I really hope you’re content and have happy times xBoth of my parents are very toxic.
My dad never lived with my mum and me, he did spend a fair amount of time with me though as a young child. He always favoured my sister over me and allowed her to bully me even though she was 7 years older. She used to hit me and call me names and he did nothing about it. He would take us out together and buy her stuff and not me...
then when I was about 11 he got a girlfriend who had 3 kids, one being a girl in my year at school. He did everything for them, took them out places, took them to school, went to parents evenings, all things he never did with me... He also bought her daughter(the one in my year) a laptop for Christmas and he bought me a £1 deodorant set from Poundland... his girlfriend once asked him who did he love more, me or his dog, he just replied “well the dog has been there for me for a long time so” so basically the dog! As he clearly didn’t love me!
He never made any effort with me the whole time he was with her and when I was about 18 I had an argument with my sister and he took her side and never spoke to me again... apart from at his mum’s funeral, he acted the doting dad and then blanked me afterwards.
Then there’s my mum. She has really bad depression and is an alcoholic. When I was a child she would sometimes lie in bed all day and I’d have to fend for myself or I’d come home from school with my brother and she would be drunk at 4pm... she always put everything else first, my brother, her work, herself, i never felt like I mattered to her, she was too wrapped up in her own problems. She still hasn’t changed, I do most things for her now that her health is failing and she still makes me feel like I’m not good enough.
there’s so much more I could say, but i just wish I could have had a nice normal family. Neither of my parents were the hugging type, neither would they tell me they loved me or that they’re proud of me.
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I really hope you’re content and have happy times x
I have a narc mother and she’s done a lot of the things mentioned in this thread.
There’s pretty much nothing you can do about a narc except distance yourself from them. I’m almost 10 years into having nothing to do with mine and the peace is bliss.
There’s pretty much nothing you can do about a narc except distance yourself from them. I’m almost 10 years into having nothing to do with mine and the peace is bliss.
I've cut all contact with them, it has been about 5 years now. I still panic that they will try contact me or try and just show up somewhere. I have to protect myself.
I should of done it sooner.
I should of done it sooner.
I have been reading this thread and was avoiding to comment on it as somehow made me feel uncomfortable. The truth is, this felt so personal and as always, I was trying to deny it all and hide it. I never wanted to speak of it or even read about it as I was ashamed but seeing so many of you talking about it made me actually search for the terms and oh boy! Thank you for everyone to be so open about it and I'm sorry anyone needed to deal this such a mess. Sending love 
I think one of the biggest problems for me now that I’m an adult is that I’m just so bitter all the time. My parents split up before I was born and my mum never had another serious relationship again.
Aside from both my parents being very toxic, I do just wish that I’d had that happy childhood that so many people do. When I see happy families together I get so bitter about it all, I’d give anything to experience happily married parents and a happy childhood. Don’t get me wrong I know no family is perfect, but some people do have a lovely childhood and i hate that I never got to experience that.
I never got to experience being adored and truly lovely by my parents, I never got to feel like I was the centre of their world, I never got to experience happy family days out and holidays, even our Christmas was miserable as both parents hated Christmas and still do! I always felt like an inconvenience and like I was something that was in the way and now I always feel like there’s a hole in my life that will never be filled and I always feel like this weird stomach flip whenever I see really happy families...
Aside from both my parents being very toxic, I do just wish that I’d had that happy childhood that so many people do. When I see happy families together I get so bitter about it all, I’d give anything to experience happily married parents and a happy childhood. Don’t get me wrong I know no family is perfect, but some people do have a lovely childhood and i hate that I never got to experience that.
I never got to experience being adored and truly lovely by my parents, I never got to feel like I was the centre of their world, I never got to experience happy family days out and holidays, even our Christmas was miserable as both parents hated Christmas and still do! I always felt like an inconvenience and like I was something that was in the way and now I always feel like there’s a hole in my life that will never be filled and I always feel like this weird stomach flip whenever I see really happy families...
I know exactly how you feel. I feel that too, that emptiness and bitterness.
Without being too specific, have recently had babies born to people close to me and seeing how they are doted on by their parents, clearly loved and wanted babies. It honestly makes me feel sick sitting in the same room with them I am so uncomfortable watching it. Not even going to try explain it to anyone cos that would make me sound like a complete psycho to these normal people who had normal childhoods. Its just a burden that I have to carry and deal with alone.
My parents’ maltreatment of my brothers and I came into sharp focus for me when I had my own children. I take the positives wherever I can and know for certain my daughters will always be cherished by me, treated fairly but indulged sometimes and always shown unconditional love.
So glad I’m not alone in this feeling.
I know what you mean too, about seeing people dote and adore their babies/children. I feel the same way too as I know it’s something I never experienced myself. I wasn’t a wanted or loved child, let alone adored or doted on. I can’t stand to watch either, it makes me feel sick too.
I also can’t stand watching parents allowing their children to get away with everything either, I wasn’t allowed to even be the slightest bit naughty as a child otherwise I’d be punished, but some parents adore and dote on their children so much they just won’t stop them from doing anything. I remember when I was a child, if a teacher or another parent in the soft play made a complaint about me, I’d get into huge trouble even if I hadn’t done what I was accused of, it was like my mum was never on my side, like she was never fighting my corner.
When I was in school my mum used to always tell me she hopes i get bullied. And boy did i get bullied! I wasn't taught anything about taking care of myself at home, starting from basics like taking a shower! In fact we were encouraged not to since it was a waste of water, I can't even imagine how bad I smelled since I didn't wash and no one told me that you were for example supposed to change your underwear daily minimum! I catch myself saying things like what the f*ck do they need a bath every day when we can hear our neighbours kids in the bathroom (thin walls
) and i know that's messed up!If we spoke when we were visiting relatives or family friends as kids, or if we took one too many biscuits in my mum's opinion, we got an earful in the car and then a beating at home. Now i watch kids out there and they do what the hell they want, no one says anything. Family friend has a baby who always tries to grab my glasses and I get shouted at for not letting him take them! I would have been beaten to a pulp as a kid if I tried to do something like that.
This thread breaks my heart 
so sorry for all of you
so sorry for all of youHow awful. I don’t understand how parents can do such horrible things to their own children, it’s such a sad world isn’t it.When I was in school my mum used to always tell me she hopes i get bullied. And boy did i get bullied! I wasn't taught anything about taking care of myself at home, starting from basics like taking a shower! In fact we were encouraged not to since it was a waste of water, I can't even imagine how bad I smelled since I didn't wash and no one told me that you were for example supposed to change your underwear daily minimum! I catch myself saying things like what the f*ck do they need a bath every day when we can hear our neighbours kids in the bathroom (thin walls
If we spoke when we were visiting relatives or family friends as kids, or if we took one too many biscuits in my mum's opinion, we got an earful in the car and then a beating at home. Now i watch kids out there and they do what the hell they want, no one says anything. Family friend has a baby who always tries to grab my glasses and I get shouted at for not letting him take them! I would have been beaten to a pulp as a kid if I tried to do something like that.
Bossy children get on my nerves a fair bit, especially bossy little girls. I had no confidence as a child so I was never ever bossy, it used to wind me up how bossy some of the girls in my class could be, even when I was very little I still sort of knew they were bossy because of how their parents worshipped them. It still annoys me now to be honest.
My mum hardly saw me when I was in primary school because she worked about 60 hours a week, anything to get a way from me! I used to be so jealous seeing kids in my class being picked up by their parents (I went to a childminder and she was a witch!).
I don’t think my experiences are as bad as some people on here, my mum did slap me on the legs and she was cold and uninterested in me and my life, but I’d say I was probably emotionally neglected and I was probably emotionally abused by my dad.
When I was a child, my mum used to encourage my brother to hit me to try and “toughen” me up. She would pit him against me and I’ve never been a fighter; I can argue my way out of a paper bag just fine, but I’ve never resorted to physical violence. I don’t like the idea of hurting someone. I used to make excuses for my mum’s behaviours towards me for a long time because she had a rough upbringing herself (her father was physically abusive towards her and my grandmother) and my own father was violent towards her.
I was quiet and shy and just very awkward growing up (I do believe I could be on the autistic spectrum, especially now that I have children who are and I know more about it, but that’s another matter entirely). She and my brother used to gang up on me, and would often taunt me or embarrass me because I was athletically challenged. I was often told I was “fat” and it was thrown in my face a lot to the point where my brother did it too and she just allowed it. When I had a breakdown in my mid twenties and my depression was recognised, she had the cheek to cry about it and make me feel like I was in the wrong for upsetting her when I was the one who had been hurting for so long. I’ve only recently started to let my husband know more about the things I went through growing up, there is a lot more, but it’s complicated and I don’t feel comfortable opening up about certain things.
Now that I’m older, I have to admit that I feel like I have the upper hand now because although we still have a relationship (if somewhat strained - lucky if we see each other once every fortnight), she knows that I will cut her off if she treads too far with me. I’m not the same little girl who was so easily pushed around, I will give as good as I get. I can tell because she’s very careful with how she talks to me now and I know it’s because she lives in fear that I would stop her from seeing her grandchildren.
I was quiet and shy and just very awkward growing up (I do believe I could be on the autistic spectrum, especially now that I have children who are and I know more about it, but that’s another matter entirely). She and my brother used to gang up on me, and would often taunt me or embarrass me because I was athletically challenged. I was often told I was “fat” and it was thrown in my face a lot to the point where my brother did it too and she just allowed it. When I had a breakdown in my mid twenties and my depression was recognised, she had the cheek to cry about it and make me feel like I was in the wrong for upsetting her when I was the one who had been hurting for so long. I’ve only recently started to let my husband know more about the things I went through growing up, there is a lot more, but it’s complicated and I don’t feel comfortable opening up about certain things.
Now that I’m older, I have to admit that I feel like I have the upper hand now because although we still have a relationship (if somewhat strained - lucky if we see each other once every fortnight), she knows that I will cut her off if she treads too far with me. I’m not the same little girl who was so easily pushed around, I will give as good as I get. I can tell because she’s very careful with how she talks to me now and I know it’s because she lives in fear that I would stop her from seeing her grandchildren.
The emotional neglect, and the cold attitude from my mum was and is so much harder to deal with than the physical abuse. Sounds like you are the same.
Also the lack of physical closeness, I don't remember once being hugged or kissed or picked up to sit on someone's lap. To this day I hate being touched, that bothers my husband quite a bit. I can't just spontaneously touch someone and I will run if someone tries to touch me. It's just completely alien to me.
I know what you mean about physical closeness. I can’t deal with it either except with my children; even then I can feel overwhelmed and “touched out” quite a bit. I can take it in small doses from my husband, but not really with anyone else. It feels forced and I feel uncomfortable. My mum was never “cuddly” with me. It was like we had to be tough, because she was.
Yes definitely, I’ve only ever had a slap on the legs, so I can’t say how I’d feel if I’d been physically beaten and abused, but I know the emotional neglect from them both broke my heart and it still does.
I am very similar in that sense, I can’t stand people touching me, I don’t mind if it’s my partner, but with anyone else it really annoys me. I can’t stand being hugged by people. It just feels so weird to me. It’s one of the many reasons why I won’t have children, I couldn’t stand them touching me all the time. Someone put their hand on my shoulder in a shop and I wanted to punch them.
I am very uncomfortable when I am expected to hold and play with someone else's kids. I hate the feeling of someone on my skin. I have been pushed out of SIL's kids life because I never asked to hold them etc so she doesn't want to know me now.
Like above, it's hard not being a 'normal' woman who naturally plays with kids etc. You get pushed out of people's lives because they don't understand why you are the way you are and you definitely can't tell them there's just more ridicule if you do.
That’s awful, for you and the children. There’s more to relationships than physical closeness, not everyone is tactile for whatever reason and you clearly have your reasons for not feeling comfortable with it. If anybody has taught me that it’s my kids, one is very tactile and the other is the complete opposite (it has to be on his terms).
My MIL must think I’m a stuck up witch because she’s very “huggy” when we visit and whenever greeting her or saying goodbye I tend to do everything I can to avoid an actual hug from her. I just can’t.
Hello, I wonder can anyone give me some advice please? It’s probably more helpful in this forum as nobody will be biased or have personal involvement. My Dad is a narcissist and I don’t have a relationship with him anymore. I am 31. He had me when he was very young and my Mum (an angel) and him split up when I was about 4. I have always been extremely close to my paternal grandparents as I feel that they stood in where he was absent and as a result of this, I almost feel like they are “my Dad” if you know what I mean. He’s a very controlling man, money is his God and he is never wrong. So much so that on the one occasion where he actually apologised to me (after I asked, which makes it not even count anyway) he said “sorry” in a mocking voice, like you would do if you were doing an impression of someone you don’t like. He’s obsessed with power, image, being intelligent and being portrayed as successful and hilarious to the outside world. When I was younger he used to come into my life and try and compensate for his absence or horrible personality by buying me expensive things and at times I thought this was great, but now I’m old enough to have sense. You can’t buy love. I’ve often felt guilty in the past about the condition of our relationship and I think it’s just in you to want to get along because “he’s your Dad”, but deep down I know that every time I reach out to try and make things better he ends up hurting me again and just being mean and controlling. He doesn’t ask “how are you?”, it’ll be “how much money do you earn?” or look for some kind of recognition for example when I mention that I bumped into someone he’ll say “did they ask about me? Do they know I’m your Dad?”.
My issue is that I’m getting married this year. I didn’t contact him to tell him that I got engaged and currently, I do not plan on inviting him to the wedding. My fiancé doesn’t know him. But my fiancé has got notifications on his LinkedIn to say that my Dad has been stalking his account
I feel like I don’t want him at my wedding but also afraid of regretting it (even though I currently feel like I won’t and won’t ever!) but I know you can feel differently when you reflect on occassions later. He missed my Debs and my graduation as he decided to go on holidays with his wife, even though he knew what my dates were. So I know he’s not invested in me. But I feel like the wedding will be a big deal for him as he will be “Father of the Bride” and that’s the type of status he wants - making a speech etc! However, if he did come, I would only want him as a wallflower and not front and centre like he probably thinks he should be. Is it better to not invite him at all and run the risk of him gate crashing or would you invite him and pray that he won’t cause a scene when he realises that my Mom will be the main attraction on the day (walking me down aisle etc) and not him.
My issue is that I’m getting married this year. I didn’t contact him to tell him that I got engaged and currently, I do not plan on inviting him to the wedding. My fiancé doesn’t know him. But my fiancé has got notifications on his LinkedIn to say that my Dad has been stalking his account
I feel like I don’t want him at my wedding but also afraid of regretting it (even though I currently feel like I won’t and won’t ever!) but I know you can feel differently when you reflect on occassions later. He missed my Debs and my graduation as he decided to go on holidays with his wife, even though he knew what my dates were. So I know he’s not invested in me. But I feel like the wedding will be a big deal for him as he will be “Father of the Bride” and that’s the type of status he wants - making a speech etc! However, if he did come, I would only want him as a wallflower and not front and centre like he probably thinks he should be. Is it better to not invite him at all and run the risk of him gate crashing or would you invite him and pray that he won’t cause a scene when he realises that my Mom will be the main attraction on the day (walking me down aisle etc) and not him.If he’s the type that would usually cause a scene, I’d say don’t invite him at all, but that’s just my opinion. Go with your gut, it’s your day and the only people who should be the focus is you and your future husband. I didn’t have any family at my wedding and eloped, because I knew in my gut that certain people would ruin it and take over as they always do. Do what makes you happyHello, I wonder can anyone give me some advice please? It’s probably more helpful in this forum as nobody will be biased or have personal involvement. My Dad is a narcissist and I don’t have a relationship with him anymore. I am 31. He had me when he was very young and my Mum (an angel) and him split up when I was about 4. I have always been extremely close to my paternal grandparents as I feel that they stood in where he was absent and as a result of this, I almost feel like they are “my Dad” if you know what I mean. He’s a very controlling man, money is his God and he is never wrong. So much so that on the one occasion where he actually apologised to me (after I asked, which makes it not even count anyway) he said “sorry” in a mocking voice, like you would do if you were doing an impression of someone you don’t like. He’s obsessed with power, image, being intelligent and being portrayed as successful and hilarious to the outside world. When I was younger he used to come into my life and try and compensate for his absence or horrible personality by buying me expensive things and at times I thought this was great, but now I’m old enough to have sense. You can’t buy love. I’ve often felt guilty in the past about the condition of our relationship and I think it’s just in you to want to get along because “he’s your Dad”, but deep down I know that every time I reach out to try and make things better he ends up hurting me again and just being mean and controlling. He doesn’t ask “how are you?”, it’ll be “how much money do you earn?” or look for some kind of recognition for example when I mention that I bumped into someone he’ll say “did they ask about me? Do they know I’m your Dad?”.
My issue is that I’m getting married this year. I didn’t contact him to tell him that I got engaged and currently, I do not plan on inviting him to the wedding. My fiancé doesn’t know him. But my fiancé has got notifications on his LinkedIn to say that my Dad has been stalking his account
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