New baby and post birth advice #42 If only it would fit in a Kallax

[Chrisxo]

My baby’s only 12 weeks and people are constantly asking me about going back to work/uni like I just want to enjoy this Time

 

[Kirsteaplz]

I need some advice if that’s ok team… I’m just gonna preface, this will end up being a bit of a rant so please bear with me and scroll past if you don’t have time!

We sent our boundary note out to our families this weekend because baby boy is coming next week.

Spoiler: Parental boundary issue

I knew the please don’t bring a dog to our house wouldn’t go down well with my parents because my mum is joined at the hip with her cockapoo who is six years old. That said by her own admission, he does not like children and the times he has come to our house, he has consistently barked at our cats despite them being in another room or outside.

We are going to be brand-new parents, and as we don’t have a dog ourselves, it’s a hurdle we don’t need to jump over just yet. My parents have message back to the boundary message saying “we ask that we all respect each other’s lifestyle choices and accept the how that may affect us all without judgment“. I’m not really sure what to expect me to do with this information as I’m not budging.

My son is and will always be my priority. It’s not my fault that they’ve got attachment issues with their dog. About 18 months ago, they had to lock him away when my cousin’s children came to visit their house because he doesn’t like children and he might have hurt them.

I don’t want to cause any arguments or animosity, but this is causing me an additional stress ahead of baby arriving. I know because we have quite a close relationship (despite being it being quite a quirky one!), there will be lots of people asking me if mum and dad have been over yet.

I don’t want to lie either - if the reason they’re not coming to visit is because their dog is not welcome. I’m going to say that.

There have been a few instances during my pregnancy when he has been left at home for a few hours for them to go to a comedy gig, for lunch and to friends houses, so I really thought this was in preparation for their grandson arriving.

Also, I think it’s important to note that prior to them getting a dog six years ago, dogs were not welcome in my family home.

Does anyone have any experience of anything similar / tips for processing / dealing with / getting over this kind of thing as it’s quite upsetting to be honest.

I’m sorry to hear they have reacted like this. I’ve not had to deal with this situation myself as both myself and parents have a dog, however saying that when we have had newborns we have always kept the dog and babies separated for the first few weeks/month for the sake of the dogs more then anything. Maybe you can highlight that you do respect their choice and wouldn’t want to put the dog through the stress of a newborn … when we had our 1st baby my parents had an elderly rescue dog who got incredibly stressed by being in the same room as the baby and would tremble. We currently have a dog and a 3 week old and at present they have only been in the same room on a few occasions as again our dog gets stressed out by the baby crying so we are slowly trying to get the dog use to them. If your parents dog has not been near a newborn then you don’t know how it may react, especially if it’s not in its own home… surely your parents can compromise on the dog not coming to your house, but if you are at theirs then the dog may be around as it’s their house? (and then you don’t need to go theirs if you’re not comfortable with the dog being around your child)

 

[Gossipgirl79]

Hey guys new to the thread! Feels weird moving over from the pregnancy thread had my little boy 6 days ago and I know this place will be a life saver x

It’s lovely seeing the same names come over! My little girl is a week old today so think we’re at similar points.

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

Hi everyone I had my baby boy 8 days ago. It goes so fast the second time
Does anyone have experience of coaleeping with a toddler/3 year old and a newborn?
i have a king bed and the newborn will not go into the next to me so he’s in bed with me. I was Sleeping with my daughter in her bed and she’s struggling without me. Her dad is with her but she’s really feeling the loss of me

 

[stardust1]

I need some advice if that’s ok team… I’m just gonna preface, this will end up being a bit of a rant so please bear with me and scroll past if you don’t have time!

We sent our boundary note out to our families this weekend because baby boy is coming next week.

Spoiler: Parental boundary issue

I knew the please don’t bring a dog to our house wouldn’t go down well with my parents because my mum is joined at the hip with her cockapoo who is six years old. That said by her own admission, he does not like children and the times he has come to our house, he has consistently barked at our cats despite them being in another room or outside.

We are going to be brand-new parents, and as we don’t have a dog ourselves, it’s a hurdle we don’t need to jump over just yet. My parents have message back to the boundary message saying “we ask that we all respect each other’s lifestyle choices and accept the how that may affect us all without judgment“. I’m not really sure what to expect me to do with this information as I’m not budging.

My son is and will always be my priority. It’s not my fault that they’ve got attachment issues with their dog. About 18 months ago, they had to lock him away when my cousin’s children came to visit their house because he doesn’t like children and he might have hurt them.

I don’t want to cause any arguments or animosity, but this is causing me an additional stress ahead of baby arriving. I know because we have quite a close relationship (despite being it being quite a quirky one!), there will be lots of people asking me if mum and dad have been over yet.

I don’t want to lie either - if the reason they’re not coming to visit is because their dog is not welcome. I’m going to say that.

There have been a few instances during my pregnancy when he has been left at home for a few hours for them to go to a comedy gig, for lunch and to friends houses, so I really thought this was in preparation for their grandson arriving.

Also, I think it’s important to note that prior to them getting a dog six years ago, dogs were not welcome in my family home.

Does anyone have any experience of anything similar / tips for processing / dealing with / getting over this kind of thing as it’s quite upsetting to be honest.

Yes we have the similar problem, unfortunately it never got better but I am sticking to it now. My husbands dad’s girlfriend had 2 very untrained dogs including a very large puppy and FIL has 1 dog of his own. my son used to stay ober when he was about 2 months old until i found out they were lying about the dogs being locked away and they had jumped on me and there was dog hairs in his bottles etc so I asked for a gate for the dogs and they refused. The girlfriend has never saw him since and FIL about 4/5x since for 15 minutes. Son is now 15mI personally just don’t allow dogs around him and never have, you say you have never let the dog in your house anyway so I would remind them of that. It is your rules if they have a problem that’s on them, i don’t think it is unreasonable. X

 

[Jellybean093]

I need some advice if that’s ok team… I’m just gonna preface, this will end up being a bit of a rant so please bear with me and scroll past if you don’t have time!

We sent our boundary note out to our families this weekend because baby boy is coming next week.

Spoiler: Parental boundary issue

I knew the please don’t bring a dog to our house wouldn’t go down well with my parents because my mum is joined at the hip with her cockapoo who is six years old. That said by her own admission, he does not like children and the times he has come to our house, he has consistently barked at our cats despite them being in another room or outside.

We are going to be brand-new parents, and as we don’t have a dog ourselves, it’s a hurdle we don’t need to jump over just yet. My parents have message back to the boundary message saying “we ask that we all respect each other’s lifestyle choices and accept the how that may affect us all without judgment“. I’m not really sure what to expect me to do with this information as I’m not budging.

My son is and will always be my priority. It’s not my fault that they’ve got attachment issues with their dog. About 18 months ago, they had to lock him away when my cousin’s children came to visit their house because he doesn’t like children and he might have hurt them.

I don’t want to cause any arguments or animosity, but this is causing me an additional stress ahead of baby arriving. I know because we have quite a close relationship (despite being it being quite a quirky one!), there will be lots of people asking me if mum and dad have been over yet.

I don’t want to lie either - if the reason they’re not coming to visit is because their dog is not welcome. I’m going to say that.

There have been a few instances during my pregnancy when he has been left at home for a few hours for them to go to a comedy gig, for lunch and to friends houses, so I really thought this was in preparation for their grandson arriving.

Also, I think it’s important to note that prior to them getting a dog six years ago, dogs were not welcome in my family home.

Does anyone have any experience of anything similar / tips for processing / dealing with / getting over this kind of thing as it’s quite upsetting to be honest.

Eeek! I think you have done a really good thing setting boundaries before baby comes. You are WELL within your right to ask them not to bring their dog. If the birth of their grandchild isn’t enough to leave the dog at home, nothing else will
My mum is overbearing. Always wants to be the first to hold the baby, and the boundaries don’t affect her because she’s the mum/nanny, and tbh, we do it to keep her happy. Completely different but my sister is getting married next year. They can’t legally get married outdoors, so they have to do a registry office, but my mum is fuming because they only want 2 witnesses there. She doesn’t care about the other parents not being there, just her (I know, I’ve gone off on a tangent ) but she will never be told no

 

[Daisydunn15]

It’s lovely seeing the same names come over! My little girl is a week old today so think we’re at similar points.

I think I cried the first time I switched threads, cried deleting all the pregnancy progression apps too. Those hormones man

 

[Hushpuppy]

But there's a few of us reflux mums here who tried infacol and noticed a correlation with reflux symptoms getting worse/lasting longer.

We were one of them. We quickly ditched the infacol after starting it because it made him flare up even worse, definitely something to key an eye on

 

[WhatABore]

I need some advice if that’s ok team… I’m just gonna preface, this will end up being a bit of a rant so please bear with me and scroll past if you don’t have time!

We sent our boundary note out to our families this weekend because baby boy is coming next week.

Spoiler: Parental boundary issue

I knew the please don’t bring a dog to our house wouldn’t go down well with my parents because my mum is joined at the hip with her cockapoo who is six years old. That said by her own admission, he does not like children and the times he has come to our house, he has consistently barked at our cats despite them being in another room or outside.

We are going to be brand-new parents, and as we don’t have a dog ourselves, it’s a hurdle we don’t need to jump over just yet. My parents have message back to the boundary message saying “we ask that we all respect each other’s lifestyle choices and accept the how that may affect us all without judgment“. I’m not really sure what to expect me to do with this information as I’m not budging.

My son is and will always be my priority. It’s not my fault that they’ve got attachment issues with their dog. About 18 months ago, they had to lock him away when my cousin’s children came to visit their house because he doesn’t like children and he might have hurt them.

I don’t want to cause any arguments or animosity, but this is causing me an additional stress ahead of baby arriving. I know because we have quite a close relationship (despite being it being quite a quirky one!), there will be lots of people asking me if mum and dad have been over yet.

I don’t want to lie either - if the reason they’re not coming to visit is because their dog is not welcome. I’m going to say that.

There have been a few instances during my pregnancy when he has been left at home for a few hours for them to go to a comedy gig, for lunch and to friends houses, so I really thought this was in preparation for their grandson arriving.

Also, I think it’s important to note that prior to them getting a dog six years ago, dogs were not welcome in my family home.

Does anyone have any experience of anything similar / tips for processing / dealing with / getting over this kind of thing as it’s quite upsetting to be honest.

As others have said, your house your rules.
I would have stopped them bringing the dog the second it caused stress to the cats, personally.
I'd I'd expect them to respect that, nevermind respect it when it is regarding a baby!

Even more so when they're happy to leave it to go other places!

I am very much a dog person and know people don't like leaving them sometimes.
But I'd also fully respect someone else's rules for their house!

 

[Definitelyme]

@anon1405 so they expect you to respect their lifestyle choice of having a dog, but refuse to accept your decision to not have dogs around your baby? Showing their priorities really, aren’t they?
As others say I would stand you ground. “I’m not comfortable having a dog in our house with a newborn baby, when I also don’t know how I will feel after birth. You will both be welcome to visit, as long as the dog does not come.” Be clear and concise x

---

Hi everyone I had my baby boy 8 days ago. It goes so fast the second time
Does anyone have experience of coaleeping with a toddler/3 year old and a newborn?
i have a king bed and the newborn will not go into the next to me so he’s in bed with me. I was Sleeping with my daughter in her bed and she’s struggling without me. Her dad is with her but she’s really feeling the loss of me

Yes I have coslept with all mine, including two at a time over the years. I sleep in the middle, baby on one side and toddler on the other.

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

@Definitelyme how did you make it safe for the newborn? Did they keep each other up? Or did you wake the toddler up when changing/feeding the baby? He has tongue tie which is hopefully getting sorted on Friday but means I have to wake him up with lights and change to get a decent feed in him. We saw every hour on the clock and she beat her dad up all night so we’re all knackered

 

[Borntorun]

new thread time!!

New baby and post birth advice #43 no title needed, no suggestions made

You’re slacking guys. We even went a page over and no title suggestions. Guide to the thread for new members: Dress code? Pyjamas This thread is designed to provide support. If you can’t be supportive and find something nice to say, perhaps mumsnet is a better place for you Nothing is off...

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