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Practically Perfect

Chatty Member
dont miss this at all, all the unsolicited dick picks from men trying get their freak on whilst their wives are at Zumba *shudder* and then tell you that your are a frigid lesbian when you knock them back.

I met a guy once. I had no interest in him at all, he had a face like a bag of spanners, 5 ft 6 (at a push) and a pain in the arse messaging me. However he never got weird on the messages so eventually met him after work one night. He had sussed i was pretty shy, so when he spotted me he decided to serenade me. Very loudly. At manchester piccadilly train station. At rush hour. He was at the top of the escalator i was at the exit. I died. He then waltzed me around the exit to the metrolink. I double died.

8 years later we are still together. He is still tiny, with a face like a bag of spanners. But he makes me roar with laughter every day and he is, quite honestly, the best thing that ever happened to me. Dont give up single ladies, there are some that are not head cases/criminals/perverts.
 
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Catwinky

Chatty Member
Share your online dating horrors here i'm sure some of you will have some!

My most recent horror seemed wonderful when chatting online said he was a solicitor, was successful, had his own place, goes to gym at 5am every morning and had a brilliant sense of humour.
We exchanged pictures and he looked ok, we also spoke on whatsapp for 3 week before meeting.
We agreed to meet in a wetherspoons in the city centre.
He turned up in a majorly creased unironed shirt, uncombed hair, scruffy jeans, trainers and about 7 stone heavier than he was in his pictures. This was obviously disappointing but I decided to stay for a drink out of politness.
When ordering drinks he looks for the cheapest pint on the price list and pays in coppers, hardly a sign of a successful solicitor he claimed to be.

He immediately starts making extremely crude jokes about his female boss who is a law partner where he works where it turns out he is an office assistant not a solicitor 'he just says that cos he works at a law firm so it's easier to say that'.
We talk more, the house is a 'temporary' bedsit, his work let him do and wear what he wants because they know he'll just report them to an employment tribunal(?!), he goes home to his mums at the weekends; he is 35 and she's in the same city and he has a violent involuntary twitch/spasm (which he never mentioned) I ask what it is he explains and the sticks his tongue out and says 'I make an excellent vibrator.'
He then proceeds to bitch about his ex who he is apparently in a custody battle (never mentioned when chatting online) with as she stopped him seeing his son for no reason and be could send to prison for it anytime he wanted but he won't because 'he's too soft on her.'
About 25 mins into this I know I look visibly uncomfortable but he takes no hint and suggests we go somewhere quieter, I make my excuses and say i'm off to get my bus he insists on walking me to the stop.

We walk from the bar and come to the hill the stop is at the top of and he says 'you didn't tell me it was up a hill and I don't do hills.'
So i say 'surely someone who goes to the gym everyday and went on 15 mile hike last week would love it.' Only at this point does he look like he knows he's being caught on a lie.
At the bus stop when the bus pulls in he trys to kiss me with tongue so I pull away and leap on the bus and he storms off in a huff.
Officially the worst and shortest date I have had!
 
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onlyheretoorbit

VIP Member
Oh my god I have too many of these 😂

One guy I spoke to for weeks. I was 23, he said he was 33 (didn't mind the age difference). He used to write me great big paragraphs like a pen pal. Anyway, finally agreed to meet him and he was probably older than my dad - balding and dressed like Roy Cropper.

Met another guy - photos were GORGEOUS & he was 100% my type. Went a couple of dates with him until he suddenly disappeared - until two weeks later he text me to say he'd left his phone at his brother's house ?!?!?! Stalked him on Instagram & there were loads of pictures of him with his - clearly long term - girlfriend.

Another guy (honestly I could keep going forever) - on our fourth date I nip to the loo, and come back to find he had gone through my phone and found a WhatsApp conversation with a friend about another friend of ours (male). Accused me of bitching to my friends about him & basically had a proper strop. I told him he needed to drive me home ASAP & when we get in the car he starts loudly sobbing & going on about his ex that left him with issues. It was a 40 minute drive to my house, with him weeping the entire time. As we pulled up I told him this was it for us & got out. A month later he texts me - 'So what's going on with us?'. Um, nothing mate.

Last one. Deleted the app from my phone, until one drunken Christmas Eve I got an email telling me I had a new match. Redownloaded the app & messaged the guy. The next day - when sober - I remembered all the horrible experiences I'd had (see above!) & regretted what I'd done. The guy still messages though, & although I'm 99% I don't fancy him, I keep responding - he's got good banter. After a week, he suggests meeting & at least 3 times I make plans with him & then cancel. I can't bare the idea of another date from hell. So I'm just honest with him, and he suggests he calls me first so we can get to know each other. We spend 3 hours on the phone, and as soon as I hang up I text him to say I'll meet him. Arrive at the train station that Saturday & he's nowhere to be seen. He calls me to say he's waiting across the road, & waves. He looks NOTHING like his photos, which were at least 5 years old. He's actually much better looking 😂 we go to the cinema & the pub & I don't turn up back home until late the next day (whoops 🙈 ). Best date ever. That was 6 years ago, and that man is now my husband 🥰
 
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Notaninstamum

Active member
I started talking to a man on an online dating site. Only briefly but he seemed nice enough. We started talking on WhatsApp but he kept mentioning one night stands. That's not my thing so I told him and backed off. Not only that, he looked a bit like a close friend which put me off a bit too. Anyway, we stopped talking and about a year later I saw his photo on the Daily Mail website. The same one he had sent to me.

He was a convicted peadophile. He was a married (supposedly religious!) teacher who was grooming underage girls over Facebook.

Lucky escape I think!
 
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Catwinky

Chatty Member
When someone is so socially unaware they take you correcting their spelling as flirting...
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Strem

Active member
A first message from a guy on tinder ‘Hey beautiful, do you have a dog?’ I thought it was a bit weird and recognised his face, showed my friend and turns out he was the famous local dog botherer ... he smeared his knob with peanut butter and stuck it through garden fences in our town so the dogs on the other side would lick it. He is also on the sex offenders register for being a Paedophile 🤢
 
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Octopies

Chatty Member
My story...
I had just turned 18 and he was 28 (don’t wanna offend anyone but I think this is a bit of a warning sign...)
Not TECHNICALLY online dating, but most of the dating happened online
(We met briefly on a night out whilst drunk and swapped numbers, exchanged texts/calls for about 6 months).
Even though we’d only met once it got real intense real quickly and I was young enough to fall for it.
Constant texting and long phone calls.
Calling each other after nights out etc.
I suppose the weirdness stared when he would call me and say random things like ‘you’d better not be seeing any guys/speaking to any guys’ etc - yet he was constantly on nights out, pictures on Facebook with loads of girls etc. He got a bit controlling if I’m honest. He lived about an hour from me and he suggested he would take a day off work to come and spend it with me, after our 6 month virtual courtship, and then he would stay at mine. He told me that once we met we would definitely be in a relationship and that I could go to uni in Manchester where he lived and we could move in together in a city centre flat. Perfectly reasonable obvs. I loved the idea.

I lived with my mum at the time and naively asked her if this 28 year old I’d met once could stay over - guess what she said! 😂

Anyway, we set the date. I was SO nervous. There was so much riding on this. It had to go well. I was absolutely sure I loved this person. But I’d only met him once - and we were on a night out - what if he’d remembered me wrong? What if he found me unattractive?

I did what I did best at that age - I pre-drank for the date to settle my nerves (despite it being a daytime meeting). I ended up downing a bottle of wine. What could possibly go wrong.

Everything.

I was a little late and giddily ran up to him at the train station. He was much stranger than I’d remembered, tall and gangly and rather odd looking. He immediately looked me up and down and told me I looked fatter than he remembered. We went around a few bars. It was miserable. He kept texting other people and making jokes at my expense. I got drunker and drunker until, in a very posh city centre cocktail bar, I fell asleep in the toilet 😂 I was gone for 40 minutes before him calling me eventually woke me up (I’d also been sick!!!).

Somehow we continued with the ‘date’ for an hour or so before he made his excuses and we said goodbye at the train station. I was pretty sure I’d never see him again - I was happy because he was a knob - but gutted because I still felt like I was almost breaking up with someone. 6 months of talking to someone constantly and it would be over.

He got on his train and I got a text from him. My heart leapt. All it said was ‘you’ve got split ends.’


😂😂😂
 
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Catwinky

Chatty Member
ACTUALLY DEAD. [emoji1787][emoji1787][emoji1787] These are totally making my day!! [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]
But he is right, Catwinky, u shud liten up a little! [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]
When you're so self 'contious' all you wanna do is thrust your willy into a screen on vid chat
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judsmum

Chatty Member
Can anyone remember ‘love@lycos’?!

I went on a date with a Geordie lad called Anthony off Love@lycos we went out to Yates’ in Doncaster. We had a lovely time, he was a gentleman and he walked me to the taxi place where I went home. In the taxi on the way home he text me (on my old Philips Savvy mobile!) to say ‘you’re my bitch and I’m your dog’ - I never replied.
 
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Curly

VIP Member
Another one. At one point I was inactive and took my photograph off.
Got an email to say I had a message..intrigued I logged in and yes there was an email and yes it was from my very much married relative!!
 
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TheFabFader

VIP Member
This is a wonderful thread! And there are so many familiar sounding men and situations!

I went on a date with a guy who had constantly messaged me wanting to meet. My instincts said no but he had worn me down and I agreed to meet him for coffee one afternoon. Being safety conscious, I told my best friend what I was doing and promised to let her know how the meet up went.

We met and my instinct had been right. He was a tool and his shoes were just horrible. (Me, shallow? Hell, yeah!) He chuntered on for ages about his charity work, how he took care of his parents while his brother ignored them, how his ex wife had swindled him out of his house, yawn yawn. Anyhow, he went off to have a pee and I texted my friend telling her how awful he was and I was making my escape ASAP.

We left the café, I made my excuses and high-tailed it to my car. Hours later I checked my phone to see if my friend had texted me back. I’d only sent the derogatory text to him, ffs!
 
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sarcastic eyeballs

Active member
Oh how I miss the good old online dating days. Actually had more fun with my friends coming round for a drink and reading all the daft messages I got sent (foot pic requests etc)
One time I was chatting to a ‘normal’ guy I thought, very polite, seemed to have good banter and we were getting on well. Few days later he messaged me again and began to reveal his true self....asking about sex and kinks (they all go there eventually) He then went on to tell me his ultimate fantasy was putting on some latex gloves and poking about the old bum hole, of his chosen lady, before inviting her to take a shit on his bare chest. I had just randomly checked this message when I was out having a nice lunch with my mum and she thought I had just seen a ghost. I almost choked and then burst out laughing. Not one to judge people’s kinks but that one is just down right disgusting 🤮🤮🤮
 
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Bostonx

VIP Member
Im 25 & I swiped a 21 year old yesterday. He tried to invite himself over suggesting we get it on & I declined saying I was looking for something serious like my bio said and he went on to call me a predator, a pedophil, and he was exposing me for swiping a younger man.
 
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freda19

VIP Member
Not a dating site one and not sexy. And not quite a date. Just disgusting.
Back at Uni I met a nice guy at an afternoon Uni gig. He ticked all the boxes, decent looking, clean clothes, smelled nice (this is relevant later), very pleasant and seemed popular so I thought it safe to accept his offer of going for a burger then maybe for a drink. Outside on the street he said he needed to go home first for some cash and to change his clothes. OK (I suppose), and he said he lived with his family near the venue so off we went. I knew my town, and a few minutes into the walk I was "Oh fuck!" 😟... this was not a good area we were heading into. Got to his home and he bounced in trailing me with him. What a total shit hole. There were about 5 adults, a gaggle of dirty kids and what seemed like 4 dogs roaming around the living room. Our entrance was ignored while they watched jeremy Kyle or something similar and after I whispered I needed a wee my bloke pointed me to the stairs then disappeared, no clue where he went. Every step I took I could feel my shoes literally sticking to the floor. shtick, slap, shtick, slap all the way up the stairs ... Got to the bathroom and I have no words:eek:. So I nudged the door closed with my foot, tried not to look at the toilet again and stood there having a mild anxiety attack while I pondered how to escape this hell politely. Then the door opened. Apparently the door had a tricky lock and there stood a large female about my age. "You all right love?" she said. My mind on overdrive I replied "No, actually I need to get home, my period has come on early and I've no tampons with me." "Ach hang on " she says and disappeared into the next room. Then she reappeared clutching a used sanitary towel. :sick: "It's Ok , it's barely used" she says. 🤮🤮🤮
Fuck politeness ... I swear I was out that door, down the stairs and shtick-slapping into the street in a flash and thank fuck I was wearing trainers because I ran like Linford Christie till I got to civilisation. Saw the guy at a few events and avoided him like the plague. Obviously.
Ah, Uni days, never a dull moment.
 
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Beachbabe

Chatty Member
This thread has filled me hope from some of you and made me feel better about life, that weird dates don’t just happen to me!

One blokes teeth kept falling out as he spoke and just spent the whole time slagging his ex off. When I got up to leave, he did actually say to me there won’t be a second date will there? 😂
One bloke after two dates ranted at me that I was incredibly selfish for not wanting more children and when I said I didn’t want to see him again told me I had a fat head and his ex thought so too. 🙈

There are some crazies out there but I’m hoping one day someone will be out there for me. Ten years down the line I’m not that hopeful 😬
 
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