My 4 and 9 year old wont join any clubs!

[Lulu Goss]

I was like that as a child. I’m not autistic and I got more confident and outgoing as I got older, but when I was little I would just rather be at home.

My mum tried to get me involved in a few different clubs but I used to feel anxious leading up to it and while I was there, even used to try and fake illness to get out of going I never used to keep anything up for more than a few classes, whereas my little sister loved all of that and was way more confident and outgoing than me.

I’d say let them do what they’re happiest doing, as long as they’re sociable and mixing well with other children otherwise (like at school or on play dates) then I don’t think clubs matter too much.

 

[monga]

It really bugs me when people immediately go with the 'have you thought it might be autism?' . Why is there such a desire to medicalise normal reactions and emotions?

Far more likely is that they just not bothered going to crappy clubs, and they simply have no interest dance and karate. I would've done exactly the same thing. I hated guitar and refused to go to any of the kids clubs on holiday. I'm not autistic I just didn't want to be in a group of other people I didn't know, doing something I didn't want to do.

I was sociable at home, work and school but even now I would rather stay at home/do my own thing than be with others (like when my neighbour persuaded me to join her flamenco class ).

I took my 3 boys to a free karate trial. All 3 hated it, and the youngest cried for the duration. Never went again but at least it didn't cost me anything. Most places offer free first sessions, maybe look around to see what you can find if you're still wanting them to do something. But don't be disheartened if they don't. It's a completely normal reaction.

Not all kids, girls especially like contact sports and most kids don't have the confidence to perform in front of an audience, doesn't mean there's an underlying condition like autism ..

 

[Upintheair83]

Hi,

Needing some advice or at least someone to talk to.

I have a 9 year old daughter and a just gone 4 year old daughter they have both been taken to karate and dance class and non of them would get involved. The eldest ran off crying at karate when she was 8, and my 4 year old just stood there while all the other children joined in. I know it would probably be nerve racking to be in a different setting and surrounded by strangers but they didn't even try to get involved. Has anyone experienced this?. The dance class I took my 4 year old to ended up bringing her out of the class after just 18 minutes of her standing there, tbh I don't think this is enough time for someone to get used to a setting and on the description of the class it said that the class would build confidence! Plus it was for children under 6 so wasn't a serious class, I wont be going back there nor would I reccomend the studio to anyone but I felt a little embarrassed. How can I get my kids to overcome this?
Thanks

When I was little me and my brother were exactly the same. Looking back I think it was a confidence issue and because we had a small family, we were very shy and insular. I was a little more outgoing than my brother.
My brother was terrible at times and he would always prefer to play by himself instead of with other children. He wouldn’t ever ask to go to classes, and like your children if he did, he would just stand there and refuse to join in. He was much happier playing Star Trek in his bedroom alone. He even had a abit of a speech impediment, and my mum was so worried about it. There were times that when he spoke to people, they would look at me to tell them what he said. I don’t think he was mixing enough at the time and it was affecting his speech. When mum took him to the speech therapist they soon sorted it out and that was that.
But fast forward to his uni years and the story changed completely! It was here he found his feet and many friends! he really bloomed. He came out of his shell and really started joining in and was the life and soul of the party- going to parties and debating societies etc. Fast forward some years later he’s now in his early 30s and he’s out and about in the night life of London, with friends and interests all over the place. He’s not happy if he’s not on the phone to someone arranging something!! So please please don’t worry.Yes children need encouragement but don’t force anything they will find their way. I can imagine you must worry because I know my mum did, but they will always find their way somehow. Even if it takes years. All you can do is encourage, love and support them.
I hope this little bit of advice comforts you somehow and that it eases your worry somewhat. Xxxx

 

[ChloChlo]

They might not be club types. The autism comments annoys me too, just because some kids are less social than others it certainly does not mean autism.

I hated clubs as a kid. I hated all clubs, youth clubs, after school clubs, holiday clubs anything which was an enforced group of other children. I was part of a gymnastics club, I was very good at it, several other girls in my school/local area went but I hated going. I was a shy child and clubs gave me a school-like feeling and I certainly wouldnt have taken part at all if my mother was watching. My sister was a tomboy, was much more outgoing than I was, she was in a football club and also karate, she would go to the local youth club too (me and my brother never ever stepped foot inside). She signed herself up for things such as day trips ran by the local church for the kids. I remember only going to one with her which was to a roller disco and when we got there, for some reason unknown to me, refused to do it and sat on the sidelines watching everyone else, just wanting the time to hurry up so we could go back home. Any opportunity she did clubs, including a home work club for ESL children - baring in mind we are English.

With my own kids, my eldest chose Tae Kwondo and joined Minecraft and cooking clubs himself. He did Tae Kwondo for around 2 years (he is now 14 and in police cadets -suggested by the police as a result from him having mild but frequent brushes with the law) I didnt even attend his exams as I learnt from experience he did alot better getting involved if I wasn't there. While he was attending these, I took him and another of my kids to a free Krav Maga session, where the parents had to sit in rows of chairs watching, which I shuddered at on behalf of the kids. My eldest despite being a seasoned club goer point blank refused to get involved, started acting unusually infantile and clingy, then spent the rest of the time sat with me, while his younger brother got stuck right in, happy as Larry. I let them choose. My youngest lost interest in clubs soon after and that was OK, he is an incredibly talented footballer but has never wanted to take it further than the school team despite alot of encouragement from his PE teacher. However once he reached 10, he wanted to do boxing, off his own back. I definately feel they should take the lead, but it is worth giving it a go again, without you watching perhaps. If they still dont join in, I wouldnt force it any further.

 

[ChloChlo]

I also do have an autistic son, he loved horse riding at one point. I do feel horse riding is a very good activity/club for less social/shy children.

 

[judsmum]

I am like this as are my husband and son. I hate hate hate organised fun/socialising! My idea of hell is an organised ‘group’! We dance, sing, play games, play sports all together but we would never join a club to do so! We all have friends especially my 8 year old but he seems to hate the idea of group fun and believe me we’ve tried because it’s the ‘done thing’! We’re not on the spectrum, or awkward and none of us struggle with mixing we’re just not social creatures! The same might be for your children!