Niomi Smart #25 Like a fried haired cockatoo, legally bland and talking poo

[LolitaBlah]

No real thread titles were made but this last minute suggestion was really good so let's go with it! It's by @Coldfeet

So recap.. oh man.. the recap of nothing!

• she went on a podcast blahblah
• she finally came back from her family holiday
• still no videos
• still minimum effort on instagram
• she bleached and cut her hair, still a mess
• still on her no-food diet
• went on a lunch date (?) with that PT that I just can't be bothered to remember his name.. and she ate carrots and lettuce
• had an episode about full moons orbiting saturn or some tit about how the planets influence her life decisions and moods. I personally call it hormones and booze.
• She bleeping bought a new house in Brixton, 800sq, 740k and hell opened its gates on tattle between people loving it and people hating it. At this point I personnally don't give a tit.

God.. I always seem to make these recaps while I'm on bad mood and they come out super sarcastic and boring but hey... it's NioME's freaking pawfect tattle thread so boring it is

Happy Tattling

 

[Liptastic]

Just looked it up on council tax website and that house is all 1 property with council tax band H, which is £3183 a year So the building hasn't been split into 2 dwellings just yet?

So I guess we uncovered council tax fraud LOL Who wants to call the council to let them know?

 

[Coldfeet]

Just to say 3 of us put the new thread title together, I just can't remember the other 2 people-sorry

 

[Clover123]

It does seem a little odd that she's bought an annexe! I like the big windows and the outside bit and glass ceiling in the bedroom. But I saw so many nicer places in the area for around that price just doing a cursory search so it does seem like a weird choice.

But it's instagrammable! Pahhhfect!!!

 

[LolitaBlah]

Just to say 3 of us put the new thread title together, I just can't remember the other 2 people-sorry

Will check that out. Thanks


Edit: This is what I found. Only one of the 2 I can't really check all 52 pages and it didn't get a lot of votes to come in the most liked posts. Sorry to the third person.

 

[kale-supremacist]

Not surprised that her house is an annexe. As someone else stated before, it does resemble strangely Joey's parents guesthouse. I find it a bit airbnbish, but she always had peculiar taste for everything so her house is no exception.

 

[wakeup]

Can't she just buy a bleeping house, an oat milk latte, go to yoga, or do a tit without having to say things like "what a journey over the past year".

 

[Liptastic]

It does seem a little odd that she's bought an annexe! I

I do think having 2 extra gates before her front door is the reason she bought it. It's set back from the road and is very private (not from tattlers obviously ). The front gate on the main road is probably only unlocked with a key. I don't know how she will receive mail though, no place to leave parcels for the postman when she's out

 

[Callan]

@LolitaBlah. thank you for the new thread, you're the best!

 

[LolitaBlah]

@LolitaBlah. thank you for the new thread, you're the best!

Nah I'm not, I screwed the part about the title original posters

People please vote vote vote when people suggest titles! it helps to find them later we're on this "journey" together!

 

[Coldfeet]

I do think having 2 extra gates before her front door is the reason she bought it. It's set back from the road and is very private (not from tattlers obviously ). The front gate on the main road is probably only unlocked with a key. I don't know how she will receive mail though, no place to leave parcels for the postman when she's out

London deliveries- chuck 'em over the wall.

 

[Bestie_10]

The letting agent keeps banging on about it having a private secluded garden but how is that possible with the neighbour looking in?

“Having access to private outside space is more important than ever and the low-maintenance, secluded garden is the perfect space to relax and unwind in the warmer months.”

 

[Dwightschrute]

When you find out Nimbobs is your new (sort of) neighbour on Tattle

I never thought precious Niomi would move to my area! Don’t get me wrong I love it here but it’s definitely a bit more rough and ready than I ever thought she’d go for!

I could understand if she went more into the Abeville village area which is a bit more yummy mummy land, or Clapham old town. I can’t believe she’s on the road she’s chosen, for one it’s so loud and the traffic is insane during rush hour. I know she’s behind a couple of gates but that will still be so noisy.
I can imagine she’ll walk the much longer route through Abeville to get to the common instead of going through the main road which isn’t very instagrammable

She can say goodbye to any Jaguar collabs where she gets given a car for a few days, there’s nowhere to park unless she leaves it down a side road

 

[Tshads404]

I do think having 2 extra gates before her front door is the reason she bought it. It's set back from the road and is very private (not from tattlers obviously ). The front gate on the main road is probably only unlocked with a key. I don't know how she will receive mail though, no place to leave parcels for the postman when she's out

She’s helpless with keys (based on past vlogs)- let’s see how long it takes until she locks herself out!

 

[Shutterbug99]

Considering what people have said about the area/road (loud, noisy etc.) and the set-up of the house with shared entrances and windows, I wonder if Nims knows the owners of the big house - and maybe that's why the window etc is not a big deal to her? Also, I'm curious as to the mention of Niomi's place appearing in magazines - maybe the owners of the big house have some sort of media connections. I could probably look further into this but I have to go to sleep!

 

[jaymie]

I semi believe in feng shui and energy. Buying a garage/annexe/servant house that is shadowed away feels like a bad juju to me. Is like my entire ‘existence’ is to be kept hidden / secondary if that make sense, like a mistress basically. Does the property even get direct sun light?
Typing this in my shifty zone 4 flat.

 

[toanna1]

Did she buy the whole thing by any chance ?

 

[cherryblossomlatte]

I read the title as “legally bald” and I was like, yeah she is frying her hair going blonde, that makes sense

 

[Sheabutter]

I semi believe in feng shui and energy. Buying a garage/annexe/servant house that is shadowed away feels like a bad juju to me. Is like my entire ‘existence’ is to be kept hidden / secondary if that make sense, like a mistress basically. Does the property even get direct sun light?
Typing this in my shifty zone 4 flat.

I love my shadowed away flat. It’s literally five feet from the building’s entrance but you have to know where it is to be able to find it. If I buzz in a delivery person, they’re normally 20+ feet away from my door before I catch them- that’s how easy it is to miss.

I live alone so I like to think that if something ever went down and I screamed, everyone would hear me haha. I live in a nice neighborhood but anything is possible when you’re getting things delivered.

ETA: My intercom is not next to the front door yet (upgrade TC in September) but delivery people still look completely bewildered when I poke my head out to flag them back. I feel like Houdini

 

[cowsgomoo]

Did she buy the whole thing by any chance ?

I somehow doubt it...the 2-bed alone was nearly a mil. I bet the price of the big house and the land would be eye-watering.

I wonder if the big house was for sale too though...maybe Granny T or her parents wanted London property and Nims was along for the ride?