I’m a week in to barely talking with my mother after she went off at me on Good Friday over me merely proving that she was wrong about something. It was an innocuous tiff where I was able to prove that she was wrong about something really ridiculous. Then it turned into me apparently disrespecting her because whilst she was ranting at me, I was driving and told her to shut up because I needed to concentrate. I accept that I shouldn’t have said that but I was that taken aback my legs were physically shaking, I felt shaky and I just wanted her to stop so we could get home.
She then said that I’d ruined what was a nice day, how manipulative I am, pointing out all the things she knows I am depressed about. (I have severe social anxiety and depression), gaslight and accused me of doing all things that I hadn’t even done.
Next day, she comes to me and says “come on” to try and resolve the issue and make peace with me. No apologies over what she said. No acceptance that she was wrong. No sorry for saying all the things she knows really really hurt me. I apologised for telling her to shut up. Then asked her simply- do you accept you were wrong? I could have let it go but one of my main issues every time we argue is that she has no accountability for her role. “No because I don’t care”. I don’t care about it either but it’s the narcissism for never saying sorry for the most stupidest of things that I can’t move on from. So I asked her to please leave me alone as I don’t want to argue with her. I’m just done. I don’t have the energy or the headspace for it. She refused and then went off at me again. This time saying “let’s pretend we like each other” which again has really really upset me. She’s my mum- I bloody love her but for her to say that to me has just killed me.
Not sure why I’m putting this here really. Part of me is questioning whether I’m overreacting and should have just made peace when she told me to “come on” but then I don’t think I am? I think the reason it’s upset me so much is that I accessed CBT therapy to help my anxiety and depression and one of the main things I learnt from it was “would a person who cared for you say all of the negative things you think about yourself? Well, my own mother directly said all the things I’m insecure about directly to my face and clearly believes them to be true of me so it’s just affirmed everything I think about myself. I don’t think I can come back from that.
