Moving out with my boyfriend at 19?

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A1400

Me and my boyfriend are both going into 2nd year of university and we’re 19. We both currently live at home and work part time, currently full time due to having the summer off uni. We earn comfortably enough to move out & get student finance too. However, he doesn’t want to move out. He doesn’t feel comfortable moving out and doesn’t want to move out any time soon but I also partially think this is because he’s emotionally attached to living and being around his mum. A lot of the people we know like friends wise have moved out even as students like in the same situation as us and it’s not like rent is extortionate we don’t live in a huge big city.

It is disheartening to me and I find it really hard to accept that he doesn’t want to move out, everytime I give him solutions to issues he brings up he gets really defensive and instantly has more to say after. I can’t help but feel deflated especially since I’m sick of living at home with my parents. Any advice? :(
 
roarke

roarke

Don’t move in with him if he’s not committed to moving out, it’ll just get messy. Can you move out on your own? Perhaps enjoy having your own space for a while before you have to room with a smelly boy.
 
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newtoyou

19 is still pretty young IMO. Obviously people do it and that’s great for them but if he’s not ready I can understand it. The great thing about Uni is you can experience that independence but still go home during the holidays. Obviously if you have a difficult home life it’s understandable that you want to move out but I think it’s a lot of pressure to put on him to move with you and start real adult life if he just wants to enjoy this time where he doesn’t have to yet.

edit: sorry just realised you might have meant you live at home during term time too. If that’s the case, can you find student accommodation for yourself?
 
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OhMyGaad

Don't pressure him. Let him enjoy student life without having to worry about bills, etc.
 
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A

A1400

newtoyou said:
19 is still pretty young IMO. Obviously people do it and that’s great for them but if he’s not ready I can understand it. The great thing about Uni is you can experience that independence but still go home during the holidays. Obviously if you have a difficult home life it’s understandable that you want to move out but I think it’s a lot of pressure to put on him to move with you and start real adult life if he just wants to enjoy this time where he doesn’t have to yet.

edit: sorry just realised you might have meant you live at home during term time too. If that’s the case, can you find student accommodation for yourself?
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student accommodation sorta sucks where I live unless you’re like a privileged student or a first year student sadly :( like it’s better off finding your own place to live rather than student accom.
 
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judgejohndeed

judgejohndeed

You can’t make him move out if he doesn’t want to but equally don’t let him hold you back from moving out too. Can you move out with a friend? You are young still, but I didn’t know anyone who wasn’t excited about moving out for uni to be honest…yes he may not be ready, but he also may be one of those strange men who still lives with his parents when he’s 45. Don’t let it stop you from having your independence!
 
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Apple In My Pie

Apple In My Pie

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with him not wanting to move out yet. I’m 22, and I still live at home, tbh it was a massive help when I was at uni because I saved on food washing and rent 😆
Equally though I wouldn’t let yourself be tied to him like don’t let him dictate whether YOU move or not, if you feel ready to make the leap you should do it. You might find that once he sees you independent and enjoying yourself he’ll reconsider, the grass is always greener as they say
 
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Shoequeen91

Shoequeen91

Have you thought about moving out with a friend instead? You and your boyfriend may just be at different points in your life and that is okay.

Whatever you do make sure you really think about it because once the bills start rolling in so do the compromise on doing fun stuff as funds ebb and flow but the responsibility of paying out each month is always there.
 
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peachhes

peachhes

Me and my partner moved into our first house together when I was 21, and it was scary at first but it’s great now. If your boyfriend isn’t ready, just give him a bit more time. It may take a few months but I’m sure he’ll get used to the idea eventually. Don’t pressure him, everyone is different.
I agree with @Shoequeen91, moving out is such a massive thing, especially when you’re still quite young, we suddenly had tons of bills to pay that I hadn’t even realised existed. Don’t let the exciting idea of moving out overshadow the ‘adultness’ of it all xx

Also try and save as much money as you possibly can, we didn’t do this and wish we had. My brother is 22 and still lives at home but he’s saved a large house deposit, so save save save! ☺
 
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L.S

Don't put pressure on him or you may lose him totally

19 is super young. Start putting money into a ISA for the future house deposit
 
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BettyCrockerr

BettyCrockerr

A1400 said:
Me and my boyfriend are both going into 2nd year of university and we’re 19. We both currently live at home and work part time, currently full time due to having the summer off uni. We earn comfortably enough to move out & get student finance too. However, he doesn’t want to move out. He doesn’t feel comfortable moving out and doesn’t want to move out any time soon but I also partially think this is because he’s emotionally attached to living and being around his mum. A lot of the people we know like friends wise have moved out even as students like in the same situation as us and it’s not like rent is extortionate we don’t live in a huge big city.

It is disheartening to me and I find it really hard to accept that he doesn’t want to move out, everytime I give him solutions to issues he brings up he gets really defensive and instantly has more to say after. I can’t help but feel deflated especially since I’m sick of living at home with my parents. Any advice? :(
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If you want to move out then do if - look for a house share or similar. But you can’t force your boyfriend to move out. 19 is still very very young; moving in together is a big step and he’s clearly just not ready. Stop pushing it. You do you; move out yourself and enjoy the independence it brings but allow your boyfriend to make his own decisions.
 
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Raininvain

He's not ready and is getting everything done for him at home by his Mum still. The last thing you want when you should be having the time of your life is caring for him like you would a child.!!Cant you just rent a room in a house with some other students? That's what I did in my 2nd year, other people from my halls and off my course.
Just concentrate on enjoying yourself and meeting other people, I wouldnt be too bothered about him. 19 is young and more than likely you wont end up with him anyway.
 
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standupsitdown

You have the rest of your lives for that shiz. Just enjoy being young and carefree.
If you really want that settled life you may be better off with someone older.
 
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Rippedjeanmaybe

Rippedjeanmaybe

19 is still really young and I can understand why he doesn’t want to leave home, as lots of people aren’t ready at that age.

I was 21 and my partner was 23 when we left home and bought our first house. I felt ready from being quite young as I had a difficult home life, but I can imagine not everyone feels the same way.

it could also be that he isn’t ready to commit to a serious relationship just yet, which is also understandable at that age.

as others have said, maybe see if you can find a friend to live with?
 
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Scorpihoe

Scorpihoe

I moved out at 18 for uni, and when I moved back in after uni, omg I didn’t want to leave. I can totally see why he’s not ready..I bloody loved living at home 😂 (I’ve moved out again now), but when I’m home for the weekends/holidays, I almost don’t want to go back to my crappy flat.

stop pressuring him or he’s gonna hate living with you, or it’ll lead to massive tension in your relationship. I suggest living by yourself for a bit, you’re still really young
 
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JoeBloggs

JoeBloggs

You cannot make a man do anything he doesn’t want to do. I moved in with mine at 19 but it took him 12 years to be prepared to plan a wedding!

If you don’t want to live at home, find a friend or housemate but forcing him will likely push him away.
 
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Sugarbee123

I think you just need to focus on yourself and do what’s best for you. I was 19 when bought my first house with my now husband he is 6 years older than me so obviously he was ready to move out. But even if I was single at the time I would have still moved out because that was what I wanted to do I wanted my own independence. Who knows if you got your own place or shared with a friend it might give him the push he needs to think ‘wow I want that!’ Definitely don’t push him because he’s obviously very comfortable living at home and it is scary for some people flying the nest, but the next time he shuts the conversation down just stay calm and say well it’s something I really want to do so I am going to look into it for myself (or with a friend) then just concentrate on doing what’s best for you, don’t let people hold you back from something you want to do and if you both love each other you’ll find a way to make it work❤
 
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