I don't think you're in the wrong at all. Jacob sounds like a total moron and is only annoyed that he got caught!
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That’s fair enough! Thank you for your adviceUnpopular opinion from me perhaps - keep your nose out of other peoples business. I’m sure you don’t want to get tarnished with the busy body brush. You had no duty to this girl and it all sounds very immature. They won’t last; and if they do so what?Their relationship problems are nothing to do with you.
Don’t beat yourself up, just take it as a life lesson and move on! Xx
Thank you so much for your lovely words! I will be confident when I see them, because I know deep down I did a good thing. The guilt would eat me alive if Lauren was still with Jacob to this day. I wouldn’t be able to face herYou did the right thing!!! They’re just unhappy because they got caught. You should feel proud and strong for doing that. Because I am sure any of us in that position would want to know!!! They should so disgusting. Face them confidently with your head held high because you did the absolute right thing.
Thank you xx
Thank you! Yeah it’s classic shift behaviour. I tried to spin it round to Sam and say “so if I cheated on you and a mutual friend told you, would it be fair of me to blame them? Or just myself for my actions?” And that shut him up haha
Xx
Oh totally! But I’ve realised over the years that their friendship group is super weird. It’s one of those where boys back each other up no matter WHAT. Like they will lie to their friends girlfriends about the whereabouts of their friend, they will support toxic and disgusting behaviour. I can’t imagine ever doing this with my friends
Thank you for your nice words xx
You sound pretty dead set on pretending everything is okay since your boyfriend is but I’m going to have to tell it to you straight.
If I was you I wouldn’t be wasting my time worrying about others relationships when you have enough mess at home. This so called boyfriend of yours is more attached to a man who cheats and lies to his female partners than he is to you, someone who he claims to love. He’s so “weak” (I doubt he’s actually that weak but whatever) that he won’t defend his girlfriends name when his friends insult and make fun of you. Just thinking about him sitting there like a pansy while his friends are rude about you to his face angers me and I don’t even know you. He has no respect for you at all and seems to lack empathy.
If he’s as weak and soft as you’re saying I’d be worried that this Jacob has coerced him to cheat a few times. You know how pack minded men are, they love copying and one upping each other and your boyfriend probably thinks it’s cool to cheat since he looks up to Jacob so much. What’s that saying “show me who your friends are, I’ll tell you who you are”...
Ultimately your values don’t align with Sam and you need to think about whether you want to waste any more time, or even risk being tied down, to someone who has completely different morals from you. The guilt of the cheating situation was affecting you negatively emotionally (it sounds like you could be an empath) so much that you had to do something while your boyfriend didn’t not have the same response. It’s not a man v woman thing it’s a morality thing. You’re a good woman and you deserve a good, honest, BRAVE man. You’re so young don’t waste your time with this dud.
If I was you I wouldn’t be wasting my time worrying about others relationships when you have enough mess at home. This so called boyfriend of yours is more attached to a man who cheats and lies to his female partners than he is to you, someone who he claims to love. He’s so “weak” (I doubt he’s actually that weak but whatever) that he won’t defend his girlfriends name when his friends insult and make fun of you. Just thinking about him sitting there like a pansy while his friends are rude about you to his face angers me and I don’t even know you. He has no respect for you at all and seems to lack empathy.
If he’s as weak and soft as you’re saying I’d be worried that this Jacob has coerced him to cheat a few times. You know how pack minded men are, they love copying and one upping each other and your boyfriend probably thinks it’s cool to cheat since he looks up to Jacob so much. What’s that saying “show me who your friends are, I’ll tell you who you are”...
Ultimately your values don’t align with Sam and you need to think about whether you want to waste any more time, or even risk being tied down, to someone who has completely different morals from you. The guilt of the cheating situation was affecting you negatively emotionally (it sounds like you could be an empath) so much that you had to do something while your boyfriend didn’t not have the same response. It’s not a man v woman thing it’s a morality thing. You’re a good woman and you deserve a good, honest, BRAVE man. You’re so young don’t waste your time with this dud.
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If I was in this situation, I’d be saying to my boyfriend that I don’t want this to cause issues in our relationship anymore and it needs to be put to bed by both of us.
Ask him to stop relaying everything that is said and happens in his friendship group to you. It’s not helpful. Men in groups are often like this, it’s all bravado. It’s not as big of a deal as you think it is and if you just brush it off and be normal, soon enough they will move on to something else to wind your boyfriend up over.
Stop fretting about going/not going to him. He’s probably worried you are going to cause some kind of a scene and you obsessing to him isn’t helping either. I think you need to put your big girl pants on and front it out with a smile. It won’t be as bad as you’re expecting.
I can see your dilemma. I am very similar to you in the sense that I feel a duty to do what’s right, but with a decade more life experience, I’d rather just not know certain things now. I’ve been in a similar situation, my husband went on a stag do and his friend cheated on his wife. I toyed with the idea of telling her as she’s an acquaintance, but ultimately decided against it as it’s not my business and I knew it would make trouble for my husband. I wish he just hadn’t of even told me. Your boyfriend should realise that he’s not helping with all this drip feeding information to you.
Some people are generally just more passive. My husband is like this, and would never stand up for me either if his family or friends made a comment. I’ve come to accept this and can see that it’s part of his personality and that aspect of him has advantages. He’s not an argumentative person and let’s things go easily.
I can see how it seems like a huge deal now,but try and move past it (on the outside but also inside your head) it’s not as big of a deal as you’re building it up to be.
Ask him to stop relaying everything that is said and happens in his friendship group to you. It’s not helpful. Men in groups are often like this, it’s all bravado. It’s not as big of a deal as you think it is and if you just brush it off and be normal, soon enough they will move on to something else to wind your boyfriend up over.
Stop fretting about going/not going to him. He’s probably worried you are going to cause some kind of a scene and you obsessing to him isn’t helping either. I think you need to put your big girl pants on and front it out with a smile. It won’t be as bad as you’re expecting.
I can see your dilemma. I am very similar to you in the sense that I feel a duty to do what’s right, but with a decade more life experience, I’d rather just not know certain things now. I’ve been in a similar situation, my husband went on a stag do and his friend cheated on his wife. I toyed with the idea of telling her as she’s an acquaintance, but ultimately decided against it as it’s not my business and I knew it would make trouble for my husband. I wish he just hadn’t of even told me. Your boyfriend should realise that he’s not helping with all this drip feeding information to you.
Some people are generally just more passive. My husband is like this, and would never stand up for me either if his family or friends made a comment. I’ve come to accept this and can see that it’s part of his personality and that aspect of him has advantages. He’s not an argumentative person and let’s things go easily.
I can see how it seems like a huge deal now,but try and move past it (on the outside but also inside your head) it’s not as big of a deal as you’re building it up to be.
This is so spot on for what I think too. I know you don't want to hear it but my first gut instinct reading is that your boyfriend is really immature.
Sam shouldn’t have told you if he didn’t want you to tell that girl: he got Jacob dumped really.
No way are you to blame! And it's unbelievable how Sam is trying to say you're the reason Jacob got dumped. So nothing to do with shagging another girl behind Lauren's back then, oh no. Are these fellas out of their minds?!
Jacob sounds absolutely awful but I'm not too impressed by the sound of Sam either. Being shy is no excuse for letting his friends talk that way about you. I'd be gutted if my other half not only allowed that, but joined in on that "banter". Surely he can still have the all-important banter and keep his friendships without allowing you to be the butt of the jokes or having a laugh at your expense. Do any of these other guys let their own girlfriends be the subject of their banter?
I'm so glad I'm not a man... I can't stand the whole "lads banter" thing and I'm so glad my other half isn't that way either! But you never know, the chat could be all bravado and maybe they all know what Jacob is like underneath it all. They may be very nice in person when you meet and form their own opinions.
Jacob sounds absolutely awful but I'm not too impressed by the sound of Sam either. Being shy is no excuse for letting his friends talk that way about you. I'd be gutted if my other half not only allowed that, but joined in on that "banter". Surely he can still have the all-important banter and keep his friendships without allowing you to be the butt of the jokes or having a laugh at your expense. Do any of these other guys let their own girlfriends be the subject of their banter?
I'm so glad I'm not a man... I can't stand the whole "lads banter" thing and I'm so glad my other half isn't that way either! But you never know, the chat could be all bravado and maybe they all know what Jacob is like underneath it all. They may be very nice in person when you meet and form their own opinions.