Nursery advice

[Sailorontheseasea]

Hello lovely people, wondering if someone may be able to help (nursery person / pre school person / a mum ).

My little boy turned 3 this week, he is in nursery two days (mornings) a week and his birthday fell on a nursery day so we decided not to send him in. I called in on that day and called in today too as he has developed a dry cough yesterday and temperature so we’ve had to get a Covid test this morning and isolate.

However, when I called in today they said to me that he had his pre-school settling in sessions this week and he’s missed them so when he (hopefully) returns next week if we don’t have to isolate he will be in the pre-school room. Now, this wasn’t communicated to me at all and not even on Tuesday or on the app we have for his updates and he’s going from a group of about 10 to a group of about 35. He’s a very shy person in new groups and has been since he was a baby so nursery was a huge step (he only started in April!) and I feel really upset that they 1) didn’t tell me because if they had I’d have just sent him in for the morning on his birthday so he didn’t miss out and 2) have just totally dismissed the fact that he’s missed the settles and they’re just going to plonk him in a room full of adults and kids he doesn’t know.

I was under the impression he started the term after his 3rd birthday in the pre school room so, September. His nursery runs through the school holidays so I’m not sure if this is normal or not for a nursery like that.

Am I making a big deal out of this? And do we get any say in it? I’m really hormonal at the moment so feel like I need an experienced person to level my head out! Thanks!

Also I now feel horrendously guilty for not sending him on his birthday but it’s not exactly his fault he’s poorly and can’t go in today

 

[Twinks10]

Hi,
No I don’t think you’re making a big deal out of this, I’d feel the same way.
Can you email or speak to the nursery and outline your concerns? Explain that you weren’t aware of the settling in sessions and that you’re not comfortable with him going into a new room without some preparation or settling in time.
Im assuming that this is a private nursery you’re paying for so don’t just go along with something you’re not happy with, you’re paying for a service and if that service isn’t working in the best interests of your son and his personality then ask them to adjust. I’d hope that they would make other arrangements to suit you and your son but let them know how you feel first x

 

[honey&lemon]

I would feel exactly the same. You should’ve been told there were settling in sessions coming up, regardless of whether he’d been off or not.

As the previous poster said, I would explain you are not comfortable with it as you feel it will be overwhelming for him & you feel he should be able to avail of the settling in sessions like the other children had.

 

[MakeDamnSure]

I agree, I would say to them that you were unaware that he was missing his settling in sessions and that it seems unfair as he was poorly for one of them so not his fault he missed them. I don’t see that it would be a such a big deal for them to just do his settling in days when he comes back. If they won’t budge on the settling in days that would be a bit of a red flag for me. It should be their duty to ensure that every child feels happy and safe in their setting and they must be aware of the fact that he is a shy child. To just put him into the preschool room where there will be triple the amount of children and he will now be one of the younger ones in the group seems a bit odd to me.

 

[Justreading]

Honestly, this wouldn't bother me. When children start school without going to nursery first, they just get put into a full class of children anyway. This is no different.
Kids are much more resilient than we give them credit for - he may be shy around you and other family, but I'd bet he will be fine in nursery because they just go along with their peers.

My son started school in October, 2 weeks after he turned 3. He hadn't been to any sort of playgroup, nursery etc since March when Covid kicked off. He was put straight into a class of 30 kids and never looked back.

If he struggles with the adjustment the nursery will spot that and help.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

The lack of communication is perhaps a bit of an issue and yeah, maybe just flag that up but to be honest the other bits wouldn’t worry me too much personally. Your little boy will be fine - if he was just starting at pre school straight from being at home he would be going from nothing until his pre school group anyway. he will be with other kids and they tend to settle quickly and get Stuck in - even if you think he will be shy, he will probably surprise you! I wouldn’t be too concerned.

 

[Sailorontheseasea]

Thanks for all of your replies! I think it is just mainly the lack of communication that’s bothered me. I don’t know where you’re from to just drop a kid in a class of 30 for 6 hours a day 5 days a week from day 1 but our primary schools do a LONG settling in process here (as in 1 hour on one day, 1 hours 1 minute the next day for about 2 weeks...you get my drift ) even during Covid and he had settling in sessions when he joined the nursery and is still actually quite unsure of going into nursery but loves it when he’s there and comes out super happy but does have issues when his key worker isn’t there and comes out tearful or doesn’t want to go in the next time so this worries me as she won’t be in the pre school room obviously. We are in the process of getting him assessed for ASD as he is definitely on the spectrum in terms of his social skills and obviously for other reasons but this is what worries me the most. He is incredibly smart and has the vocabulary of a 6 year old but yeah, doesn’t really mean everything when it comes to school. The nursery know this so to throw someone who struggles socially in a room full of kids and adults he doesn’t know...yeah I don’t think I feel comfortable with that. I feel sad as we thought it was all going pretty smoothly but I will drop them an email and hopefully it’ll all be resolved by next week. Thanks for coming to my hormonal breakdown of the week

 

[Notgonnalie]

I hope you’re ok! I’d be worried too so don’t feel alone in that. Might be good to get a call in with them and talk it through and ask them everything that’s on your mind and see if they’re willing to negotiate a settling in to some extent. My daughter is starting nursery this year and they’re doing a phasing in a bit longer than usual because children haven’t been socialised as well due to the pandemic as the principal of our nursery put it. Our nursery intends on only bringing in around 4 children at a time for 1 hour and 30 mins to break them in and gradually and then go on to mix groups together until their class of 16 is fully in which I’m happy with although it will be a logistical nightmare for the first few weeks it does rest my nerves as it is such a big deal for them and us as parents! Hope you’re ok x

 

[MakeDamnSure]

My child’s primary school does a 4 week phased start! I think your concerns are valid and I’m assuming that the nursery knows that you are going through ASD assessments which makes it even more baffling to me. Just talk to them and hopefully they will be happy to accommodate your sons needs. A lot of children would be absolutely fine to just put them straight in to a new bigger group of children but some aren’t and the nursery really should be aware of that.

 

[Tublet83]

Really they should accommodate your child’s needs for settling in, that’s good practice. What works for one kid won’t work for another.

I wouldn’t get hung up in “when” he is starting pre school, what you refer to is funding based but for private nurseries they will move children up “when they are ready” (could be early or late) or what suits the business.

 

[Mrs Cucumber]

He's your child and if your not happy, voice it.
I don't think your making a big deal out of it.
Hope his covid test is negative and he's soon feeling better

 

[Tree_]

I don't think you're being silly. But you do need to have a talk with them as I'm sure it can be easily rectified