Overthinking

[Jelly Bean]

Argh sadly I think this is normal for a lot of us. So reactive to what we think other people might be thinking.
In this case it sounds (to me) like your friend would like you there but isn't putting any pressure on you. If she didn't want you there it would be so easy to say there wasn't room. But she didn't. If you would like to go and think you would enjoy it just go. Think of what you would like and would get out of it.
As for advice - the only thing that helped me was to focus on the thought that what I did or did not do was really not that important to most people I knew. They probably weren't scrutinising me ever. It is an oddly liberating thought - and one that allows you to do what you would like, rather than what you think you should do because of the worry about what other people think.
You have to become slightly selfish I think (in a good way) and focus on your needs, rather than imagining everyone elses.

 

[judgejohndeed]

I’m exactly the same and ‘if you want’ would throw me spiralling about whether I’m wanted too. But I think she wants you to go, you went to the first hen and she wouldn’t have invited you if she didn’t want you to go. It’s also really stressful organising these things and she might’ve just been a bit short for that reason.

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

Aw I can relate to this so much, I am a massive over thinker too and would probably be exactly the same as you are! As you've already been to her previous hen then I'm sure she does want you there and the "if you want" was probably just something she said without even thinking about how it might come across. I hope if you do go you have a great time.

Although, I am wondering.... how many hens is this lady having?!

So we had one abroad, then she had another one on Friday past with her mum & mums friends, there is another this coming Friday and then a joint one for the stag and hen the week after

i'm the same but i've been trying to be more direct with people and just let them know what i'm thinking. it's helped me realize that often they just don't have time/aren't thinking about how they're coming across. i'm sure your friend wants you there so go and have a great time

it can be awkward but 1 minute of awkwardness is better than hours of overthinking!

This is the approach I am taking from now on. The awkwardness is a killer but it really helps not sitting overthinking for hours or days and it's much better for your mental health all round because it nips the overthinking in the bud.

Thanks for all your replies x x

 

[strawb]

I also suffer from overthinking - mine is in a work capacity generally and I agree I by being direct and explaining my thinking/honest over thinking tendencies I find myself much clearer and colleagues/friends also speak to me more directly as well because they know what I’m like! I can laugh about it with friends and family by just being open and honest

it can be awkward but 1 minute of awkwardness is better than hours of overthinking!

 

[strawb]

i'm the same but i've been trying to be more direct with people and just let them know what i'm thinking. it's helped me realize that often they just don't have time/aren't thinking about how they're coming across. i'm sure your friend wants you there so go and have a great time

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

I suffer quite badly with anxiety and have done for years. I am a terrible over thinker. To the point it will really affect me and I won't be able to focus on anything else. I seem to create these scenarios in my head of what will happen and then let my mind run away with itself to the point where I get angry, sad, assume the worst etc.

Today's episode is thinking about my friends home hen party next Saturday. I went to her hen party abroad 2 weeks ago, and a about a week before that she invited us all for an overnight stay away next weekend.. At the time I told her I would let her know as I am meant to be away already. Today I found out my plans probably won't happen and I should be able to go. She said she hadn't included me in the final number as she didn't know I could make it but she has found out there are still spaces left and I can still join 'if I want'. So my head just goes into panic mode. Thinking the worst 'They don't want me there' and an array of thoughts like this.. even though Its me that told her I might not be able to go.
I know its silly because if she didn't want me there she would have just said there was no space, etc. I need to remind myself she is in work etc and sometimes messages can come across a bit blunt but people are busy etc.. instead of thinking the worst but my mind just doesn't like to think rationally.

Why do I have to read too much into things? I can literally tell myself I am being silly and over thinking but can't get my mind to play ball.

Its frustrating. I literally will sit and over think ANYTHING. I am so fed up of it.

The other week my overthinking came to a head with my partner and we cleared the air, I said I'd communicate better rather than letting thoughts fester away and that seems to be helping, I feel like we have turned a corner.

I just wish I wasn't like this because then it makes me paranoid about everything else. How do I stop these intrusive thoughts. Why can I not just be normal?

Anyone got any tips to help.

 

[WilmaHun]

Aw I can relate to this so much, I am a massive over thinker too and would probably be exactly the same as you are! As you've already been to her previous hen then I'm sure she does want you there and the "if you want" was probably just something she said without even thinking about how it might come across. I hope if you do go you have a great time.

Although, I am wondering.... how many hens is this lady having?!

 

[Emmelina Ball]

Awww bless you I can totally relate.
Anxiety is the worst thing ever isn’t it I overthink everything!! But I definitely agree with the other poster being upfront about it will make the world of a difference! I get quite bad social anxiety in certain scenarios so I don’t like going to some events but I feel left out if I don’t get asked and then I feel bad when I do because I worry about going feel sorry for anyone close to me im terrible lol!! but all my friends and family know what im like now and they really don’t take offence at me, now they understand me they’ll ask “would you like to come to this night out, x y and z are going, if you don’t want to go it’s no problem don’t feel pressured but if you do want to come we’d love to have you there” and it’s helped me so much! Xxxx

 

[Kim Mild]

I can sometimes overthink too.

It helps me to list ( either mentally or written down ) these hypothetical scenarios my brain has come up with . I can then work out what is likely, what is possible, and if there is anything that I can do to minimise risk of anything bad happening. Drawing a line under it all can sort of help it taking over and festering away in the back of your mind

 

[Agent Cooper]

The only thing that works for me is occupying my mind with something else. Reading, actively listening to music (trying to make out all the lyrics and instruments or singing along instead of just letting it play in the background), TV or radio, talking to someone, solving math problems in my head or translating everything I see into another language. Whenever I’m by myself and not doing any of these things, I start overthinking and beating myself up for one thing or another, which leads to anxiety and panic attacks. Forums like Tattle are great too because you can distract yourself by discussing something/someone or giving advice to other people.

 

[Tublet83]

it can be awkward but 1 minute of awkwardness is better than hours of overthinking!

Absolutely! It’s taken me a loooong time to realise that though!

 

[Tublet83]

i'm the same but i've been trying to be more direct with people and just let them know what i'm thinking. it's helped me realize that often they just don't have time/aren't thinking about how they're coming across. i'm sure your friend wants you there so go and have a great time

I also suffer from overthinking - mine is in a work capacity generally and I agree I by being direct and explaining my thinking/honest over thinking tendencies I find myself much clearer and colleagues/friends also speak to me more directly as well because they know what I’m like! I can laugh about it with friends and family by just being open and honest

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

Awww bless you I can totally relate.
Anxiety is the worst thing ever isn’t it I overthink everything!! But I definitely agree with the other poster being upfront about it will make the world of a difference! I get quite bad social anxiety in certain scenarios so I don’t like going to some events but I feel left out if I don’t get asked and then I feel bad when I do because I worry about going feel sorry for anyone close to me im terrible lol!! but all my friends and family know what im like now and they really don’t take offence at me, now they understand me they’ll ask “would you like to come to this night out, x y and z are going, if you don’t want to go it’s no problem don’t feel pressured but if you do want to come we’d love to have you there” and it’s helped me so much! Xxxx

it's awful. Anything small can just trigger my mind into overthinking and creating the worst possible scenario in my head. Then its like my mind convinces me that this scenario is real. I absolutely envy those that don't overthink to the extreme! I always try to tell myself my thoughts are not facts. Sometimes our heads are the worst place to be. It's funny because then there will be times were I am totally fine!

I am not an overly massive sociable person anyway, I spend most of my time with my partner or family with the odd night out with close friends once a month or every couple of months. I used to be really sociable in my early 20's and was hardly ever housed, always out doing something or always with someone. I think now I'm just happy enough in my own wee bubble, but it's still nice to be asked or invited. Thankfully majority of my friends know how I am too so there is no pressure etc. I think I just cause my own stress, paranoia and anxiety lol

 

[Emmelina Ball]

it's awful. Anything small can just trigger my mind into overthinking and creating the worst possible scenario in my head. Then its like my mind convinces me that this scenario is real. I absolutely envy those that don't overthink to the extreme! I always try to tell myself my thoughts are not facts. Sometimes our heads are the worst place to be. It's funny because then there will be times were I am totally fine!

I am not an overly massive sociable person anyway, I spend most of my time with my partner or family with the odd night out with close friends once a month or every couple of months. I used to be really sociable in my early 20's and was hardly ever housed, always out doing something or always with someone. I think now I'm just happy enough in my own wee bubble, but it's still nice to be asked or invited. Thankfully majority of my friends know how I am too so there is no pressure etc. I think I just cause my own stress, paranoia and anxiety lol

Me too!! And I think covid/lockdowns/school closures made it even worse! For the kids sports day a few weeks ago I was literally torturing myself all week with the most irrational thoughts about how terrible it was going to be and it turned out to be a wonderful day!! I wish I could switch my brain off at times honestly its worse than any physical pain I’ve ever had
I’m exactly the same I love just spending time with my little tight knit circle where I feel safe and understood! It’s outside that I get the most ridiculous anxiety and I don’t even know where it stems from tbh. I’ve found listening to podcasts really helpful as a distraction but there’s times I feel too far gone to even be able to distract it’s great to know we’re not alone though isn’t it

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

Me too!! And I think covid/lockdowns/school closures made it even worse! For the kids sports day a few weeks ago I was literally torturing myself all week with the most irrational thoughts about how terrible it was going to be and it turned out to be a wonderful day!! I wish I could switch my brain off at times honestly its worse than any physical pain I’ve ever had
I’m exactly the same I love just spending time with my little tight knit circle where I feel safe and understood! It’s outside that I get the most ridiculous anxiety and I don’t even know where it stems from tbh. I’ve found listening to podcasts really helpful as a distraction but there’s times I feel too far gone to even be able to distract it’s great to know we’re not alone though isn’t it

Oh wow this is the same for me too. I convince myself of the worst possible outcome and then end up having a great time. My friends hen party that was abroad I was filled with anxiety for the lead up to it to the point I had really bad chest and back pains from just how anxious I was, i felt sick the whole time and couldn't sleep. I ended up having a fab couple of days away and it wasn't nearly as daunting as I was imagining. It's the same when we go on other trips or have plans, I get anxious and overthink beforehand and yet when the time comes and I'm living in the moment, its all fine. I find it hard for anything else to distract me tbh, I can't really switch off and I just have to see it through which is the most annoying thing. Yes, its definitely great to know we are all in this together and other people feel the same, definitely helps because most of the time I wonder am I normal haha