Memories of first love and heartbreak

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Many years ago, I was seeing a guy for a few months. I loved him, admired him so much, he was the first guy I could talk to for hours on end about anything at all, he was so handsome too. Then after a few mths he told me he no longer wanted to see me as part of a relationship and I was fcking heartbroken and started crying. He said he was happy to still be friends but tbh I took it so badly with my heartbreak that it wasn't gonna happen. I cried every night for a year at least afterwards and was so bloody lonely, no other guy I knew socially came close to him. I thought I was an unworthy piece of crap too which I now realise was ludicrous. I was really sad for at least 2 years and then I met someone new who i moved on with and am still with, and I eventually got over my first love.

However strangely I still have dreams about him occasionally (mostly seeing him in a train station or something and he walks away before I have the chance to speak to him) and google his name (I never find anything but it's somehow addictive). About 2 years ago I started to get very upset by the memories of it again (not sure why) and I felt bad for a couple of weeks then got over it. I think there is still a bit of me scarred from losing someone I saw as both a friend and lover. He pops into my mind maybe a couple of times a week now. I still think, if we met again, what would he think of me now? I've changed hugely in personality and looks since then and I wonder if he has. I don't have sexual feelings for him anymore, it's more curiosity.

Has anyone else experienced heartbreak or had experiences like this?
 
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Many years ago, I was seeing a guy for a few months. I loved him, admired him so much, he was the first guy I could talk to for hours on end about anything at all, he was so handsome too. Then after a few mths he told me he no longer wanted to see me as part of a relationship and I was fcking heartbroken and started crying. He said he was happy to still be friends but tbh I took it so badly with my heartbreak that it wasn't gonna happen. I cried every night for a year at least afterwards and was so bloody lonely, no other guy I knew socially came close to him. I thought I was an unworthy piece of crap too which I now realise was ludicrous. I was really sad for at least 2 years and then I met someone new who i moved on with and am still with, and I eventually got over my first love.

However strangely I still have dreams about him occasionally (mostly seeing him in a train station or something and he walks away before I have the chance to speak to him) and google his name (I never find anything but it's somehow addictive). About 2 years ago I started to get very upset by the memories of it again (not sure why) and I felt bad for a couple of weeks then got over it. I think there is still a bit of me scarred from losing someone I saw as both a friend and lover. He pops into my mind maybe a couple of times a week now. I still think, if we met again, what would he think of me now? I've changed hugely in personality and looks since then and I wonder if he has. I don't have sexual feelings for him anymore, it's more curiosity.

Has anyone else experienced heartbreak or had experiences like this?
It sounds like you never had closure on the relationship. I think if you ever met him again, thereafter you wouldn't think about him.
Years ago I had a relationship and a few years later I felt bad for things that happened (I was just a immature teen) , I wished I could talk it over and move on from that feeling and luckily a few years later I did. We were just like old friends and he felt bad that I had felt guilty :)
 
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It sounds like you never had closure on the relationship. I think if you ever met him again, thereafter you wouldn't think about him.
Years ago I had a relationship and a few years later I felt bad for things that happened (I was just a immature teen) , I wished I could talk it over and move on from that feeling and luckily a few years later I did. We were just like old friends and he felt bad that I had felt guilty :)
Yes I think you're right, I bumped into him on 2 occasions since in bars but didn't have a chance to properly talk due to the setting and other people around. The last time was about 10 years ago
 
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Yes I think you're right, I bumped into him on 2 occasions since in bars but didn't have a chance to properly talk due to the setting and other people around. The last time was about 10 years ago
Oh no! So near.........🙁 that's also likely to be adding to the way you feel, esp the train station dream. Maybe it would help to write a letter writing down exactly what you'd say to him if you could? Maybe it would be less in your thoughts? And maybe even just posting about like you have will help 🧡
 
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Oh no! So near.........🙁 that's also likely to be adding to the way you feel, esp the train station dream. Maybe it would help to write a letter writing down exactly what you'd say to him if you could? Maybe it would be less in your thoughts? And maybe even just posting about like you have will help 🧡
That's a great idea. I'll try it.

I came very close to adding him to my network on LinkedIn a few mths ago, I hovered over the button and chickened out.
 
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I think if It’s been that long and you still think of him it would be beneficial to reach out to him and tell him what you need to tell him. I always think in life we never regret the things we say but the things we don’t say. If something is itching at you then scratch the surface and get it off your chest and feel the relief and fuel that curiosity. I’m sure your new partner wouldn’t mind because it’s not like you’re pursuing it as a love interest but more to close that book once and for all.
 
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I think if It’s been that long and you still think of him it would be beneficial to reach out to him and tell him what you need to tell him. I always think in life we never regret the things we say but the things we don’t say. If something is itching at you then scratch the surface and get it off your chest and feel the relief and fuel that curiosity. I’m sure your new partner wouldn’t mind because it’s not like you’re pursuing it as a love interest but more to close that book once and for all.
I absolutely would not do any of this. If someone I dated for a few months years ago and broke it off nicely with got in touch again then I'd find that super weird. If you bumped into them on the street and struck up a conversation or they did something newsworthy and hit the press and you got in touch then less weird. But if someone you just dated got in touch out of the blue, to say what? That they kept thinking about you even though they have ostensibly moved on in life (and should have done)? Nah.

Also, if my partner did this, I'd find it weird and would mind.
 
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There's a good chance you're going to upset yourself again, and possibly upset the relationship you have with your partner. Let's look at the facts, he has bumped into you over the years and you can be found online, yet has shown no interest. If I were you, I'd write a letter to get it out of my system then burn it. You don't need to contact him in order to heal.
 
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I absolutely would not do any of this. If someone I dated for a few months years ago and broke it off nicely with got in touch again then I'd find that super weird. If you bumped into them on the street and struck up a conversation or they did something newsworthy and hit the press and you got in touch then less weird. But if someone you just dated got in touch out of the blue, to say what? That they kept thinking about you even though they have ostensibly moved on in life (and should have done)? Nah.

Also, if my partner did this, I'd find it weird and would mind.
That’s fine it’s up to the OP what they do, they are asking for others opinions and I gave mine you don’t have to agree with it.

IMO it would be torturous to live life continuing to think about someone 10 years after it had ended, but never actually do anything about it. Nothing will change if something doesn’t change.
 
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That’s fine it’s up to the OP what they do, they are asking for others opinions and I gave mine you don’t have to agree with it.

IMO it would be torturous to live life continuing to think about someone 10 years after it had ended, but never actually do anything about it. Nothing will change if something doesn’t change.
Of course and I am giving my view. IMO if you are continuing to think on a regular basis about a relationship of a few months after 10 years when you are with someone else then you need to do something to understand why you continue to dwell on it and do something to re-programme your thinking.
 
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Of course and I am giving my view. IMO if you are continuing to think on a regular basis about a relationship of a few months after 10 years when you are with someone else then you need to do something to understand why you continue to dwell on it and do something to re-programme your thinking.
It comes across to me as if there is something left unsaid or undone or perhaps regret that she didn’t stay as a friend like he suggested which is why I think it would be beneficial to have a conversation that person and pursue that desire maybe they could be friends now that they’re moved on. Writing a letter and never sending it doesn’t really resolve anything it just takes it out of your head and onto paper but the thoughts still persist.

You say it’s inappropriate for her to contact him because there’s a new partner but I could also argue is it appropriate to have dreams and a burning desire about the last relationship having been over 10 years since it ended.

Anyway it doesn’t matter what I think or you think, ultimately she’ll do what she’s comfortable with and either way I think we can both agree that we hope she does get to a place of peace with it all.
 
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Thanks for all the suggestions peeps. Plenty to mull over. Gonna take a few days and think about what to do to move on from this. Will update you.
 
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