MOD & FOD #26 Fodcliffe, it’s mee, I’m Clammie, I’ve come home, so cold, let me in you drafty Victorian window!

[Heyjude]

I am paying to the FOD gods that one of his old beach hut shags from 2003 comes on and reveals all He’s probably a missionary man who keeps his ‘same same but different’ t-shirt on, along with his shell necklaces jangling


Yeah, it’s hard to strike a balance. I was essentially neglected as a kid, so I’m not aiming for that, but just aiming towards picking the best elements of enabling individuality, not being spoilt and entitled. I cook them fancy food (posh), but there are ZERO alternatives (working class). My husband grew up posh but rural - so they had nothing and had to work, but went to private school we’re trying to add it all up to equal not bleeping up our own kids!

These FOD in Thailand antics are making me die laughing! Also praying one of his gap yah shags finds us and spills the beans on missionary man and how he gave her a backpacker bracelet from the stack on his arm as a promise to keep in touch when they got home. Oh FOD, the gift that keeps on giving!

I’m so sorry that your childhood was so bobbins it sounds like it’s given you everything you need to be a brilliant, balanced parent now though - I really love your approach and that’s exactly what I am aiming for.

 

[rainbowlemon]

Sorry I only know how to use basic MS paint, but it's trying that counts right?!

 

[SaladDressing]

Yay she replied and my comment it got 30 likes! Yes...I am Katie Stobbart and yes that's my real name, and yes I am happy to share it because whatever I say on this forum I would say anywhere...because I'm NOT a troll, I'm NOT abusive and actually if my posts appeared in a google search to a future employer do you know what I think they'd reflect who I am anyway- clever, articulate, wickedly funny and really really modest

Oh my FOD, bbz - a Hun called you BBZ

Sorry I only know how to use basic MS paint, but it's trying that counts right?!

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Hah! The face
If FOD was an Inbetweener, which one would he be do you reckon. Will, or Simon? He's definitely no Neil and he's not a Jay. Can't imagine him in jog-bots

 

[PoorPatrol]

Sorry I only know how to use basic MS paint, but it's trying that counts right?!

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The trying definitely counts, but I’m gonna need to see either a ‘same same but different’ t-shirt or a Chang beer vest, and some shell necklaces, 8,000 tatty bracelets and a look of pity/contempt directed at a local.

@SaladDressing oh he’s DEFINITELY a Simon, through and through! Wet lettuce

 

[rainbowlemon]

OMG just seen the Rebecca lamb thread.

Forget her " INITIAL TO MY OWN OPTION " . But pornhub gate?!

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

I bet FOD has been dining out on stories from his gap year ever since he took it. Giant, spoilt babied dullard. He just seems to have no dimension to him at all, we can take the piss out of the stereotype but FOD would tick all the boxes and probably be quite pleased with himself about it. I hate the middle classes for their mediocrity and feel your concerns about raising a MC child as I’m in the same boat; I grew up proudly working class and I’m truly grateful for that (even though I wasn’t at the time.) Nothing was handed to us on a plate, we had everything we needed and some of what we wanted and my siblings and I all worked really hard off our own backs to make successful careers on our wildly different chosen paths. My husband has a similar background and also worked hard to be where he is now and thanks to that we have incredible privileges and I am totally aware of that, although we really do try to live very modestly. I cringe whenever anyone asks what my husband does and just tell them his place of work rather than his role, I know for some that might seem like a nice problem to have and I really do take nothing for granted but it’s conflicting when you bring a child into the equation and your own background was nothing like the one you’re sort of facilitating for them - if that makes sense? Like I want her exposed to real life, not a John Lewis sponsored version of it. Many of the mums at our groups are incredibly MC or MC wannabes (even worse) and the conversations are just 🥱 they’re just SO boring, having a baby is the ultimate competitive tool for the twatty MC mum!

I need to message you because how are we the same person????

 

[Heyjude]

I need to message you because how are we the same person????

I KNOW!!!!!!! Message me ANYTIME! X

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Bet FOD picked up most of his ‘raving’ (because you just know he’s actually really feeling himself in his dad dancing series ) from the one single Full Moon Party he went to. Maybe he even... had a spliff too So wild and cray!

This is really what kills me whenever I see it, like it's so cringe, it's so bad, I can't actually look directly into it lest my corneas burn out of my eyeballs. He so obviously used to do this in the single sex dorm rooms of boarders at his little school. If you did that in public venue surely you'd be a danger to other people in the nearby vicinity?

Honestly what would you do if you walked in on your husband doing this???? And then saw he was recording it??

 

[Cabbagepatch]

OMG just seen the Rebecca lamb thread.

Forget her " INITIAL TO MY OWN OPTION " . But pornhub gate?!

I need to see this. Is this another instatwat I need in my life.

Sorry I only know how to use basic MS paint, but it's trying that counts right?!

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Love this but oh is this from that horrendous swimming pool changing room photo. with one of the older girls looking like she would poison him in his sleep at the first opportunity. I was horrified when I saw that photo.

 

[Slatternly]

God how I love placing god in imaginary posh twit situations. If it all goes tits up for the fod on the ad front, I think we should pool some money together and sponsor him to act out scenarios of our choice. Fod lolz fodder. A bit like what he does with the twins but for our benefit.

Possible scenarios:

1. Fod in primary school. Hand up all the time even though he has no clue what the answer is. Teacher can’t stand him.

2. Fod losing his virginity and spooning the girl afterwards and calling her ‘baby’ and asking her if she liked it.

3. Fod chatting girls up at freshers week.

4. Fod having an argument with mummy and flouncing off and slamming the door because she didn’t find his prank funny.

5. Fod goes to Thailand.

6. Fod accidentally on purpose takes 10 ecstasy tablets by mistake and looks like that bloke on a yacht that went viral a while back.

The possibilities are endless..

 

[poopypants]

I wonder how much we’d have to pay him to have a wank in his stories. £10k? £20k? We’ve all seen his cumface anyway, so we wouldn’t be too grossed out.

 

[Slatternly]

Do you remember that time way back when fod posted a story about wanking in retaliation for someone calling him a wanker on Mumsnet. Those were gentler times weren’t they? They were really upset.

 

[SaladDressing]

The trying definitely counts, but I’m gonna need to see either a ‘same same but different’ t-shirt or a Chang beer vest, and some shell necklaces, 8,000 tatty bracelets and a look of pity/contempt directed at a local.

@SaladDressing oh he’s DEFINITELY a Simon, through and through! Wet lettuce

This reminds me of around 2001/2 : I went on a date with a guy I met via love@lycos (yeah I know I know - feel free to take the piss!) Anyway, in his one profile pic he was wearing a beige linen suit and a crisp white shirt - probs brown shoes, can't remember. He also had a bead necklace on, in the pic. So when he showed up for the date, ye had THE SAME CLOTHES ON! I asked about the necklace, he said he had Photoshopped (or equivelent) it on to get the girls his name was Andrew though, not Sly!

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Do you remember that time way back when fod posted a story about wanking in retaliation for someone calling him a wanker on Mumsnet. Those were gentler times weren’t they? They were really upset.

How are they so bleeping sensitive?? Grow up! If brands were doing my house up for free, arranging workmen to install it all for free, AXA paying me £10k for a post, and I had a £4k sink why would I concern myself with the opinions of mumsnet. Same applies to Tattle. I'd be cackling into my il gotten wares.

These lot are clueless, I'd secure my wish list (new bathroom, some F&B tit paint, sort the kid's Boden wardrobe) and then call it a day. Delete and have them wondering where you went, maybe you could do a Kate Bush and come out of retirement like 20 years later when you want a bit of cash for the grand kids/HMRC.

 

[SaladDressing]

God how I love placing god in imaginary posh twit situations. If it all goes tits up for the fod on the ad front, I think we should pool some money together and sponsor him to act out scenarios of our choice. Fod lolz fodder. A bit like what he does with the twins but for our benefit.

Possible scenarios:

1. Fod in primary school. Hand up all the time even though he has no clue what the answer is. Teacher can’t stand him.

2. Fod losing his virginity and spooning the girl afterwards and calling her ‘baby’ and asking her if she liked it.

3. Fod chatting girls up at freshers week.

4. Fod having an argument with mummy and flouncing off and slamming the door because she didn’t find his prank funny.

5. Fod goes to Thailand.

6. Fod accidentally on purpose takes 10 ecstasy tablets by mistake and looks like that bloke on a yacht that went viral a while back.

The possibilities are endless..

OMFG this is all perfect sketch show material! He's like Tim Nice-But-Dim

How are they so bleeping sensitive?? Grow up! If brands were doing my house up for free, arranging workmen to install it all for free, AXA paying me £10k for a post, and I had a £4k sink why would I concern myself with the opinions of mumsnet. Same applies to Tattle. I'd be cackling into my il gotten wares.

These lot are clueless, I'd secure my wish list (new bathroom, some F&B tit paint, sort the kid's Boden wardrobe) and then call it a day. Delete and have them wondering where you went, maybe you could do a Kate Bush and come out of retirement like 20 years later when you want a bit of cash for the grand kids/HMRC.

So much this!!!!
If I was FOD I'd be well chuffed over these tattle threads, for example. Although they're mostly diss/piss take/comedy alternatives and actually zero in support, it's like an alternative fan base I'd be chuckling my way up n down aisles of various supermarket and DIY shops (or storez for da hunz) but certainly not doing that AXA bullshit or bog roll dealing!

 

[Slatternly]

 

[SaladDressing]

@Slatternly how about a set of FoD dolls, to go with your FoD through the years series, ya know like Ken had, Barbie's fella!

Could have Post Alicegate FoD, looking older with more forehead wrinkles & greyer hair. #AD fod complete with calculator and pound signs for eyeballs.

- Gap year FoD is already my fave! The possibilities are endless. He could come with a half smoked spliff and blood shot eyes.
Imagine him on his gap year meeting girls on their gap year "I'll fill your gap darlin' fnarrr fnarrrr" *snorty laugh*

 

[Titfer]

I promise if I have to work from home, I will bring my work computer with me, no more phone edits

Talking of work, today.... I spent a lot of time trying to explsin to some people that DO NOT ENTER and ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK may be detrimental to their businesses

 

[rainbowlemon]

Omg I'm in love with your skillz.

Thanks for the laugh hun.

 

[SaladDressing]

I wonder how much we’d have to pay him to have a wank in his stories. £10k? £20k? We’ve all seen his cumface anyway, so we wouldn’t be too grossed out.

Hah he'd be like Dirty Den - but Filthy Fod