cycles.
Itching the worst, ears, legs, hands, neck, recently down below, had to google that one and thankfully it can be a symptom.
No interest in sex whatsoever! At this point I’d happily become a nun.
Cry over the slightest thing although I do think this is heightened because of my grief. The lead up to my period I get so down, sad, moody.
Brain fog, oh my god I can walk in to a room to get something and can not for the life of me remember what! My brain just feels like a big ball of fluff.
Weight gain, well more so middle area weight gain
There are probably many more symptoms that I just can’t think of.
Seriously considering going to the gp and asking for HRT but I just can’t be bothered, that’s another thing I can’t be bothered to do anything, just want to stay home and not see or face anyone, that’s defo part of grieving.

 

[Carapop]

Since starting HRT in February, I’ve been getting a period every two weeks. Before that, I hadn’t had one in over a year. It’s really fricking miserable.

Honestly, I’m finding the whole peri thing to just be a really lonely experience. Mum is dead, little sis is too young, and somehow none of my friends are in it. No one understands how it can take over your life.

 

[Jelly Bean]

Spoiler: TW: Suicide

Has anyone had dark thoughts since being in perimenopause? Apart from feeling absolute rage at times, I also keep feeling so sad/ panicked/ full of dread (like a sunday night dread), and thinking that I'd rather be dead - whilst at the same time knowing I wouldn't act on it. I have shared this with GP.

Yes I've had 'I just wish I wasn't here' times without ever wanting to act upon it. You will get through this. And you will find marvellous aspects of life again, even if it's just sitting on a beach looking at the sea. I genuinely promise you this. It's a horrible period of time but you will be fine. And this group is always here for you.

 

[Marshallmum1982]

Just wanted to post a small win I had. I finally had a GP appointment last week and he was amazing. I got upset as soon as I got in the room and explained how I'd been feeling and he was brilliant. Im having some bloods done this week and then if there's nothing else going on there, hes happy to give me a go on HRT. I honestly couldn't believe how good he was and how he listened and took me seriously. I cried with relief after. I know this may not be the answer to everything but I feel like its a massive step forward.