Missing my (ex) best friend

Welshgal · Nov 9, 2020

My (ex) best friend and I got in a pretty nasty fight over two years ago.
Long story short: her bf broke up with her and I took his side because I was also fed up with her for (almost) the same reasons.
I know I should have stayed by her side but at that time she treated me quite crappy and I was generally in a really bad headspace.

We have barley had any contact since then except
1) me wishing her a happy birthday a couple months later (which was followed by nothing more than a “thanks”)
2) me getting in touch and picking up a costume about a year later which also went down without any sort of talking

For about one and a half year we now have had zero contact and I’ve been doing fine. Life goes on.

However yesterday and today I’ve suddenly been flooded by memories of our times together and I just miss her so much and I also feel incredibly guilty for being the worlds worst friend.
I know it’s probably waaay to late to do anything about it now but at the same time I wonder if there’s still a chance to get back onto speaking grounds.

Instagram also suggested her to me earlier today (crazy how these apps just know, right?) and I totally clicked follow, that was probably stupid.

To keep this somewhat short I would love to hear you guys’ opinion. Maybe some of you were in a similar position once?

xx

Cloak · Nov 9, 2020

Life is too short to not send her a message and see how she is. You have nothing to lose. Spend some time crafting it and writing how you feel. She will probably appreciate it. X

Lollipop2123 · Nov 9, 2020

Cloak said:
Life is too short to not send her a message and see how she is. You have nothing to lose. Spend some time crafting it and writing how you feel. She will probably appreciate it. X

Totally agree. What have you got to lose? Good luck xx

Chewycinema · Nov 9, 2020

You have nothing to lose. I recently got back in touch with an ex best friend because I found out she was pregnant and wanted to wish her well. Had a few conversations since that I've initiated, mainly just asking how shes keeping, baby etc but she added me again on fb and insta.
Its nice to see how shes doing but I know we'll never be how we were as there was an almost 5 year gap. Plus I'm still not 100% sure what actually caused rift in the first place. Plus her best friend hates me so there's that too

emmer_moans · Nov 9, 2020

Sometimes friendships need to go on ice for a bit to allow people to deal with things such as your headspace, family life, personal things...it’s worth a shot trying to be in touch xx

bobthedragqueen · Nov 9, 2020

Be honest and tell her you miss her! Like other posters have said, you’ve got nothing to lose! It’s been a crap year for all, maybe starting up the friendship will be a good end to the year for you! Good luck x

Definitelyme · Nov 9, 2020

Depends on if you are just feeling nostalgic for the good times and totally erasing the bad.

I fell out with my best friend of many years.A few times I thought about messaging her (and both of us always say congrats on new babies) but then I remember that our friendship was actually no good for me and I’ve been much better without her.

Also are you prepared for the rejection you may get?

ProphecyGirl · Nov 9, 2020

I wouldn’t do it, personally.
I fell out with a best friend of mine for similar reasons the fact I was in a bad headspace and she was just selfish, didn’t wanna listen about her boyfriend lying when I had proof. I was friends with her from school, we well out once and made up and fell out again and honestly now it’s no loss

I think like ex partners, ex friends should stay ex friends as they’re that for a reason. If she treated you so crappy before she could do it again

Welsh1 · Nov 9, 2020

I recently lost my best friend of 10 years and I miss her so much but I also feel like she's the one in the wrong & why should I be the one to try and fix things, possibly get it thrown in my face and then feel stupid. But then I think life is to short and that I should reach out to her. We were practically like sisters, spoke every day, did everything together, very close to each others families, she was the godmother of my child. Then after her being single for 10 years, she met a man, fell pregnant almost instantly and it turned out he was abusing her, was a drug user and alcoholic and she completely changed. She completely cut me out of her life, I've not met her child, I haven't seen her in a year and not spoken to her since March. Whilst I understand that he is probably controlling, I also think 'how can you just ditch someone whose been there for you for a whole 10 years' for someone whose been in your life for 6 months at the time and is clearly a b. I don't know what to do about the situation really.

Glamourelle · Nov 9, 2020

I fell out with a best friend of ten years, it was absolutely awful. It almost feel as bad, if not worse, than dealing with a breakup! She had faults and there were times she treated me awfully (not just me, but other friends too, however we were all at the point of “just accepting her for who she was as she won’t change”). I spent a lot of the friendship feeling like I was walking on eggshells as to try and not get one of her scathing mood swings, but I still couldn’t help but miss her a few months after we fell out. I reached out and we tried to patch things up however, in my head nothing had changed except I was no longer in the same mind frame where I wanted to accept her crappy behaviour still and it wasn’t long before she was back to treating me like tit. She then showed her true colours, again, and ended up breaking my heart from hurting me as a friend and I have now completely cut her out and I feel so much better for it!
I would say life is short and if she adds goodness and value to your life then absolutely reach out to her. The worst that can happen is she doesn’t do the same but atleast you know you’ve tried! That’s what I’m taking from my situation, it’s sad obviously but I take comfort in the fact I know I did everything I could.

sarahboo · Nov 9, 2020

Hmm I think it depends, is it nostalgia or really missing her?

I fell out with my best friend of over 12 years a few years back (over something ridiculous!). I missed her a lot & over the years we had a bit of contact & it just wasn't the same. The last month I started to miss her again but looking back I realise we did have good memories but towards the end of the friendship it was toxic on both sides & a lot of the things I was nostalgic for now I see I was looking back with Rose tinted glasses. Having said that, I am glad that we were in touch over the years because I know now there isn't a what if we didn't fall out. Our friendship had clearly run its course. Follow your gut, if you think it's right then do it!

Herefortheteeeee · Nov 9, 2020

I fell out with friends over the years. One deleted me because I didn’t go to another friends wedding when I was in a really bad place in life. The friend whose wedding it was has accepted my apology and in fact apologised for not being there when I needed her. The friend who deleted me has remained deleted. I have come to realise that my life is probably better off without her. I have school friends who I grew apart from, some of them I wouldn’t be friends with now as we are different people now. One particular ex friend really screwed me over on a night out once and happily left me on my own. We didn’t speak after. I felt the same nostalgic feeling of missing her friendship so I sent her message. She sent me a general message back so I tried to start a conversation with her and she ignored me. We never actually fell out. Thinking back I wish I hadn’t messaged her. It made me feel worse and I don’t actually think I missed her. I just felt nostalgic. I’m happy not having her in my life. Anyone who leaves their friend on their own is not a friend.

Youre a wizard Harry · Nov 9, 2020

My ex best friend cut me and the rest of our friends out of her life because our other best friend didn’t invite her to her birthday party, (without going into detail it was justified that she wasn’t invited.) She sent a crappy text to our other friend telling her how awful she was but said nothing to me, just deleted me out of her life. I sent her a text a few weeks later telling her it would be good to talk and a shame to end the friendship, no response.
I honestly can’t say I missed her that much, there was the odd moment but it was a one sided friendship, I did so much for her and it was thrown back in my face by not even giving me a chance to fix it (my mum has even said this and she is not afraid to tell me when I’m in the wrong!).
4 years later, one of my other friends bumped into her in a shop and later that night she added said friend on Facebook, and a few weeks later added me too. I accepted, we exchanged some messages but I don’t think we will be friends as such again, she has suggested meeting when Covid restrictions are over but I haven’t decided if I want to.
I don’t think you have much to lose by messaging her , but you have to be prepared for either a hostile response or non response and you will have to accept that. Good luck x

Pizzledizzle · Nov 9, 2020

I’ve fell out with a long term friend about 5 years ago because her behaviour was crap towards me. She’s tried to contact me on a few occasions & ive tried to keep it light because I feel that pull of nostalgia & sadness tbh that it ended how it did. Yet everytime I respond to her when she reaches out it quickly descends into her making me feel like crap again and it reminds me that we could never get back what we once had

Sometimes these things happen for a reason as much as you wished they hadn’t. You’ve nothing to lose by messaging her and even if you don’t get the response you want, you might actually be able to get some closure.

TheScarletgirl · Nov 9, 2020

I have had similar experiences after a few years the bridges are burned too much time has passed for us to friends again.
We have nothing in common and she is now an Ex friend .

Guacamole123 · Nov 9, 2020

Reach out!!! A similar thing happened to me and we didn’t speak for 4 YEARS!! She followed me on social media so I took the plunge and messaged her and now we’re inseparable again. Turns out we’d both spent years wishing the other person would reach out and make amends. Life is too short.

Mayday · Nov 9, 2020

It doesn't hurt to reach out. I would just explain what the situation was at the time - that you were struggling with a lot of things and felt that your friendship could've been better, but that maybe things could've been handled in a different way? But also that you miss her and would like to work things out if she's willing. She might not, but I think thats a risk you have to be willing to take in situations like this.

I think as long as both sides take accountability in what happened (since you said she was kind of a crappy friend at the time), then you can always move forward as stronger friends this time around.

Upintheair83 · Nov 10, 2020

Welshgal said:
My (ex) best friend and I got in a pretty nasty fight over two years ago.
Long story short: her bf broke up with her and I took his side because I was also fed up with her for (almost) the same reasons.
I know I should have stayed by her side but at that time she treated me quite crappy and I was generally in a really bad headspace.

We have barley had any contact since then except
1) me wishing her a happy birthday a couple months later (which was followed by nothing more than a “thanks”)
2) me getting in touch and picking up a costume about a year later which also went down without any sort of talking

For about one and a half year we now have had zero contact and I’ve been doing fine. Life goes on.

However yesterday and today I’ve suddenly been flooded by memories of our times together and I just miss her so much and I also feel incredibly guilty for being the worlds worst friend.
I know it’s probably waaay to late to do anything about it now but at the same time I wonder if there’s still a chance to get back onto speaking grounds.

Instagram also suggested her to me earlier today (crazy how these apps just know, right?) and I totally clicked follow, that was probably stupid.

To keep this somewhat short I would love to hear you guys’ opinion. Maybe some of you were in a similar position once?

xx

Oh hun, Iv been in the same place too. I stupidly threw a friendship away (all because of something so stupid looking back) it was totally my fault and I regret it so much. In her defence she kept trying to contact me and I ignored her.
Turn the clock forward to a few years later and she got in contact with me as a girl passed away who we both had worked with and she wanted to tell me (i dont have social media) She also text to tell me she was pregnant which I was thrilled about as she struggled getting pregnant.
We had a few brief conversations and I apologised and said I missed her. Then at the start of the first lockdown I text her and told her to stay safe, but I felt as though the reply was somewhat abit short and didn’t leave any room for further correspondence, so I kinda figured there and then that I think the damage was done, and too broken to repair. I think we would always be friendly if we bumped into each other but I don’t think it would ever go further than that. Iv just found out I’m pregnant but I don’t know whether to text her and tell her. Just because of the last text at lockdown- I don’t know what it was, but I just got the gut feeling that she didn’t want to carry the conversation on, and I don’t want to seem to push being friends again if it’s not what she wants.
I have days when I feel so awful that we aren’t friends. She was the best, most amazing friend I ever had and we always laughed. It’s my biggest regret,I can’t believe I just thee it away so easily. Yet i’v learnt so much from it. It was then that I realised I expected too much from people, esp friends. And that how I would react isn’t necessarily how others would and that I should accept people’s flaws because none of us are perfect because I know for sure I certainly aren’t! I was immature and didn’t see the bigger picture.
I truly am sorry for losing the friendship, I was such an idiot back then and had a lot of growing up to do. If you are reading this Amy, I really and truly am sorry xxxx

Welshgal · Nov 10, 2020

Thank you everyone. I will read all your replies after uni but I am already so thankful

Flossy2019 · Nov 10, 2020

I fell out with my best friend ... we had been best friends for 10 years... and when I fell pregnant she wasn’t happy for me at all. She cried and said I wouldn’t have time for her anymore and as it was Christmas a few months later we arranged to exchange gifts .. she works 5 mins away from where I live and I asked if she could call on her way home as I didn’t fancy driving hour round trip to hers and back especially being pregnant finding it uncomfortable in the car etc and sickness. She said she couldn’t because of traffic - baring in mind it’s 5 mins. then we didn’t speak for ages. Until after I’d given birth she messaged congratulations. And then removed me off insta as I worked out a few months after so I did one better and removed her off f as well because I’m petty like that. She didn’t make any effort afterwards. Maybe I’m stubborn but if you can’t come and see your pregnant friend on your way past then what sort of friend are you. And also jealous of an unborn baby. And nearly 2 years later we still aren’t friends. Sometimes I do miss her but she was a selfish friend and always a Debbie downer so was always bringing my mood down. It is sad to lose a friend but like someone else said exes ( friends included) are exes for a reason I think. I did almost message her the other week saying I miss you but my stubbornness got in the way and I have a new better friend instead