Moving long distance to be with partner. HELP!

[TheStrawberryThief]

I have been seeing my partner for 4 years long distance. I live in the north east and he lives in Manchester.

I have been trying to get a job their for a few months, and I have finally managed it. Just waiting for my new contract to come through ( same company, new better paid role), with a start date around the start of December ( just waiting for confirmation of exact date as a few starting at same time).

I am looking for any advice, tips, help etc people can give for moving and living with someone. I haven't lived with a partner for 10 years. The last time I lived with someone, the relationship ended up destroying my finances, friendships and self confidence.

I have lived with family ever since and I am both excited and scared about living with a man again.

 

[Clickbait]

What are the circumstances of you living with him? Will you be renting together with a joint tenancy or are you moving into his own home or one he rents and is the sole tenant in the tenancy agreement? This obviously affects your rights as if you split you’d become homeless.

Do you think you’ll have enough space for your stuff? Years ago I moved in with a bf (more for necessity than desire) and I had to live out of a suitcase for 6 months which wasn’t much fun!

I think you need to discuss how you plan to split household bills and living expenses so that is clear. Also housework can be a real bone of contention - if one person is messy, or he suddenly expects you to do it by virtue of being a woman!

Any expectations you have on time spent together and apart - as it can be overwhelming to suddenly be in each other’s space all the time.

 

[Megansnarkle]

Why not live apart for the first year? That way you get to soft launch living together and you have a safety net if it all goes not according to plan?

 

[TheStrawberryThief]

What are the circumstances of you living with him? Will you be renting together with a joint tenancy or are you moving into his own home or one he rents and is the sole tenant in the tenancy agreement? This obviously affects your rights as if you split you’d become homeless.

Do you think you’ll have enough space for your stuff? Years ago I moved in with a bf (more for necessity than desire) and I had to live out of a suitcase for 6 months which wasn’t much fun!

I think you need to discuss how you plan to split household bills and living expenses so that is clear. Also housework can be a real bone of contention - if one person is messy, or he suddenly expects you to do it by virtue of being a woman!

Any expectations you have on time spent together and apart - as it can be overwhelming to suddenly be in each other’s space all the time.

Thank you. I will consider all of those things.

I have already decided that my savings will be kept separate from our savings.

Why not live apart for the first year? That way you get to soft launch living together and you have a safety net if it all goes not according to plan?

I don't think I can afford to rent close to his house, as it is mostly family homes avaliable.

 

[Megansnarkle]

I don't think I can afford to rent close to his house, as it is mostly family homes avaliable.

You don't have to rent close to his house, just an easy distance from him. Being in the same city will already be a big upgrade from long distance in terms of ease. Living in a houseshare with others could also give you a set of friends in what will be a new place for you.

 

[Codiaeum]

Have you already decided to move in with him? I understand that you're excited to do so after four years, but you also seem insecure that it is the right move for you so maybe easing into it by moving close, but not in with him, might be easier? Have you ever had the chance to spend a lot to time together in a flat before, e.g. during longer visits?

You wrote that you plan to keep your finances separate, that's great and please don't budge on this when asked. I find it's making me sleep very soundly knowing that I don't need any support whatever happens and could just live on my life as it is. I wish that that could be a possibility for everyone.

Will you bring any furniture, if you are moving in? Is there space, have you talked about how to arrange the flat or even looking for a new place? What are you doing with any surplus items like an additional sofa? How are you going to split chores and bills? Please try to talk about this before actually moving...

 

[TheStrawberryThief]

Thank you for suggestions of things to think about. I am going to make a list of the things we need to discuss, and we will talk about on phone later in week

 

[Rocket Queen]

I have been seeing my partner for 4 years long distance. I live in the north east and he lives in Manchester.

I have been trying to get a job their for a few months, and I have finally managed it. Just waiting for my new contract to come through ( same company, new better paid role), with a start date around the start of December ( just waiting for confirmation of exact date as a few starting at same time).

I am looking for any advice, tips, help etc people can give for moving and living with someone. I haven't lived with a partner for 10 years. The last time I lived with someone, the relationship ended up destroying my finances, friendships and self confidence.

I have lived with family ever since and I am both excited and scared about living with a man again.

Do all of the above, great advice. Once you’ve worked out your practicalities….enjoy!! Go with your gut. It’s a big step so of course you are nervous, that’s understandable. I moved the length of the UK to be with my then long distance partner. It was hard at first and I was like oh what have I done but once I settled it was amazing. 20 years later we are very happily married with 2 kids. For me, don’t sweat the small stuff is the key - when he’s being a big, irritating, annoyance I have learned to let it go over my head . Not the big things but the day to day issues that living with a partner can bring. Good luck and wishing you well x