Im glad you and your kids got out, it's so hard to make that move!
I've pretty much the same here. I had about 16yrs of it from my ex, then when we split he turned it onto our kids.
My daughter suffered the most and has serious MH problems stemming from what he's said and done.
She cut him off completely a while ago, and still he carries on by telling her brothers how much he loves and misses her, and how she's rude by not speaking to him.
The eldest understands as he was also victim to it and also cut him off for a while (he's currently getting gaslight over his wedding next year by his dad), but my youngest believes everything he's says.
This has been their Dads cleverest move because he's realised that his old tactic of obvious abuse hasn't worked, so he's changed how it's delivered to the youngest and its really subtle. He uses his own fake mental and physical health to gain his sympathy, then hits him with guilt trips about his sister saying how he'd feel better if she would just pop out to say hello. He then comes back and tells his sister.. so the abuse continues from a far
I watch Hinch and sometimes feel triggered because it's so reminiscent. I feel so sorry for her kids because I see the damage, and I have my moments of even feeling sorry for her sheep.
They have no idea that they're in an abusive relationship until they break away, which is just how I felt.. then you feel a right dick for falling for it all and putting up with it.
Almost every new member comes on here apologising for buying into her and saying they feel stupid - well you're not! She's manipulated you into thinking you can't do without her, she's manipulated you into feeling sorry for her, manipulated you into believing everything she's said, and gaslit you when you've doubted her. Thats not your fault, that's what narcs do when they know they're being busted for their behaviour, they escalate - and that's on them, not you!