Can’t wait until she finally does “quit” Instagram for good and swans off with her swipe up £££ to buy a place surrounded by fields, with a special wing for her mum to move into. The Facebook groups will slowly disband, and as a collective nation we’ll all remember that time everyone went mental for zoflora and sprayed chemicals around their house instead of opening windows the same way that we react now when we watch movies from the 80s and everyone’s smoking in cars/offices/hospitals/planes.
People will talk about her every now and again for a few years (“remember Mrs Hinch? Wonder what happened to her? Never could stand her anyway mate”). Eventually Sleevie Wonder will lose all her swipe-up pennies betting on the footie with the lads, and she’ll pop up again on Celebrity Big Brother (now moved to some irrelevant freeview channel). We’ll all tune in for the first episode so we can finally get a good look at her without a filter on and see what the long-term results of having a shedload of Botox and fillers in your early 20s is. She’ll have fuck all interesting to say, so her celeb sob story will be about how “TROLLZ!” made her life so unbearable that she had to become a recluse and she gets PTSD from the smell of Flash Bathroom now; which is why she needs to employ a cleaner, of course. At some point during the series, RonRon will do a tell-all in the Mail on Sunday - “Growing Up With Mrs Hinch: queen of clean, or queen of mean?”. He’ll tell us how he had Ellas pouches for dinner every night until he was 8, that he didn’t learn to walk on his own until he was 4 because he wasn’t allowed, and how he had to sleep in ‘Narnia’ cause he spilled some spaghetti hoops on a *kindly gifted rug. She’ll be voted out mid-series, as befitting her completely beige personality, and after a few shitty partnership nostalgia ads with cleaning brands will slip back into obscurity, probably forever.
bloody blissful, Mate.
... ‘ and in life itself.’
(previous lurker)
