Moving 15 miles away... pro’s & cons

[HankMcPrank]

Can anyone give me any good advice, or there opinion with the current situation I am in.

I live in a new estate in a small village with just a village shop & woodland area. I don’t drive, there are hourly buses & it’s close to my family (5 miles)
we’ve had problems with one particular neighbour with nasty, malicious allegation to social services & ever since we haven’t enjoyed where we live. We live in fear. That’s not even an exaggeration. House is 2 years old, lovely detached property & we are the first tenants of this home, it comes with an assured life-time tenancy. Rent is £129 a week.

I have been provisionally offered a new house. It is due to be complete end of March, so again i will be the first tenant, according to site map it will be a part of terraces (don’t yet know the plot number but there are four affordable houses) It comes with a starter tenancy, then a 5-year fixed term tenancy. Rent is £585 monthly. Or £146 weekly.
A completely different housing association. It’s in a great location with good links, outstanding schools & a small town setting with the amenities you would expect, but to get to my family it will take two buses or one bus & one train (depending on how we travel)

I don’t know, I’m completely torn. As much as I would love to move, I can’t see myself in a completely different area with no one we know.

my children don’t attend school as they are all over-subscribed so they are homeschooled. My eldest was also not offered a secondary school, places were requested but according to school admissions, the places had been refused on the day.

What I’m trying to ask, is if you were me,
what would you do?
My mum isn’t keen on the area, I think it’s due to distance if anything. But I just don’t know. I do know (I think) but I don’t

I can’t stay here & live in fear like I’ve had to for just under a year, but then why should we move? It could be so good for us.

AAARGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!

help please......

 

[Fofoca]

This is a hard one!! And I’m sorry to hear about your nasty neighbour.

I’m going to focus on the distance/mum thing as it’s something I sort of went through.

Would you consider learning to drive (and be able to afford car/associated upkeep?)

My brother once asked me a similar question when he was looking for a new home. I told him to do whatever was best for him and his family (wife and two little ones).

He moved - not super far but far enough. He was a 10 minute car ride away before and now he’s over an hour away door to door (on the tube). Pandemic aside, we no longer see much of each other. I can’t drive and honestly can’t be bothered to travel there and back on public transport. He can drive but it’s hard with the family (do they come with? It was hard travelling with the little ones and hard to entertain them if they came to see me.)

My parents also have the same issue (we all lived in the same area of london before) - they’re more happy to get public transport but they are getting older and it’s a long tiring day for them. They can’t just pop round like before.

I miss my brother so much but I’m happy he has a home he likes and somewhere nicer to bring the kids up in. I know this was the best long term decision for them. (The reason why he asked how I felt is because we’re very close and he didn’t want to “abandon me”.)

How often do you see your mum? Do you normally go to her? Does she drive? Are you the type of people who make plans and spend a day together? Or is it more of a pop round for a cup of tea sort of thing? Apart from the social aspect of swing your mum do you/does she need help with stuff?

ETA I’m not good with distances but did a google and apparently I’m 16 miles away through a map but that’s about 26 miles away by car. Old place was 2 miles away.

 

[HankMcPrank]

I don’t see mum much, no. When we do pop round it’s no more than an hour usually. Same with Nan.
I don’t drive, and mum is a very nervous driver however her partner drives. It’s viable, but there’s so much to think about x

 

[Giggling Squid]

I can’t offer any advice on the situation, but if I was in a similar position I would write myself a list of pros and cons for each, so it’s all there written out in front of me to help make the decision. Then think about the dealbreakers for me and go from there.

I can say though, I’m in a new build terrace and we never hear a peep from our neighbours

 

[HankMcPrank]

I can’t offer any advice on the situation, but if I was in a similar position I would write myself a list of pros and cons for each, so it’s all there written out in front of me to help make the decision. Then think about the dealbreakers for me and go from there.

I can say though, I’m in a new build terrace and we never hear a peep from our neighbours

well that’s peace of mind as I’m worried with three monkeys it would be noisy and I would like to be courteous x

 

[1001 others]

I would move. Unless there's any chance your current neighbour might move, things are not likely to improve and it can't be good for you living like that. Look forward to meeting new people and all the other exciting things that living in a new location will offer. You will find a way to meet your family - even if it's at a halfway point.

 

[FriendlyBoa]

15 miles is not actually that far at all.

You cannot continue to live in fear. For me, it sounds like a no brainer especially when the kids will not have to be uprooted from school.

Take the house, make a fresh start

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Go for a drive and look at the area for yourself. 15 miles isn’t far at all.

it doesn’t sound like you have any life where you are now.

 

[HankMcPrank]

Discovered In august last year I’ve had an anti-social behaviour complaint! I’m disgusting and will be demanding answers on Monday why I wasn’t informed!

 

[HankMcPrank]

15 miles is not actually that far at all.

You cannot continue to live in fear. For me, it sounds like a no brainer especially when the kids will not have to be uprooted from school.

Take the house, make a fresh start

thank you xx

I would move. Unless there's any chance your current neighbour might move, things are not likely to improve and it can't be good for you living like that. Look forward to meeting new people and all the other exciting things that living in a new location will offer. You will find a way to meet your family - even if it's at a halfway point.

I’ve had an asbo noise complaint order against me in august and I wasn’t even made aware!!

 

[Begborrowsteal]

To live fear-free, move. I moved 17miles from my family and friends and it was so daunting but I quickly adapted and I feel at home in the town now. The journey 'home' is over an hour door to door, via 2 trains, but it doesnt actually feel too bad doing the journey.

 

[HelloStereo]

When you say take two busses, how long would the journey be in total? 15 miles is not that far, and your quality of life would hopefully be so much better. But it depends on how you feel. Do you see that much of your mum that taking an extra bus would really be an inconvenience? If you only see her once a week or so and an extra bus is 1/2 hour extra, is it that much of a con that you'd decline a fresh start?

 

[HankMcPrank]

Thank you I’d see my mum probably no more than an hour - judging by the travel time it would near an hour and a half with the waiting for the other bus and going through the villages.
I need to learn to drive but with my children homeschooled and no childcare it simply isn’t feesable currently

 

[HoGi]

I moved 22 miles from my mum and didn't drive. It meant 2 buses and about 1.5 hours if the buses didn't have 30 min wait between them!

But it was the best thing I did as I hated my neighbours and it meant I had a detached, bigger, nicer house that long term has been so much better for me and my husband.

I did however learn to drive after only 2 months living there as the public transport for work was unreliable.

I would bear in mind how often you will be seeing your mum, if you only see her a couple of times a month is it really worth factoring her in to such a big decision when you can still get there relatively easily (isn't as if you are moving 200 miles away or to another country)

Write a list if pros and cons and see where you are at.

 

[FriendlyBoa]

Thank you I’d see my mum probably no more than an hour - judging by the travel time it would near an hour and a half with the waiting for the other bus and going through the villages.
I need to learn to drive but with my children homeschooled and no childcare it simply isn’t feesable currently

It's doable. If you can arrange your mum to visit and watch the kids once a week / fortnight while you have a lesson you can combine a catch up with learning to drive which will be beneficial to all of you in the long run

 

[HankMcPrank]

It's doable. If you can arrange your mum to visit and watch the kids once a week / fortnight while you have a lesson you can combine a catch up with learning to drive which will be beneficial to all of you in the long run

That’s a good idea

 

[Meh]

Personally, to get away from those types of accusations and a neighbour like that, I’d move. No questions asked.

In terms of distance, you never know what the future holds and you may be able to start learning to drive. That and a wee run about car would change the access/distance issues completely.

In your new place, would your kids get a place in a school? Entirely your families choice but if they could get to school would you want them to? Another consideration.

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

I moved ten miles away from where I grew up and from my mum a few years when I bought a house at 21. I didn’t drive at the time (although my partner did) and I used to get two buses every week to go and see her (when my partner was working). I drive now, so it is a lot easier, but I don’t think it was ever a huge issue. The main reason I had to go and see my mum every week is because she had a breakdown not long after I left (because her dad died) and she was single and alone. If she had her own life, I wouldn’t have worried too much about going down every week on the buses.

is there no way her partner can bring her to you once a week or once a fortnight?

 

[Pinkblush]

Just the nasty neighbour issue on its own would make me jump at the chance of moving away.

 

[BettyCrocker]

Move.

you cannot live in fear of your current neighbours and where you currently live doesn’t sound particularly good anyway.
Don’t let the short distance to family put you off, it’s a short distance and in time you can learn to drive.