my sexuality

[mumgal]

I’ve started this thread because i needed to talk anonymously.
Im 26, i got with my partner when we was 16 and we have a child.
In my teens i was very adventurous with my sexuality - in secret. Secrets kept till this day.
I was very anti gay publicly. I don’t know why. 10-15 years ago i think there was more shame around it especially in my family.
I wouldn’t even hug people of the same gender.
Fast forward to now, and i just don’t know what to think. Penises do not turn me on. I don’t want to be penetrated by a man.
idk. Men make me cringe. When i watch porn - it never includes men. I love my other half, but i never want to ‘make love’
I just needed to write my feelings down somewhere safe.

 

[WilmaHun]

I was about to say "sorry you feel this way" but I stopped myself because what a silly thing to say!? You shouldn't feel sorry for how you feel, it's who you are.

I really would recommend you speak to your partner about this. I had a friend who had similar feelings but tried to hide them - she ended up spiralling and ended up in a really sad place. I'd hate for this to eat away at you.

At the end of the day, being gay isn't a choice, we don't choose who we are attracted to or what turns us on, it is just one of those things we have no control over. It's who you are as a person and that is absolutely ok!

I know you're not really looking for advice per se, you were just venting but I couldn't scroll past without saying anything. I really recommend you try to speak about your feelings and open up.

 

[Mulholland Drive]

I heartily endorse @Bloom95s words. Best to find the right moment and have a heart-to-heart with your partner. It will be difficult, and he will probably be either quite hurt and/or angered by your revelations. So you should prepare yourself for that.

But its better to get it out in the air now rather than let it fester at you like a canker because it won't help you, your partner or your child in the long run.

I am a lesbian. and faced a similar quandary in my teens and started dating other girls. My parents couldn't understand why I was spending so much time bringing girls home until I eventually had to pluck up the courage and be perfectly honest and frank with them.

They did find it difficult to accept; they were hurt; they were confused. But over time they accepted me for what I am, and now all is good between us.

Best of luck whatever you decide to do, but its always good to talk

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

Sounds really similar to a woman I used to work with years ago. She had been with her boyfriend since a young age and he was a lovely person and she did love him. When she got into her early 20’s she started to feel like she wanted to have sex with women and they had a couple of threesomes with a girl they knew.
They ended up getting married when she was 24, but just before the wedding she started an affair with the girl she was having threesomes with and the whole affair came out on their honeymoon and they split up. It was sad really because she did love him and wanted to be with him, but she didn’t want him in a sexual way.
she happily declares herself as a lesbian now and has done for over ten years.

 

[theghosttown]

One thing that strikes me from your post is you haven’t said vaginas turn you on either. Do you find yourself sexually attracted to women or do you not feel like that either? I don’t know a great deal about the lifestyle but many people are a sexual whereby they just don’t feel attracted to anyone x

 

[mumgal]

thanks so much guys for stopping by and leaving a comment. I know i should say something to him but i don’t know how. i’m not good at opening up. all my life i’ve bottled everything up. I feel like my whole
life has been a lie!

 

[Definitelyme]

thanks so much guys for stopping by and leaving a comment. I know i should say something to him but i don’t know how. i’m not good at opening up. all my life i’ve bottled everything up. I feel like my whole
life has been a lie!

Could you maybe talk with an impartial 3rd party to begin with? I personally think you should have the chance to figure out what it is you feel is the way forward for you before going to your partner. That way you can give him a definitive of what you want to happen, rather than everything being a jumble for you both. If you are set on how you want to proceed, then you will be able to stick with that.

 

[Theyeahyeahs]

I don’t know if this is even good advice, but if I were you I would take a staged approach to this.

If you’re not attracted to your partner, end the relationship respectfully first. It’s not fair on either of you to live a lie.

Once you’re single and when you feel ready, you can explore your sexuality and date women.

You don’t need to ‘come out’ to anyone until you feel ready.

Good luck and don’t be too hard on yourself, a partner and a baby is a lot to take on at 16 years old, the majority of people don’t know who they are or what they want at that age!

 

[Trixabellee9393]

Hey If your not getting ‘crushes ‘ on women either and don’t nessacarily want a gf you could just be asexual meaning you don’t tend to having sexual feelings or impulses at all sorry if this isn’t accurate so best to look it up x

 

[sapphiccharm]

Sexuality can change. It changes and is more fluid for women than it is for men but it can and does happen and that's okay.

From personal experience I've always been attracted to women but there have been times when I've been attracted to men as well.

You could be demisexual, wherein you're only sexuality attracted to people who you have a connection and a bond with and though I don't know you, your life or your relationship, it may be that as you drifted apart from him and became disconnected, you became no longer attracted to your him therefore also not wanting sex. But, only you know yourself and your own feelings so I cannot speak for you and can only guess.

Life's too short. If you're truly not happy in the relationship any longer, and as difficult as it will be, it may be time to leave and explore yourself, your feelings/wants/desires and your sexuality.

And with that, I wish you nothing but the best of luck. 🤍