Paying for dates/activists when in a relationship

[Chocolatelover333]

Hey

I know there’s a similar thread discussing money in a relationship, but most of the replies are from couples living together/married/sharing a mortgage.

I’m interested to find out if your in a relationship, not living together or married, how do you go about paying for date nights,
days out, meals etc. do you split the bill? Or take it in turns? Or something else?

My boyfriend and I take it turns, which I thought was pretty normal, but speaking to some of my friends (female) they said they can’t remember the last time they paid for something.

 

[leapricot]

Hey! I used to see someone (call it dating ha) twice a week at the most and he was always paying for food. I think I only paid once as far as I can remember and maybe once for drinks too. Which is not a lot over a period of 6 months.
It doesn't make me super comfortable as he always insisted on paying but I will take it (especially as I'm broke most of the time haha)

 

[Cloak]

Tbh I think that’s bleeping bonkers that your friends can’t remember the last time they paid for something! Do they call themselves feminists?

I’d be so uncomfortable with that — I assume they have jobs? duck me, it’s just manners to pay sometimes, regardless of the gender difference. Would you let a friend just constantly pay for everything? Of course not as you’re equals. Why should it be different for a date?

 

[Chocolatelover333]

Tbh I think that’s bleeping bonkers that your friends can’t remember the last time they paid for something! Do they call themselves feminists?

I’d be so uncomfortable with that — I assume they have jobs? duck me, it’s just manners to pay sometimes, regardless of the gender difference. Would you let a friend just constantly pay for everything? Of course not as you’re equals. Why should it be different for a date?

They all have full time time jobs and a healthy amount of disposable income. I agree it’s unfair on the partner to expect him to pay for everything.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Urgh... I’d hate to be a freeloader in a relationship. We always take turns or one pays for drinks and the other for food at a different place etc. I’ve been on dates and men have been astounded that I’ve paid.

My ex hated paying. He was behind tight and I ended up hating it.

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

With my partner and I, everything is equal. So he will buy a round of drinks then I will buy a round. If he has bought the meal one Saturday night, I will buy our next meal we have out. Hate when woman expect their partner to pay for everything. My partner would be more than happy to pay for everything but I just wouldn't let him, in my eyes it wouldn't be fair. I am not a lady of leisure, I work and want to pay my way x

 

[Ahahha]

I dont have a partner but I will say I know a girl who takes money off her boyfriend for hair,nails ect and not bat a eyelash but she is in rent arrears and says that everyman should spoil her.

 

[Delia Smith]

My partner usually pays for meals out and I’ll pay for coffee , lunch etc. He earns 6 x more than me so it feels normal for both of us that he’ll pay for the more expensive things

 

[Fizzwhizz2020]

I’ve been with my OH over 2 years. We just take it in turns. Sometimes he treats me and sometimes I treat him. If we go for a more expensive meal we generally split the bill. I don’t think it’s right for a man to pay for everything. It’s a bit like going back in time.

 

[Base2019]

I dont have a partner but I will say I know a girl who takes money off her boyfriend for hair,nails ect and not bat a eyelash but she is in rent arrears and says that everyman should spoil her.

Wow that’s crazy

 

[Ahahha]

Wow that’s crazy

You have no idea she split with her baby daddy got with a lad who payed for an holiday and her nails,hair which is 130 pound loads more and dumps him got back with baby daddy and now hes a mug she cheated on him and he still gives her money ect and present anything she wants. She says she has to be spoilt and told me I'm stupid if I dont think like that

 

[Scorpihoe]

My bf likes paying for more things in the relationship, but it’s not totally off. Itabout 60/40 split (me being 40). He usually spends more on my gifts than I do on his too. This is not intentional though, I give him the same budget he spent on my gifts but he chooses cheaper things.

This was the same when we were together at uni, but he is working now and I’m still a student, so he’s happy to move to an approx. 70/30 split

this works for us, and he genuinely asks to pay for more in the relationship

 

[Oohthedrama]

I’m concerned you’re paying for activists in a relationship

 

[Chocolatelover333]

Im so relieved to hear everyone’s answers! it’s good to know splitting is normal I can’t imagine not paying my fair share.

I dont have a partner but I will say I know a girl who takes money off her boyfriend for hair,nails ect and not bat a eyelash but she is in rent arrears and says that everyman should spoil her.

Urghh I hate that!

I’m concerned you’re paying for activists in a relationship

OMG activities hahaha

 

[Northeast1988]

Before we got married and we were just dating , I paid for majority of the dates and that because i was the one bringing in the higher wage , he did pay for the occasional treats and that

 

[rlouisep9]

Our first date he paid but I offered to go halves, then pretty much after that we've split it unless it's a treat for the other's birthday/celebration of some kind. I can't imagine not paying for myself!

 

[Giggling Squid]

I’m sorry what? People don’t share the spending?

My other half paid on our first date, because he absolutely insisted. I really wanted to go halves but he said if I didn’t let him pay, he would refuse to see me again. When we were first dating, we would take it in turns, unless we did something super expensive in which case we would split the bill. If we were doing 2 things like meal and a film, we’d pay one each...

 

[Ilando]

My now husband paid on our first ever date, opened the car door etc and was a real gentleman. Second date I insisted on paying and we’ve then shared the costs ever since. 12 years later and we still split everything 50/50. Think it’s weird for a grown adult to expect someone else to pay for their upkeep.

 

[CatVonMe]

We would generally take takes although he earns more so he would be in a better position to pay for more sometimes. I have a friend who doesn’t even bring a purse out and offers to buy others drinks with her partners money.

 

[Platformcrocs]

My partner and I take it in turns to pay for stuff, neither of us really keep track of who has bought what but it all balances out. We earn the same amount. If I earned more than him, I'd be happy to pay more (and vice versa).