Nightmare/clingy Ex Stories?

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Hello!
Myself and my partner have been together for just over a year and it was not until this year that he stopped contact with his previous girlfriend. They had been together for six years and broke up in 2017. She didn’t take the break up very well but they remained good friends (they weren’t engaged and had no kids together) we’re all between the ages of 23 and 25.

I was not happy about them being friendly with each other as he still had phone calls with her and meet up for a coffee plans. Anything he’d post on social media, she’d like it straight away unless it was something that had me featured in it. I warned him that I thought she still clearly had a big thing for him but he insisted she didn’t as any time he’d want to get back together with her she’d say no. I basically gave him an ultimatum and felt really out of order about it because I believed him that they were just friends, I just didn’t want her lingering over us for the rest of our relationship.

at the start of this year, He told her that he didn’t want contact with her anymore and she basically saw it as an opportunity to confess her undying love for him but he told her it would never happen and she went in a mood and took it upon herself to message his mother to complain about this decision! His mother of course took her side and I look like the bad person.

His brother recently had a baby and she of course has stuck her nose into it and has been visiting and overly friendly with his family and has been non stop messaging my boyfriend again about the newborn.

Has anybody else got similar stories to this? All my friends think it’s bizarre and until he got rid of her (or tried to) I felt like I was in a three way relationship!
 
Hello!
Myself and my partner have been together for just over a year and it was not until this year that he stopped contact with his previous girlfriend. They had been together for six years and broke up in 2017. She didn’t take the break up very well but they remained good friends (they weren’t engaged and had no kids together) we’re all between the ages of 23 and 25.

I was not happy about them being friendly with each other as he still had phone calls with her and meet up for a coffee plans. Anything he’d post on social media, she’d like it straight away unless it was something that had me featured in it. I warned him that I thought she still clearly had a big thing for him but he insisted she didn’t as any time he’d want to get back together with her she’d say no. I basically gave him an ultimatum and felt really out of order about it because I believed him that they were just friends, I just didn’t want her lingering over us for the rest of our relationship.

at the start of this year, He told her that he didn’t want contact with her anymore and she basically saw it as an opportunity to confess her undying love for him but he told her it would never happen and she went in a mood and took it upon herself to message his mother to complain about this decision! His mother of course took her side and I look like the bad person.

His brother recently had a baby and she of course has stuck her nose into it and has been visiting and overly friendly with his family and has been non stop messaging my boyfriend again about the newborn.

Has anybody else got similar stories to this? All my friends think it’s bizarre and until he got rid of her (or tried to) I felt like I was in a three way relationship!
Why are you putting up with this?!

sorry but this is not a case of this girl clinging onto your boyfriend-he’s equally at fault and is a willing participant. If her really didn’t want to have anything to do with her then, frankly, she wouldn’t be an issue. She’s still in his life because he wants her to be, wether he admits that to you or himself or not.
you obviously can’t control wether she has a relationship with any other members of his family, but again, if your boyfriend really was finished with her I’m sure he could speak to his family and put an end to that.
 
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I was with my ex for 14 years, we split up last January and it was only on Friday that we decided to cut all contact and stop meeting up. It was nothing more than friendship on my part but I know that it would be no good for other relationships. It’s something we’ve went back and forth on for an entire year and it is hard because you just want to be able to keep in contact and know what they’re up to/if they are ok.
 
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Had a similar issue with my now husband. His ex kept telling people we were a phase and she would turn up at his parents unexpectedly for tea. The final straw for me was when we found out that a niece who was born way after they split up was calling her “auntie” when in fact by marriage I was their aunt. My husband had to go round and have a word with her parents to try and get her to stop interfering with our family. Granted she was 8 years younger so at the time was around 20 but still, she wouldn’t get the bloody hint. All is fine now and it’s been a few years since but clingy exes are the absolute worst, especially when they’re in denial!
 
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To be honest if I was in a relationship with someone that wanted me to cut somebody else out I would have to seriously consider the relationship. Just comes across a bit controlling.
 
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To be honest if I was in a relationship with someone that wanted me to cut somebody else out I would have to seriously consider the relationship. Just comes across a bit controlling.
I djdnt tell him to cut her out I said that he needs to think about my feelings because he wouldn’t like it if it was the opposite way around. I just said if you want to stay in contact include me in it more and he said it needs to be cut off completely
 
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To be honest if I was in a relationship with someone that wanted me to cut somebody else out I would have to seriously consider the relationship. Just comes across a bit controlling.
i think it’s completely fair and reasonable though if it’s an ex partner who is making life difficult? I agree with you if it’s a friend or family member or someone completely unrelated and innocent then yes, that is controlling, but you must set some boundaries for yourself and be respected.
 
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Feel terrible for you.
My husbands ex was awful. She told everyone we had an affair (which we didn’t), destroyed all of the property that was still at her flat including pissing over a bag of his clothes. She was just absolute scum. She just never ever could handle the fact he had moved on from her. Whenever they split up in the past he went back to her and she used to relish that. The thing is we both put on a united front, kept our head high and never ever sunk to her level. If you guys aren’t joining up on this and he’s allowing his family to still have a relationship with her then you need to walk away. It’s not worth it.
 
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Difficult!
I think exes can have a friendship, but I also think it doesn’t seem genuine if he/she isn’t making an effort to respect or include the new partner(s) in the dynamic. Does that make sense? This ex sounds like she hasn’t got over him properly IMO.

I am friends with my ex, this is b/c we have a daughter (I know this is different), but I grew up in the midst of my parents toxic divorce, I think it’s so important for those with kids together to try their best to be amicable if possible. My now husband, and his now Fiancée - we are all friendly. x
 
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My husband had an ex who befriended my sister in law. Pretty sure they just wanted to wind me up and it worked - doh!
 
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I am naturally jealous so I would hate this! My husband had a house with his ex for a while so she would text him often and I’d get annoyed seeing her name pop up (never told him that though). They have a lot of mutual friends so he still bumps into her now and they say hi to each other which I don’t mind, but a full friendship, meeting for coffee etc is an absolutely no-go for me. I wouldn’t want to be with someone that would put me in that situation.
 
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I have been in a similar sort of situation and am ashamed to say I issued an ultimatum too. Soon after I did so and my partner chose to cut the other woman off, I regretted it and backtracked because I hated how controlling it seemed even though it felt like the only option at the time. However, trust was broken after this and my partner felt confused and unable to make his own decisions. Hindsight is 20/20, I’d never do it again

I’m really not sure what to say because the situation seems to be kind of resolved between you and your boyfriend at least. If you had a time machine I’d advise you to go back and remove yourself from the situation (even just temporarily) rather than make an ultimatum. His ex is obviously still hurt and screwed up over the relationship, and definitely trying to cause relationship issues between you two, and unfortunately it seems like you fell for the bait. Now she looks like an innocent victim and you look like a controlling girlfriend. The only thing I can advise is damage control - think carefully and don’t do anything else to dig yourself deeper. If your boyfriend wanted to be with her, he would have left by now. She’s not a threat so don’t let her believe she is

I don’t really understand what this ultimatum involved if she’s not blocked though? Maybe you need to talk with your boyfriend about why he still puts up with her?

Feeling like you’re in a three way relationship though - can completely relate to that. The “other woman” in my situation wasn’t even his ex and had known him for less time that I had, yet it still felt like she was part of the relationship. I remember saying to my boyfriend “I’m not interested in dating her” because it felt like I was at times. My boyfriend would also say stuff sometimes as if she was his girlfriend and I was the third wheel - made me so upset and angry at the time but eventually I had to confront the fact that he had agency and was being a dick as well as her 🤷‍♀️
 
To be honest if I was in a relationship with someone that wanted me to cut somebody else out I would have to seriously consider the relationship. Just comes across a bit controlling.
Depends on the circumstances though. Someone in a new relationship issuing that kind of ultimatum would be huge red flag for sure, but if someone is constantly inserting themselves into your partner's life long after the break up then it needs addressed.
The two longest relationships I had ended in friendship but once they found partners who seemed there for the long term I slowly withdrew from being too chummy with them. It's not 'girl code' which is a load of shite quite frankly, it's common decency.
 
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Unfortunately I am a jealous person in relationships (it’s something I don’t like about myself though and try to keep it in check). I would hate if my partner still talked to his ex.

I was with my ex for 6 years and thought he was “the one” for about 5 and a half of those 6 years...we thought we would stay friends but as soon as he met someone else it seemed like the decent thing to do on my part was take a step back. 4 years later and we don’t talk at all and as far as I’m concerned that’s the way it should be!

Also - my ex’s ex was an absolute pain in the arse, she cheated on him but in order to cover herself told everyone he was a psycho who abused her. Once he blocked her on Facebook so she kept ringing and texting him. In the end I answered his phone and said if she carried on I would have no problem in telling her current boyfriend what she was doing. Funnily enough we never heard from her again...
 
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My ex broke up with me but when I started seeing my fiancé he saw his arse and kept in contact stringing me along. I was only 18 so I was naive to what he was doing. It was a good 6 months before I cut contact completely but not before he practically stalked me.

My boyfriend (now fiancé) and I had gone out with some friends and my exes friends were out. This was a time were you didn't go out without predrinking with your friends so when I didn't see him I was sure he wasn't out. A few hours later I get a soppy "I hope you're happy with him, you'll make a great girlfriend" blah blah blah message and he was stood right behind me! My fella went over to him and shared some very choice words with him. After that if he ever saw us out and about he would leave at the earliest opportunity (even if it meant leaving his friends behind).

We ended up at the same gym a few years later which was awkward haha, normally I'd always let on to someone I know but he couldn't even look at me 😂🤦🏼‍♀️
 
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