My husband cheated

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ack13

ack13

I found out 2 weeks ago that my husband cheated on me and I am really struggling. My husband admitted to kissing another woman while on a night out. He was extremely drunk when he came home, I hadn’t seen him like that for many many years. He’s adamant that this has never happened before, he’s sorry and feels guilt about it. We spoke about things, discussions that have needed to happen for a long time regarding the deterioration of our marriage. I recognise my part in things falling apart between us, my struggles to properly communicate, lack of affection and probably untreated depression. This does not in anyway condone what he has done. We agreed that we would work on ourselves through counselling (individual) and both want to stay married and work on our marriage.

Since I found out, his mental health has been spiralling. He is thinking a lot about childhood neglect and its impact on his life. These are things he’s never dealt with, just pushed these feelings to one side and tried to distract himself. It seems that his actions have caused him to think long and hard about his life.

To see him like this has been difficult and he will start counselling very soon. I know it’s still early days but the unbelievable insecurity that I am feeling has me thinking that deep down, if he was being truly honest with himself and me, he does not want to be in this marriage anymore, despite his words. One minute he’s loving and affectionate, the next he’s quiet and withdrawn. I don’t know how to help him but I’m also struggling too. I will start IC soon also.

I don’t really know what the point of this post is, just looking for support. I’ve been through a lot in life and come through the other side and I will do it again. I don’t want our marriage to end.
 
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B

B4rney

Hi, cannot recommend marriage counselling enough. He might need some alone before you come together. You both need to find therapists. It is almost the only way you can keep the relationship together.
 
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pimplepopper123

Hello, i'm so sorry you're going through this. The fact that your husband is willing to do individual therapy and couples therapy speaks volumes. My ex husband was cheating on me and he point blank refused any therapy (he wanted out of the marriage so didn't want to try).

I know you are hurting and that fact that he's so down doesn't take away what he's done but it sounds like you're both in the position to give this a go? I might be completely wrong but no man willingly accepts therapy unless they really want to try...x
 
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OnlyHereForTheLolz

OnlyHereForTheLolz

ack13 said:
I found out 2 weeks ago that my husband cheated on me and I am really struggling. My husband admitted to kissing another woman while on a night out. He was extremely drunk when he came home, I hadn’t seen him like that for many many years. He’s adamant that this has never happened before, he’s sorry and feels guilt about it. We spoke about things, discussions that have needed to happen for a long time regarding the deterioration of our marriage. I recognise my part in things falling apart between us, my struggles to properly communicate, lack of affection and probably untreated depression. This does not in anyway condone what he has done. We agreed that we would work on ourselves through counselling (individual) and both want to stay married and work on our marriage.

Since I found out, his mental health has been spiralling. He is thinking a lot about childhood neglect and its impact on his life. These are things he’s never dealt with, just pushed these feelings to one side and tried to distract himself. It seems that his actions have caused him to think long and hard about his life.

To see him like this has been difficult and he will start counselling very soon. I know it’s still early days but the unbelievable insecurity that I am feeling has me thinking that deep down, if he was being truly honest with himself and me, he does not want to be in this marriage anymore, despite his words. One minute he’s loving and affectionate, the next he’s quiet and withdrawn. I don’t know how to help him but I’m also struggling too. I will start IC soon also.

I don’t really know what the point of this post is, just looking for support. I’ve been through a lot in life and come through the other side and I will do it again. I don’t want our marriage to end.
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It's natural to feel insecure but please don't try to overthink his feelings and what he is telling you. He has clearly been very honest with you and I'm sure if he wanted to leave that would've been said by now.

I hope counselling works for you both and regardless of the outcome that you both can find peace and move forward. I know it's hard to imagine but in the future you will be ok
 
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