Niomi Smart #31 Forky the porky and fourchette la baguette

[LolitaBlah]

Ladies and gentlemen, here is your new thread! Sorry for the delay, I litecherally had the longest day at work and just got home!!
Thank you to everyone who collaborated for the thread title, most of all @Lionsden and @Nitfey, it’s just pawfect.

Special mention to the other contender, also by the fabulous @Nitfey : Niomi Smart #31: Niomoi's three dimensions: dumb, dumber and dumbest

So, it's time for the recap but first:
Disclaimer 1: Stinky pimp porky forky and Dick Van Fork are the same person. You know who, get it done!
Disclaimer 2: if you’re eating skip it. It’s vomit inducing.


The recap of the Paris thread also known as: douche and douchette sniffing da baguette!
( Nimbobs and Forky, the romcom, episode 1)

• Dick Van Fork and Nimbitch la Fourchette have graced us with their royal presence for the weekend in Paris, one of the most multicultural cities in the world, the city where you go as a wanna be posh couple lovers to live your instagrammable booty call WE for your first intimate love escapade. Vomit.
• They obviously wore berets (because, people in paris only wear that otherwise you’re not in Paris) with an interesting combination of leopard printed coats, sweatpants, converses, corsets and scrappy heels. vomit
• Nimbitch found the one and only vegan bakery in the whole city… vomit.
• They went to the Louvre, at 5:30pm when it closes at 6:30 and they visited… the Lisa and the Mona… vomit.
• They saw some crowns of Kings and queens of France and now they want them for Christmas… vomit
• They went to a night show of half naked « females » and our favorite vegan Dimbobs had a very very intresting-100%-non-vegan dinner. Vomit.
• They took photos in front of notre Dame and it made Porky the Forky think of his childhood favorite Disney Movie. Vomit.
• They took photos in front of the Eiffel tour, and bam instagram. Photos in Place Vendome and bam instagram. In front of la seine for forky and Bam.. you guessed it… instafuckinggram.. vomit
• They ate a BROCHE. vomit
• Forky ate snails with a fork and then forked with fourchette. Yes that’s a whole sentence that makes a lot of sense. Vomit.
• They obviously stayed at Soho house, GASP.
• After spending 48 hours in Paris, Dick Van Fork became a tourist guide and his tip is to walk a lot when in Paris.. like waw Forky.. MIND BLOWN.

No masks were worn in this trip. As France (and Europe) is bracing itself for an awful covid and flue season, it pains me to see such idiots acting as if there is no pandemic going on right now in the world.

Oh moon!

 

[TheGlossy]

Fourchette la baguette Hilarious!

 

[Nitfey]

@LolitaBlah I made to the top! thank you to all the tattlers for the inspiration and words of wisdom you kindly share here. You are my everyday moral support! I could not make it without you.
And of course big thanks to the dipshits of internet for the never ending gringe and dumbsplosion. Merci beaucoup
Now..
Dick van fork and nimbitch eff off!

Redirect Notice

 

[Callan]

Waited patiently for this beauty of a thread, thank you!!!

 

[lurker306]

Can i just say that Niomi is one of the most boring influencers out there, i dont even hate watch her but this thread is easily one of my favourites, great job tattlers

 

[Joh73679]

Can we please stop with the daddy issue. We don't know anything about it, it is pure speculation! He could be in her life but doesn't want the attention or he could be dead or he could have no ties with her, we don't know. It is not fair to either give her some slack/be harsh with her for that. No one had a perfect family growing up, we are who we are, let's deal with the present. It will be different if we knew her situation, but we actually don't so literally everything is possible...

 

[irvinelane]

I just saw her latest post on Instagram where she’s pretending the Uber « unexpectedly » dropped her off « in the most scenic spot ». Is there something she doesn’t lie about? I mean, is that her life? Playing a role that doesn’t even suit her, pretending and overplaying everything? Like her recent story « literally can’t speak » or her photos half naked telling everyone she wasn’t cold.
My gosh, this is so bad, but Karma is so good.

 

[kalechips]

I just saw her latest post on Instagram where she’s pretending the Uber « unexpectedly » dropped her off « in the most scenic spot ». Is there something she doesn’t lie about? I mean, is that her life? Playing a role that doesn’t even suit her, pretending and overplaying everything? Like her recent story « literally can’t speak » or her photos half naked telling everyone she wasn’t cold.
My gosh, this is so bad, but Karma is so good.

Right? Am I missing something? Aside from the fact that it absolutely wasn't candid, you choose where you want to be dropped off, I don't get what she means by saying it was unexpected?

 

[all.things.blue]

This was not planned is as true as her claiming to not edit her pictures nor delete negative comments. She adooores playing the clueless.

Also, this reply.

 

[sitkx]

So many new faces joined this thread lately! Welcome friends

 

[all.things.blue]

So many new faces joined this thread lately! Welcome friends

Thank you! She became so annoying yet entertaining

 

[Coldfeet]

Right? Am I missing something? Aside from the fact that it absolutely wasn't candid, you choose where you want to be dropped off, I don't get what she means by saying it was unexpected?

Well Dimblobs expects us to believe that they didn't stage the shot. That porky wasn't positioned in the right spot to capture the cringe arrival of Lieomi- legs n all

 

[Callan]

Niomi pretending that she was unprepared and surprised at the Uber drop off location is the biggest joke of the day. It's like those cooking shows where the host has a meal cooked for a friend and then calls them on camera to ask how the food was, and you see the video of the person picking up their phone in their house being like "omg what a surprise" never mind the film crew.

 

[mg95]

The fact that she calls him "Brad" all the time now... ick. It's a perfectly inoffensive name and nickname and yet

 

[toanna1]

This was not planned is as true as her claiming to not edit her pictures nor delete negative comments. She adooores playing the clueless.

Also, this reply.

Where is the eyeroll reaction ? How to add that to reaction button ?

so she now calls Bradley as “Brad” !
She wasn’t expected to be filmed so that’s why she got off the car in slow motion in a movie scene ? Yea right

I think what she is saying about the car dropped them off with Eiffel Tower view was unexpected is right , because those dumbobs probably didn’t know the location they were going to was near by the Eiffel Tower or that it is visible from a large part of the city, because you know they probably don’t know how to check a map or connect with geography ! To do that simple thing they have to think and put a thought together which they aren’t capable of.

 

[judgejohndeed]

I know he can't help his name but imagine actually dating someone called Brad. You couldn't make it up could you.

 

[sitkx]

I know he can't help his name but imagine actually dating someone called Brad. You couldn't make it up could you.

The Brads of the thread when they see your post:

 

[Coldfeet]

I know he can't help his name but imagine actually dating someone called Brad. You couldn't make it up could you.

Brad the lad!

 

[judgejohndeed]

Sorry to any Brads. It's just so funny. Like she thinks she's Malibu Barbie finding her Ken but actually...he's just Forky Brad the Lad. Lolling.

 

[kalechips]

This was not planned is as true as her claiming to not edit her pictures nor delete negative comments. She adooores playing the clueless.

Also, this reply.

The constant mention of her hair being sOoO mEsSy, still trying so hard to emulate Anna