Myka Stauffer - The mother who gave up her internationally adopted Chinese son

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Can’t believe James has the cheek to upload a video on his detailing channel. Apparently, the brushes he is trying to sell are from a company called LillyBrush who have been dragged into this sorry mess. They tried to buy the stock back from him but he strategically bought in bulk before this all started and according to their Instagram he’s ignored them.

Go check out their Instagram. I feel so bad for them as there’s nothing they can do and their company is being dragged through the mud as people are assuming they sponsor him.
 
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comments like this enrage me.
People are disgusting?? and it’s not disgusting to make money out of your children by plastering them all you tube, crowdfunding to buy a child from China when you evidently don’t need the money- giving the child away because he’s got too many special needs even though you said you wanted a child with special needs, going away to Bali and leaving your children while all this was going on, putting duct tape on your sons thumb but letting your biological kids suck their thumbs!!! Still trying to make money off you tube from other people’s channels I meant what the actual duck is wrong with people 😡😡
 
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comments like this enrage me.
I was going to say that maybe that user is young (as I expect their demographic is) and doesn’t understand the gravity of the situation but actually that doesn’t make it any better

Their audience is young and impressionable and they are sending out the message that it’s okay to ‘re-home’ a child
It’s disturbing
 
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Interested to hear how people think this is going to play out? She can’t seriously think she can go back to vlogging after this?
Do we think that she’ll persist with this cash crush Instagram? Rely on James channel considering it’s a different audience? Give up and go back to nursing? 😂
 
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Okay, so you don't know the story then? I'm still interested if somebody does know the background. I didn't imply anybody was "settling." When people who can have kids also adopt--there is often a reason. Examples include, "I just love having kids and want to have more" or "I just have more love to give than my limited reproductive system allows." Or sometimes people mistakenly think they are infertile and are surprised to find out after adoption that they can have more kids. I didn't know if they heard about this child with special needs and he captured their heart and they wanted to care for him or if they first set out looking to adopt and then found a child with special needs and adopted him.

My understanding was that adoption was often a challenge and that they often didn't like to adopt out babies in particular to those who have the capability to have biological children, probably to avoid problems exactly like this one--the parents ending up showing a painful preference for their own child. I also thought that adoption agencies generally show preference to those who cannot have their own children because that seems to make more sense and be more fair.

I know three families who have adopted multiple children despite having bio children of their own. When they did so, it was older children, often several from the same family. In none of these cases was there mixing of their own bio babies and adopted babies--I imagine this is because it's kind of hard to have one small child, let alone two, so most people don't add a third to the mix, particularly a profoundly special needs one with an unknown background from a country known to have some shady adoption practices. To me this story sounds like it was a bad idea from the get-go. I've honestly not heard of people who have small children adopting an additional small child and then having more small children. It just seems like a weird choice and I'm still wanting to know the background.
I would personally (in the future if it’s possible) have biological children and adopt because I want to give someone a better upbringing. I’m sure many others agree too.
 
Have we raked her over the coals for using the term "gotcha day" for the day her former adoptive son joined the family? Every time I saw that term in the video thumbnail which has been posted frequently I cringed. Wasn't until I looked it yesterday that I saw that although this is a term many adoptive parents use, I'm not alone in finding it horrid.

To me it sounds like you're talking about a Pokemon. When you read about why the term is disapproved of by many, it starts to make sense that Myka would use this term for a child which she would treat as a returnable object. People find it offensive, parent-centered, treating the child as an acquired possession or even an animal, and making light of the often sad circumstances which lead to a child needing to be adopted. (Other parents might use "Homecoming" or "Adoption Day.") The page I linked above mentions how this term did not become popular for human adoptions until the 90's/early 2000s. One reason people take issue with it is because it's the same term people use when they adopt an animal. Given that Myka's choice to adopt was the product of literally a childhood fantasy (she has stated that growing up she "always wanted to have 3 bio kids and an adoptive kid" and she already had names picked out for some), I would say it's very likely that she was at some point exposed to the idea of a "gotcha day" during that time and thus acted out that fantasy in adulthood.

I usually tend to fall on the side of playing devil's advocate and defending creators/YTers/influencers, but the more I see of this woman the more it all seems obvious that she is just plain nasty.

I would personally (in the future if it’s possible) have biological children and adopt because I want to give someone a better upbringing. I’m sure many others agree too.
Part of my confusion stemmed from my understanding that it was not the norm for people with 3 small children to adopt a fourth small child (and then have a fifth). This has been cleared up pretty much. Myka could not adopt a baby in many countries (presumably including the United States) because she already had multiple small children and had no fertility issues (she stated this in this video at the 7:30 mark). This is basically why she adopted from China. She could have adopted from an African country as well, but she was impatient. The only way she was going to be able to adopt from many countries would have been if it was an older child, a profoundly special needs child, or orphaned siblings. The last option there is the path that all three of the families I know with bio as well as adopted children took--orphaned siblings. I think it's obvious now that Myka did not adopt Hux because she wanted to give him a better upbringing, or she could have taken other easier options. She specifically wanted an adopted baby and this was the only way to get it. Bonus points for him being sympathetic coming from what most assume is a traumatic environment.

You mention adoption, but I'm talking specifically about infant/toddler adoption. If you choose to have multiple small children, adopt a toddler or infant, and then have another biological child, honestly I think that would be selfishness--unless that small child is somehow connected to you. Otherwise you're acting like you are a "collector of children", because there are many people out there who can provide good upbringings to children who do not have the means of having their own biological children, and you perhaps are denying them that experience. At that point you can't really explain it as you just want to give them a better life becuase there were multiple parties interested in doing so.

(Actually go to around 6:55 in that video for explanation, sorry.)
 
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@Hibiscus i think it’s called a ‘gotcha day’ when you adopt them, there’s another youtuber who’s adopted 4/5 and they all have a gotcha day.
 
Interested to hear how people think this is going to play out? She can’t seriously think she can go back to vlogging after this?
Do we think that she’ll persist with this cash crush Instagram? Rely on James channel considering it’s a different audience? Give up and go back to nursing? 😂
They're 100% banking on Stauffer Garage having a different target audience and being able to keep up his channel. Sadly, I think it’ll probably work.

Not a chance Myka goes back to nursing! She wanted to be a SAHM from the beginning. Much more likely James returns to his engineering career (while also doing all the work for his channel). Maybe next school year she’ll start homeschooling again, but only if she thinks she can get her channel going again. I think she’ll just be a SAHM and maybe re-attempt her own YouTube or help with James channel marketing or something.
 
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They're 100% banking on Stauffer Garage having a different target audience and being able to keep up his channel. Sadly, I think it’ll probably work.

Not a chance Myka goes back to nursing! She wanted to be a SAHM from the beginning. Much more likely James returns to his engineering career (while also doing all the work for his channel). Maybe next school year she’ll start homeschooling again, but only if she thinks she can get her channel going again. I think she’ll just be a SAHM and maybe re-attempt her own YouTube or help with James channel marketing or something.
I don’t understand why someone would put so much effort into getting a good degree with a pretty much guaranteed job if they always planned to quickly become a SAHM. No judging, I just literally don’t understand

I hope they are both unable to continue making money online. Cancel culture is questionable at the best of times but these two take the piss. Having to live in the real world would do them some good
 
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There's an Instagram account called kimmyreutov, which is looking into everything in detail. What happened before and after the 'rehoming'.
One thing that is really clear is that in a lot of clips, especially the ones where he is struggling or having 'meltdowns' (Myka's words, not mine) he's signing for food. It's actually quite distressing to watch at times. Poor boy was hungry, or maybe worried about when he might get to eat again. Especially as the portions they all eat are tiny.
 
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"Gotcha day" is a disgusting term. Hugely offensive, and ignorant of the pain of adoption for the birth child and birth mother.
 
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Wow. It’s taken a while to get through this thread but I didn’t want to miss anything.

I’ve watched the Stauffers sporadically for years, but always found Myka fake and disingenuous. I cannot fathom the trials of parenting a SEN child, but as has been discussed in depth they sought this out for greater kudos. I had no idea she had ties to British influencers, just clinging onto one another for views.

I would be very interested to hear if Angela (This Gathered Nest) does speak out. It is, however, absolutely not her responsibility to do so. I have watched Angie’s channel forever and she always comes across as warm and genuine, and all of her kids seem sweet and kind. All of her children seem to be thriving in a loving home. Just the absolute opposite of the sheer evil of the Stauffers.
 
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Angela touched on it in a Instagram story and asked for failed adoption questions but said she wasn’t going to address directly the Stauffer issue. That was a few weeks ago so I think she’s decided not to get involved which is fair enough but I think she would have a lot to offer in this situation.

From what I’ve seen via YouTube, it appears the Stauffers are legally protecting their image/videos so I can understand her not wanting to get involved.
 
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