My child ate some chocolate in school, am I right to be upset with him.

[Karen1]

Please help so I only give my two children age 8 & 5 sweets/treat once twice a week usually a Saturday night with a movie they have had an advent chocolate each day since the 1st obviously, a take away once for a birthday and a meal out all since December 1st so plenty I think so far. Today at school they each received a selection box for the last day and my 8 year old age the whole thing at school in the few hours he was there. I am fuming & so upset as I see that as total greed yes it’s Christmas but I feel like an absolute failure of a mother that he would think that was ok to do, am I over reacting?? He’s been in his room since he came home as I’m trying to decided how to deal with this any advice would be great ( if this post isn’t allowed I’m really sorry!)

 

[Definitelyme]

If you restrict sweet treats then when they get the chance they will gorge. You aren’t allowing them any chance to learn to moderate their intake by being so restrictive. If you treat sweets/chocolate as you do any other food and serve as if it’s no big deal then they won’t feel the need to gorge when they get the chance.

I think sending him to his room is unbelievable, to be honest. Punishing him for eating a gift he was given is horrible behaviour, IMO. You are shaming him for eating chocolate. Shaming an 8yo for anything is despicable, but for eating food is just the right way to set up poor eating habits for life.

Maybe not the advice you are looking for, but in my opinion you are raising them to think sweet foods are extra special and therefore something to be coveted. Follow any child nutritionist on Instagram and they will tell you that’s the absolute worst way to do it. Giving sweet foods occasionally, as part of a main meal, not making them special, is how you teach them to eat them in a moderated way.

It’s obvious you care about their diets, but your attitude to this is very damaging to their relationship with food. Please check out family_snack_nutritionist on Instagram and maybe take her sweet treat course to help reset your own frame of mind on this.

ETA: my kids get very few sweet treats, but when they do they are served with dinner/lunch (eg today they had a chocolate coin each alongside lunch) and they therefore don’t think it’s anything much special. My 2yo didn’t eat all of her coin, and last week my 5yo didn’t eat any of the chocolate he was given with dinner, he ate all his vegetables and said he was full. (And by no means are they perfect eaters, especially mr 5yo)

 

[Blair-Waldorf]

Please help so I only give my two children age 8 & 5 sweets/treat once twice a week usually a Saturday night with a movie they have had an advent chocolate each day since the 1st obviously, a take away once for a birthday and a meal out all since December 1st so plenty I think so far. Today at school they each received a selection box for the last day and my 8 year old age the whole thing at school in the few hours he was there. I am fuming & so upset as I see that as total greed yes it’s Christmas but I feel like an absolute failure of a mother that he would think that was ok to do, am I over reacting?? He’s been in his room since he came home as I’m trying to decided how to deal with this any advice would be great ( if this post isn’t allowed I’m really sorry!)

Sorry but you are absolutely overreacting. He’s 8 and won’t understand the concept of greed

 

[Apple In My Pie]

Honestly I think you’re overreacting - sorry I think you give your kiddos enough treats FWIW, you don’t come across as a harsh ‘one broccoli stem and a sniff of a malteaser for YOU Tarquinius!’ type of mother if you get what I mean? But on the other hand - if you punish him for it he may feel restricted, which wouldn’t actually stop him from eating chocolate, just that he’d do it in secret/away from you, feel guilt for eating it, or possibly overindulge on chocolate to compensate. i don’t think what you’ve done WILL lead to that, but I don’t think food should be a source of punishment personally as thats the outcome it CAN lead to.

It’s Christmas, we’ve had a tit year, he was at school and was probably egged on by his pals, and he’s only young, a few days running around and it’ll be worked off. I’d just leave it. You give him treats in moderation, just gently keep teaching them about exactly that - treats now and then - but don’t sweat things like this or they’ll turn into bigger issues as he gets older.

 

[Definitelyme]

He knew he wouldn’t be allowed to eat it at home, so why wouldn’t he eat it when he got the chance?

 

[Heyguysswipeup]

I’d be more angry at the school for allowing him to eat it all in one go than at the kid himself, I’m sure we would all do it at that age if no one was telling us no!

 

[Mrs Cucumber]

The fact you are punishing him so harshly for this is going to give the poor kids eating problems!

 

[Wowitsme]

Agree with everyone else, massive over reaction and the overly harsh punishment will create so many problems for your son in later life with chocolate

 

[Maxine1974]

honestly don’t worry it’s no big deal. He’s a kid and probably thought all his Christmas’s had come at once. Especially if he doesn’t get sweets very often. His friends could have done the same too. Don’t make him feel bad.

 

[NP]

I think you’re overreacting. Last day of school, full of excitement, probably not the only kid who ate all their chocolate. And now he’s spending it punished in his room on what was probably a fun last day of term. Please don’t punish your child or make him feel bad for eating. That way lies a whole ton of problems when he’s older.

 

[Giggling Squid]

Having grown up with parents who took very similar myself when I was younger, along with my sister, this is not what you’ll want to hear but I think you’ve overreacted massively. I also don’t think it’s a great approach to managing their diet.

Both my sister and I have had very unhealthy (but opposite) relationships with food, and i and my parents believe it’s at least partly due to how much we were restricted when younger. We were both punished (infrequently but I still remember it) for eating things we weren’t allowed. I now binge eat, although mostly in control, and my sister is anorexic and I believe both of these are as a result of being restricted and feeling “bad” for eating “treats” when we were younger.

 

[OutrageouslyScarlet]

I think It’s important to try and remember what it was like being at school the last few days before Christmas, it’s all over excitement and very little work. He hasn’t done it to disobey you. The other point I’ll make is you don’t want a deceitful child, he’ll be at secondary school before you know it and you’ll have less control over what he eats.
I’m not going to have ago at you, he’s your child. But perhaps look at your relationship with food, the odd treat really is a the highlight for children of that age.

 

[black ripped skinnies]

Aw he's only a little un. Honestly, I think sending him to his rooms unfair. Probably 50% of kids would have done the same, especially if they think they're not going to be allowed it at home.

I grew up in a house with free reign of food, help yourself to whatever, takeaways multiple times a week as parents worked long hours, comforted with food or sweets etc. (

Husband on the other hand, grew up with strict parents and wasn't allowed sweets, or anything deemed "naughty".
When we both got to late teens and more independent, guess which one of us would take themselves to the shops to binge on sweets and chocolates and McDonald's because it wasn't allowed at home?

It's Christmas, it's not the end of the world
Edit to add... You're not a failure as a mother.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I know you want what’s best for your child and society is constantly telling us that children should be this or that. But he is 8.
We didn’t have much money growing up so sweets and meals out were few and that meant that when I was invited to birthday parties I would gorge myself to the point of being sick.
My parents would warn me about eating too many sweets but it took awhile for me to understand.

I think a good compromise would be for you to be nice about it. Tell him next time he doesn’t have to eat them all at once but can bring it home and eat when he feels like having one.

It’s not like this happens all the time and if you are making a big deal out of it you will find it could lead to eating problems

 

[Happyvalley]

I don’t mean to offend you when I say this but honestly I felt so sorry and sad for your child when I read this. It’s Christmas, excitement takes over and probably loads of children at school did exactly the same. And if he’s not allowed maybe he took his chance. I don’t think it’s greed, just a child being a child. My kids would easily eat a selection box too. But they also eat well and eat loads of fruit and veg so a bit of everything every now and then and no harm done. As long as he brushes his teeth then let it go and don’t upset yourself! More going on in the world to worry about right now so let it go and enjoy your Christmas

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Restrict them and they will be greedy and go ott when they are older.

 

[Petulant_vlogger]

I agree with some of the posters above! You have made chocolate a forbidden fruit. I understand the desire to restrict "bad" food but by doing that you're not teaching them anything. I'm not saying offer an unlimited supply of junk food but dont make it such a big deal.
We actually offer pudding (we dont have it every night) at the same time as dinner and our kids almost never finish their pud because they would rather have broccoli! I'm not saying we have done it perfectly but it's really important not to use junk food as a treat or bargaining chip.

 

[JakeM]

I think sending him to his room is way too harsh. He’s only 8 and eating a selection box is hardly greed.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

As proven by the selection box. He ate it so quickly because you’ve restricted them.

 

[gee_beth]

I'm sorry but this is a huge overreaction. My mum was similar to you and would only allow my brother and I sweets/chocolate once a week, we never had takeaways. What did we do when we started earning money at our part time jobs? Buy sweets and chocolate and hide it in our bedrooms you're not a failure of a mother, and I don't think that this is greed. I think he's a little boy who's excited about Christmas and deserves a treat after a crap year! Don't be too hard on yourself but I don't feel that there's any need for punishment

I also want to add that my brother and I may have bought chocolate etc however it didn’t stop us from eating our veggies and having a balanced diet, so I don’t feel there’s any harm in him eating a selection box