Miscarriage/baby loss #2

[kindregrets]

I don't know where to start.
This is going to be a long rant, sorry about that.
TL;DR: 2 losses, pregnant friend weeks apart from what I would have been, feeling lonely, trying again, pausing ttc.

Spoiler: long story long

In October 2021 I had a chemical. It was heartbreaking and was the beginning of a chain of massive changes in my life.
I broke up with my then partner (we grieved in our own ways and that caused a big gap between us).
I'm now happily married to somebody else.

Last June we decided to try for a baby. It took me years to get to a place where I felt comfortable enough to try again and to have hope things would go different this time.
It took 7 months to get pregnant with my ex, so I figured it would take a while this time as well but a miracle happened and I got pregnant in July.
Unfortunately in September we found out it was a missed miscarriage. I had to get a d&c because my body was not picking up the signals.

A few weeks after my d&c, one of my only friends I've made since moving here, a person who didn't even want kids, told me over text (in the sweetest and most respectful way possible) that she's pregnant. She's 4 weeks behind what I would have been.
Obviously I had a complete breakdown when I read that, as I'm sure a lot of you in here can understand. I'm very happy for them but at the same time I am so, so mad and jealous and I'm not even a jealous person.
I have not been able to meet up with her since. Slowly I've been trying to message her to ask how she is doing and how her pregnancy is going. It takes so much energy out of me to be a good friend right now. The thing that is starting to hurt more and more is that I've noticed that nobody is talking to me. None of my or my husband's friends have been reaching out, not even to send me a stupid meme. Even my pregnant friend is not acting like she used to. I'm hoping it's because she's just busy and tired, but my gut is telling me something else is up.

After we got the all clear from the doctor, husband and I started ttc again. I put so much pressure on myself to get pregnant before/by certain dates; first month of ttc, before Christmas so we could tell family, before a family meetup in the new year's so we could tell family, before my due date in April. All while still counting how many weeks I would have been now. I told my husband last week I need a break from ttc. No more ovulation tests (my cycle is still messed up anyway) and no more being extra careful how I live my life and what I eat/drink/inhale.

I know this is a very long post, I should have probably just written this down in my diary instead of on the internet. Just hoping somebody else on here can relate and we won't feel so alone.
I gave a lot of info on here that makes it easy to dox me (pls don't, lol)

 

[shhh1712]

I’m really sorry you are feeling like that. I can relate as me and my best friend fell pregnant within a month of each other, she then had a missed miscarriage and I had a TFMR around 6 weeks later. She has just told me this week she is already 13 weeks pregnant I feel so sad, she would have fell pregnant just before I had my loss. We were so excited to be pregnant and on maternity leave together, so it’s just bittersweet that things have worked out this way.
I appreciate you may not want to reach out to her atm, but could you reach out to some of your husbands friends? They may not know how to be with you atm, which is really sad but some people can find it difficult to know how to be around people that are navigating loss/ grief and create distance when that is actually the last thing you want.

 

[mumgal]

Hey ladies.big trigger warning. Premature Neonatal death.

Tonight is my first night home after giving birth to my amazing sweet little baby boy Mont. unfortunately I was 21 weeks and 5 days and he was too young for them to intervene. It breaks my heart. He weighed 440g and was 30cm long. He was born on the 24th of February at 3.38am. He was born in his sack. He cried.the most beautiful sound that I will forever cherish but also be haunted by. I didn’t think he would, I thought he would be too young. He exceeded every expectation I had of him. He was amazing just so perfect but so tiny . I held him in my arms as he continued to breathe and eventually began to gasp for breath and he passed just gone 6am. I truly can’t believe it. I didn’t even think I would be able to get pregnant. I experienced secondary infertility for 13 years. They told me both my tubes were blocked. I also have pcos. But our miracle happened but he was taken away too soon.
I can’t sleep. I can’t stop staring at the 100s of photos I took of him. I feel so empty and so lost. I’m not sure how I am supposed to continue. He was so perfect. Absolutely beautiful and the image of his father. I’m sorry. I’m not sure of the reason me posting here. I just wanted to talk about him somewhere.

 

[Hamburglar]

Hey ladies.big trigger warning. Premature Neonatal death.

Tonight is my first night home after giving birth to my amazing sweet little baby boy Mont. unfortunately I was 21 weeks and 5 days and he was too young for them to intervene. It breaks my heart. He weighed 440g and was 30cm long. He was born on the 24th of February at 3.38am. He was born in his sack. He cried.the most beautiful sound that I will forever cherish but also be haunted by. I didn’t think he would, I thought he would be too young. He exceeded every expectation I had of him. He was amazing just so perfect but so tiny . I held him in my arms as he continued to breathe and eventually began to gasp for breath and he passed just gone 6am. I truly can’t believe it. I didn’t even think I would be able to get pregnant. I experienced secondary infertility for 13 years. They told me both my tubes were blocked. I also have pcos. But our miracle happened but he was taken away too soon.
I can’t sleep. I can’t stop staring at the 100s of photos I took of him. I feel so empty and so lost. I’m not sure how I am supposed to continue. He was so perfect. Absolutely beautiful and the image of his father. I’m sorry. I’m not sure of the reason me posting here. I just wanted to talk about him somewhere.

I didn’t want to read and run, there’s absolutely nothing I can say but I am sending love to you and your precious boy 🤍 xx

 

[mumgal]

I didn’t want to read and run, there’s absolutely nothing I can say but I am sending love to you and your precious boy 🤍 xx

Thankyou so much xx

 

[A1992]

Hey ladies.big trigger warning. Premature Neonatal death.

Tonight is my first night home after giving birth to my amazing sweet little baby boy Mont. unfortunately I was 21 weeks and 5 days and he was too young for them to intervene. It breaks my heart. He weighed 440g and was 30cm long. He was born on the 24th of February at 3.38am. He was born in his sack. He cried.the most beautiful sound that I will forever cherish but also be haunted by. I didn’t think he would, I thought he would be too young. He exceeded every expectation I had of him. He was amazing just so perfect but so tiny . I held him in my arms as he continued to breathe and eventually began to gasp for breath and he passed just gone 6am. I truly can’t believe it. I didn’t even think I would be able to get pregnant. I experienced secondary infertility for 13 years. They told me both my tubes were blocked. I also have pcos. But our miracle happened but he was taken away too soon.
I can’t sleep. I can’t stop staring at the 100s of photos I took of him. I feel so empty and so lost. I’m not sure how I am supposed to continue. He was so perfect. Absolutely beautiful and the image of his father. I’m sorry. I’m not sure of the reason me posting here. I just wanted to talk about him somewhere.

I am so so sorry for your loss.

I lost my little boy at 24 weeks a few months ago. All I can say is treasure those memories. He will always be a part of you and a part of your family.

Say his name as much as you want and never feel like you can’t speak about him for fear of making others “uncomfortable” - that’s their problem.

I would really recommend self-referring for counselling. If you’re UK based, Petals is a wonderful charity that has really helped me. You can refer as an individual or as a couple.

Be kind to yourself. Sending you and your family lots of love. You’ll always be Mont’s mummy xx

 

[mumgal]

Thankyou so much for your kind words and support. I am so sorry you have also experienced this sending you lots of love too. Xxx

 

[Kiki999]

I just wanted to say I am here with you all and the pain we are going through.

I lost my twins at 22 weeks at the start of the year from extreme premature labour. I don’t even know how to describe how empty and broken I feel. I miss them so much and I feel completely traumatised by how I went into labour and everything that happened that I feel like I can barely talk or think about anything else.
I’m not sure how to go on with my life anymore. I pretend I’m ok a lot of the time but inside I feel like I’ve lost everything I’ve ever wanted, I’ve lost my whole family in one go. My husband is incredible and we have a very supportive family but nothing will ever make this better.

 

[mumgal]

I just wanted to say I am here with you all and the pain we are going through.

I lost my twins at 22 weeks at the start of the year from extreme premature labour. I don’t even know how to describe how empty and broken I feel. I miss them so much and I feel completely traumatised by how I went into labour and everything that happened that I feel like I can barely talk or think about anything else.
I’m not sure how to go on with my life anymore. I pretend I’m ok a lot of the time but inside I feel like I’ve lost everything I’ve ever wanted, I’ve lost my whole family in one go. My husband is incredible and we have a very supportive family but nothing will ever make this better.

I am so sorry you are going through this too. sending you and your husband so much love. I have the bereavement midwife coming in half an hour to talk about the funeral. I have no idea how I’m going to get through this. our family have been great too and so have our friends. bringing home cooked meals for us and shopping. I am currently feeling so angry. Why could they not save my baby. He cried on my chest I watched him gasp for air. He fought for 3 hours. He may have been a young gestation but he was a big boy. I believe with intervention he would still be here. He was 30cm long and 0.03g off being 1lb. I have seen babies smaller than this given help. it took me 13 years to conceive him. so much heart ache and pain turned into so much happiness and now I am more heartbroken than ever.
it’s so strange, me and my cousin have experienced the exact same thing. our first birth ended with shoulder dystocia and nicu time. Our second birth 1 day apart ended with PPROM and neonatal death. I am heartbroken for my partner. He already lost his mother at such a young age and now his first born passed too. He is struggling a lot. I am trying to stay strong for him. If you ever wish to reach out to talk I am here, for anyone who needs a chat. I find it much easier to talk about it sort of anonymously as such. Rather than in ‘real life’
Lots of hugs darling xxx

 

[anything at all]

I just need to write down my thoughts and feelings cause gosh I’m struggling quite a bit again

I know I could be in a worse situation.

I’m so very lucky to have 2 healthy boys already but can’t help but break down in tears at the end of most days at the moment.

Maybe it’s my youngest getting older (he’s 14months now) and the fear of every situation all being the last. We’ve been putting away some toys that are far too babyish for him now and selling baby things that are taking up space recently too so maybe that’s hitting me as well.

I should’ve been 20+weeks but instead it’s our first cycle back trying.
Possible ovulation coming up.
I’m seeing Ovulation tests that I shouldn’t have to had to buy again, and period products ready that I shouldn’t have needed for months and months.


My mother in law knew about our ectopic but still seemed really surprised when it came up in conversation that we still want another child. Like how does she think the ectopic happened in the first place?

I also have fears of trying again. There’s a risk of ectopic again. But also I only have one tube now. And not like I’m getting younger.

 

[A1992]

I just need to write down my thoughts and feelings cause gosh I’m struggling quite a bit again

I know I could be in a worse situation.

I’m so very lucky to have 2 healthy boys already but can’t help but break down in tears at the end of most days at the moment.

Maybe it’s my youngest getting older (he’s 14months now) and the fear of every situation all being the last. We’ve been putting away some toys that are far too babyish for him now and selling baby things that are taking up space recently too so maybe that’s hitting me as well.

I should’ve been 20+weeks but instead it’s our first cycle back trying.
Possible ovulation coming up.
I’m seeing Ovulation tests that I shouldn’t have to had to buy again, and period products ready that I shouldn’t have needed for months and months.


My mother in law knew about our ectopic but still seemed really surprised when it came up in conversation that we still want another child. Like how does she think the ectopic happened in the first place?

I also have fears of trying again. There’s a risk of ectopic again. But also I only have one tube now. And not like I’m getting younger.

I didn’t want to read and run without saying something. I think you’re incredibly brave for trying again and putting your hearts on the line. I really really hope you get your family of three x

 

[shhh1712]

I just need to write down my thoughts and feelings cause gosh I’m struggling quite a bit again

I know I could be in a worse situation.

I’m so very lucky to have 2 healthy boys already but can’t help but break down in tears at the end of most days at the moment.

Maybe it’s my youngest getting older (he’s 14months now) and the fear of every situation all being the last. We’ve been putting away some toys that are far too babyish for him now and selling baby things that are taking up space recently too so maybe that’s hitting me as well.

I should’ve been 20+weeks but instead it’s our first cycle back trying.
Possible ovulation coming up.
I’m seeing Ovulation tests that I shouldn’t have to had to buy again, and period products ready that I shouldn’t have needed for months and months.


My mother in law knew about our ectopic but still seemed really surprised when it came up in conversation that we still want another child. Like how does she think the ectopic happened in the first place?

I also have fears of trying again. There’s a risk of ectopic again. But also I only have one tube now. And not like I’m getting younger.

I hope you’re ok. I really understand how you’re feeling since my TFMR in December. The feelings come in waves don’t they! Some days are so hard. I would have been due in less than 8 weeks, we just celebrated my little ones 3rd bday and it was bittersweet because for those same reasons. I’ve had a few periods now and I’ve been tracking ovulation this cycle but I don’t want all of the pressure as it’s hard not to put the stress on yourself.
I feel scared of getting pregnant again, because I think I’ll feel so much more anxiety throughout the whole pregnancy and the thought of that for the most part of a year is already really filling me with dread.

 

[anything at all]

I didn’t want to read and run without saying something. I think you’re incredibly brave for trying again and putting your hearts on the line. I really really hope you get your family of three x

Thank you xx
I already feel like it’s not going to happen anytime soon, if it even happens for us at all
there’s so much fear for if it does ever happen as well

I hope you’re ok. I really understand how you’re feeling since my TFMR in December. The feelings come in waves don’t they! Some days are so hard. I would have been due in less than 8 weeks, we just celebrated my little ones 3rd bday and it was bittersweet because for those same reasons. I’ve had a few periods now and I’ve been tracking ovulation this cycle but I don’t want all of the pressure as it’s hard not to put the stress on yourself.
I feel scared of getting pregnant again, because I think I’ll feel so much more anxiety throughout the whole pregnancy and the thought of that for the most part of a year is already really filling me with dread.

Yes it really is very up and down in waves isn’t it.

I think it’s worse at the end of the day when the boys have gone to sleep and I have a quiet moment the thoughts easily creep in.

I get that ! I think I’m already putting pressure on myself thinking if we don’t cover certain days then it really won’t happen anyway. 🥲