I do this all the time but Iāve written down all the horrible things sheās said or done to me and I refer back to it and Iām like actually yes she is. Itās 4 A4 pages long back and front!!! It definitely helps me get through the tough days.Sometimes I worry my narc mum isn't that bad, but then I talk to other people are remember she really is
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I was just thinking.... my parents never told me they loved me or cuddled me. The first person to tell me they loved me was a boy who fancied me at secondary school.
I find it hard to tell my husband I love him. Sometimes I sit there and think to myself that I should just come out and say it but I never do im too ashamed/ embarrassed.
Also, does anyone know how to block out the horrible things parents have said to us? They constantly go around and around in my head - I've just had my dad in my head telling me how lazy I am when I sat down. I'm starting counselling on Tuesday so I might ask..
I find it hard to tell my husband I love him. Sometimes I sit there and think to myself that I should just come out and say it but I never do im too ashamed/ embarrassed.
Also, does anyone know how to block out the horrible things parents have said to us? They constantly go around and around in my head - I've just had my dad in my head telling me how lazy I am when I sat down. I'm starting counselling on Tuesday so I might ask..
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Iām glad to have read this (although sorry for your experience). A recent relationship breakdown opened my eyes to him being a narc and the bigger picture being that my Mum ticks all the boxes as well. I had an awful experience last night, Iāve been following a āNarcissist Survivorā page on Instagram and they do those āask me anythingā questions the last time I asked I got a response that upset me, along the lines of āwith respect youāve been asking questions for months now and you havenāt asked any about how you can healā - I sent them a private message explaining Iād bought their book and had taken steps towards helping myself (left the relationship/bought my own home), last night they did a live video and loads of people asked questions, I asked 2, none of which were answered and then the second question she said āIām not even going to read thatā before going on to read the questions around it, again I sent a message asking if there had been a problem because the last interactions Iād had with the page have left me feeling quite invalidated and like nobody would believe what has happened (despite me not going in to any detail) and Iām actually the problem... the page has blocked me. I was honestly devastated, spent all night wondering if Iām the narc and felt like I was going crazySometimes I worry my narc mum isn't that bad, but then I talk to other people are remember she really is
can not get the thought out of my head now, donāt want to turn in to my mum and blaming myself for everything that happened in the relationship (he cheated, manipulated and was gaslighting me for months). I feel so embarrassed that theyāve just blocked me.Iām so sorry that this has happened to you. If you are asking if youāre the narc, you are definitely not. You donāt need that page to heal, keep going on your journey xIām glad to have read this (although sorry for your experience). A recent relationship breakdown opened my eyes to him being a narc and the bigger picture being that my Mum ticks all the boxes as well. I had an awful experience last night, Iāve been following a āNarcissist Survivorā page on Instagram and they do those āask me anythingā questions the last time I asked I got a response that upset me, along the lines of āwith respect youāve been asking questions for months now and you havenāt asked any about how you can healā - I sent them a private message explaining Iād bought their book and had taken steps towards helping myself (left the relationship/bought my own home), last night they did a live video and loads of people asked questions, I asked 2, none of which were answered and then the second question she said āIām not even going to read thatā before going on to read the questions around it, again I sent a message asking if there had been a problem because the last interactions Iād had with the page have left me feeling quite invalidated and like nobody would believe what has happened (despite me not going in to any detail) and Iām actually the problem... the page has blocked me. I was honestly devastated, spent all night wondering if Iām the narc and felt like I was going crazy
The 'healing' comment sounds a bit douchy and new-agey. My general recommendation for 'healing' is doing what you've been trying to do - researching about the topic, I also recommend some sort of talk therapy if there's something you can access as that's what's really helped me.Iām glad to have read this (although sorry for your experience). A recent relationship breakdown opened my eyes to him being a narc and the bigger picture being that my Mum ticks all the boxes as well. I had an awful experience last night, Iāve been following a āNarcissist Survivorā page on Instagram and they do those āask me anythingā questions the last time I asked I got a response that upset me, along the lines of āwith respect youāve been asking questions for months now and you havenāt asked any about how you can healā - I sent them a private message explaining Iād bought their book and had taken steps towards helping myself (left the relationship/bought my own home), last night they did a live video and loads of people asked questions, I asked 2, none of which were answered and then the second question she said āIām not even going to read thatā before going on to read the questions around it, again I sent a message asking if there had been a problem because the last interactions Iād had with the page have left me feeling quite invalidated and like nobody would believe what has happened (despite me not going in to any detail) and Iām actually the problem... the page has blocked me. I was honestly devastated, spent all night wondering if Iām the narc and felt like I was going crazy
I've started following a couple of pages like this, they have been helpful to me. However that response you got was bang out of order!!!!!!! The person running it sounds like they've gotten too big for their boots now! What awful interactions you've had with them since. They should be treating people kindly knowing what they've been through. To block you is insane. You haven't done anything wrong. Sending you a huge hug!Iām glad to have read this (although sorry for your experience). A recent relationship breakdown opened my eyes to him being a narc and the bigger picture being that my Mum ticks all the boxes as well. I had an awful experience last night, Iāve been following a āNarcissist Survivorā page on Instagram and they do those āask me anythingā questions the last time I asked I got a response that upset me, along the lines of āwith respect youāve been asking questions for months now and you havenāt asked any about how you can healā - I sent them a private message explaining Iād bought their book and had taken steps towards helping myself (left the relationship/bought my own home), last night they did a live video and loads of people asked questions, I asked 2, none of which were answered and then the second question she said āIām not even going to read thatā before going on to read the questions around it, again I sent a message asking if there had been a problem because the last interactions Iād had with the page have left me feeling quite invalidated and like nobody would believe what has happened (despite me not going in to any detail) and Iām actually the problem... the page has blocked me. I was honestly devastated, spent all night wondering if Iām the narc and felt like I was going crazy
I grew up with my dad who smoked alot of weed, he is terribly paranoid especially about my mother looking at other men and cheating it would ruin days out as he would be in a mood over a made up situation, its like walking on egg shells around him he has no social awareness and he makes me cringe sometimes like he will buy my child something and its oh look what grandad bought you, there the best ones, the most expensive etc etc I just sit there like there a pair of shoes ffs, he's also very sensitive and can't take ANY sort of criticism in the slightest but he can dish it out plentiful he never done anything with me as a child really as weed came first and he just always seemed so stressed and worried what my mum was doing had no time for me whatsoever. My mum was always in moods growing up my dad cheating a few times so it was constant mood swing thinking he had done something, she used to tell me I was fat even though I wasn't, she also called me a slag when I was like 13, she's very manipulative if things are going her way exactly shes fine but if not shes sulking. She tried to take over with my own children, constantly coming over buying them stuff undermined me but I soon put a stop to it now I just humour them and keep them at arms length dont let them have my children on there own even tho they think its there right! now it's my way or the high way because I'm not living my life for my parents! I was an only child which made it worse as I took the brunt of everything.
That's awful you were spoken to like that I think invalidation is particularly awful for us as it's something our parents always did.Iām glad to have read this (although sorry for your experience). A recent relationship breakdown opened my eyes to him being a narc and the bigger picture being that my Mum ticks all the boxes as well. I had an awful experience last night, Iāve been following a āNarcissist Survivorā page on Instagram and they do those āask me anythingā questions the last time I asked I got a response that upset me, along the lines of āwith respect youāve been asking questions for months now and you havenāt asked any about how you can healā - I sent them a private message explaining Iād bought their book and had taken steps towards helping myself (left the relationship/bought my own home), last night they did a live video and loads of people asked questions, I asked 2, none of which were answered and then the second question she said āIām not even going to read thatā before going on to read the questions around it, again I sent a message asking if there had been a problem because the last interactions Iād had with the page have left me feeling quite invalidated and like nobody would believe what has happened (despite me not going in to any detail) and Iām actually the problem... the page has blocked me. I was honestly devastated, spent all night wondering if Iām the narc and felt like I was going crazy
In my personal experience (not speaking for others) the whole healing thing can be quite damaging because for me it almost makes me obsessed with what my parents did and the affect it's had on me.
The thing that's helped me the most is to focus on the good people in my life, distraction, self care and im also starting weekly therapy on Tuesday.
The worst thing is she seemed to be quite a well known professional who has had ācelebrity clientsā. I havenāt stopped thinking about it
thank you!The more I think about it the more I question her professionalism. Whenever anyone asked she said the best action was to block the narc out of your life completely. I know Iām probably not alone in saying it isnāt as easy as that and I have had many questions that probably wonāt be answered but it doesnāt stop me from asking them.
I think it's a common trick of the narc to make you question whether you're overreacting etc. My mum's memories of events past and present are Very different to everyone else's. I personally find talking to my friends and other family members massively helpful for putting things in perspective.Iām glad to have read this (although sorry for your experience). A recent relationship breakdown opened my eyes to him being a narc and the bigger picture being that my Mum ticks all the boxes as well. I had an awful experience last night, Iāve been following a āNarcissist Survivorā page on Instagram and they do those āask me anythingā questions the last time I asked I got a response that upset me, along the lines of āwith respect youāve been asking questions for months now and you havenāt asked any about how you can healā - I sent them a private message explaining Iād bought their book and had taken steps towards helping myself (left the relationship/bought my own home), last night they did a live video and loads of people asked questions, I asked 2, none of which were answered and then the second question she said āIām not even going to read thatā before going on to read the questions around it, again I sent a message asking if there had been a problem because the last interactions Iād had with the page have left me feeling quite invalidated and like nobody would believe what has happened (despite me not going in to any detail) and Iām actually the problem... the page has blocked me. I was honestly devastated, spent all night wondering if Iām the narc and felt like I was going crazy
Tbh, kinda sounds like the group admin needs to resolve their issues before trying to help others
I dont for one second claim that any of us have the answers, but feel free to ask your questions on here.
Can I ask what the questions were? Maybe someone here knows an answer.
I've been following this thread for a while now, I'm not sure if my mum is toxic or a narcissist or if it's just me? She made a comment on fb about my daughter being bullied at school which a school mum messaged me about. Today she called and said I'm being ridiculous for not telling her who messaged me and that I'm being secretive and living a double life. It's a small school and I don't want her causing trouble. I was looking to move them a while back and she got in a mood and said I was moving schools because she had moved into the village so I ended up keeping them there. Then she went on about a letter that's been posted to the wrong address (I need to post back) accusing me of using different names?!
In the past she's said I'm gas lighting and emotionally abusing her so I've stopped contact and then she says I'm denying her contact with the kids. I just feel like I can never do anything right
In the past she's said I'm gas lighting and emotionally abusing her so I've stopped contact and then she says I'm denying her contact with the kids. I just feel like I can never do anything right
Sounds like a classic narc. Everything is about them even when itās not. Then there is the gaslighting - itās not her behaviour, itās you overreacting....obviously what you want to do re her seeing your kids is up to you but be prepared for her to use them to get to you.
I wish I'd have gone NC years earlier than I did. I'm a different person since I did.
Try to stand up to her and put boundaries in place, otherwise sheāll get worse x
What a relief to find this thread. It is hard to believe that there are people out there that are ingrained like this from reading everyone experiences. Currently going through another episode of rinse and repeat with my parents where nothing changes. Since reading the book "Emotionally Immature Parents", I took steps in trying to distance myself and putting up a boundary. The guilt is eating at me. I am half way through my pregnancy which I haven't been able to enjoy because I am constantly attending to their demands and needs. Worse stuff has happened in the past and been said over the years but this episode was minor in comparison. It has been 8 days of no contact from my narc mother while my father tries to keep sweeping it under the rug. I did give in by replying to him last night looking for a explanation but at the same time not to expect a response or invalidate the whole thing. Which was the case. The whole thing is so needless that I can't get my head around it in ways. My concern now with guilt is that they are both going in overnight for seperate hospital procedures and were depending on me to drive them and collect them. I just know they will continue what they are at and then guilt trip me and my husband in reminding me I had agreed to bring them. They have no one around them so the expectation and demands on us is tiring. It just feels like the timing is never right for me to fully follow through on these boundaries.
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If you've already started distancing yourself then that is fantastic. The timing is never right I felt the same as you there.
You need to focus on your baby now and not them. Lean on your husband for support
Thanks, it's mostly lots of negative comments which I find hard. I did move from Bucks to Devon and then a year or so later she transferred jobs to where I was. Now she is a few houses from school, she was turning up at the park if we went after school saying in front of everyone I was ignoring her.
Lockdown has been hard as we are both single so could have a support bubble, she turned up at mine and said your my bubble and walked in, I just stayed in a different room every time she came round.
It's just small things so don't know if I'm just being over sensitive
I dont think you're being over sensitive at all! She is completely violating your boundaries. Lots of negative comments can build up and eat away at you over time until one comment too many can make you snap or even worse you keep it within and it makes you ill.
Do you have any close friends?
I completely agree with RodneyTrotter, you are not being over sensitive at all. She moved jobs to be nearer to you and is living by the school, that's a tad extreme on her part and very suffocating for you. Nothing you can do about it but it would make me want to scream. Negative comments are like death by a thousand cuts, narcs are skilled at saying things in a way that don't sound all that bad when you relate them back to someone else, they know exactly what they are doing. Walking into your home like she has a right to be there shows her lack of respect for you. You need to establish some hard boundaries and stick to them. How is she getting access to your house?
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