Miscarriage/Baby Loss

[Peaches_xox]

I hope this is okay to post, I just need to get it off my chest & I don’t have anywhere else to say it. I had a MC a while ago now, and at the same time I found out my bfs cousin was pregnant, we were similar weeks. Her baby is due in a couple of weeks and the closer it gets the more it hurts. This is her first and I have a 6 year old so she’s been messaging me asking me loads about the birth and all other baby stuff and we’ve been speaking a lot but I think the more I speak to her the more of the realisation that I should be getting ready to have my baby too hits me. I had a big cry about it all last night on my own but then I felt a bit pathetic. Me & my bf haven’t spoken much about another baby since it happened. I can’t help but shake the feeling I’m gonna feel sad and somewhat jealous of his cousin forever

 

[disillusionedbythegram]

I hope this is okay to post, I just need to get it off my chest & I don’t have anywhere else to say it. I had a MC a while ago now, and at the same time I found out my bfs cousin was pregnant, we were similar weeks. Her baby is due in a couple of weeks and the closer it gets the more it hurts. This is her first and I have a 6 year old so she’s been messaging me asking me loads about the birth and all other baby stuff and we’ve been speaking a lot but I think the more I speak to her the more of the realisation that I should be getting ready to have my baby too hits me. I had a big cry about it all last night on my own but then I felt a bit pathetic. Me & my bf haven’t spoken much about another baby since it happened. I can’t help but shake the feeling I’m gonna feel sad and somewhat jealous of his cousin forever

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Does your cousin know you lost a pregnancy that should’ve been similar timing to hers? I know it’s her first baby but she will have other friends/family members/even apps or Google to help and guide her, as harsh as it sounds you’re not responsible for counselling her through the final stages of pregnancy and birth, especially if you’re struggling with it. You owe it to yourself to protect your own feelings around this. I would really recommend telling her how you feel x

 

[unidentified]

I hope this is okay to post, I just need to get it off my chest & I don’t have anywhere else to say it. I had a MC a while ago now, and at the same time I found out my bfs cousin was pregnant, we were similar weeks. Her baby is due in a couple of weeks and the closer it gets the more it hurts. This is her first and I have a 6 year old so she’s been messaging me asking me loads about the birth and all other baby stuff and we’ve been speaking a lot but I think the more I speak to her the more of the realisation that I should be getting ready to have my baby too hits me. I had a big cry about it all last night on my own but then I felt a bit pathetic. Me & my bf haven’t spoken much about another baby since it happened. I can’t help but shake the feeling I’m gonna feel sad and somewhat jealous of his cousin forever

Please tell her how you’re feeling. We feel any conversation like this awkward but it is so important that we’re honest. Completely different grief but I lost my mum as two of my best friends found out they were pregnant and I really struggled. It highlighted to me that everyone’s lives carried on like nothing happened whilst mine had fell apart. Eventually (and it took too long) I had to be honest in how I was feeling. It isn’t to take away their happiness but to be supported by those around you and any good person will be there for you in whatever way they can. Also check out the charities Tommys, Sands etc. they have helpline’s to talk to people about how you’re feeling and support you.

 

[xoxo GG]

Sending lots of love to everybody whose hearts feel a little heavy today with the conclusion of BLAW and the wave of light. I know mine certainly does 🤍

 

[BurmeseLovingMama]

Glad I found this thread

Previous ectopic years ago
Feb - chemical pregnancy
April - missed miscarriage (found out day after my birthday)
August - miscarriage
October - miscarriage

5 losses. Wondering when it will be my turn

 

[watermelon sugar]

Glad I found this thread

Previous ectopic years ago
Feb - chemical pregnancy
April - missed miscarriage (found out day after my birthday)
August - miscarriage
October - miscarriage

5 losses. Wondering when it will be my turn

i’m sorry for your losses i had a miscarriage june 2021, miscarriage may this year & a missed mc in August. doesn’t get any easier. hope you are ok and not too hard on yourself xx

 

[elloelloello]

i’m sorry for your losses i had a miscarriage june 2021, miscarriage may this year & a missed mc in August. doesn’t get any easier. hope you are ok and not too hard on yourself xx

sorry to hear that watermelon It never does you are right. hope you are okay

 

[LavaFlake]

Hey everyone. Glad I have seen this thread.

After ttc for a few months I am now devastated to have gone through a medically managed miscarriage at 6+3.

I suppose I focussed on getting through the physical pain which was awful for me. Codeine barely touched the sides. But now that's done I'm stuck in my own head. I can't stop bursting into tears when I as much as see a small child on social media which I know is an overreaction but I can't stop myself.

My partner was sad but no where near as sad as I have been. Is this normal as I'm the one going through it?

Are there any resources or things people have done to help through the emotional pain? I've gone on the Tommys website but couldn't find much. I know this is only my first miscarriage so sorry if this feels like an overreaction but I'm at a bit of a loss.

 

[calmyourritas]

Hey everyone. Glad I have seen this thread.

After ttc for a few months I am now devastated to have gone through a medically managed miscarriage at 6+3.

I suppose I focussed on getting through the physical pain which was awful for me. Codeine barely touched the sides. But now that's done I'm stuck in my own head. I can't stop bursting into tears when I as much as see a small child on social media which I know is an overreaction but I can't stop myself.

My partner was sad but no where near as sad as I have been. Is this normal as I'm the one going through it?

Are there any resources or things people have done to help through the emotional pain? I've gone on the Tommys website but couldn't find much. I know this is only my first miscarriage so sorry if this feels like an overreaction but I'm at a bit of a loss.

Hi darling I’m so sorry to read this your story my lovely. For me, I felt the same about my partner, he was so very sad but I felt broken for a very long time. To be honest, I still do. I think about my baby every single day but we so rarely about him/her. How are you doing physically now?

I found the worst girl gang ever and also Zoe Adelle quite good on instagram.

Also it possibly isn’t any help but

Spoiler: Pregnancy/baby after loss

I’ve just re-read the start of this thread and reading my first comments on here when honestly I didn’t think I could get through it all after very recently going through a mmc, never felt so low in all my life and now i’m currently holding onto my 6 month old daughter how crazy life can be

Sending lots of love luck and happiness to you xxx

 

[disillusionedbythegram]

Hey everyone. Glad I have seen this thread.

After ttc for a few months I am now devastated to have gone through a medically managed miscarriage at 6+3.

I suppose I focussed on getting through the physical pain which was awful for me. Codeine barely touched the sides. But now that's done I'm stuck in my own head. I can't stop bursting into tears when I as much as see a small child on social media which I know is an overreaction but I can't stop myself.

My partner was sad but no where near as sad as I have been. Is this normal as I'm the one going through it?

Are there any resources or things people have done to help through the emotional pain? I've gone on the Tommys website but couldn't find much. I know this is only my first miscarriage so sorry if this feels like an overreaction but I'm at a bit of a loss.

Sending so much love your way.

I don’t think it’s unusual for the person who’s going through the physical symptoms of miscarriage to be affected more severely. My husband was sad but because he didn’t have to physically go through the pain/be reminded every month afterwards, he was able to move on quicker than I was.

also please don’t diminish your feelings by saying you’re overreacting. Any reaction to this is valid and it’s only natural you will feel sad and a sense of loss.
I’m sure others will have some good resources to send your way

 

[Gossipgirl79]

Sending so much love your way.

I don’t think it’s unusual for the person who’s going through the physical symptoms of miscarriage to be affected more severely. My husband was sad but because he didn’t have to physically go through the pain/be reminded every month afterwards, he was able to move on quicker than I was.

also please don’t diminish your feelings by saying you’re overreacting. Any reaction to this is valid and it’s only natural you will feel sad and a sense of loss.
I’m sure others will have some good resources to send your way

@LavaFlake Totally agree with everything here. My husband was sad, but much more pragmatic than me….’it was early, we’ll try again, etc’ but I was devastated. Your feelings are totally valid. The books by Zoe Clarke Coats really helped me, and just taking it day by day.

Spoiler

It will feel horrific now, I ended up losing 3 and I’m now 31 weeks pregnant, and some days I never ever thought I’d be ok again, but it’s amazing what can change in a month, a year so try to keep that in mind too. You will come out the other side

Sending tons of love and support

 

[LavaFlake]

Thanks everyone for your comments I will definitely have a look at those accounts and books.

@calmyourritas I'm physically on the mend although unfortunately tested positive for Covid for the first time whilst taking the tablets so had to deal with both sets of symptoms and am still definitely recovering from the Covid. But it means I can't go out and do things to distract myself like I normally would when something bad happens.

I think I just need to accept I am sad for a while and that ok. I don't need to be strong or practical all the time and especially in the immediate aftermath.

 

[proceedwithcaution]

Just need somewhere to write down my thoughts really. I found out today I’ve had my third MM.
I had a second miscarriage only in September just gone, so we were very surprised to fall pregnant so quickly -but a loss again so soon feels so cruel, particularly as I’d had such strong symptoms this time.
This is my third miscarriage now, this last two at 9 weeks and first at 18. I Had a very bad experience in the hospitals handling of our first loss, which has left me with serious PTSD with regards to being touched by doctors and nurses etc so management of the miscarriages is even more trauma for me.
I’m 38, and feel like I’m running out of time, and wondering if I’ll ever get my turn. I work with
Small children and everyday is a reminder of what I don’t have.
I’ve deleted my social media as I can’t bear to be surrounded by photos of happy families at this time of year. I’m so desperately jealous and resentful, but then feel guilty for feeling that way about something other people can’t control and don’t even know about.
It’s nice there’s somewhere here where people are going through and have been through the same as even my friends who have been through this who’ve then gone on to have healthy children can be so forgetful of how hard this is and always patronisingly ‘it’ll happen’. I know they mean well, but I don’t know if it’ll happen and neither do they. I’d sooner they say ‘it’s really tit and I really feel for you and I’m sorry this is happening’. It’s like they think because they’ve lost a baby or babies but then gone on to have a child, it means everyone will. And at this point I don’t know if that’s true.
I’m sure that makes me sound bitter and I’m sure that’s true, but at this moment in time, I think it’s fair too.
No real point to this, I’ve got some great books I know help as they’ve helped before, but I just needed somewhere non judgemental to blather really.

 

[disillusionedbythegram]

Just need somewhere to write down my thoughts really. I found out today I’ve had my third MM.
I had a second miscarriage only in September just gone, so we were very surprised to fall pregnant so quickly -but a loss again so soon feels so cruel, particularly as I’d had such strong symptoms this time.
This is my third miscarriage now, this last two at 9 weeks and first at 18. I Had a very bad experience in the hospitals handling of our first loss, which has left me with serious PTSD with regards to being touched by doctors and nurses etc so management of the miscarriages is even more trauma for me.
I’m 38, and feel like I’m running out of time, and wondering if I’ll ever get my turn. I work with
Small children and everyday is a reminder of what I don’t have.
I’ve deleted my social media as I can’t bear to be surrounded by photos of happy families at this time of year. I’m so desperately jealous and resentful, but then feel guilty for feeling that way about something other people can’t control and don’t even know about.
It’s nice there’s somewhere here where people are going through and have been through the same as even my friends who have been through this who’ve then gone on to have healthy children can be so forgetful of how hard this is and always patronisingly ‘it’ll happen’. I know they mean well, but I don’t know if it’ll happen and neither do they. I’d sooner they say ‘it’s really tit and I really feel for you and I’m sorry this is happening’. It’s like they think because they’ve lost a baby or babies but then gone on to have a child, it means everyone will. And at this point I don’t know if that’s true.
I’m sure that makes me sound bitter and I’m sure that’s true, but at this moment in time, I think it’s fair too.
No real point to this, I’ve got some great books I know help as they’ve helped before, but I just needed somewhere non judgemental to blather really.

I’m so sorry. I can’t even imagine the pain you’re going through. What you’re feeling is totally valid, so don’t worry about sounding bitter. It is terribly unfair

 

[proceedwithcaution]

I’m so sorry. I can’t even imagine the pain you’re going through. What you’re feeling is totally valid, so don’t worry about sounding bitter. It is terribly unfair

Thank you. I feel a bit numb at The moment. And because of the time of year I’ve got to keep working until next Friday. I’ve got two days Monday and Tuesday to ‘deal with the situation’ but then three days of work before a week off for Xmas. I’ve got to go in tomorrow and Saturday and just keep a smile pasted on and be ‘strong’. It’s hard being strong- again. I’ve run out of sick leave after my last miscarriage in September so I’ve just got to keep on.
It all feels so much more cruel this time around.

 

[disillusionedbythegram]

Thank you. I feel a bit numb at The moment. And because of the time of year I’ve got to keep working until next Friday. I’ve got two days Monday and Tuesday to ‘deal with the situation’ but then three days of work before a week off for Xmas. I’ve got to go in tomorrow and Saturday and just keep a smile pasted on and be ‘strong’. It’s hard being strong- again. I’ve run out of sick leave after my last miscarriage in September so I’ve just got to keep on.
It all feels so much more cruel this time around.

I don’t know your position so it might not be doable, but would it be worth taking some unpaid leave so you can rest/recoup? Do the people at your work know? I found it loads easier once I’d told my colleagues x

 

[proceedwithcaution]

I don’t know your position so it might not be doable, but would it be worth taking some unpaid leave so you can rest/recoup? Do the people at your work know? I found it loads easier once I’d told my colleagues x

A few do, but time off isn’t an option as I run the dept and I’ve only two other staff who are qualified who can cover, one of whom is off for three weeks over Xmas and the other unable to cover more than a couple of shifts due to a second job. So I’ve just got to plough on. I only went back to work end of October as had extended leave after my last MM in september so I’m out of SSP entitlement and can’t afford to take unpaid. So until then, I’ve got to plough on and hope for quiet days and to not be bombarded with babies , and have toddlers im instead.
It sucks honestly. But I’ve had a lot of time off with the previous two miscarriages so this time I’ve got to be brave and carry on.

 

[begaphobia]

I’m so sorry to those who have experienced recent losses. Christmas is a very tough time with family photos and baby announcements everywhere. When I went through my experience I too had to come off social media but it was the best decision for me. I really hope you’re all ok and can manage to enjoy the holidays, even just a little bit x

 

[Eachtotheirown8]

I’ve spent the day reading through all 33 pages. Yesterday I had my surgery to remove my baby. On Thursday I had my 12 week scan and was told there was no heartbeat. I had been bleeding heavily since Sunday and was seen my the EPU who scanned my on a mobile device and told me they could see a heartbeat. That clearly wasn’t the case as baby was only measuring 9 weeks. Those few days of false hope have been worse than knowing. I’m absolutely devastated by this. I have a healthy 4 year old who we were going to tell on Christmas Day. I’ve got him a big brother to be T-shirt and I just can’t believe it’s all over before it had truly begun.

 

[FoksiOska]

I’ve spent the day reading through all 33 pages. Yesterday I had my surgery to remove my baby. On Thursday I had my 12 week scan and was told there was no heartbeat. I had been bleeding heavily since Sunday and was seen my the EPU who scanned my on a mobile device and told me they could see a heartbeat. That clearly wasn’t the case as baby was only measuring 9 weeks. Those few days of false hope have been worse than knowing. I’m absolutely devastated by this. I have a healthy 4 year old who we were going to tell on Christmas Day. I’ve got him a big brother to be T-shirt and I just can’t believe it’s all over before it had truly begun.

I'm so sorry to read this. Its hard at any time but just before Christmas is particularly devastating. Your final sentences really broke my heart. Please look after yourself and take the time you need