Missed miscarriage

[Lollipop2123]

Trigger warning

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I don't want to upset anyone as there's a few TTC type of threads on here but I don't know where else to turn.

I've gone for my 12 week scan today and there's no heartbeat. I'm in total shock and have had no bleeding at all and had all the symptoms of pregnancy. Has anyone else been through this ?

Thanks x

 

[Bloody orange Hell]

I have, lovey.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I found out at 9 weeks when I had a scan.
Have they suggested what you do next?

Don’t be surprised if this hits you like a sledgehammer. It’s a huge shock, especially if you had no warning. Have you told anyone?

 

[bubbadabut]

Trigger warning

.
.
.
I don't want to upset anyone as there's a few TTC type of threads on here but I don't know where else to turn.

I've gone for my 12 week scan today and there's no heartbeat. I'm in total shock and have had no bleeding at all and had all the symptoms of pregnancy. Has anyone else been through this ?

Thanks x

My sympathies. This happened to me with my first pregnancy. Saw a heartbeat at approx 8 weeks, but 2 weeks later the heart had stopped. It was all very complicated as it happened when I was living in New Zealand, and I was due to return home the following week. My husband was working in O&G over there so I was dealt with promptly and given the treatment for a medical management of miscarriage so I could go through the horrible process quickly and get home as soon as possible.

It is a horrible, lonely thing to go through, even when you have a partner. I felt useless and like something was wrong with me. Is it your first pregnancy? Have they given you the option of medical management or are they going to let things happen naturally?xx

 

[Lollipop2123]

My sympathies. This happened to me with my first pregnancy. Saw a heartbeat at approx 8 weeks, but 2 weeks later the heart had stopped. It was all very complicated as it happened when I was living in New Zealand, and I was due to return home the following week. My husband was working in O&G over there so I was dealt with promptly and given the treatment for a medical management of miscarriage so I could go through the horrible process quickly and get home as soon as possible.

It is a horrible, lonely thing to go through, even when you have a partner. I felt useless and like something was wrong with me. Is it your first pregnancy? Have they given you the option of medical management or are they going to let things happen naturally?xx

Thank you for your replies. I have children, the youngest being a toddler. I've gone down the medical management route for practical reasons because I move house next week and I don't want to suddenly start bleeding and have no access to a bathroom and also i just want it over with. I don't know. I don't know what to think. I guess it's just shock ? I took the tablets a few hours ago...

 

[No style rocky]

Not this specifically but have had 2 miscarriages. I remember feeling so much hope at being pregnant so having nothing tangible to show for each pregnancy was really hard. Now I feel that every pregnancy no matter how short creates a ripple, so you reaching out here and us all sharing is part of that ripple. Not sure if I’m making sense but it comforted me. Be kind to yourself and don’t punch anyone when they say “at least you know you can get pregnant” xx

 

[Bloody orange Hell]

Is there anything in particular you’d like to ask? Or did you just want a bit of a handhold?
I had the surgical procedure after I had my scan. I just wanted it over. I didn’t want to go home and wait and have to be awake through it.

 

[Lollipop2123]

Is there anything in particular you’d like to ask? Or did you just want a bit of a handhold?
I had the surgical procedure after I had my scan. I just wanted it over. I didn’t want to go home and wait and have to be awake through it.

I don't really know. Sorry. I guess I'd like to know that it's not just me and I've not done anything wrong ? I just don't understand why it's happened

 

[No style rocky]

The second time I miscarried I had the ERPC as the first time I miscarried it took 9 weeks to complete naturally. ERPC would be my choice x

 

[Bloody orange Hell]

A good friend took the tablets. She said she was glad she was at home and not in the hospital waiting for them to work. She also said that the bleeding is exceptionally heavy and it was painful.
I don’t want to scare or upset you. But make sure you have plenty of sanitary towels and painkillers.
Lots of love to you.
It’s grim but when you start talking about it, it is astonishing how common it is.

Don’t let anyone tell you that you have no right to be upset or grieve. I got a few comments like that. Mainly from people who hadn’t had kids and also men were more likely to make them. Including my wanker (ex) husband. You have all the sadness and on top of that you have a hormone crash. Be kind to yourself and try to rest as much as possible. Can someone else look after your kids for a couple of days?

My milk also came in a couple of days later. Just be aware that might happen.
I’m sorry if this message seems a bit negative. I don’t mean it to be. I’m just trying to think I the things my friends warned me about.

The second time I miscarried I had the ERPC as the first time I miscarried it took 9 weeks to complete naturally. ERPC would be my choice x

Mine too.

 

[bubbadabut]

Thank you for your replies. I have children, the youngest being a toddler. I've gone down the medical management route for practical reasons because I move house next week and I don't want to suddenly start bleeding and have no access to a bathroom and also i just want it over with. I don't know. I don't know what to think. I guess it's just shock ? I took the tablets a few hours ago...

Yes I was the same, I didn't want to be going through it in an aeroplane toilet. I had the tablets vaginally and found they started working after a few hours. I will put the next bit in a spoiler box if TMI. I

Spoiler: tmi

t felt like an extremely heavy period, intense cramping, with lots of thick clots. I did my best not to look at it really. My 5th pregnancy (out of 6 altogether) ended in a standard miscarriage and to be honest it felt identical. After the missed miscarriage I managed to get home to the UK OK but unfortunately, as my hormones started to kick in get me ready for my next period, I had massive cramps and intense blood loss. Had to go to A&E and they gave me tranexamic acid to slow the bleeding which helped a lot. After that I was fine physically but had a lot of issues with it mentally afterwards.

It's good that you are seeking advice, it can be very reassuring to talk to people about it. I wonder if that's where I went wrong, because I didn't really speak to anyone except my partner.

 

[Bloody orange Hell]

I don't really know. Sorry. I guess I'd like to know that it's not just me and I've not done anything wrong ? I just don't understand why it's happened

You haven’t done anything wrong, lovey.
And it’s fine to not know what you want from this thread. I only asked to see if there was some specific help or info we could offer.
It’s a huge shock and really takes adjusting to. Your whole future you had imagined, changes.

Also it’s hard to deal with because it’s very unlikely that you will find out why it happened. It seems so unfair and upsetting and it’s our nature to want to know why and could we have done something different etc etc?
It won’t be something you did. Although my MM was found at 9 weeks, they said that it looked like mine stopped growing at 6 weeks. It’s hard not knowing the reason but when I told my friends, half of them had had miscarriages. It’s just people don’t really talk about them much. You aren’t alone.

 

[MrsJones83]

Yes this happened to me with my second pregnancy, went for a dating scan, she thought I was about 10 weeks but there was no heartbeat. I had to be scanned twice over the next two weeks to see if anything had changed before they could confirm it as a missed miscarriage.

I went for the surgical option, as I didn’t want to have pain and bleeding at home as it could be unpredictable. I had the procedure about a week later, unfortunately for me, I had a haemorrhage during the procedure and had to stay in overnight for a blood transfusion and observation.

I’ve since gone on to have two healthy babies, and currently pregnant again.

I hope you’re ok.

 

[Definitelyme]

I’m so very sorry for your loss, what a horrific experience it must have been for you at your scan. i had a miscarriage 8 years ago, and it was just devastating. Make sure you are really kind to yourself these next weeks, and months, and if possible (if your situation and bleeping Covid allow) get as much help with your older children as possible this next week to allow you to have space to take it all in. such a lot to go through physically and mentally. Sending you lots of love.

 

[Mrs Cucumber]

So very sorry for your loss, I hope there is brighter days ahead for you xx

 

[Bloody orange Hell]

How are you feeling today @Lollipop2123 ?

 

[Welshgal]

So sorry for your loss. Sending you all the strength you need. Always remember you are strong and you are loved xxx

 

[BettyCrocker]

I don't really know. Sorry. I guess I'd like to know that it's not just me and I've not done anything wrong ? I just don't understand why it's happened

you haven’t done anything wrong sweetheart, I promise. Unfortunately sometimes things just aren’t meant to be and nature takes control. You didn’t do anything to cause this and you couldn’t have done anything to stop it. It’s just a really sad thing to happen. This happens more than you know - a lot of us have been through it so just know that you aren’t alone.

take care of yourself xx

 

[Lollipop2123]

Thank you everyone. The tablets haven't worked so I'm waiting to speak to the hospital. Thanks for everyone's replies xx

 

[MissyAnon]

Bless you, I'm sorry you're going through this. I experienced it a few years ago, I had a little boy already and have since had a successful pregnancy. It's very common, so many things can go wrong in those first few weeks unfortunately but nothing you could have done.

I wish you all the best. X

 

[Gossiper35]

Thank you everyone. The tablets haven't worked so I'm waiting to speak to the hospital. Thanks for everyone's replies xx

They didn't work for me either. I ended up having a d&c. They offered for me to try the tablets again but by that point I was fed up and just waited it to be over. Everything will be okay. You're strong and you can get through this I promise xx